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"Subjectness" -- Knowledge of Transforming Our Mind From a Caterpillar to a Butterfly

Val is a life-long student of unexplored human potential and many challenges that self-honesty throws at us on that path.

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You gain strength, courage. and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

What I Am Calling Subjectness and Objectness

Back in seventies, just for the hell of it and with no academic ambitions I completed a couple of years long home study course in psychotherapy. Some said it was a diploma mill course, and others were tactful enough not to say anything.

As for me, it gave me a chance to crystalize my own designed and used self-transforming method -- while I was required to write a thesis with something original in it.

Brainstorming over the best way to present it, I got hit by the problem of its simplicity. Namely, it was my assumption that, in order to be presentable, a thesis had to contain a good measure of phraseology, also being sprinkled with a lots of academic cosmetics.

You know what I mean -- like so many written studies that could have been sized down to a couple of pages, if the author didn't need an impressive volume for it.

Mentioning some names and systems on existing self-help bazaar for reference wouldn't have helped much the originality on my thesis, so I decided to leave them out.

And yet, simplicity of, what I was going to name "subjectness" -- with its flip side "objectness" stayed my problem.

Unless a method sounds sophisticated enough, people don't see it as useful -- figuring that only something very complex might take care of what they see in their issues as very complex.

Indeed, some may see it as way too simple as to make any substantial changes in their mental, even physical landscape -- but then, once they may try it, they may discover how simplicity doesn't always spell out something easily doable.

For a short definition, subjectness is a gut-sensation of a force stemming outwards from out personal space, giving us a sense of proactive subjects, willful doers -- with its counterpart objectness denoting a force felt as invading our personal space, giving us a feeling of objects of some external appearances or activities.

Both are primordial by nature, genetically originating from the time when "Fred Flintstone" was feeling his subjectness while hunting for his dinner -- or objectness, while running away not to become a dinner.

Now, I am not asking anyone to believe in those seven energy vortexes in the body usually called "chakras" -- but the one in the solar plexus is anatomically provable with a big network of nerves often called "second brain".

In a slang language it's called "guts" -- so subjectness, in a sense is talking about gutsiness, whereas objectness is, logically about a lack of it.

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The main thing is to have a gutsy approach and use your head.

-- Julia Child

Personal Gut Ratio of Subjectness and Objectness

All our accumulated impressions and experiences throughout life, according to my understanding, have been polarizing on gut level, as either subjectness or as objectness,

The ratio between them I see as someone's "gutsiness voltage", or capacity to go-after a wanted thing, life circumstance, or situation, and capacity to enjoy life.

In terms of subjectness, brains are only forming intentions inasmuch as guts ratio is inspiring them to do so.

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In a reverse, guts, with their primordial nature don't understand the language of brains, unless those proactive thoughts have an emotional charge attached to them.

That's why, you may use positive thinking until you turn blue, but guts, in order to flip their ratio in favor of subjectness, need that feeling of an accomplished change -- fake as it may be.

It's an ABC truism of neurology that our subconscious mind (here called "guts") don't know the difference between a real and an imagined desired -- or feared -- end result.

The more we "live" in that desired future with our emotions, the more subjectness we are polarizing in our gut ratio. It's for that new flood of proactive emotions that brain will respond by creating in itself new neural pathways to match that subjectness sensation.

I see it as a good metaphor with guts being the gas pedal and brains choosing the direction and doing the steering. Like it was mentioned earlier, brains will only "dare" to go places in accordance with the polarized subjectness.

By choosing where to channel that stream of subjectness, brains are also using its filter of morality, for guts are way too primitive to see the difference between a new, daring business venture and robbing a bank -- it will do either if directed by brain.

Likewise, with guts saturated with objectness, brains are producing only those thoughts, impressions, plans, and even desires, prompting for a limited range of actions -- that are energetically allowed by guts.

By constantly feeling "done unto" by external forces, folks like that have a lot to complain about, to hate, to criticize, and, of course -- to worry about.

Courage is not the absence of fear., but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear.

-- Ambrose Redmoon

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As Within -- So Without

Anything that we think, feel, including our attitudes and our beliefs, has an energetic charge of either subjectness of objectness. It's in our guts that we find our limitations or our incentive in all aspects of life -- from intellectual, attitudinal, professional, philosophical, you name it.

Which reminds me of that old Tibetan saying: "It's up to little hinges to which side the big door opens".

So much on the self-improvement field is focusing on our mind's contents, and those trying to follow those directions regularly hit the wall of an obstacle in their nature, not understanding why their efforts are not showing any results.

In my personal quest for self-evolvement, I realized early in life that no amount of thinking positive and repeating affirmations would do -- while that executive fire in guts was a missing factor.

What we display in our outer life, even our state of health and capacity for happiness, is but a mirror image of that gut-ratio, either prompting us or limiting us.

Being loved, respected, promoted, celebrated -- although grammatically sounds like "being-done-unto" by outside activities -- is appreciated once a result of our "going-after-and-getting-it".

On the other hand, a depressed person may be given attention, gifts, promotion, even fame -- but they are already predominantly feeling "done-unto", so on their gut level it's only registered as "more" of it done to them. Inspired by their objectness in guts, they may feel undeserving, even guilty for receiving all those nice things.

Their minds as if secretly saying: "If they only knew the real me, none of this would be coming my way".

Indeed, we seek outer realities which will be a match to our intimate realities unknowingly dictated by our gut ratio between polarized subjectness and objectness. Always on a lookout for those appearances and events which correspond to our "gut-climate" to compose our private world and our worldview.

As I am writing about this sensation of life promoting subjectness, I can imagine so many readers who won't be able to relate to it, because their guts, at their present state, may only produce a vague instant sample of what it actually feels like.

And even if they can remember how they felt in situations when they were assertive and willful -- how can we tell if that was not more of a defensive, objectness reaction, not a proactive drive.

Namely, we all heard of "fight / flight" mechanism getting activated in those real, or imagined threatening situations. It's a part of our primordial gut - setup also observable in animals.

So, re-acting in a willful, gutsy fashion is not to be mistaken for a pro-active gutsiness.

Out of some patriotic motives, we always view our war heroes as gutsy -- while many of them acted out of sheer blind despair, not able to handle fear anymore.

It's the moment when that "flight" -- urge flips to its "fight" counterpart, and nothing matters anymore, not even life itself. It's objectness at its most deceiving aspect.

I have seen husband or two who, nagged by ambitious wives, undertook some "gutsy" business actions -- never seen to really enjoy it or to take pride in it, while only driven by fear of looking as some "wimps", or "underachievers".

Which reminds of that Latin proverb: "Si duo faciunt idem -- non est idem" (If the two do the same -- is not the same).

Life shrinks or expands in proportion of one's courage.

-- Anais Nin

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Why We Have to Impress Ourselves with Our Subjectness

Which brings us to impressions, that most important and relevant word in all this. Are we impressing ourselves as doers in our life, or as objects of some outside doings? For we can't become aware of our true power without giving it attention and recognizing it at work.

As children we were thrilled after mastering a new skill, whether walking, swimming, reading, riding a bike, or playing a new game and getting a taste of winning.

Then life became more and more repetitive, turning into one everlasting routine, in which we stopped impressing ourselves with our doing.

As a result, our subjectness formed by thrills of growing, slowly or dramatically turned into objectness, as the world kept bombarding us with new and new suggestive influences which in our guts got polarized as "victimhood" syndrome.

In-laws, bosses, nagging spouses, misbehaving kids, politics, even traffic and weather... all in a conspiracy to make of our life one miserable routine.

Then such objectness-filled guts started dictating to our brains how to process any novelty in life -- be it a new home, a car, a job promotion, a long desired vacation, making it all quickly depreciate, since our very capacity for pleasure got minimized.

We are literally not allowing ourselves to enjoy more of life. How many jackpot winners succumbed to the shock of winning, suddenly not knowing how to emotionally and otherwise deal with it, so they kept working.

Their guts simply didn't allow their brains to create a picture of a new life style possible with all that money.

Metaphorically speaking, they didn't want that big cash because "their wallets looked too small".

Guided and inspired by intuition, I practiced subjectness already as a teenager, when on a hot summer night I would sneak out, took a streetcar ride to the foothills of a mile high mountain and climbed it to the top. It took me some three hours to get to the top, so I would come home to wake my mother up for work.

Or, in order to get rid of my childhood fear of dark, I visited our huge cemetery at midnight, sat on a bench in front of someone's grave, and let my guts convert all that fear into courage.

Even in my emigrating to Canada odds were far from being favorable, and sometimes I am still wondering where I found those guts to do it under all those conditions.

But, all such examples, and there were many more -- which might turn this into a shameless bragging -- when I was impressing my guts with acts of sheer will.

Then it didn't stop with those major actions -- as I kept impressing myself with every little thing as my own make. It stretched into awareness that I was the responsible doer of my emotions, my attitudes, my beliefs.

It's like I almost cannot blame anyone or anything in my life, constantly feeling at the source of it, not as being at the end of a receiving line and just allowing life to "happen to me".

What others say or do is something that happens within their own personal space -- whereas my response to it is my own choice. "Choice" is a huge word in my life.

As I wake up in the morning, I automatically smile greeting the world -- my world, where I will be processing the factual reality as it intuitively makes the biggest life-promoting sense.

And, as the life goes on, I will keep impressing my guts with my own "being functional in life", economizing with my nervous energy, using my own mind prompted by that flame in my solar plexus.

Well, I chose myself as an example of subjectness at work, because that's where it's easiest for me to be recognized.

I hope some of you may have found something like an inspiration to become more of subjects, doers, choosers in your own life. Have fun doing it -- I got plenty.

© 2022 Val Karas

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