Narcissism: Echo Apologetics (formerly Narcissistic Personality Disorder Mother Facebook Resource Page) (hijacked) Gail Meyers and KC3Lady.
Narcissistic Mother's Smear Campaign
Narcissistic mother's smear campaign may involve slander, violating confidences, backbiting, mockery, libel, or creating discord. Narcissistic mother's smear campaign is often intended to isolate, discredit, humiliate, or harass you. If the narcissist masquerades as a Christian, she will often completely and consistently disregard what the Bible says about the above behavior.
Narcissistic mother will never sincerely apologize for it, display any true remorse, or attempt to make amends for any damage done either. If you attempt to confront her about it, be prepared for the likelihood of her flying into a rage.
Asking the Right Questions
This author personally spent years trying to figure out what caused a smear campaign, and expecting my narcissistic mother's conscience to kick in and for her to apologize. No apology ever came, as I put myself in my narcissistic mother's shoes and expected her to do what I would have done in her situation.
Of course, that does not ever seem to be a good idea with a narcissist. Instead, while I was waiting for her to apologize she was often running around telling people I had done to her what she actually did to me, then gaslighting me to my face about it later.
In a normal somewhat healthy relationship, if the other person did something to hurt or offend, you could sit down and talk it out. In my experience that just never seemed to happen in any productive manner. When trying to discuss an offense, the response is usually flying into a rate and attacking, denying and gaslighting, or dramatic self-recriminating avoidance remarks.
It appears the reason is their chipping away at your relationships in order to have it all and leave you with nothing and no one. There appears to be a lot of competition, comparing and jealousy. So maybe it is a better question to ask what you can do to take care of yourself and protect yourself if it is not readily apparent what set off a smear campaign.
For years my narcissistic mother started a fight with me just before the holidays, would tell everyone I attacked her, then gaslight me a couple of months later by telling me that I owed her an apology. It ruined our holidays for years, and there was never an acknowledgement of the abuse, let alone an apology. At one point during a cordial conversation on the telephone, she started having a one-sided conversation to give whomever the flying monkey (a term taken from The Wizard of Oz) was the impression I was attacking her! I was actually on the other end of the telephone, first wondering if she was talking to someone else, then telling her to stop.
So, if you can pretty easily understand why something like that happened with a narcissist, great. If you just cannot seem to understand, trying not to obsess about it. It often seems what sets a narcissist off is simple a vulnerable target. Try to ask yourself instead what you can do to take care of and protect yourself.
What is Gossip?
The Oxford Dictionary defines gossip as, "casual or unconstrained conversion or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed to be true, who is not present to defend themselves." Gossip often involves:
- Slanderous or libelous lies or disparaging of a person that cause damage to that person's reputation, relationships, or even business.
- Libelous lies about a person that cause damage. (These are not legal definitions).
- Secretly telling others personal information that may not be true, but even if is true was entrusted to the gossip as private and confidential.
- Backbiting may be involved, generally petty, dissatisfied people spreading spiteful information, most often without that person there to defend themselves.
- Mockery is presenting gossip in the form of a joke at the expense of the person being discussed.
- Smear campaigns can also include spreading seeds of doubt, distrust, or discord with lies, innuendo, or implication. Remember that narcissists love to divide and conquer.
What the Bible Says about Gossip
Based on feedback from other survivors over the years, it is not uncommon for a narcissistic mother to masquerade as a selfless, martyred Christian mother. The Bible itself warns us of false brethren and false apostles. So, this is a brief survey of what the Bible has to say about gossip. The Bible takes gossiping rather seriously, gossiping even being listed next to murder in one verse.
- A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. Psalm 16:26
- Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13
- Whomever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy. No on who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure. Psalm 101:5
- Being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, they are gossips. Romans 1:29
- He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with a gossip. Proverbs 20:19
James at Men Who Are Abused discusses the narcissist's smear campaign on video from when Xnormal was a free videomaking site so many used to raise awareness, prior to the site going down a few years ago.
The narcissistic smear campaign involves gossip, lies, slander. Being the target of a narcissist's smear campaign may be for any number of reasons. It may be as some have suggested only requires a vulnerable target, boredom, jealousy, or vengeance for some real, perceived or imagined wrong.
In addition to involving lies, slander, and gossip, the narcissist's smear campaign may also be combined with other narcissistic maneuvers. A narcissist may engage in the smear campaign and combine it with playing the victim while vilifying the true victim. She could also inflict the silent treatment and gaslight the person she is scapegoating. The maneuvers are not always so clear cut, but may overlap as you experience them.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2018 Gail Meyers