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Loyalty: The Invisible Bond

Loyalty is the pledge of truth to oneself and others.

— Ada Velez - Boardley


Loyalty: To Honor, Trust and Protect

Loyalty is a big deal to me. I guess it always has been.

Loyalty was demonstrated directly in the shape of honor in my family. The youngest of four, I was protected from the proverbial Boogey Man. I always felt cherished and totally accepted.

In my formative years, I also developed trust in those I loved. I was blessed by a relatively normal childhood.

While my family didn't always agree on the little stuff, loyalty ruled when the chips were down. We stuck together as a family and still do.

The Pretenders: I'll Stand By You

I will be loyal to my Clan above everything.

What I want doesn't matter.

The Clan must always come first.

— Erin Hunter, Crookedstar's Promise

Loyalty: Invisible

In my college years, I studied nursing, with a specialization in psychiatric / mental health issues.

In psychology and family dynamics courses, I was gratefully reminded that my upbringing was kinda normal.

In 1982, in the Psychiatric clinical rotation of my BSN program, I was assigned to Eastern Pennsylvania Psychiatric Institute (E.P.P.I.) in Philadelphia. Co-leading family and group therapy sessions with seasoned therapists made me appreciate my childhood even more.

In 1985, I was introduced to the theory of Ivan Boszmormenyi - Nagy in my MSN program. I was assigned to study his classic text for a Family Therapy course:

Invisible Loyalties: Reciprocity in Intergenerational Family Therapy (1973) Wow, my book cost $27.50 at the time...!

I was drawn to Nagy's work. Ironically, in 1957, he was instrumental in research in schizophrenia and his contextual approach to family therapy at the very same E.P.P.I. I had studied, in Philadelphia, PA.

To say this theory is heavy duty is a major understatement. I still have to read each section several times for Nagy's key points to sink in. Yet, despite any initial apprehension, this classic text is one I reach for today, time and time again.

My childhood concept of loyalty was forever altered when I entered my chosen profession of nursing. I had no idea that to take care of people, I would encounter such sadness and heartache.

It was unimaginable to me that children could be physically and emotionally battered at the hands of their parents, or other trusted adult figures in their lives. It was even more confusing when these children would protect, defend, even lie for the perpetrator.

To have told the truth would have been the ultimate act of disloyalty to the family. In fact, these invisible loyalties were some of the strongest and most powerful allegiances I had ever observed.

My family related loyalty to love, trust and protectiveness. I learned in Nagy's theory how more dysfunctional families tied loyalty expectations to guilt, secrets and degrees of abuse.

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Maintaining appearances of a functioning family unit at all costs is the ultimate show of loyalty. In such a secretive, guarded system, it is easy to see how therapists and legal personnel are regarded with the highest of suspicion and threat. Even teachers and health care workers can be viewed as the enemy, when trying to gather assessment information.

These invisible bonds of loyalty go way beyond the honor and trust I learned in my innocent childhood. They include a blind devotion laced with deep - seated feelings of guilt, responsibility and commitment to keep family secrets.

Christina Aguilera: I'm OK

If I were not to put my arms out,

would I have not caught you

when you fell.

— Jeremy Aldana

Loyalty to Justice and Social Dynamics

Looking back to 1999, I was 37 years of age and working in a position of great responsibility.

As the Chief Nurse of over 600 staff, each felt like a child under my parental watch.

Having been raised in a caring, trusting home with clear - cut boundaries, I ran my Nursing Department in much the same manner.

Taught to be hard on the issue and not the person, my goal was to treat everyone with kindness and respect.

As a nurse, my immediate loyalty was to my patients first and foremost. Physical or emtional cruelty of any kind would not be tolerated under any circumstance.

Competent, compassionate nursing care and treatment was a clear expectation, including no impairment while on duty from drugs or alcohol.

Nagy's theory of invisble loyalties expands from family relationships to issues of justice and social dynamics.

In the family clan, we learn a solidarity that positively or negatively influences the manner in which we treat our friends, even strangers.

Lessons learned, not learned, have a huge impact on our ability to contribute, or not, as good citizens in society.

Armed with all the theory in the world, I was defenseless at the hands of an immoral, impaired man, with a clear intention to harm me.

An innocent woman, only 55 years of age, lost her life at the hands of this man. Her only crime was sitting in my office having a casual conversation with me.

Above all, be true to yourself,

and if you cannot put your heart

into it, take yourself out of it.

— Hardy D. Jackson

Loyalty: Being True To You

After surviving the most horrific circumstances of my life, I realize:

I have been given the gift of life. I will never take that for granted.

I will not permit myself to assume the guilt of someone else's evil actions, no matter how sad I am at the outcome.

I will not allow myself to be defined by someone else's actions.

I have the power to guide the course of my own life.

I have learned to totally forgive myself and free myself of my illogical need for perfection

Josh Grobin: Cinema Paradiso

If (The Lyrics)

If you were in my eyes for one day

you would see the beauty that full of happiness

I find in your eyes

and I ignore if it's magic or loyalty

If you were in my heart for one day

you might have an idea

of what I feel

when you squeeze me tight on you

and chest to chest, we

breathe together

Protagonist of your love

I don't know if it's magic or loyalty

If you were in my soul one day

you would know what I feel in me

that I'm enamoured

over those instants together with you

and what I feel

is solely love

Cinema Paradiso

Cinema Paradiso is one of my all- time favorite movies.

In 1988, I saw this cinematic masterpiece for the first time on the big screen.

In twenty - five years, I continue to learn lessons from this story, with themes of unconditional love, passion and loyalty.

I am both fascinated and enamored with the unlikely relationship between Alfredo, the grumpy projectionist, and Salvatore ( Toto), the film maker.

As the story unfolds, each believes their world has fallen apart, Alfredo, in the fire of Cinema Paradiso and Toto, in the loss of his love, Elena.

In the end, Alfredo has keen insight and inner vision.

Salvatore has realized his boyhood dream and remained true and loyal to himself.

The lyrics of this song speak of love. To be true and loyal to yourself and your principles is key.

This is self - love and necessary before you can reach out to others in the same manner.

© Maria Jordan (revised November, 2014)


Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on October 04, 2015:

Thanks for your visit, dear Paula.

You are never late and always welcome.

I am a stickler for loyalty as well... such a disappointment of the heart when tested.

I appreciate your insights and loyal friendship. Love, Maria

Suzie from Carson City on October 03, 2015:

Maria.....Written 2 years ago, I see that as always I am very much on top of things!

I think I must admit to being nearly fanatical about "Loyalty," dear friend. As far back as I can recall, loyalty has been tantamount to so much else. Family, upbringing, bonds, simple intuition? All of it I suppose, but most certainly ingrained in me, never to falter.

Although a wonderful virtue to cling to, I've sadly discovered it's dark side more often than I care to divulge. While loyalty may remain so vital a part of us, the realization of it's lack in far too many people can and has caused such pain, it tests our very soul.

Glad I found this GF. You bring me "Inspiration" and reflection.......Love, Effer

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on October 03, 2015:

Thanks for the visit and kind feedback, dear Peg.

Wishing you and yours a peaceful weekend. Love, Maria

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on October 01, 2015:

Came back to reread this heartfelt article. You have such a keen way of sharing the things which matter about our interactions with others. Two thumbs way up. Love you. Peg

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on December 02, 2013:

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful comment, JPSO. I could not agree with you more.

Have a lovely week, Maria

JPSO138 from Cebu, Philippines, International on November 24, 2013:

Enjoyed reading your hub. Loyalty for me is one of the most important thing that any person must have in the line of work, or in any stage of life. "A person without loyalty will just be blown right away when the high winds pass his way..."Great hub!

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on August 18, 2013:

Thank you, Moonlake, this one got away from me after a hectic couple weeks. I really appreciate the visit and the share.

Sunshine, You are the sweetest friend. You are true to you and true to me. Thank you, Linda

Vicki, You have raised a good point. I truly appreciate you stopping by.

Hoping you all have a peaceful Sunday. Hugs, Maria

Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on August 14, 2013:

This is very beautifully written. Loyalty is something I have always held dear, but it's funny that so many just throw it away. I enjoyed your hub. Thank you!

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on August 11, 2013:

"Be true to you" ... so few words that pack quite a punch. Thank you MM for your theory on loyalty :)

moonlake from America on August 05, 2013:

Wonderfully hub. Voted up and shared.

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on August 01, 2013:

Audrey, I love you more and more too, as I read your work and kindest comments. You are a true lady...hope you and Lisa are home and well. Hugs, Maria

Lizzie, How lovely to see you and your sweet remarks. Thanks also for the sharing. Hope all is well and need to get to your hood soon for a visit. Love, Maria

Thank you for this kind and honorable comment, Colin. I also prefer working alone, yet my Perspective colleagues are a talented, fun and unique group to work I have the best of both worlds.

Thank you for your gracious share and I will enjoy checking out your friend's work as I have a few moments.

My fondest felines to your kitties and take good care of yourself, Maria

epigramman on August 01, 2013:

Yes it's true with loyalty you know who your friends are.

Thank you for presenting me , Maria , with my favorite group at Hubpages as it's always a provocative and enlightening read from anyone of your team. As you know, Colin is Colin, and a lone wolf by nature, and not a group person, lol, but I certainly admire and respect this group . I will see you on FB with a link and a post and also I will post your hub intro/main page as I consider you one of the superstars at the Hub in so many way and that ain't no bullcrap either , lol

Also there is an intriguing hub you may find to your liking - you know me Maria - forever the promoter of others, and it's by LKMORE 01

called Six sites that empower women

Sending you my sincere warmest wishes from Colin, Little Miss Tiffy and Mister Gabriel for a nice afternoon and evening at lake erie time canada 3:35pm

LaThing from From a World Within, USA on July 29, 2013:

A topic dear to my heart, my dear friend! Beautifully written and you brought out so many points that I believe in. Your love of life, your strength and your take on moments amazes me..... You are truly a wonderful lady, dear Mar. Enjoyed this as always. Voting up and everything...... Hugs!

Audrey Hunt from Pahrump NV on July 29, 2013:

How very blessed you have been to have had such a good family. This is the catalyst for trust, loyalty and of course love.

Your hub on loyalty is absolutely award-winning.

And tears were brimming over as I viewed this video of Josh Groban (my favorite male vocalist.)

I believe that loyalty is stronger than love...or maybe it's the 'nest' for love.

With every new hub you write - I love you more!

Big hugs ~Audrey~

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on July 24, 2013:

Love you, Leslie!

Rosemary, I am so happy to see you and appreciate you stopping by. Your comments are kind and insightful. You have been missed.

Thank you, dear eddy...always glad when you visit.

Love and hugs to you all, Maria

Eiddwen from Wales on July 22, 2013:

Wonderful Maria ; loved it and have to vote up.

Here's wishing you a wonderful day.


Rosemary Sadler from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand on July 21, 2013:

A wonderfully written perspective on loyalty. I love how you relate these perspectives to your own stories and experiences.

Loyalty in my eyes has many aspects, loyalty is a strong emotion and can be driven through trust, love, need, gratefulness, sacrifice and even fear.

You always amaze me with finding the right choice of music to enhance what you want to say.

An excellent hub and voting UP

Karen Silverman on July 17, 2013:


Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on July 17, 2013:

Good Morning, Ya'll,

Mickey, Your perceptive feedback is very meaningful to me. I do appreciate your visit, as I do you.

Mary, "Loyalty is the fertilizer that helps us grow love and friendship". That is beautiful and so are your supportive and kind comments.

Peg, Thank you for sharing some of your perceptions and experiences. Your remarks are always special to me.

drbj, Isn't Cinema Paradiso one of the greatest films ever? I am not surprised at your exquisite taste!

Leslie, My work has never been called awesome-licious but there is only one YOU...! You are strong, cool and very awesome yourself...please get back to your book...I am anxiously waiting for publication!

truthfornow, Your thoughts on loyalty are most appreciated. Thanks!

Alicia, You are kind and gracious in your remarks. I am grateful for you!

eddy, Thinking of you /your exciting new adventures...hope you are well.

Thanks to you all for these beautiful comments and have a wonderful Wednesday. Hugs, Maria

Eiddwen from Wales on July 17, 2013:

A brilliant read on the Loyalty title.

Voted up and shared and thank you for sharing too.


Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on July 16, 2013:

This is a powerful hub, Maria. I appreciate your analysis of loyalty and admire your strength very much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Marie Hurt from New Orleans, LA on July 16, 2013:

Loyalty is very important to me as well. People should be true and mean what they say. Number one person to be loyal to is yourself and what you believe in and who you are.

Karen Silverman on July 16, 2013:

It must have been difficult for you to realize that you were the minority as far as a happy childhood went. While i think you are so fortunate in having a loving, supportive, LOYAL family, me thinks perhaps adjust to reality must have been a bit of a shock.

Someone like me, on the other hand, never had to, um, go through that

The family loyalties that you speak of can be applied to most anything - the mafia for instance is the most obvious. Government and religion JUMP to mine (lol) and i could go on! Doing what's best for the party - oops, i mean family - is not always what's actually BEST!

That incident in your office WAS horrific - O M G! I'm so glad you could understand that it had nothing to do what you!

love you and great, fantastic, awsome-licious write..

sharing dear..

drbj and sherry from south Florida on July 16, 2013:

Your perspective on loyalty is beautifully written and extremely meaningful, Maria. Did you know we both share an adoration for the film, 'Cinema Paradiso'?

Voted up, of course.

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on July 16, 2013:

Hi Maria,

This wonderfully written hub has inspired some really deep thoughts and feelings, some I had never put together like you presented here. I'll be interested in reading this book that shaped so many of the perspectives you brought out in this intriguing and meaningful piece.

Like yourself, I was raised in a nurturing and caring home, under the guidance of strict disciplinarians who at times could get a bit carried away with the punishments. There were times when my loyalty to them kept me from exposing those overzealous actions, and rightfully so; it was a different era where measures were acceptable that no longer suit the times. Still, it helps me understand the situations of those who suffer from the cruel actions of others yet who do not reveal their pain.

Your music selections were perfectly matched and your words deep and meaningful. Thank you for this amazing perspective.

Mary Craig from New York on July 16, 2013:

Wow! This hub is a cut above.

"In the family clan, we learn a solidarity that positively or negatively influences the manner in which we treat our friends, even strangers." That sums up loyalty very well. Loyalty is the 'fertilizer' that helps us grow love and friendship. How we are treated as children and the example we are shown certainly make us the people we are today. So many of us are fortunate enough to have had childhoods like yours and yet reading on in your hub we are reminded that so many are not. The sadness of those reared in fear and terror is all too real.

This is a masterpiece on loyalty GF! Thank you for this reminder of who we are and what we should be.

Voted up, useful, awesome, beautiful, interesting and shared.

MickeySr from Hershey, Pa. on July 15, 2013:

Using 'loyalty' to blackmail others to overlook, hide, or even participate in your own corrupt conduct is about as ugly as we can get - taking something in itself good, like loyalty, and twisting it into a tool to manipulate people into feeling the good thing to do is the bad thing and the bad thing is the good thing, is flat-out ungodly. You've written an important piece here Maria. Thank you.

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on July 15, 2013:

Mike, Thanks for calling this writing strong. This was actually an easy subject to write on and I am grateful for my foundations, which have guided me through much of life so far.

Nellieanna, I have and intend to read your heartfelt and insightful comment several more times. You are such a testimony to grace at all times, the belief that good/ right is stronger than evil/ wrong and the epitomy of remaining true to your beliefs and morals. We are all so influenced by our early years, yet to keep learning and keep loving indeed helps keep on true course. You are a beautiful soul and I have faith your son will reconnect with you, as his family has already started.

Bill, Your comment is totally congruent with the way you live...thank you for stopping by, dear friend.

Thank you kindly, good to see you and hope all is well.

Nette, You learned beautiful lessons from our childhood that has helped mold you into the exceptional lady you are today. Thank you for your generous remarks and for the insights you have shared.

Docmo, Indeed reciprocity is a hallmark of Nagy's theory that you so astutely picked up on. I am still grinning from your profound, yet adorable, take on loyalty this month.

Faith, Your observations and comments are always so thoughtful and reflective. I am happy you also liked my tunes this month and thank you for always being so sweet to me.

Ruby, I know you totally relate to oth the heartbreaking and rewarding aspects of nursing. I cherish our friendship too, girlfriend.

Hoping you all have a peaceful evening. Love and hugs, Maria

Maria Jordan (author) from Jeffersonville PA on July 15, 2013:

Good Evening, Y'all,

Vicki, You are a wonderful example of loyalty to me. Thanks for being the first to leave such an insightful comment and for being a true friend.

Car51, I believe you understand the work I put into keep positive and not getting derailed by my life detour. Thanks for stopping by with your schedule with such a kind remark.

Thanks so much, wonderful to see you here, as always.

Sha, What a beautiful thing to are an amazing, resilient and cool lady that I am so happy to call friend. And your writing is top notch, especially this month's contribution.

Martie, Your comment's details are profound in themselves. What you call displaced loyalty is what I call giving the benefit of the doubt. You are beautiful inside and out...truly loyalty personified.

Thank you for sharing this relevant personal example, Becky. I am so happy that you are such a positive role model for your family.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on July 15, 2013:

Beautiful Mar, being blessed with a family who taught loyalty is so special. It shines in all your writing. The nursing students you teach will learn loyalty and integrity through your words and actions. Your chosen field, ( Nursing ) can be heart breaking and rewarding. Heartbreaking to see children abused, rewarding when a patient thrives due to a kind and loving nurse. ' I'll stand by you ' is perfect for this heartwarming piece. I cherish our friendship my friend...

Faith Reaper from southern USA on July 15, 2013:

Dearest Maria,

What a thoroughly insightful and powerful write here on loyalty. I believe this is one of your most profound writes yet that I have read, and it goes straight to your keen insight as to what true loyalty means. When I read this month's perspective topic, I already knew in my heart that you, without a doubt, understand what it means to be a loyal friend, as that was instilled into your heart and mind at a very early age by your amazing family's values, morals and ethics! You are the real deal, sweetie, when it comes to your friends and loyalty.

This piece is so very interesting as to your education and studies in this area . . . how fascinating!

Thank you for this well-written, insightful and thought-provoking write here.

You're the best! Oh, your music choices are always perfect!

Voted up ++++ and sharing

Hugs and love, Faith Reaper

Mohan Kumar from UK on July 15, 2013:

Maria- as always you express yourself beautifully, seek lessons from your own life honestly and share your wisdom with us generously. I have not heard of Nagy before and I am curious about the book . What is more exciting is that how we have all approached the concept of reciprocity - I call it mutuality in mine- and taken different paths to arrive at the same shared idea. wonderfully realised. You go straight to the heart. And there you'll stay.

Annette Donaldson from Northern Ireland on July 15, 2013:

Maria, this hub is once again written in your beautiful style and with your understanding heart. I too was brought up with principles and a code of conduct that I was expected to follow. The one exception was loyalty. My mom was very sceptical about loyalty as she often said it could be easily betrayed and misplaced. I think this came from being a single parent with no man behind her and it was probably a very personal observation. Having said that, as I grow older I am loyal to all of those who know me and especially my family. I feel ashamed at times that my negativity sometimes bury its way into my life and I end up trying to convince myself that loyalty is good. The one thing you have always done for me is to be an inspiration and again this hub does not disappoint. You are a wise and beautiful lady and don't ever change.

Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on July 15, 2013:

Such a beautiful story and an inspiration message. Thank you or sharing this, Maria.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on July 15, 2013:

Maria, this is one of the character traits I hold most dear. I strongly value loyalty and it was taught to me at an early age. Family and friends stand beside each other. You can disagree with family until the cows come home, but you stand beside them...same with good friends.

Loved this my friend.



Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on July 15, 2013:

My dear Maria - I'm in tears, this is so beautiful and true. I happened to have read Martie's Perspectives on Loyalty first, and yours just so beautifully carries on the theme of hers, - that loyalty must be afforded oneself and emanate from one's own self-acceptance first, so that one doesn't accept abuse, intimidation and exploitation out of mistaken loyalty. Only then can heathy loyalty be afforded to others. But in such extremes as you encounter in your work, a child is never allowed to explore any other possibility, at grevious risk of whatever cruelty is the ruling factor and trump card!

In my reply to Martie's, I mentioned that it is that core of self-loyalty which provides the resources for those in helping professions, and your hub describes how that is applied in great detail in your own professional experience! No wonder you're such a blessing to all who know you. (I'm thinking of my beloved Michael too, to whom you gave such encouragement here on HP.)

Like you, I had a secure home and childhood, with similar principles taught. I didn't dream there was any other kind of family. Even so, our family was very 'spread out' in years, so that several much older siblings were sometimes able to exert too-powerful control over baby sister, possibly setting me up for accepting a too-powerful -- & ill-meaning -- first husband, resulting in grief for my own family. Fear of losing the children was the threat-weapon used to keep me 'in line'. Instead, it led to just that, because the motive all along was for me to mis-step so that he would get control of our children &, thereby, of everything I would ever 'have', which was the agenda, apparently, all along. He finally instigated it himself, another horrendous story.

The loyalty of little ones as you describe, who are powerless, - or are made to feel powerless, - to resist or defy wrong-doing to themselves & to the others in the family group is heart-wrenching, and is what I've seen in a slightly different manifestation in my own family, and which still grips my son, who adheres to and, for all this long time, has been subjecting his own family to supporting his loyalty to a cruel and unreasonable father, who still threatens him with disinheritance - or worse - if he should defy him by contacting me! Imagine! To maintain it, he's felt he had to reject his mother, me, even though he couldn't honestly believe the things he was told about me, but feeling powerless to resist. For 41 years has continued this travesty, though his loyalty to his father is not about admiration, love or respect, but still hinges on the threats and tyrannical control imposed upon him in his youth.

Quite recently, though, his own wife and children have sought me out and and can see for themselves how wrong this has been during that 36-year marriage! They literally 'found' me online and tracked my activities, read my website and hubs and realized this was not the woman they'd been led to believe I was!

Now the three of them hope to influence him, but so far, he's held firm, though his wife says he's begun to mention pleasant memories of me growing up, which had not happened before. It's amazing what 'underlying' senses and feelings about it have prevailed among his family all these years, that it was all terribly wrong and 'didn't add up', though it was cloaked in secrecy and silence. I've had to smile that, if I really were the things as I'd been portrayed, one would think they'd have been encouraged to see me for themselves!! As it happened, the children didn't even know I existed till they were entering their teens, then were no allowed to ask about me. They only found out my name last year! Even to mention me was verboten, though I'd never done anything to deserve any of it, except to allow my loyalty and love to be manipulated! So, yes, I am 'to blame' -because without that compliance, it would have been impossible to carry any of it off and several families would have been spared much grief!! It's been taking that responsibility that has saved me even during these same 41 years of being deprived of my first-born and his family, or I'd not have been able to raise up and BE, and without bitterness. It all began with the alienation project including both my children, but my daughter, who is more of a fighter - saw through it within a couple of years to the point that she escaped, but not without harm to herself. All my grandchildren & great-grandchildren are so precious.

It's our hope and prayer that my son will awaken and realize that he doesn't have to remain under that bondage. But it's a lot of 'water under the bridge' to face and admit was wrongfully supported.

mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on July 15, 2013:

Hello mar. What a strong presentation. Loyalty is among the strongest of human emotions. As you have shown here loyalty can be manipulated as is the case of the abused by their abusers. Or even by a government towards its citizens. It must have been a real challenge for you with a background of a loving family to step into your field. You appear to take life’s lesson and form solid building blocks to fortify yourself.

Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on July 15, 2013:

Beautifully written and explained. Loyalty is one of the most rewarding and yet misplaced emotions that we are taught. My son was loyal to his friends and would never tell on them, even if it harmed him. Some of his friends stabbed him in the back so often, taking his debit card and emptying his account more than once; and yet he would not believe it until we got a video of the person that was emptying his account. He still would not believe it was her and would not file charges, even when she robbed him of over $5000. Thankfully he does not hang around with her anymore, but still would if she came around.

Martie Coetser from South Africa on July 15, 2013:

"I learned in Nagy's theory how more dysfunctional families tied loyalty expectations to guilt, secrets and degrees of abuse."

This is actually a proof that Loyalty is stronger than Love and Hate. I see it in my own life: loyalty compels me to protect even people who have harmed me, people who really don't deserve my loyalty.

Mar, this is an extremely thought-provoking hub - you have said so much that is worthy to ponder. And, as always, your music selection is awesome!

Loyalty is certainly one of your strongest characteristics and I can attest that your loyalty is never displaced (like mine sometimes is when I am loyal to backstabbers and rude people just because I feel sorry for them.)


Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on July 15, 2013:

Maria, I never realized the concept of invisible loyalty until I read this hub. It's so sad. I, like you, had a trusting, loyal childhood with parents who would never dream of harming us in any way. For you to see how inhumanely cruel adults can be to children they are supposed to protect and nurture must have come as a complete shock to you.

The loyalty you show to everyone in your life is just one aspect of your amazingly sweet soul. Kudos to you for your strength, love and devotion. You are an angel on earth.

Tijani Achamlal from Morocco on July 15, 2013:

Stunning.Thanks for this beautiful perspective and rich experience.Voted up

Car51 on July 15, 2013:

Beautiful hub, Mar! A tribute to your inner strength that you did not become bitter after your horrific experience! Wonderful lessons about "loyalty". By the way, I love "Cinema Paradiso" too!!

Vickiw on July 15, 2013:

My dear friend Maria, this is so beautiful, and of course you are the maestro at choosing the very best videos to go along with your heartfelt writing. This is such a deep perspective on Loyalty, and the way it encompasses so m in our lives. Truly one of your most memorable Hubs. I still have the music of Josh Groban in my brain!

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