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Losing a Sibling

What Feelings are Normal?

First of all, when dealing with grief, there really is no "normal" per say. It is important to understand that all people deal with tragedy in different ways. All I can do is share some of emotions that I have gone through, which left me asking myself that very same question.

  • My initial reaction was shock. Although shock can come in many different forms. When I first heard the news, I fell to the ground crying. However, I witnessed several other people in my family hear the same news and act as if they were listening to something about a fictional character on television. They expressed little to no emotion. My mother simply continued to repeat the words, "David is dead." I knew at the time she wasn't anywhere near comprehending what that really meant.
  • I went through a long period of time when all I wanted to do was die too, so I could be with my brother. If you are having serious thoughts of suicide, I strongly advise seeking professional help. My feelings, however, were somewhat different. I wanted to die, but the hurt came from knowing that I couldn't just snap my fingers and make that happen. I knew I could never in good conscience put my parents through the loss of another child. The pain I felt came from realizing that I didn't have a choice in the matter, and that like it or not, I was going to live. Living to me meant learning to cope with this new reality. It was a reality I did not want, did not ask for and most certainly was not ready to accept. I felt like there was a permanent hole in my heart that I knew, even with time, would never fully mend. I now had to learn how to live with the new me. My brother's death forever changed who I am. It is impossible to go back to the carefree person I was before I knew a hurt like this existed.
  • I think everyone that loses someone they love at one point or another feels guilty for choosing not to think about them. I feel that way often, because a majority of my day I find myself pushing thoughts of my brother out of my mind. I worry about whether or not this is healthy or if that is what he would want me to do. But then I realize it's all I can do, to survive. I make a reoccurring choice not to think about it, or to tell myself something different. I was concerned about this at first, but was comforted when I found out that I wasn't the only one. A neighbor of mine lost her 17 year old daughter in a car accident during her senior year of high school. The daughter was a twin and the following year her sister went away to college. The mother told me she liked to pretend the other daughter (the one she lost) was just away at school with her sister. Since my brother died in the beginning of May, I often envisioned him traveling around the world or sitting on an island somewhere for the summer. Deep down I knew the truth, but I think it is ok to let yourself not have to live that truth every second of your life. Sometimes we just need a break from the pain.
  • Unlike what everyone told me, things did not get easier with time. I am hoping that after the first year the hurt will start to lessen. However, my feelings only got more unbearable several months down the road as opposed to the first few weeks. I think this is a mixture of both the shock wearing off and the feelings of truly missing him setting in. There had been times in the past when I had gone a few weeks without seeing or speaking to my brother, but after that initial time frame had passed, it became very clear that something was wrong. The feelings only intensified the longer I went without contact. As I said before, I am hoping this will get better, but I am not expecting much relief until at least after the first year.
  • As much as I dislike the next few emotions I am going to describe, I believe they are normal, therefore you should not beat yourself up for having them. I had many moments of resenting my friends. I could not stand listening to stories of break-ups or problems at work, knowing I would gladly trade any of those (times ten) if it meant I could have my brother back. I grew very angry that this happened to me. I wondered why I was the chosen one when so many others would never have to go through something like this. I was mad that my friends couldn't even begin to grasp how I was feeling, because I knew until this happened to me, I would not have been able to grasp it either. I also grew resentful of other people's relationships with their siblings. I found it difficult to watch them interact because they had something that I no longer did. It was hard for me to be happy during celebrations, such as weddings or baby showers, because all I could think about was how my brother was not going to be a part of any of those things for me. I didn't want to be this type of person, but I think this too is a normal part of grieving.
  • Another strange feeling I have all the time is that this is all a bad dream. I am actually waiting to wake up and resume the life I knew, before he was no longer a part of it. Sometimes it still just doesn't feel real. It is like I am stuck in a nightmare that I tell myself can't possibly go on much longer, but to my immense frustration, I never actually wake up.
  • The last feeling I would like to address is fear. I now live with a sense of fear that I have never had before. My brother's death made me very aware of how people can be here one second and then be gone the next. I am terrified of losing someone else that I love. I have even had second thoughts about ever having a child of my own, because of the off chance I may have to go through what my parent's are going through right now. Losing my brother also made me more conscious of my own mortality. He was a peer of mine. Therefore, if he could suddenly cease to exist, then the same thing could easily happen to me. Fear can be a very paralyzing emotion. The struggle for me is trying to balance this fear with also getting out there and living my life. As afraid as I am that something like this might happen again, I also know more than ever, that life is short. I want to always remember that, so I can try to live my life without taking a single moment for granted.


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Rachel on November 10, 2018:

Im so sorry that anyone else has to feel this pain...but glad to know Im not alone. I lost my little brother last month to cancer. He fought hard until he no longer could. I helped take care of him the last few months of his life. The pain is unbearable, we were very close, him and my older brother and I were best friends, always had eachothers backs....it feels like a piece of me is literally missing. My little bro was one of a kind, and is often described as so by everyone who knew him...he was a hippie at heart, and an old soul. My peace is knowing he was too good for this world, and that he is no longer a prisoner to a hospital bed...he is my free bird. What you described is on point of how I feel. Thank you, because I thought that some of these emotions were not normal, like wanting to die to be with my brother...but I have a 3 year old son so I know that I am just going to have to miss my brother here on earth until I see him again. So sorry for the death of your brother. May our siblings and best friends Rest in Paradise.

Jamie L. Meyer on October 16, 2018:

I am sorry for your loss and I truly appreciate this input. I lost my brother 2 days ago. Today I am starting to plan his funeral. My emotions are on haywire as I am struggling to stay strong for my parents. I am the only child left. Your story and input have put me at ease for the emtions that I feel and that I will come to feel. I felt as if you were inside my head.

Colleen on September 18, 2018:

I wish I could hug you. I lost my brother 6 months ago and it was like reading my own thoughts and feeling written down in front of me. I just want to thank you for this.

Sara rivera on April 14, 2017:

So sorry for your loss .. Love pic of you and your brother. My brother and I were very close our whole life..he was 37 and me 39. Jan 12 2017 he passed away .. Shot in his head. Idk touchy subject right now. Thank you for article it hit home. Short amount of time it's been, the range of emotion is intense. Thank you, and again condolences for your loss..

Jaime on November 29, 2015:

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 11 years ago yesterday and the pain is stronger than ever. I truly appreciate your post. I have felt the same way and still do. The fear is real. You really put into words how I feel. Thank you so much!

Val on September 04, 2015:

I lost my brother, David, 8 and half months ago. He was 32, 4 years younger than I. He was amazing and had a heart of gold. We were half siblings and didn't grow up in the same household, but we didn't allow that to prevent us from creating a unique bond. I named my first son after him. But I couldn't save him. No one could. He took his own life after battling depression and alcoholism for years. The loss has devastated our other siblings and family. The guilt and anguish is unbearable at times. I fear his birthday, when he won't age. I fear the anniversary of his suicide. Of all the holidays and birthdays he was able to make the effort to call, even though his sadness... the phone will no longer ring. The grief hasn't subsided or become muted. Just like the article hitting every point, it hurts.

Ro on August 15, 2015:

I lost my baby sister in Oct 2014. She was in a car accident and both she and her husband died. She left behind a 4 month and 18 month old. She was only 28. I am still devastated. I cant get over it and most days can't believe it.

Jen on August 11, 2015:

My brother...my only sibling overdosed 2-9-2014...he battled his demons for over 10 years! It was a nightmare but he was so much more than that...thank you for sharing! it's the truth! We feel so many emotions....never in my life.. this pain is unbearable! We love no matter what! Some days are better than others..I just feel like I will always miss our bond..God bless

Amanda Browning on August 11, 2015:

I lost my only sibling last year April 7th 2014. She was my big sister, my biggest supporter and my brst friend. It has just been a little over a year later and I am still in shock there are days I swear I hear her voice and think shes walking up the stairs like she did every single day. I am sad to say it doesnt get easier even after a year has passed. The pain is still very relevant. Thank you for this... you have said it better than I ever could have.

Doodle83 on August 11, 2015:

Hi again everyone,i posted 13 months ago and have just read the new posts.I am so gutted for you all,to hear that unfortunately you are going through what I go through. gradually you get on with your life because life drags you along.however, in my case I still cry a lot, especially when alone in the car, I prey for him every night and miss him just as much as the first week. Talk about it as much as you can with loved ones or close friends,whoever can take listening (it hurts loved ones too much sometimes) as you must get as much pain out as possible. my email address is in my previous post of last year...please feel free to chat anytime.my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jen on August 11, 2015:

I lost my little brother (and only sibling) 7weeks ago tomorrow. This hit every emotion ice been feeling. I agree completely that im worse now than i was the first couple weeks.

Pamela Bolding on August 11, 2015:

This sounds exactly what I'm feeling now. I don't understand why my brother had to die at such an early age,tragically at that. He was at my house until 12:00pm and by 6:00 I was at the hospital telling him by even though he was already gone when i got there. I just take it one day at a time. That's all I know to do now.I give praise to the person in this story,wish I could be like you. God bless you.

Sian E on May 13, 2015:


It sounds like my sister had what your brother passed from. She did survive, initially...went on to gave a successful valve replacement....but it turns out, despite an artery in her liver rupturing, it was from the stress her heart had put on all the other major arteries in her other major organs.

I too understand the guilt. The what if's and should haves, but at the end of the day I'm like you, I have two beautiful girls, and her sudden passing in a constant reminder to cherish those we love and live life to the fullest. It's my way of honoring her. I am grateful to be here. To have the opportunity to watch my kids grow, to make new memories. Like the saying goes....today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. I have my moments and my days....but she would be so angry at me if I just became my grief...so for her....I laugh, I smile...I live!

I wish you and your family every happiness moving forward. Stay strong! ☺

Chelsea on May 12, 2015:

i lost my brother 6 months ago and I go thru these emotions everyday . He just turned 30 . I miss him so much .. He had a infected heart valve and didn't know how sick he was . When he finally went to the hospital he was so sick I remember he was so grey and the pain he was in . He had surgery and they said he had a 2% chance to make it off the table , he did .. He fought for days but his body was in complete organ failure . These memories haunt me continuously . I can't believe I didn't realize how sick he was , I failed him . Now I just want to vanish but I have 2 boys and his daughter I have to be there for . Sometimes it seems impossible to go on .. But the pages keep turning .

I'm very sorry for all your heartbreak and the loss of someone so special to you . I pray for peace and strength for us all ...

Sian E on March 03, 2015:


I just lost my sister suddenly and unexpectedly three weeks ago and your words felt so much like my own. I was the oldest, just turned 40 and my sister was two weeks shy of her 37th birthday when she passed. We lived close by but lead very different lives. I have two kids and she was single and worked to travel. She had just booked a trip around Europe. She was born with heart problems and we had some touch and go times but she had a valve replacement 3 years ago and was happy and healthy. Her autopsy found that an artery in her liver ruptured and she bleed to death in minutes. She tired contacting my parents minutes before she passed and when she never spoke on the phone they had a strange feeling and raced to her apartment only a few blocks away. They discovered her face down on her floor already gone. They called 911 but it was too late. I was awoken by my dad as the paramedics tried to revive her and raced to be with them. I was there as they were covering her body, and got to sit in the room with her and my parents as we waited for the police and coroner to arrive. I was witness to my parents devastating loss of their child and was the one to sit with her, hold her hand and close her eyes. I lost my first best friend. My first worst enemy; my first room mate; travel companion; park playmate; co-constructor of lego cities and Saturday morning cartoons. I lost at that moment my childhood... my sister and I grew up in the UK and moved to Canada when I was 13, she was 9. We shared a history of countries, cultures and continents. All gone...... And now I am left so conflicted, angry, shocked, sad, empty and guilty. All the could of, should have and wishes. I too don't remember a time without my sister. No one knew me like her and vice versa. Our history is such a huge part of who we are and she was the foundation of my history. I feel like any stability I had, all the things I though I knew, gone. And suddenly I am an only child. Navigating this new role, trying to grieve but ultimately more concerned about being there for my parents. A strong feeling of obligation to be there for them, even when their needs conflict with how I need to grieve. My mum, a pillar of strength. She is so busy trying to take care of my sisters Estate as the Executor that she is keeping herself too busy and moving too quickly to try and avoid dealing with this insurmountable pain.My dad, already fighting cancer is a shell. His sadness and depression has lead him to statements such as "What's the point in going on?" In which then my mother gets upset that he is dealing with his grief in such a way that she wants to march him into the doctors office and put him on antidepressants. And I have to stay calm with both and be the voice of reason. That everyone manages their grief differently. That there is no right or wrong way. That the most important thing is to allow yourself to move through this process. It's the only way to heal. And now....three weeks to the day later, my friends are still being supportive, but their lives didn't experience the same earthquake and they move about their lives with their structures still intact. My partner, he is so supportive one minute but then the complete opposite the next. Like my sudden burst of tears, anger and sadness should be done with. I don't think he understands that I see him as someone who still gets to chat with his sisters and hang out with them. He lost his mother traumatically five years ago, and I we weren't together at the time so I can only imagine the pain of this event. And he is still dealing with it. But where as he suppresses his pain for the most part and gets moody or quiet, I need to talk. I need to cry. I love my sister-in-laws but it is far from easy seeing them laughing with him. They still have their past together. They still get to build their future. One day, if I live to be 80 I will have spent half my life without her. When my parents pass I will have no one to grieve their loss with me the same way. No one to reminisce those car rides with them to the beach that summer, mums terrible boiled potatoes, standing with our heads out the sunroof of my dads car singing at the top of our lungs down those country roads around the little village we called home for so many years. I know I have to start rebuilding. I am. It's brick by brick, but I realize that my new home will never resemble the old, familiar, comfortable one. And I'm never going to like it as much. I'm always going to want to move back to my old one but that's not a possibility. I have to learn to like the new one. Maybe, over time if I keep telling myself I like it I may wake up one day and feel like this new house is actually ok. I hope that one day I feel like it's home. But for now, I'll settle for OK.

angelsky20 on September 16, 2014:

This article says it all..what I myself cannot express. I lost my twin brother three years ago this November. He was hit by a drunk, and died shortly after. I was teaching school in a different state.. I will never forget hearing the news. We talked nearly every day while I was gone, and after school I was going to call him. It never happened. I know now that shock is a good thing, upon hearing terrible news. But shock wears off, and crushing reality sets in.

Doodle83 on July 01, 2014:

Hi...is there anyone still on this thread that I can talk to? I lost my brother on the 7th of April 2014, so only three months ago.I am getting worse all the time not better.He was my older brother,and an incredible one. He died from a brain tumor, having been free from cancer since 2002...he spent the last week at home on palliative care, but due to how the tumor was he couldn't even walk or speak anymore...I keep getting memories of those last days and hours by his side. I can't bear the thought of never eeing and laughing with him again. I would really like to talk to someone who is going through this or has been through it...Maybe we could help each other. God bless all you suffering loss out there.amulya, I have just seen your post above,I am so sorry about you losing your brother. and Jim....please feel free to talk to me....it seems we lost our brothers only a week or two apart (he was 35). anyone can email me at no spaces r c s c e a t s at hot mail . com

amulya on June 25, 2014:

I lost my 23 year old brother in a bike accident last year. He was supposed to join for MBA in July and he died in June 2013. I was 8 months pregnant when i lost him. I was the first one to reach hospital at 1am to see him bleeding profusely and unconscious. It was a very bad head injury. Doctors had given up all hope and told me that there's only 2 % chance he might live . We lost him after an operation the next day.He is my only sibling. I am lost for life. My mother has lot 15kgs weight and she refuses to eat. She has become a skeleton almost. I cant even cry infront of her. All the while, I get dreams of my brother talking on mobile or listening to songs on headphone.

I am not sure if I will ever come out of the tragedy or may be I don't want to move on.

Jim on June 24, 2014:

My brother died 2 months ago today. I am emotionally drained, just finished a nice 45 minute crying session. I lost my brother, Mike, to a stupid accident in his home. I'm not younger like a lot of people posting and I'm not an older guy remembering decades back. I'm in the middle. I have a wife, 3 little kids, busy job, you know, a busy life. My job was nice, I took off four days to prepare the service and to grieve. Lots of people showed up, my brother was a popular guy, and all of 40 years old. My kids grieved, they LOVED Uncle Mike, but not being older than 9, their grieving was wrapped up in a few days. My wife feels for me, she said, "I don't know what to do for you." I said, "Tell me that you're sorry for me and give me a hug, and realize that I'll still fulfill my responsibilities as a husband and father even though I'm a mess."

Last night I dreamed that Mike was back! And I was so happy, I was squeezing his hands and arms to make sure he was really here and he was - it was awesome. And then I woke up.

I HAVE to continue moving forward people depend on me, but sometimes the grief wins and I grind to a halt and sob and yell, I yell like a crazy person when I'm in my car driving. It is horrible. Can I share my feeling with my Dad? I don't think so, he just lost his son. Can I share my feelings with my sister? I don't think so, she just lost her brother. Can I share my feeling with complete strangers on this post? Yes, and it helps some, thank you anonymous internet people. I don't know if I'll ever be o.k. or happy again, well, probably, in years time. But, man, this sucks, it's kind of brutal. Who will I debate over who would win in a fight, Superman or the Hulk? No one anymore.

Jim on June 24, 2014:

My brother died 2 months ago today. I am emotionally drained, just finished a nice 45 minute crying session. I lost my brother, Mike, to a stupid accident in his home. I'm not younger like a lot of people posting and I'm not an older guy remembering decades back. I'm in the middle. I have a wife, 3 little kids, busy job, you know, a busy life. My job was nice, I took off four days to prepare the service and to grieve. Lots of people showed up, my brother was a popular guy, and all of 40 years old. My kids grieved, they LOVED Uncle Mike, but not being older than 9, their grieving was wrapped up in a few days. My wife feels for me, she said, "I don't know what to do for you." I said, "Tell me that you're sorry for me and give me a hug, and realize that I'll still fulfill my responsibilities as a husband and father even though I'm a mess."

Last night I dreamed that Mike was back! And I was so happy, I was squeezing his hands and arms to make sure he was really here and he was - it was awesome. And then I woke up.

I HAVE to continue moving forward people depend on me, but sometimes the grief wins and I grind to a halt and sob and yell, I yell like a crazy person when I'm in my car driving. It is horrible. Can I share my feeling with my Dad? I don't think so, he just lost his son. Can I share my feelings with my sister? I don't think so, she just lost her brother. Can I share my feeling with complete strangers on this post? Yes, and it helps some, thank you anonymous internet people. I don't know if I'll ever be o.k. or happy again, well, probably, in years time. But, man, this sucks, it's kind of brutal. Who will I debate over who would win in a fight, Superman or the Hulk? No one anymore.

Rob on March 28, 2014:

I lost my little brother, Jonny, 7 months ago in a tragic accident. He was only 23 and the youngest of five boys. My life will never be the same, and everything described here is so on point with what I have been going through. In some odd way it is always comforting to hear from/talk to others who have been through the same thing. I too am trying to make the best of things and find joy in the small things that I once took for granted. I am lucky to have had a son just one month before my brother's passing. As hard as this has been, the joy of my son makes me be somehow okay. I wish you all the best and I know what you're going through. The nightmare never seems to go away. I only hope that in time the pain will get easier.

Angela on February 17, 2014:

Reading your comment Jeff really brings out the hurt for me. I lost my brother on December 24 2012 just 14 months ago. I hurt for each person on here who lost a brother/sister because I know the pain, however I feel each person hurts in a different way because there is only one of each of our siblings so even if I said I know how you feel I don't because he was your brother and mine was mine if that makes sense. Each life lost on this earth is tragic, especially to those that love them and this pin hit the nail on the head for me. Reading it helped because now i don't feel alone. But man it still hurts just as be as that day, Christmas hasn't been the same since.

jeff on February 05, 2014:

I thought 2014 was going to be the beginning of a new year. Something to look forward too. Only to find myself in the hospital in Jan 2nd 2014. My brother would call me all the time and leave these funny messages on my phone. I would call him back and we would laugh about all the the things going on. He showed me all the secret fishin spots and tell me how to fix my car. I too never thought of him ever being gone. He was the closest family I had. My mom died when we were younger. Are dad left us when we were kids. And now I find myself alone. Its hard to talk to talk to anyone. I come home frim work at night and stare at his picture hoping somehow he will hear me and talk back to me. It ends up with me just crying. I too wish i was gone from this world so i can be with him. I have daughter and cant now of thinking what would happen to her if died and visa versa. I wish this pain on no one. I watched my take his last breath at 1153 on Jan 2nd 2014. This is how the new year began. I angry, im hurt, and Im lonely. The only comfort I hav is wen the doctors took him off life support, my brother took a very deep breath, and began to raise his arms upward and held them there for several seconds. I know at that very moment God was lifting him up to heaven. I miss you Paul and I love you very much.

Hannah on October 03, 2013:

I lost my 17 year old brother last September - the 22nd to be exact in a car accident, his best friend was driving. Matt died almost instantly, It was awful, as you say it was like a nightmare you couldn't wake up from. I came home to my parents telling me at 11pm. I was heartbroken, completely devastated, it felt like someone had a knife they had stabbed in my stomach and then twisted it around and around. I couldn't stop shaking for nearly 2 days. To begin with I was soo angry, not at his friend infact I felt incredibly sorry for him, I was angry at the policewoman who visited us twice in the middle of the night, at god for being such a complete jerk - even though I'm not even religious, at myself for not being in his place- everyone tbh. Then I began to appreciate life more- all the little things, the effort people made to be nice, the things you generally took for granted or ignored everyday. Matt was a genuinely good hearted, hilarious individual who we always had good fun with and obviously we miss him to pieces but he would hate us to ever be upset or worried so I try to live my life the way he would his and I try never to regret anything or be held back. You only have one chance at life - so live it- sorry sounds incredibly cheesy but its true.


Arezou on March 13, 2013:

I'm still in shock and devastated of losing my younger brother at the age of 36, my heart is broken in a million of pieces.It's the most tragic thing that happen to my and my family, so sudden and unexpected.

I fell so sad,hurt, angry and guilty not having a chance to tell him good bye, tell him how much I loved him and how badly I miss him now...I would give anything to turn back the time and have him in my life again...but I know we only part to meet again.


May god give all of us the strength to over come the painful tragedy of losing a love one.

My heart goes out to you all :(

Jeff Pinilla on January 09, 2013:


I wanted to reach out to you because I recently experienced a devastating loss in my life and I decided to turn my pain into something positive by telling a unique story about children and how death affects them. I have been raising money to get this film made for the past month and I feel that if this idea connects with you, then maybe this story can get further along in the process with a community that understands what it is that I am trying to tell:

If you have a moment, I would appreciate your time to take a look at my crowdfunder:


Thank you so much!

-Jeff Pinilla

Jon Allison on September 02, 2012:

Im asking the very same question almost 2 years since my little brother passed away at only 37 years old. Confusion a daily feeling. Along with anger and guilt and mostly sorrow and Great sadness. No one can answer why. I have asked god a million times and still no answer until one day I'm

By his side again. As we always were even if apart. X

Confused on August 29, 2012:

Can anyone answer why God took my sister?

Jon allison on August 08, 2012:

Firstly, my heart goes out to you on your loss. I too lost my little brother only 37 years old in December 2010. To this day I still can't believe he has gone from our lives and am

Still trying to come to terms with it. If that ever does really happen I don't know. life does go on somehow yet it will never be the same. There is up and down days yet the down ones Hurt so badly it is hard to describe. Anger. Confusion. A great sadness has dawned on more people than you know. The loss of a sibling so young Is unfair and unjust. Bad things happen to good people in my experience. Smile. When you can and don't feel

Guilt. For anything. It's not what they would want and it's not what you would. Easier said than done as I only know too well. Every time I laugh there's guilt mixed in. You learn to live with that somehow. Live your life as full as you can. It's gone way too

Soon as you we'll know now. I'm sorry for your pain. There are people out there who know including me. Make him

Proud. Everyday.

Paris on August 07, 2012:

I suddenly lost my 34 year old brother who was best friend 2 months ago. We had a great life and I can't believe it is all gone. My husband and I were going to start trying for a baby when this happened, I am absolutely devestated at losing my brother and I still want to try for a child, any one had a similar situation. And did you go on to have a baby?

reneemariejones on June 24, 2012:

This is very good!!I understand what you are going through. I am so sorry for your lost. I feel for every person that has wrote on here. It hurts! I believe losing a sibling is like losing a part of yourself. The connections siblings have is beyond explanation. Especially when you grow up together side by side. I lost my sister Charlotte Ann. 3.5 years ago on December 08, 2008. We were 11 months and three weeks apart. I was in shock up until a few months ago. It seems that lately it has sunk in to what really happen. Even though I hear people say they know what you are growing through: I sometimes wonder, but maybe they do. When a mother treats you like twins growing up, you feel that same type of bon. A friend told me one time that when my sister and I were together it was like looking at mirror: our hands movements were the same, as well as our mannerism. We mimic each other without realizing it. I felt a guilt feeling that I shouldn't miss her because someone else could be missing her more. Realized, she was my sister, and I had the right to miss her a lot! I felt I was accepted to be strong, and realized this was not true. I hardly shared about losing her because I didn't want to burden a person with the story. SO, How I dealt with it: I would seek people from our past that knew her, and grasp as much memories they had of her. This didn't help because I knew those people didn't miss her like I did. Now, that my journey of memories is over, I have come to realize that only I can help myself in dealing with the lost of her, that I am the only that will know the bond we share. Even though I do understand that people suffered from her lost. I still need to focus on me, and my lost of her, and realize that the memories that her and I shared are important, and more meaningful to me/us. No one will understand what you are going through truly, but yourself. Losing something is like losing love. You have this extra love to share, I have learned that extra love needs to die. Don't find a friend or someone in need to give it to, they will take advantage of your situation. This will also prolong the grieving process.

Jon Allison on June 03, 2012:

I am so sorry to hear of all this pain and suffering. My little brother. My best mate. Left me on December the 10th 2010 aged 37 years. I am so confused angry and upset words cannot describe the emptiness I feel. No one understands and I feel so alone. I want to be with him. Together. As we were. Gutted. Truly. Gutted and shocked. Even this far in it doesnt get easier. It's harder infact. If there's any solace in this I know one day I will be gone. Together again in wherever we go. I look for proof they are still there yet I find nothing? Surely. There must be answers. Stay strong. We have no other option than to. Smile and remember them. It's what I'd want. My love to all in this position.

My broken heart goes out to you all. Jon. 40. Newcastle. England. X

Kerry on June 01, 2012:

I have lost both of my brothers. My first being my twin brother David in 1991 just days after our 20th birthday and the other my younger brother Steven in 2005. Both deaths dealt a heavy blow on my family and over the years I thought it would get better, but I find myself slipping more and more into myself. My twin brother David died in a vehicle collision and my younger brother Steven took his own life. I never got to go to either funeral or say goodbye as I was recovering from the accident and my younger brother died in the UK. What am I doing wrong...how do you just get through a day without the feeling of guilt. Some days i'm fine but I find that most are just overwhelming. I miss both of my brothers terribly and the only consolation that I have is that they are both together....but I'm now alone. I have no other siblings. It's just me and my parents and my kids. My parents funnily enough, although they grieve, they manage to do very well. I think my kids have filled a little bit of that empty hole that was left behind with their loss. I'm angry, upset, hurt. I don't know how to process this. I have not celebrated my birthday in 20 years as it's too painful for me and yesterday was 21 years since my twin died. It's forever changed my life. Any suggestions??

Melissa on May 21, 2012:

Thank you for this article. I lost my 28-year-old brother 6 months ago to a sudden and devastating cancer. I'm dealing with all of the emotions that you mentioned, and hoping that they will get better with time. It's true that no one can understand the pain unless they've experienced it. Everything seems so trivial now, and I can't stand the thought of life without him. My brother was my best friend and I miss him every day.

Raelene on May 12, 2012:

I lost my brother at age 19 in a car accident, not his fault. I am so relieved to hear that other people feel these things too! It has been 5 years and it is only getting harder for me. It is hard not to cry at family functions, I think of him every day, every family photo without him kills me a little more inside. I do envy the relationships of other siblings. I have nightmares. I still just find my thinking/pretending he is just on vacation. I kept thinking that it would get easier when I had children ofmy own to focus on, but I also feared the loss of my future children. Now I am facing the realization that I may never be able to have children of my own. I have been going through infertility treatments for 13 months without results. I feel like the grief is starting all over again. I find myself envying other families my age playing with their kids. I havenivhtmares, I find myself thinking about the possibility of never being a mom, having my own family & never being a grandmother! I find myself thinking that I am denying my lifepartner of ever being a dad, or a grandfather! Its like all the same things coming back full blown. And it causes me to miss my little brother so much more because I could have told him what is really going on inside my soul that I can't tell anyone else for fear of being judged. Thank you for helping me see this can all be normal. God Bless You!

jennifer on May 08, 2012:

Wow. It's comforting to read every post here . My brother Michael died 3 months ago tomorrow . He was 32 years old and died of chronic alcoholism . It was sudden and has left me very broken . I have a 6 year old son and it's hard to be the best me right now . I go through aoany emotions so many times a day it's crazy to deal with . It's sent each of my remaining family members in their own direction . My brother had an awful childhood and a painful life that led him to drink . I prayed everyday he would get better , but now here I am 37 years old and my brother is just gone . I look at his urn and can't believe he isn't coming back. We spoke daily out whole lives . We lived 5 blocks from each other . Everyday I drive near his house and can't believe he isn't here anymore . All of our emotions in all the blogs here are so overwhelming . People think u just move on. It's not that simple . I too get angry at friends with petty problems and resentful at those who think I need to get on with my life . Nothing has ever ripped me apart so badly . I miss mike and feel like my life will never get back to anything near any normal, or new normal . Thanks everyone here for sharing

Jon Allison on May 03, 2012:

My heart goes out to you the girl who has lost her sister at only 37. There are people who know how truly awful this is. I am

15 months on and still struggling with losing my little brother. David Allison at 37 years old too. Suddenly died with what was pneumonia. He didn't even know how bad he was. I have to live what's left of my life now with the Hurt and pain. Missing him every second if every day. Like you. My parents stopped living the day he left us behind. Be strong. For you. And all

Around you who ever you are. In my thoughts. Jon. Newcastle. England. X

Anon on May 01, 2012:

I lost my sister on the 15th Jan 2012. She was diagnosed with cancer the 9th of Jan but nothing anyone did could change that it was too late. She left her husband, a 4 year old son and 4 mnth old daughter behind. She was only 37. I am 36 and we were supposed to grow old together. The day she died I lost my parents too. They are not coping and I dont know if the will survive this. I cannot breathe most days and wish I was with her instead of dealing with this unbearable pain. I will never be the same. I have a 2 year old daughter and she is the only thing keeping me pushing on through every day. like everyone here i am broken, i cannot for the life of me think how one can live for the next few or many years feeling like this! I pray that God gives us all the strength and healing hand that we all need so desperatelyevery day. Till w see them again one day.

Jon Allison on April 16, 2012:

Nikki said 4 months ago:

A loving friend of mine sent me this on email the other day. She copied it from a blog about infertility and the grief associated with this. Grief is universal as this so clearly shows.

I wish you would not be afraid to speak to me about what is going on in my life, and to ask what you can do to help.

If I cry or get emotional when we talk about them, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

I wish you wouldn’t pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life. I need my friends and family by my side.

I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.

Grieving and what I’m going through is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.

I wish you knew that all of the “crazy” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected during and following what is happening to me.

I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over if and when I appear to be smiling or happy.

I wish you would understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight…sleep all the time or not at all…want to surround myself with business or be all alone, all of which may be related to my grief.

A birthday, anniversaries of big days, holidays, and the day I found out, are all terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about me, and if I get quite withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Please don’t try to coerce me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon.

It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs throughout this journey. We will question things we have been taught all our lives, and hopefully come to some new understandings to include those with God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion, opinions, and beliefs without making me feel guilty.

I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs to ease the pain. These are just temporary crutches. The only way I can get through this grief is to experience it, and sometimes immerse myself in it. I have to hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood that grief and difficult situations change people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try and get to know the “new me”…maybe you will still like me.

Jon Allison

Grieving 14 months on.

Loving you everyday missing you so much davey.


Jon allison on April 15, 2012:

I constantly look at this site hoping to find answers to why my little brother, our davey, died. I can't understand why these things Happen. I am still devastated by this loss and always will be. I can truly say even 14 months on it doesn't get better. Or easier. Perhaps worse some days. 37 year old with so much to live for yet snatched away from us. Gutted. I miss him so so

Much. My best mate has gone. My little spud. To

Anyone reading this. I know how you feel and how you ended up

Here on this site. The answers aren't here but comfort knowing your not alone is there. Always. My deepest sympathy to all


Know how truly awful this is. Jon Allison. Newcastle. England. Aged 40. X

Rita on April 15, 2012:

My only sibling ,my brother died 3 weeks ago in an angling accident.my 90year old mother lived with him and his wife.He was one of my best friends and like a father to my 2 boys as he didn't have children.My mam, his wife and I are lost.

Jon Allison. on March 26, 2012:

It Pains me immensely that I have lost my little brother. Only 37 years old. Why? The biggest question of all. Why? Blog immense help but truly will never get over this loss. Whole range if emotions every day 13 months on and still as painful as ever. The pain and longing for him as you all on here know. Only comfort is everyday I'm

Closer to being back with him as the best mates we were. Take care and my love to

You all. X

Joni on March 10, 2012:

My brother,Tommy, died last summer, I still can't believe it. It is so painful, I think of him several times a day. My life will never be the same. I am glad you wrote this blog, everything you said is so true. I feel so sad and vulnerable, but for me the hardest thing is to see my parents pain daily. Our lives are changed forever, but I do want to go on and be happy....soon I hope. This blog has helped me, thank you and god bless you all.

Jon allison on February 29, 2012:

I lost my little brother to pneumonia dec 9th 2010 and still can't grasp that he has gone. We were supposed to

Look after the young one. Very bitter. Gutted and never ever get over losing a sibling. Don't even try. Smile. Be happy and remember them. It's what I'd want. Cruel cruel world. Good ones die young. god bless you mate. Be with you one day. Your bug spud. Xxx keep

Smiling everyone. Your not on your own.

Gabriel on February 28, 2012:

I lost my older brother in August 24,2004. He was in a car accident best friend passed out behind the wheel and hit a light pole. The feeling never goes away always on my mind no matter what I miss him a lot wish he was here he left 2 daughters behind .!

melissa on February 06, 2012:

I lost my brother 5 years ago, dec.29,1006. he died tragically in a car accident. this page hit every emotion i have felt. 5 years later and its not easier at all.

Haseeb Ahmed on January 12, 2012:

That's my brother's name and i lost him 11 months back. I feel terrible, my reactions are severe and out of control. I havent come to the last stages yet but i usually have bad dreams since day 1. Rest all is exactly the same. I am my brother's daughter and i love him the most in this world. I am extremely sad to read your story but there are people like us who live an incomplete life. i am out of words.

Anam Sajjad

Lee on December 12, 2011:

Nicely put. I lost my sister 2 days ago. It's different than losing a beloved parent and I think you said it best with "he was a peer of mine". My sister is the first of my siblings to die and I'm left with "if I feel this way now, how in the world am I going to cope when my other siblings go too?". I didn't see her a lot but I know there will be that day like you described that something is wrong and grief is likely to sweep in again like a hard wave. Siempre Familia.

Chris on October 03, 2011:

I lost my brother in April of this year. I went through all the emotions, Sadness, Anger, Depression, everything. I still cant believe hes gone. I wonder about my future, when its hard to see through tomorrow. Its the worst feeling in the world, to lose someone so close to you, without a goodbye, in a flash its all...gone. I know I need to move on but its so hard. I really hate life right now and wish it would all end, mostly to be with him agin.

shawn on August 24, 2011:

Losing my brother has left a huge hole in my heart and in my life. I never thought that I would have to live my life ithout my brother. I took the time that I had with my brother for granted and didn't get to say goodbye to him. I miss him so much. The tears that I have cried seem to never end. I have been suffering with depression due to me not wanting to live my life without my brother.

Life has been hard without him and life seems to be getting unbearable. It has been 5 years but it seems to be getting harder as time goes on. There are times that I would rather die than live my life without him, but then think about the people that I would leave behind. I want my brother back, I want to see his face again,but I know this will never happen. I will never see his face again, I will never see him smile again, I will never get to tell him that I love him.

BONNIE on August 04, 2011:


I1044 on July 26, 2011:

I lost my brother 2 weeks ago. I am so sad and agree with all the feelings everyone has described. I am in shock and feel as if my world is upside down. The thoughts of him at times get very overwhelming.

Ginny on July 11, 2011:

I also am very angry at my sister. She was 3 years older than I was. I am 40 and she just turned 44. Her husband passed away almost 11 years ago. She had 2 teenage children and was a very beautiful person inside and out. Went to church every sunday and would never even think of taking a drink let alone smoke pot. After her husband passed her life started in a downward spirial and didn't stop until the day she passed. We use to so close until then. When she started hanging out with people I did not approve of, I just seperated my life from hers. If she came to visit my partents we were always civil and I would tell her how much I loved her, but there just seems to be something eating me alive that says I should have done more. She died last week in a car crash in another state. We did not know she even had left state (just for the day) then to find out she went on a drug run was truely unthinkable. Her and her boyfriend went out of state in someone elses car and when her boyfriend was too tired to drive they let the other guy drive knowing he had no license. Only 20 min on there way back home he ran a yellow light and the car that hit them didn't slow down because he knew his was getting ready to change. He hit them on her side she died, her boyfriend is still in ICU and the driver along with his girlfriend is now home with minor injuries. How can I go on living my life knowing this is why she died and knowing her children are following in her footsteps with 4 of the most beautiful grandchildren you could ever imagine. I so want to go and take those kids and raise them just so I know they will have some kind of a future. As of now I can see no real future for them. The oldest is only 5. I just wish that I could slap her in the face and tell her look at what she has done but that will never happen. How can I be happy knowing she will never get to see them grow up. My parents and our other siblings are a wreck right now. What kind of family reunion can we enjoy without her there. I am the youngest of 5. She was next to me. I just don't know. I have my own son whom is 19 and has not even thought of having kids and my sister had 4 beautiful ones and was taken away from them. I may never even get to have grandchildren. I just don't know what I am feeling, what to think, do or even say to my parents. How can I go around them and talk about accomplishments my family have done know what my sister has done to them. Her death could have so been avoided if she had just stayed home. Ever hear your parents say stay away from them, nothing good will ever come from hanging out with them................

Jen on May 22, 2011:

My brother died 2 weeks ago and I have struggled with the same feelings you discuss in your article. It was sudden and unexplained - he was just shy of 22 years old and died in his sleep. We struggle every day to find a way to keep pushing ourselves through. My sister's and I all feel our own sense of loss and emptiness about this. He was our baby brother after all and it's a strange feeling to have that he will not be there to worry about or laugh with or roll our eyes at anymore. We miss him with every ounce of life we have in us. I pray that healing & peace will find us soon. Thank you for putting into words so many things I have not been able to until now.

Gerrie on March 31, 2011:

I lost my 51 year old brother last week.He was the youngest of five children and I am the oldest. I spoken to him on the phone 15 minutes before he died. We called on another every day.He was a good man.

I cry for my parents who are 84 and 85 years old,

He died in my fathers arms.

It so sad and tragic for our family.I know we are strong,but nothing prepares you for something like this.

YVETTE on March 26, 2011:


cgl on March 09, 2011:

Exactly 7 days ago we buried my 37 year old brother. He was in a car accident involving a semi truck, which was the semi's fault. He was in a chemically induced coma for 9 days and we finally had to let him go after 3 neurosurgeons gave us the same outcome, and we saw the scans showing there was absolutely no brain activity left. I didn't want to let him go, he was my best friend I think I still am in shock, I feel on the verge of crying every second of the day. But I do have to hold it together for my 3 little girls. I still cannot wrap my head around this situation, he's really not here anymore. I had someone tell me the other day "it was god's plan to take him" I got very angry yelling that god has a messed up set of plans and I don't believe in god anymore. Anyhow this article helped me out-today anyway, thank you, I just wish it didn't hurt so much:(

mrj on January 18, 2011:

this posting really helped me out. iam 19 and i just recently lost my sister she was 15 and very healthy.the doctors could not give me an answer on why she had passed away.they have no idea and we will never know.and in some ways thats good that she didnt die some trajic way but then again i find myslef asking why is she gone what happend over and over agian in my head.i dont know if it is normal but i also seem to get upset with everyone i get angry looking even at random people espcially ones that waste thier lifes away i get mad that they are doing nothing with themslefs and my little sister is gone. its been 3 weeks and 1 day today and iam lost. she was my other half my bestfriend.people try to tell me its going to be okay and i dont belive them cause they havent been trhough it but seeing all these people on here that feel the same way makes me feel better like iam not alone.sometimes i want to die. not kill myslef but i just iam not afriad to die cause i know she will be there waiting.and i know thats not right but i just want to see her agian so badly i cant belive i will never hug her agian or kiss her. we had so many plans.she will never be at my wedding or get to be the aunt of my child when i have one one day and that kills me.i honestly think time doesnt heal all wounds cause i know till the day i die iam going to be sad and miss her. i will never be okay with the fact she is gone at 15 years old and i have no idea why. i just hope i can get through this. she was the only thing that kept me going so i could set an example for her..i miss her so much

bry on January 09, 2011:

you words describe exactly how i feel.. it hurts so bad losing my brother id give anything to have him back.. im so sorry that u have to feel like i do

Courtney on December 22, 2010:

This blog really hit home. I had felt extremely guilty to be alive while he couldn't. The first 6 months was like living in a bubble. I don't remember much of what went on. My mind was mush. The only time I have cried infront of my parents about my brother was 3 years ago on his funeral. I haven't let them see me cry since. I miss him so much everyday and it never gets easier

missy on December 11, 2010:

I lost my brother on thanksgiving (this one). He was my TRUE bestfriend. Even though I was older he was my defender and confidant. I am so afraid to wake up every morning knowing he isn't there. I have alot of support from family and friends, but none (thank god) no how much it hurts. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one trying to deal.

On the same page on December 08, 2010:

My brother passed away a year ago tomorrow. It doesn't seem right that a year has gone by without talking to him (at least the way I use to). The past year has been so immensely difficult, and I think probably because it was filled with so many "firsts". I am dreading year two becuase I don't want him to be less on my mind than he is now. I WANT him to be in my every thought. I know this sounds so strange but I feel the more I think about him, then closer I am to him. I feel if I stop thinking about him, he will become distant... I have potentially such a long life ahead and it's hard to fathom that he will not be there for it and share those precious moments with me the way I want him to. I am glad I found this site because it describes thing so accurately and many times people can not express these words to me in person. How strange that a website full of strangers can make me feel less lonely. Thank you everyone and know that you are not alone on this journey.

Jenna on October 21, 2010:

I lost my brother 7 months ago. I feel/felt every single one of these emotions.

Kerry on October 06, 2010:

My Brother died in 2005, the inquest said it was accidental death. The patholigist suggested that it was not accidental but the Judge still went with accidental. He was assualted and his injuries were horrific.

I found it so hard to get over his death. My other sibling started seeing his wife weeks after his death which made it unbearable not just for me but more for his daughters whom were in grieve. The fact that my brother whom died owned a family business worth millions (my other brother was jealous of him) mad it worthwile for him to move in... I do not see any of them now. My mother as excepted it now which makes it hard for me. He treated us (me and my mum) dreadfully and ignored us at the inquest. When it was accidental death he celebrated with her (ex sis in law)with champagne..they wanted accidental death , meant thay would get insuramce payout. He now lives in my brothers big house and it hurts more than i can ever say.

akoundry on July 13, 2010:

I lost my brother Feb 28th 2010. He was my older brother, my hero, my best friend. Our father was never in picture so he took that role as well. We were only a year apart ( I am 20). No other relationship could ever compare to what he meant to me. We graduated high school the same yr, I went off to college and he to the Marines. We talked every week and during my spring break Sophomore year I went to visit him Cherry point, NC. Sadly, I was the only family member to see what his life was like as a Marine. Shortly after, he started to get into trouble and he lost his phone privileges. For weeks we didn’t speak , I felt such a lose and knew something was wrong. In the 6 months before his passing I was only able to talk to him about 5 times. The next thing I know I had the campus police banging on my door telling me I had to go home. A 1hr and a half ride not knowing what was happening. I walked in and saw all my immediate family. Everyone had a look on their face that said to me brace yourself. I knew what happened before I was even told. Tears streamed down my face. My mother told me 2 Marines came knocking on the door and gave her the news. My mother is having a hard time dealing with it and has expressed suicidal thoughts. She was hospitalized last week. Everyone tells me there is no “rule book” on how to grieve but until reading your post I could never put into words what I was feeling. I wouldn’t say I am suicidal but I can’t wait until I am reunited with him. I never been very religious but always felt there was a higher power. That is the only hope I have of being with him again. If I don’t have that then I have no sense of comfort in the matter. I do not fear death, I am patiently waiting so I could see him again. Shock and facing reality. Since, I hadn’t seen him in person for about 10 months, I still don’t feel it is real. I can’t face the fact that he will never come home for a visit or my future children will never say “Let’s go to Uncle Tim’s”. And I too feel guilty. I feel guilty that it has been easier than I thought to get back into a normal schedule. I try to convince myself that he would be proud that I’m continuing to get my degree. But I feel my schedule is so busy and I’m constantly around people that I push him out of my mind. I don’t want to make a scene or other’s pitty because it will not change the fact he is gone. Also I blame the fact that I wasn’t able to talk to him bc of the loss of his phone privileges. I am almost use to not talking to him as often as I use too. That makes me feel incredibly guilty. Most of all I am angry he took his own life and has left some many people who love him to feel this immense pain. I can’t imagine feeling like this forever and knowing nothing will ever change it. Whenever I think about him my heart begin to pound so hard and fast I can hear it in my head. Please keep writing it has given me a way to make sense out of what I’ve been feeling.

ahorseback on June 25, 2010:

What a way that you have chosen to deal with his death, I think you are on a wonderful track, I would say to healing but I'm not sure one ever "heals", I can say this though .It will get easier in time , maybe it's just that the edge goes away I don't know. But I'm 56 years old and 40 plus years ago I watched my brother die by a hit and run drunk driver , he was just eight years old I was 12 . I believe I think of him every day at least once , Sometimes more. So , don't ever worry about forgeting him, you won't I garantee it, I still remember every detail of my brothers face , hair , eyes and even his smell. I believe it makes us a better person , in spite of the loss or because of it . Please keep writing though , Tell the world what he meant to you and you will keep him alive. He lives inside you, and he always will.

Lara Asmussen on May 06, 2010:

I lost my darling brother, Martin, aged 23 years, in 2003...and I live with it every day...this article is so relevant...thank you

Karen on April 21, 2010:

I lost my brother tragically 7 years ago July 15, 2010. I was there in the hospital touching him when his heart stopped. It is the most painful memory I have. Your words about fear are how I look at things how in my family. I knew people could die but "not in my family". Now I how closer to people because I don't want them to leave me. The day my brother Darcy died, a life of Joy stopped for me.

aldamaria on March 10, 2010:

I lost my 51 year old sister to pancreatic cancer on Dec. 3,2009. She was my only sibling and I was the trustee of her estate.Since the short time that I have lost her I had to plan her funeral, sell her house, pack everything, distribute her estate and grieve. My husband was very supportive in the beggining but now he feels like it's time to move on. I had to get rid of all of her stuff which hurt so much and the few things that I did keep he accuses me of building a shrine in our home. I miss my sister so much and I feel I have done pretty well with all I have had to do in a short time. I felt so overwhelmed with what I had to deal with-her job,her insurance, mail,filing her taxes etc. that I haven't had any time to grief. Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?

Annie Stewart on December 28, 2009:

My brother died Oct 12 2009. I will never forget that phone call from my older sis. What heartbreak we are feeling. I have 8 older siblings and we have all pulled together for support. I find it hard to deal with alot in my daily routine. I get angry at my husband alot for no reason, only becuz Im lonely for my brother. I talked with Carl everyday on the phone. I miss his friendship. My older sister was truly his best friend and we can talk about him so easily with each other. I know she is hurting so much. Its hard becuz we live in diffrent states so I cant see her when I want. Thank you for sharing your stories and letting me share my feelings. It helps to talk. God bless.

Donna on November 30, 2009:

I lost my sister on Oct. 4, 2009. She died suddently, and it's definitely been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She was my only sibling, and I have felt every emotion you described. I can honestly say that I had never had one thought about her dying, and was devastated when it happened. I also have thought long and hard now about what would happen if my husband or children would die, and any time I hear about someone being sick I immediately think about what would happen if they would die.

Thanks for sharing your story, and may God bless everyone who reads it. I think we're all looking for guidance through the grief process, and reaching out to others definitely helps.

Colleen on August 17, 2009:

Wow, i lost my sister 3 years ago to cancer and EVERYTHING that you have described is EXACTLY how i felt and am still feeling to this day. It is like a bad nightmare that I seem to never wake up from...thank you for sharing your story God Bless

Callie on August 08, 2009:

My brother died July 25, 2009. I saw him the day that he died, we went swimming at the local pool with my daughter and her friend and then we all went to the movies. My brother died in a car accident that night on his way home,he was 22. I can't get over the fact that he is gone. Instead of seeing him at home playing video games I have to see his ashes in a box in his room. He was eight years younger than I am so we didn't always see eye to eye but I loved him anyway. I would give anything to have have him back. I wish that none of us would ever have to go through this. I keep hoping that in time things will get better. I have to stay postive for my family, but that is hard to do. There are times that just want to hide away in bed to tell everyone to go away. Live is hard right now but someday it will get better.

Tatiana on July 07, 2009:

I just lost my brother three weeks ago and I can immediately relate to what you're saying. Thank you so much for posting this.I do feel a sense of fear for losing more family members (I've lost 5 in the last 3 years alone) and I'm terrified of the day my mother leaves me. Thank you so much for posting this.

janelly on April 25, 2009:

I lost my brother a year and 5 months ago and I find it getting harder now that the shock has left. I try to not think of him as being dead and do the same as you, pretend he is away on a trip or in the army....go figure? I just had a son 2 weeks ago and that has helped alot in dealing with my depression.. I feel like since I lost my brother God gave me a son... My brother was younger than me 7 yrs younger...he was just 17 years old...

Matt on January 16, 2009:

I am absolutely blown away by your posting as you have hit every emotion on the head that I am feeling after recently losing my brother. I have quite a bit of anger at the world which I don't think you addressed but each and every bullet point resonated with my feelings. Shock, disappointment, friends, family, questions, bitterness, loneliness, pain, frustration, nightmares, suffering... all so very accurate. I am sorry for your loss and am one that can sympathize with you on the same level. I'm so worried about the rest of my family that I am unsure of how to handle it myself and really need to focus on my remaining brother. I also find the books to be ridiculous. I feel like nothing is real right now and everything in the world is unimportant. Anyway, I wanted to send my appreciation for your real feelings on grief. Let's hope it all gets easier. Matt

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