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Major Depressive Disorder; How It Feels

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Even though I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in 2018, I believe that I battled with this disorder most of my life.

Suicidal Thoughts

Ever since I was in grade school, I remember being too sensitive. I would cry every time I heard a sad song. Nothing tragic had to have happened, no deaths, or injuries, just what I considered a sad song would make me feel pain and burst out in tears. What some people would consider having a bad day, I considered hell.

Once I got to my late teens and twenties, I would self-medicate with alcohol and soft drugs to soothe all the pain I was feeling on a pretty regular basis. I recall thinking about dying at a young age. My goal was to not have to live past the age of 30 years old. I figured that if I had to be in pain for 30 years that would be enough for me.

I didn't make it to 30 years old before I attempted my first suicidal attempt. I was already thinking about committing suicide in my late teens and early twenties.\

According to the American Child & Adolescent Academy, "Suicide is the second leading cause of death for children, adolescents, and young adults age 15-to-24-year-olds."

Later In Life

After I passed the age of 30, life seemed like a roller coaster ride. I did have five years with no depressive episodes from 2007 until 2012. In 2017 major life-changing events, and severe rare symptoms pushed me over the edge. I experienced all the symptoms for physicians to easily diagnose me as having Major Depressive Disorder, along with some other diagnoses

When you start crying and feeling devasted for hours, for no apparent reason that you are aware of, that is not a normal problem. mentally healthy people have.

10 Symptoms Of Major Depressive Disorder

  1. Thoughts of Suicide or doing harm to oneself.
  2. Feelings of worthlessness, failure, or blaming oneself.
  3. Reduced or increased appetite.
  4. Fatigued, or lack of energy, tired all the time.
  5. Displaying physical symptoms (pacing, hand wringing, slowed speech, just to name a few.)
  6. Not getting enough sleep, or oversleeping.
  7. Loss of interest in daily activities or things they use to enjoy doing.
  8. Trouble concentrating, remembering things, or making rational decisions.
  9. Sad or angry for very long periods of time, sometimes for unknown reasons.
  10. Physical pain that shows up sporadically and may go undiagnosed.

Sad Eyes

4 Things That May Put You At Risk For Major Depressive Disorder

  1. Genetics- Be sure to check immediate family medical history. If a biological parent or grandparent was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder your risk increases.
  2. Chemical Imbalance- certain chemicals in the brain may be a higher risk factor.
  3. Low self-esteem and self-abuse is an indicator.
  4. People who come from violent or verbally abuse living conditions have a higher tendency to be diagnosed with this disorder.

Suicide Prevention Hotlines

If you are severely depressed and even thinking about suicide, please add these numbers to your speed dial on your phone.

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 800-273-8255
  • 1-800-SUICIDE- 1-800-784-2433
  • 1-800-273-TALK-1-800-273-8255

Natural Supplement to Relieve Some Symptoms

References Used

Depression Symptoms/Causes

David Foster Wallace

Teen Suicide

Suicide Hotlines

What is Depression



Sad Songs Say So Much

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2021 Lori

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