You might be asking yourself whether you are a people pleaser or not, you're not sure of the answer as to you being a people pleaser or not. Or maybe you know you are a people pleaser but have troubles saying no to people pleasing. In this article I'm going to help you overcome that habit of people pleasing. This question is therefore important.
Who is a people pleaser?
Simply put, a people pleaser is someone who tends to always do things to make others happy. Someone that would often go out of their own way just to please others and never to disappoint anyone. They don't even mind taking their resources and their own valuable time, nor do they mind pleasing others at the expense of their own happiness.
Why is this always so? this is because they want people to love them and believe that they are "nice" and they therefore end up being "nice people"
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A PEOPLE PLEASER
Here are signs to tell if you are a people pleaser or not.
1. People pleasers are agreeable to anything no matter what. There would never accept being disagreeable.
2. People pleasers always feel the need to always blend in. They don't want to ever be left out, therefore they try as much as possible not to offend anybody.
3. People pleasers does not have their own say. They are not able to voice out when necessary.
4. People pleasers often act out of insecurity and low self-esteem.
5. People pleasers tend to always feel responsible for other people's emotions.
6. People pleasers always think that they need to be "great people".
7. People pleasers always have the fear of rejection and loneliness. They don't want to be rejected ever, so they try as much as possible to be perfect so that no one will reject them.
Asides all these signs listed above, one way you could also know that you are people pleasing is when you feel resentful after saying YES to someone and then realize you've actually said NO to yourself.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING
Now you are convinced that you are a people pleaser. The next step is learning to stop people pleasing. Here are ways you can stop being a people pleaser.
1. Stop being desperate for validation from people, instead unleash your internal validation. Rely on your internal validation and not external validation.
2. Show kindness when you mean it. Do not let circumstances or people situations make you do things that is not comfortable with you. I'm not saying you shouldn't show kindness, kindness is a good act and the world needs your kindness, but what I'm trying to point out here is that you should show kindness when you actually mean it not because you are forced to do so.
3. Learn to set boundaries. Boundaries are a very Important aspect of human life. Boundaries helps promotes healthy relationship.
4. Always give a "well thought out YES" before agreeing to people's needs. You could say something like "let me get back to you" this would help give you time to think through things and thereby giving a good response.
5. Get rid of toxic people. Toxic people or friends will always make you feel the need to be a people pleaser. Toxic people would never be happy with you whenever you say NO to their requests, no matter the valid reasons given for your answer.
6. Learn to optimize your apology: it is a good act to apologize when wrong, or even to apologize just for peace to reign. But when you are always fund of saying I'M SORRY or APOLOGIZING even when you are not wrong, you are simply passing a message to the other person that no matter their actions, you are always going to put the blame on yourself.
7. Learn to say "NO": when things or requests are not acceptable to you, you should therefore gently say NO to such requests. You don't have to say NO out loud, that would end up making you sound rude. For example, if a friend invites you for a party, and you can't accept that invitation. A gentle NO as an answer should be like this; "I'm sorry Jane, I would not be able to make it to your party". This way you have politely turned down your friend Jane.
8. Write down your goals, likes and dislikes: Knowing what your goals, likes and dislikes are, you would be able to know that which is best for you. When you have goals to accomplish, you will not easily fall into the act of wasting your valuable time because you want to please another person.
WHY YOU SHOULD STOP PEOPLE PLEASING
Look, I'm not saying you should stop being kind to people. Because, it is always good to be kind. But here is what I'm trying to point out;
★ It's not okay to jeopardize your happiness because you want to make someone else happy.
★ it's not okay to jeopardize your own goals because you want to help someone achieve their own goals.
★ You shouldn't be pressurized into doing things for people. Because it's not fair for your mental health. Instead you should do things for others sincerely, willingly, without it having any adverse effects on you.
Now, here are some benefits of not being a people pleaser.
1. It would help you have your life in order.
2. It would help you develop self love.
3. It would help you love others unconditionally.
4. It would help you gain respect from people.
5. It would help you get rid of toxic people and friends, thereby developing healthy relationships.
You must therefore have some boundaries and standards set if you don't want to be a people pleaser anymore, and if you don't want to be taking advantage of.