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Soul Fully Sober

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With 50 years around the sun, Kimberly enjoys sharing a variety of her personal life experiences with others.

Hope and Freedom

Today I will share a personal testimony of my real-life battle with alcohol and how I struggled for 29 years to crush the addiction beneath my feet. Today I stand in victory! If you are in a personal battle with addiction, please know that there is HOPE and FREEDOM.

soul-fully-sober

"Sobriety was the

greatest gift I ever

gave myself."

— Rob Lowe

Clouded Judgement

I began tasting alcohol at a young age. My grandfather crafted homemade grape wine, and it was nothing back then to let us kids have a sip. As a teenager, I began getting into my father's whiskey bottle, taking small shots, and replacing the amount I took by adding water as a replacement.

It was common during high school to cut class, smoke cigarettes, and drink alcohol. At 18 years old, I lived in an apartment with other roommates, and partying became an everyday occurrence. Acquiring alcohol and drugs was not an issue.

I had some rather dark days back then. I was troubled before the alcohol and drugs, but the drinking sheltered me from my reality and pain. I was able to walk away from the drugs, but the alcohol falsely befriended me.

Alcohol may have clouded my judgment and perception, and outlook on life. At nineteen years young, I found myself pregnant, in an eloped marriage, soon after that, divorced and struggling to make sense of my world.

Over the next nine years, I gave birth to 3 of my beautiful children. By the grace of God, I was able to halt my alcohol consumption throughout each pregnancy. However, once birthed, I was back to old habits.

I always cared for my children and household and held a steady job. I never drove under the influence; I respected all the laws, always showed up to work, and took care of my responsibilities. I was a very responsible alcoholic.


The Great Imposter

For 29 years, I was held hostage by the imposter of alcohol and its addiction over my life. So much so that after getting sober, I struggled for three years, wondering what was wrong with me. I didn't recognize myself as a sober individual. I was withdrawn, reserved, anti-social, and no longer the life of even my own party.

I had no idea how to relate to my loved ones. I had always interacted with family while under the influence. Relating to my husband, parents, children, and grandchildren brought new challenges to my plate.

De-Railed

In 2018 my health completely went off the rails. During this time, I was finally able to abstain from alcohol. I fought with total willpower and self-control to overcome the overwhelming obstacles plaguing my life at the time. Suddenly I was faced with the accumulated years of ill health, alcoholism, weight issues, eating disorders, anxieties, a loss of physical and mental abilities, loss of energy, and so much more.



"I'm not telling you

it's going to be

easy - I'm telling you

it's going to be worth

it."

— Art Williams

Four Years of Sobriety

Today I celebrate four years of sobriety. I celebrate my authentic self. However, before my self-acceptance and my celebration of my imperfections, I went through a significantly darkened three-year period of a complete identity crisis.

I was a lost soul, searching for my identity. "Who Am I," was the constant question to myself. My life had been navigated through the lens of alcohol. It masked my pain and my sorrows and gave me a false foundation from which I lived.

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As an empath, my heart feels profoundly and introspectively. Alcohol used to be the blanket that covered my intense emotions and offered me an escape. Without the alcohol, I had no escape from my reality and the baggage from a lifetime of stuffing my feelings. The stripping away of the security blanket of alcohol left me feeling entrapped within myself. I felt so lost, empty, and far from sitting with myself in the present moment. I had been 110% broken, hopeless, and unable to recognize the woman who stared back at me through the mirror. I just felt so blah, so distant, so bottled up, so guarded, so unreachable, so lifeless. I realized that sober me was quiet, introverted, and easily overwhelmed and that I spent a lot of time alone by myself. I was in unchartered water, feeling every wave of life. I felt completely and utterly lifeless, despondent, numb, void, depressed, and sad.

Alcohol had always falsely lifted my spirits, mood, and social life. I was able to have long-winded phone conversations, get-togethers, laughter, and throw caution to the wind. I was, after all, a high-functioning addict, a responsible, law-abiding social drinker of liquid courage to face all my life's situations, drama, and traumas.

The Morning After Hangover

soul-fully-sober

"Be patient when becoming someone you haven't been before."

— Tanya Markul

Self Acceptance is Key

In desperation to heal my mind, body, and soul, I poured my whole self into self-awareness, discipline, research, and implementation of strategies and supplements that would bring me closer to my personal achievement goals. Today, I can share that I've succeeded in gaining a healthier me! I am so proud of my devotion and dedication and for not giving up.

Today I have overcome, and I have embraced myself. Throughout this journey, I have learned self-acceptance—acceptance of my flaws, my life, and all that has been. I have chosen to make peace with myself. I have permitted myself to free myself from the past versions of my addicted self. I am no longer a prisoner of my mind.



"Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase."

L-Glutamine and Alcohol Cravings

During the time of my early separation from alcohol, I began supporting my body with L-Glutamine. I sincerely feel that it helped stave off my body's co-dependency on alcohol.

L-Glutamine is a naturally occurring Amino acid that supports immune function. Glutamine is the most abundant free amino acid in the body; it's considered a conditionally essential amino acid. Your body can make some independently but uses it in large amounts. There are times when the glutamine needs of your body are more significant than its ability to produce it under certain conditions, such as extreme stress, injury, or illness. At this time, the body will need specific dietary sources or a supplement to replenish.

Dietary sources of Glutamine include protein-rich foods like beef, chicken, fish, dairy products, eggs, and plant-based proteins such as beans, vegetables such as cabbage, spinach, beets, carrots, brussel sprouts, celery, kale, parsley, and a variety of fermented foods.

According to Dr. Axe, Some reasons that you may run low in L-Glutamine include:

  • Eating a low-protein diet
  • Undergoing lots of stress
  • Exercising intensely
  • Battling infections and illnesses
  • Undergoing treatments, including radiotherapy and chemotherapy
  • Having an immune disorder
  • Having a chronic gastrointestinal disorder


L-Glutamine An Inexpensive Supplement to Help Resist Alcohol Cravings

Letting Go

I had to learn to let go of past grievances and everything that was no longer serving my best interest. I had to decide to begin enjoying sober me, to take time to get to know me, and allow me to grow and thrive. I found out that straight me is pretty amazing! She was waiting a very long time for this moment to rise and shine. Sober me in all my being had sacrificed a lot to be here now. I needed to be tender, loving, kind, and accepting of my newfound identity. Moving into self-acceptance of my new sober identity took a lot of soul searching, courage, and personal work.


I recognize and acknowledge that drunken me was imprisoned and couldn't function without alcohol. My being was brave and survived by masking and covering up my true identity. What she didn't realize was how incredible she was. She held herself together through much past pain and trauma, and failings. She pushed herself and got through the only way she knew how.

I healed from this identity crisis, rose, and found newfound pleasure in my new sober self. Sober me achieved this monumental life-changing, life-altering accomplishment alone, without a supportive team, group, or sobriety family. I traveled many lonely miles to live my new best life. It was time to embrace all that I am and to shine soberly.

What is Right with You?

For three long years, I berated myself and could not understand who this imposter was suddenly living my life. For 29 years, alcohol ruled my life and my existence. I kept asking myself, "What was wrong with me and who are you?" Then suddenly, one day, the narrative changed, and I knew that those were no longer the right questions.

The question should have been, "What is right with you?"

My truth had finally been revealed, and I was finally to see clearly that what is right with me is that I am now living my life sober and authentically without alcohol and props to fake my way through life.

I am whole

I am me

I am sober

I am of one mind

I am everything right

I am okay; I am blissfully okay!

What was wrong was the 29 years of imprisonment for alcohol, the charade of living a life that didn't align with my authentic self. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not broken, I am not shattered, I am not faulty goods, I am SOBER! My soul has awakened, and I am perfectly whole and well and thriving in this incredible present moment of sobriety. I am in the right place at the right time.

Today I accept this fantastic gift of sobriety, this incredible new sober me. God has given me a great gift. I assume this new life and embrace all that is right with me. I give myself permission to slow down and live in the moment now.

I have learned it's okay not to be a social butterfly; it's okay to mind my own business, it's okay that I'm not fixing other people's problems, it's okay that I've walked this journey alone and that many friends have gone by the wayside. I am finally at complete peace within myself, for I am 100% alive and where I am supposed to be.

I am committed to being "Soul-Fully Sober and Thriving!" My journey has just begun. I have so much to be thankful for and am grateful for the opportunity to embrace this fantastic victory.

I hope that if you are struggling with an addiction, you will find your authentic self and begin to live your very best life!


My Victory Song

References

Axe, D. J. (2021, July 28). How L-glutamine benefits the gut, muscle mass, and more. Dr. Axe. Retrieved December 11, 2021, from https://draxe.com/nutrition/l-glutamine-benefits-side-effects-dosage/.

L-glutamine and alcohol in early recovery. Liver Doctor. (n.d.). Retrieved December 11, 2021, from https://www.liverdoctor.com/l-glutamine-and-alcohol-in-early-recovery/.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 Kimberly

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