Navina has recently graduated high school and enjoys writing on her spare time. She loves helping others along with music, books and cooking
By reading the title you already know what I'm going to talk about. However I just want to ask you, do you know what depression is?
If you didn't know depression is a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.
Depression may sound like something you can easily overcome but it's not. It can make it hard for you to live your life like a normal person.
Depression is not my favourite word simply because well it's depression and also because of the impact it had on my life.
Many of you say you're feeling depressed without fully knowing what it means. Depression is not just about feeling sad, its so much more to it. It's something really dangerous especially if you don't seek help immediately.
Living with Depression and Anxiety.
For eight (8) years I have been living with depression. It may seem hard to believe but those of you who really know me will know what it's been like when I'm away from the public eye.
When I'm in public I put a smile on my face to hide everything that's going on inside, then when I'm at home I'll be in a corner by myself and that smile will be nowhere to be found. This wasn't every single day but for the most part yes.
I didn't know what was going on until it reached a point where my grades will drop and my health wasn't like it used to be. I would get severe headaches, chest pain and dizziness. It would last for a bit then disappear. This only started a year after the disappearance of my grandfather (my father figure). up to this day, I have no closure on him. this was exactly 8 years ago.
Everything got worse after the death of an uncle in 2015. That's when I started to get anxiety attacks. At this point, I thought the universe hated me. I just wanted to give up.
I would be normal one second and the next I would start to feel dizzy and then I'll faint. That's when I knew I needed to get help medically but instead of getting the help I needed I would use the excuse, "I didn't eat properly." It was true though I didn't have a proper eating habit.
I finally got help when I fainted at school and had to be rushed to the hospital because my body was lacking oxygen. It's at the hospital where I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder.
I continued getting anxiety attacks until 2018. Even though I have been cleared of the anxiety disorder I still haven't been cleared of depression.
What triggered Depression for me?
There are many factors which triggered depression for me, Majority of which I still can't talk about. However, some of the main causes which doctors identified were:
- Bullying - I have been a victim of bullying from primary to secondary school. Bullying has been identified to be one of the main causes of depression in society these days which is why most states countries are taking action towards it.
- Family problems - I guess in most homes there are problems at home, this has also been identified as one of the causes towards depression not only for me but also for many out in society.
- Heartbreak - I guess most of you probably want to know what do I mean by heartbreak right? Well when your living with depression you tend to feel alone and when there's no one (friends nor family) there to help you with that you tend to look for something else. I've been in a few relationships but none of them worked out. Instead, they added more pressure than I already had which is why doctors have also listed this as one of the causes.
- Lost of loved ones - As you have read already in the beginning what started all of this was the loss of both my grandfather and my uncle. This is believed to be the main cause of everything.
Although there are more causes towards it, these are the main causes.
How did Depression make me Feel?
Depression caused a lot of feelings but I guessed the number one feeling was the feeling of loneliness. Despite the fact that I had my family and friends I still felt alone and no matter what I tried nothing worked.
I grew up in church and one of the things I would hear everyone telling me is "You need God. Only he can help you." I knew this but it wasn't as easy as it sounded. I spent a lot of time with God but things never seemed to work. Until I lost faith. I lost faith to the point where I got mad at everyone around me including God.
You're probably saying that I'm a madwoman for getting upset with God but at that point, I had given up on everyone and everything.
Depression made me lose concentration. I wasn't able to study properly or focus on the things I loved. I had lost interest in music which is honestly my number one hobby. I lost interest in everything.
Everyone around me told me that I needed to toughen up but what people fail to understand is that depression isn't something that you can just choose to come out of. Trust me if it was that easy I would have been living a normal life a long time ago. You see you can't just "snap out of it." Depression is something that goes away with time. Depression can last for days, weeks, months or even years.
Family, friends and even you need to be patient and just wait until the time is right.
It may seem easy to you but ask anyone who is living with depression and they will tell you that it isn't easy to live with it.
How did I learn to cope with Depression?
Learning to cope with depression wasn't easy but after years of counselling, taking meds and spending time with God I managed to get my life back on track. I wasn't back to my normal self before depression but it was okay.
There are still days where I just want to be by myself and just cry, while there are some days where I am happy. It's like the weather, sometimes there's rain and others there's the sun.
Other things that helped me cope included:
- Singing or listening to music.
- Spending time with loved ones.
Have I overcome Depression?
As much as I want to say yes I have, I can't because then I'll be lying. I have learnt how to cope with it but to say that I no longer have depression... that'll be a lie.
There are still some days where I just want to be left alone and there are some days where I'll lime with my family and have a good laugh.
There was a point in time where I thought that I had overcome it but I didn't. After a while, I needed to go back and talk to my therapist.
So to answer your question, No I am still living with depression and it is really hard.
Sometimes I feel like there's no point in my life anymore, however when that thought comes into my head most of the time I talk to God, however sometimes I have a terrible meltdown.
Advice for anyone living with Depression
The advice I would give to anyone who may be suffering from depression will be to get help before it gets worse.
Severe cases can lead to suicide or self-harm.
I can't promise you that your life would go back to the way it was but I can promise you that you'll get stronger.
Things aren't going to be easy but it would be over in time.
After the storm, there will be a rainbow.
And lastly don't be afraid to cry when the weight gets too heavy. After all, clouds rain when they are full.
You should associate with people you know would support you because during this time you're going to need all the support you can get.
Thank you for reading my article. I hope that I was able to inspire or help you in some way or another.
Please comment any question and share.
Also follow me on Instagram @navina_jagdeo so you'll be notified when more articles are posted
© 2020 Navina Jagdeo
Jason on May 09, 2020:
Thank you for sharing your story it inspired me to not give up
K.C on May 09, 2020:
Such a beautiful story. Hope that it reaches many
Anonymous on April 29, 2020:
I enjoyed this a lot. It was inspirational and informative.
Thank you for this article. I wish you all the best in life. I hope to see more articles from you.
Jared on April 29, 2020:
Thank you this has inspired me to continue trying hard and not to give up thank you soo much.
Jessica on April 29, 2020:
Beautiful, informative, inspirational article. I love it. It takes a strong person to talk about this and you have proved that you are strong.