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The Narcissist Personality and Your Sanity

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Rebecca loves sharing what she knows about alternative medicine, health, frugal living, fun, animals, and how to live a better life!

Narcissism

staying-sane-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist-personality

Thoughts on narcissism

We all have moments of narcissism, I don't think it's entirely possible to always avoid the "ego-driven" self, it's part of our humanity.

However, when you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder, you need to defend yourself, protect your heart, and avoid losing your temper, or worse, going insane! A narcissist can make you feel emotionally bankrupt.

How does someone get this way? Some claim it is the result of indiscriminate parental praise, or of parental rejection or coldness, or a combination of both, so they grow up overcompensating as adults. If you have any curiosity about what a true narcissist is, take a look at a child. They define it perfectly. And I don't mean in a negative way, they are simply "me" focused, and the world revolves around them. Until they grow up, they only know how to take. Take resources, time, money, emotion etc...the unfortunate part of this, is that some children never "grow up".

You can still love a narcissist and their good qualities from a distance while keeping yourself safe from emotional sickness.

Thought diagram of a narcissist

staying-sane-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist-personality

Traits of a narcissist

Narcissists typically display most, sometimes all, of the following traits:

  • Exaggerating and bragging about achievements
  • Pretending to be more important than they actually are
  • Claiming expertise in many things
  • Promiscuous, charismatic, dramatic, charming, aggressive, assertive, extroverted
  • Admiration is their "drug of choice"
  • Lack of respect for boundaries
  • Obvious and chronic self-focus
  • Problems sustaining and maintaining relationships, but they are typically not bothered by this, they "discard" you when you no longer service their ego.
  • Control freaks
  • Problems determining self from others, lack of boundaries
  • Lack of empathy or difficulty with it entirely
  • Lack of conscience, morals, integrity, and ethics
  • Unable to view the world outside of their own perspective
  • Flattering people who affirm and admire them
  • Detesting those that don't affirm or admire them
  • Hypersensitivity to insults and constructive criticism
  • More prone to display emotions of shame, rather than guilt
  • Contemptuous, egotistic, high-and-mighty, stuck up body language
  • Using other people for personal gain without care of consequences
  • Denial of gratitude and remorse
  • Using sex as a matter of control
  • Lying

Are you a narcissist? Take the quiz to find out

Who is vulnerable to a narcissist?

Everyone! But especially HSPs-Highly sensitive people, empaths, and co-dependents.

What is the relationship like?

At first, a relationship with a narcissist is fun, exciting, charming, and seductive. But usually by the 3rd or 4th month (if they bother to keep you around that long), you'll notice all those shiny qualities start wearing off, and their true personality begins to show. They become controlling, manipulative, and demanding when you do not comply they stonewall or ghost you. They simply cannot emotionally care about anyone but themselves.

On the inside, a narcissist is very insecure and rather pathetic. Narcissists are professional Band-aids makers. They seek out your weaknesses (abandonment issues, self-image issues, etc.) and will change themselves into your personal savior. Whatever voids you have, they will fill. This all sounds fantastic but it is short-lived. Once you are "addicted" to them, they will tear off the Band-aid and leave you bleeding.

Breaking contact with a narcissist will feel like a roller coaster ride. Until they realize you cannot be dominated, controlled, or manipulated they will come back. Be prepared for niceness, phony apologies, promises of change, verbal abuse, aggression and possible violence or destruction. Once they realize you are no longer controllable they will leave with no remorse, guilt or sadness.

When they speak they are lying. You are only an appliance to a narcissist. You exist for them to use, abuse, and discard.

Do you know a narcissist

How To Get Revenge

  • How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist
    The best revenge is to cut your losses, be thankful for the lessons and live a happy life. But sometimes that's not what we want to do...

They're really NOT your friends

The first thing to keep in mind, it that a narcissist is not your friend. They will never be your friend. They over promise, promote, extort and use, and when you've served your purpose, they dump you. This could be anyone from a friend, co-worker, family member, or lover/companion. Never trick yourself into believing a narcissist cares about you. They want you to feel special so that when they need you, you'll respond accordingly, and fulfill their demands while quickening their ego. Remember, feeding off of your emotions is their drug because inside they are hollow and empty. They do not have their own identity.

Shut them down

  1. Avoid narcissists when possible, don't even bother with them. Don't get mixed into their lives. One place they are easily spotted is at a bar or casino! Many also hold high-end executive positions, many are self-employed.
  2. If you must deal with one, try to remind yourself of their positive traits. Although they have their faults, they can be very charming and charismatic. In order to gain the recognition they crave, they may be willing to make sacrifices to acquire what they want from others. Focusing on the positive aspects of their personality can make dealing with them easier.
  3. Never criticize a narcissist. Doing so could throw them into a rage, or they will stonewall you. These people cannot handle any type of attack on their ego. If you must criticize, present it as mild constructive praise.
  4. Do not have any inflated emotional expectations. By this I mean, do not go seeking compassion, or sympathy from them. They are not capable of giving it and it will most likely leave you feeling hurt, used and angry.
  5. Emotional distance is key and necessary for self-preservation. If the relationship is of the romantic nature, the best and only solution is ceasing all contact, do not respond to them in any way, NO engagement what-so-ever. Cut all forms of contact, block from social media, change your number if needed.
  6. Seek outside help from people or family that will support you in healing from the aftermath and abuse of a narcissist.
  7. If you make any agreement with a narcissist, always get it in writing. Lawsuits are commonplace for them. They lie and do not keep their word.

Other helpful articles

© 2013 Rebecca

Comments

Rebecca (author) from USA on December 29, 2016:

Instead of investing your energy (thoughts) on him, put it toward yourself. Chances are you're a very sensitive person, and narcs are very damaging to sensitives. It's normal to feel lack of interest after any relationship, so I'd not worry about that to much. The only way I know to speed up the process of break up pain is to work through it. Focus on all the things you deserve in a healthy relationship, not on the narcs manipulation. They are full of energy and charisma, they feed off your energy. Not really a surprise you feel lifeless. Be good to yourself. :) It won't always feel this way. And if you ever encounter another one, you'll know how to get away faster.

susan on December 18, 2016:

How can I get over that I have no interest in any other man after my relationship with a narcissist?I mean I'm not sexually interested , with my ex sex very good but now I believe I hate doing it with another man.I feel my life is passing by, I have no emotions, all my character qualities are gone.And it's not that I am thinking of him.oh well, a little.But we separate a year ago and I had sex only three times since then.What is wrong with me? If you can help me with that. Thank you

ologsinquito from USA on January 06, 2014:

Thank you for reading and commenting as well.

Rebecca (author) from USA on January 05, 2014:

Then you Ologsinquito for taking the time to read this and give me your feedback! I really appreciate it!

ologsinquito from USA on January 05, 2014:

This is excellent and brilliant. I especially like the part about being a Band-aid maker. During the courting or honeymoon phase, they will try to provide everything you need. Because they read people so well, they know just what to do.

Angel Ward from Galveston, TX on December 15, 2013:

by far the best hub I have read in a while! my X and an X co-worker are so this... it is painful, but yes, loving them at a distance is all that I can do, they are destructive and will never come to terms with it! Thank God you spoke out on it to give us wee folks a voice...a must share!

Rebecca (author) from USA on December 06, 2013:

You're not a pest! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Is this a family member? Do you have anything recorded that you could take to your county? Possibly get a restraining order? It's just that usually responding to these types of people just makes them keep at it, they feed off of it.

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on December 06, 2013:

I am distanced and was going to put it in writing that the abusive stalking needs to stop and I am also saying to this person do not respond to me. I am letting them know that it will be public written notice that he better start leaving me alone. I have to do something to get the stalking and harassment to cease permanently. Otherwise this antagonistic behavior will continue. I am sorry to be a pest.

Rebecca (author) from USA on December 06, 2013:

No Efficient...it would be better for you to distance yourself. If you tell them what you've said, you'll see the narcissist rage. It's not pretty. Better to avoid if you cannot critique them in a way that comes off as a compliment. I know its frustrating, but save yourself the headache.

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on December 05, 2013:

Do you think it would be useful to tell a narcissist that "I don't like you and don't want any contact with you so stop your inappropriate abusive stalker harrassment?" I am having trouble like this now and trying to get this person completely out of my life. Unfortunately it's a toxic messy family member.

Dianna Mendez on November 23, 2013:

I don't know any narcissists but it seems that they are people to avoid, according to your advice. It is such a pity they cannot see other's point of view.

Rebecca (author) from USA on November 20, 2013:

As always, thanks for your comments ladies! :)

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on November 20, 2013:

Staying sane when dealing with a narcissist personality these kind of people can make one feel stressed out or feel unwanted in their group well suggested ways to deal with a narcissist.

MysticMoonlight on November 20, 2013:

Oh dear, seems the world is full of them! LOL Great article and information here.