Enelle Lamb is a Community Support Social Service Worker, published author, jewelry designer and single mother extraordinaire.
Don't be fooled...
If you are viewing this, you might be attracted by the idyllic picture of my son and me. I have to admit, we do portray a warm, loving family unit, but looks can be deceiving. We only achieve familial bliss half the time. The other half of the time is spent arguing, cajoling, manipulating, yelling, (yes yelling) slamming doors, growling...well you get the picture.
Living with my son is like living with a chameleon...always changing. Let me back up a bit. He was born May 27, 1997 at an ungodly time of the morning, having decided earlier that he really wasn't ready to make his entrance into the world, and that attitude has prevaled to this day, and most likely will for the rest of his life.
My first clue that I might be in for a bit of a challenge came after my first night in the hospital. I had opted to have my son sleep in the nursery, as I was bagged after the sixteen hours of hard labor I experienced trying to convince him to finally make his entrance. When the nurse brought him to me the next morning I asked her how he had slept and was told "...restless".
I soon discovered, after the first night I spent trying to sleep in my own bed, that "restless" didn't even come close to how he slept!
The next 3 years was a blur consisting of sleepless nights, (I considered two consecutive hours good) colic, general screaming for six hours at a time, and the usual challenges associated with raising a small person. The fact that he is turning 11 in May is a testament to not only my intestinal fortitude and success as a parent, but to my fear that if I did kill him while he slept they would have locked me up and thrown away the key!
I should add here that I am a single parent (a sad, but true statistic regarding ADHD children) and have two children. My daughter is 22, engaged to be married, works two jobs, just bought a car and seems to have a good head on her shoulders, even though she still lives with 'Mom'. I have been heard many times to say that had my son been born first, I wouldn't have a daughter! Needless to say, I stopped at two children.
At times I am exactly the same as other parents I meet...proud of my son, of being his mother, of his intelligence, abilities, etc. But that only covers part of the time. Any parent of an ADHD/ODD child will know exactly what I am saying. For those of you who don't, let me fill you in.
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. ODD stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Taken together, this means not only does the child bounce off the walls, and can't concentrate for longer than 15 minutes at a time without constant reminders, he also has an attitude the size of Mt. Everest and is not afraid to use it. Couple this with an additional diagnosis of Anxiety Disorder and some Post Traumatic Stress, and you have my son.
Now understand, that the majority of parents out there think that ADHD is a 'made up' diagnosis... that the doctors, teachers and parents of an ADHD child have simply decided that it is easier to medicate the child rather than parent/teach them. Let me tell you this is NOT the case at all.
By the time my son was halfway through kindergarten, he had already been suspended twice. Once for hitting his teacher, and once for choking another student. (This from a 5 year old) Now, a lot of parents, upon hearing this would say "I would have spanked his butt royally" or "There's no way in h*** my son would ever get away with acting like that" or something along those lines.
Well I'm here to say that I could have literally beaten my child and he would still have acted the same way. These actions have nothing to do with lack of discipline, (at least with legitimate ADHD/ODD children) and everything to do with an honest medical problem. I'm sure that somewhere there is a doctor with a list of initials after his name who can quote chapter and verse as to why these kids act like this. However...I don't speak 'doctor' and I'm pretty sure that most people don't either. (I have since found some excellent resource material that offers an explanation as to why, and have learned to speak 'doctor' quite well!)
Additional resources for Adhd/Odd
- One Small Step for Parents
An online community with resources, information and support for parents raising children with ADHD and its attendant disorders.
- How to deal with children with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental disorders - Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) as a pattern of negativistic behavior which significantly...
- How To Cope With Your Child's ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ODD, ADHD/ODD. This is for the parents who live with this disability, day in, and day out. If they are lucky, maybe they catch a break on the weekend, (depending on whether you are a single parent) if not, then unless a
What I do know, is that somewhere in the brain, there is an area that recognizes 'consequences'. (I have since discovered that ADHD/ODD is a frontal lobe malfunction.) What I mean by this is: "bad action = discipline (IE:spanking/time out) = hurt feelings/pain = realization not to repeat the bad action". With an ADHD/ODD child, they process only part of that equation,IE: "bad action = discipline = hurt feelings/pain". The 'realization' part doesn't apply.
Now I'm not intimating they are slow learners by any means. Most of these kids are bright, and smarter than the average bear, with a range of intelligence that reaches into the 'gifted' areas. They are fiercely loyal, loving individuals, usually with a heightened sense of right and wrong, imaginative, hyper-focused (but only on things they want to do,) have boundless energy, don't see the world or society the same way we do, (which can be a good thing as they get older,) creative, excellent hand eye co-ordination, etc. (Are you confused yet?) I could go on, but I think you get my point.
Suffice it to say that living with an ADHD/ODD child is an adventure that isn't for the faint of heart! My personal experience with my son includes school suspensions beginning in kindergarten, through and including grade 8, expulsion from a 'behavioural school' in grade 2, half days through grades 1 to 3, psychiatrists, psychologists,counselors (three separate appointments each week) doctor's appointments, specialist appointments, parenting classes, RCMP 'visits', 'Care Team' meetings, neighbourhood parent 'visits' and school parent 'visits' to list a few. (I should like to point out that some of these behaviours have subsided to a degree as my son gets older, and he is improving behaviourally. He rarely disrupts the class when he is at school, deciding now, that instead he won't do any work. One step forward, two steps back...)
I've even had a complete stranger knock on the window of my car while I was waiting for a turn arrow, so he could tell me I should speak with my child about his behaviour while driving....in my car! I was stunned! So I told this stranger that maybe he should tell my son, as I had reprimanded him until I was blue in the face, and if this man could do what I couldn't, I would eat my hat! Naturally, it didn't work!
On top of all of this comes another challenge....how to support your family. If you are fortunate enough to have someone you can rely on to help with child care, that can lessen your load. However, that doesn't always happen. In my case, (and I'm sure there are others out there as well) my son's behaviour was so erratic and at times over the top, that no one could handle him for any length of time except me.
This translated to "Stay At Home Mom". I did work part time when he was preschool age, but unfortunately that didn't work out. After I became a single parent, my son's behaviour took a nose dive, to the point that it was impossible for me to work away from the home. So...what to do? I could sit on 'the system', or actively find a way to become self sufficient. I chose the latter, however, I should also say that even though I did my best to be self sufficient, I still couldn't make enough money or commit to an away from home job for several years.
To date, I have written the first of a children's adventure series (a copy of which can be found at Lulu.com) entitled Christopher Collin and the True Okemus . I am also publishing a book dealing with life with my son, called "part-time Genius full-time Job", and manage an online community, One Small Step for Parents (link available above,) with resources, information and support for parents raising children with ADHD and its attendant disorders.
What I have written here is only a fraction of what we deal with parenting these wonderfully, charismatic (and sometimes volatile) children. The phrase "One heck of a ride!" sums up our lives as parents and teachers for these kids.
I would also like to invite other parents of ADHD/ODD children to contact me, if only to let them know they are not alone in their struggles. Hopefully this posting will raise awareness of our challenges and bring some relief to the ostracism we encounter daily.
Copyright Enelle Lamb 2008 - Please do not copy and paste this article, but feel free to post a link using this url: http://hubpages.com/hub/Living-with-an-ADHD-ODD-child
Published works by Enelle
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 27, 2019:
That doesn't always work either. Never worked for my son, I had to find rewards instead of punishments...consequences were different though...those I kept, but punishment did not work.
Maureen on December 04, 2017:
A few years ago you made a comment on a parenting site:
"I have discovered a very effective phrase that puts the power back in your hands regardless of how much your son wants/needs to negotiate".
Can you please tell us the phrase? or direct us to it's source?
btw, we have an 8 year old with all the symptoms but no diagnosis yet.
Samantha on September 28, 2017:
Thank you so much for this post. I'm a single mother trying my best to do what I can for my son. Over the last few months, his behavior has gotten worse. He got suspended for taking a pencil and stabbing another student. He down right doesn't respect me and I'm struggling with this. Your article made me feel not so alone.
Liberty911911 on July 13, 2017:
My family just doesn't get ODD and ADHD. They have said they are concerned that she walks all over me. That however isn't the case. I know whatever I ask of her she is going to say no. So I wait 15 before asking again. Always most of the time she is then compliant. It gives her time to process. However my family just doesn't get it saying she needs to listen to whatever I say right away. Does anyone have a good article on explaining why we as parents do the things we do?
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on October 15, 2015:
Sometimes children just want attention - bad or good doesn't matter. Try catching him doing something good and praise him. This does help. When his attitude gets bad, feed him. Sometimes low blood sugar can trigger bad behavior. make a chart for him of things he needs to do. When he completes a task, give him a small reward. Positive reinforcement works better than negative - like punishments.
Keep your chin up. It is a long hard road. Get some support for you and some counselling for him. Both of these things help.
Bernadette on October 15, 2015:
My son have ADHD, he is on Concerta. Take one in the morning just before school, this week the teacher complaining, he is not doing his work, being the clown in the class, his school work is excellent get nothing under 90%, but his bad behavior is getting out of hand. He is turning 10. I don't know what to do any more, this week was really bad. Is there something i can do, i notice he got lately a bad attitude, i do punished him, and he does get his hidings if i just cant anymore. What else can i do, please help
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on June 03, 2015:
Yes, you definitely have a long way to go! My son is now 18 and we still have a long way to go!
I am not sure about the hurting of your sons siblings, that is something you will have to discuss with your doctor. If your son is still not sleeping, you can up his melatonin to 5 ml or 10 ml and once he starts sleeping, you can reduce the dosage. That is what I did, and found it worked.
emily on May 29, 2015:
my son who is 6 years old and has adhd and odd and after reading your story I don't feel so alone though this. my son can be so angry to the whole family and he also has 4 sibling he doesn't sleep even though he is on melatonin and he hurts his sibling a lot is that part of the adhd and odd and its only been 6 months since his specialist confirm the condition he has so I think I still have a long way to go in understand all I need to know to help my son. thank you
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on October 08, 2014:
I know this might not be much help, but check out Russell Barkley's books on AD/HD. He also discusses ODD and other disabilities. His books helped me to get to where I am now. My son's father also exhibits ODD, and this disability is by far, much harder to deal with.
Karen M. on October 08, 2014:
Hi. While in marriage counseling at 38 I was diagnosed with ADD and my husband was diagnosed having ADHD. A few years prior to this I was tested and diagnosed with dyslexia. Our son, now 12, was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD three years ago back in 3rd grade. As I learned about ODD it became apparent to me that my husband clearly suffers from ODD as well.
Sadly, it's just about impossible to find any information or help on adult ODD still today. Why don't I hear anyone mention when they have a child with ODD that they also have a parent with ODD?
I can't believe we are the only family with a child and adult both suffering with ODD? If you know how difficult it is to parent a child with ADHD/ODD can you imaging co-parenting with an ODD husband. I'm barely hanging on. I see my therapist weekly. She worries about my mental and physical well-being. She gives me the same advice I would give any friend if they were in this situation...take care of you and leave! Daily I'm yelled at, laughed at, disagreed with, disregarded and disrespected, my son swears at me repeatedly, he has physically attacked me and will physically throw things and hit me. I'm bullied and verbally abused by both my son & husband. Even when I repeat what my husband has said to our son on other occasions my husband will become oppositional and defiant with me.
We live in downtown Chicago. I am surprised, frustrated and disappointed with the lack of ADHD/ODD help available. Where are the specialist?
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on September 05, 2014:
I can understand your disappointment, anger and frustration - believe me!
Amber on September 03, 2014:
Thank you for sharing I know I am not alone. My son is 16 and the last three years have been the worst ever, especially this last year. I am so glad others can understand because I have been judged, ridiculed and ostracism I have experienced especially just recently because I am choosing my son my kids come first.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on June 15, 2014:
Most welcome - from the outside, these kids look like they "need" more discipline...unfortunately, they and their parents are judged by the behaviours.
Jacqui from New Zealand on June 15, 2014:
Thanks for this hub - both informative, and real life examples help make it easier to understand for those of us who may only see this from the outside. Thanks
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on June 10, 2014:
Actually, ADHD is under the autism spectrum. There are many facets of the disability that present very similarly to Aspergers, and many of the symptoms of ADHD present along with Aspergers, Autism and many other disabilities.
Michael on June 10, 2014:
Thank you so much for this. I don't feel so quite alone now. My son is about to turn 8 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. We thought he was in the autism spectrum but it's presenting itself as ADHD. Everything you said? It's my sin completely. I'll tell him to do things, and he looks right through me. I love him obviously but sometimes I don't know what else I can do for him. He will be getting on medication in July as I've tried everything else with no results. I'm so frustrated and feel completely at the end of my rope =0(
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on May 23, 2014:
Thanks Rid, we appreciate the complement! Sounds like you have a roller coaster of your own to handle. There might be some links to UK sites on One Small Step for Parents, if you want to check them out to see if they are relevant for your situation :)
Best of luck.
Rid on May 09, 2014:
I just came across this post and it was like reading my life story!! I have been divorced since my son was 4 months old; he is turning 8 next week.
After a lot of effort on my side and a sympathetic doctor, i managed to get him diagnosed with ADHD and Dyspraxia last year. To date, the school is trying to get away with doing the minimum to help him as he still manages to get through all the necessary targets without any assistance; the occupational therapist and pediatric psychiatrist need to be reminded regularly and a year on I am not sure when he will be seen next! It is true as someone above said that in the UK they are not very forthcoming with help and assistance to parents and children with special needs.
I am trying so far to resist drugs as they said he is borderline and we should try behavioral strategies for now. All I can say again, quoting you Enelle "it has been one heck of a ride"...and it is not over yet! :)
Good luck and Bon courage to all parents who are doing an amazing job!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on May 08, 2014:
Thank you for your comments! I'm always up for a bit more insanity ;)
addexplainsme on May 08, 2014:
I'm so happy that I stumbled upon your hub here! As well as the comments!
It's always nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with this!
I'm so tired of having my parenting abilities questioned because my son's energy level could fuel a thousand cars. Then of course there's the "sympathetic" suggestions.
I've tripled my troubles and I think we're surviving..basically..
See I have ADHD inattentive type (basically I'm the kind that can point out the butterfly in the middle of a sentence.. not the kind that chases it.) I can't keep a schedule because I always lose it. I forget just about everything and I get just as easily sidetracked as my son, even with medication!
My husband (son's father) has ADHD (the butterfly chasing kind) he claims to have it under control..ha! But he's in the military so we get moved around a lot and blah blah blah..
We've also got a 4 year old daughter who is the polar opposite. She's quiet, calm and sweet.. our house is like an OCD having person's nightmare!
But I'm commenting to say thank you for posting this and to share some of my insanity. :-D
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on May 06, 2014:
You certainly have your hands full with your daughter. Even though my son's story is not the same, the journey is very similar and I understand your trials and frustrations. I too just want my son to have a good life, and for things to be easier for him. I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I always remain hopeful :)
If you are interested, you can check out our forum at One Small Step for Parents - just Google the name and you will be directed to the blog...if you ever feel the need to vent :)
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on May 06, 2014:
I totally understand! This is the first article I ever published (way back in 2008 I believe,) and my son has made some amazing progress since then, but there is still a lot of room for improvement...
He is still in counselling, and so far is doing well, but the first years of school were absolutely horrible! If you are interested you can always check out our forum for parents at One Small Step for Parents - just Google the name and you will be directed to the blog - I can't put the link in too many times or I am penalized on the article ;)
Fifi1967 on May 03, 2014:
As, others have said, I am not glad others are going through the same, but so nice to know I am not alone.
Looking back, things were going pear-shaped right from the start. My first clue should have been the fact that my daughter was restless right from the start. She would only breast-feed 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off around the clock, 24/7, day in, day out. It got to the point where, having a newborn and a one year old, I took to sleeping in the spare room so as not to wake the rest of the household. I was so sleep deprived and not coping, I remember lying awake, tears streaming down my face, thinking about how much I wanted to shake her, when it dawned on me "I need help, big time."
I called my mother who lives two hours away to come and give me some respite so we could better deal with everything that comes with a new baby and a one year old. We got into a baby sleep program, but that didn't work for her and she continued to wake during the night until she was 4 or 5 years old.
She was a live wire. Funny, wilful, very social, but fearless and determined. She walked at 8 months, and was always racing around the house after that, constantly falling over and hurting herself. She was always hard to get to go to bed/sleep. She didn't want to miss out on what was going on.
When the kids were small, we moved a bit because my husband was in the Navy. When we moved to a remote location, I had a break down (I think). I certainly wasn't coping well at all, trying to manage a branch of a global recruitment company, living somewhere I knew noone, having two kids under 13 months and my husband being away a lot.
Once we got to where we are now, life was a bit more settled. She started school and there were some minor issues, but we all thought she was just a wilful child. In classes where the teachers really "got" her, she absolutely thrived. In those who didn't, it was not great, but not too bad either.
At the end of Year 2, we started to fair of the school and moved her to a private girls' school which was closer to home, but that we thought would batter manage bullying.
During primary school, she was quite up and down, but what became apparent in her last years there, was that she had problems with peer relationships, friendships in particular. She spoke with a counsellor at school and she and I were left totally disenchanted, and she was put off - a lot (as was I - extremely judgmental and unprofessional).
Once she transitioned to senior school, we thought this would give her the opportunity to move on from the situation, that high school was a much bigger place, with loads of different kids, new friendships etc... a chance to leave behind the small fishbowl of an exclusive (read judgmental) peer group (including parents).
Things were OK for a little while, but then the bullying began and she did not respond well. She could not help herself and always bit back, big time. By the end of Year 7 (first year high school), she was self-harming, although we didn't find out for another 5 months. She had fallen into a friendship with two other girls who were also self-harming and a very toxic friendship grew. I only found out about the self-harm/depression because one of the other mothers called the school and asked them to let me know, and I am forever grateful she did.
Shortly thereafter, I found a whole lot of screenshots of her talking about "ending it all" and how she might do it. Needless to say, this turned all of our lives upside down and this was the turning point, I guess.
I floundered with our health system here, which is extremely difficult to navigate and had some terrible early experiences, which has made it difficult when I have sought help for her since then. Finally, I went to our gorgeous GP who managed to get us in within about 10 days to one of the best Psychiatrists in the town we live in. We also got her into a great psychologist as well, as the previous one had been a very overpaid friend who never challenged her and who managed to be hoodwinked by my daughter's ability to tell people what she thinks they want to hear.
She started on anti-depressants and improved to the point where she was no longer wanting to kill herself, but the problematic behaviour was diabolical. She wasn't coping and neither were the rest of us. Our lovely psychologist mentioned to me at the end of one session that something my daughter had said made her think that she may have ADHD. I have to confess, this didn't altogether surprise me and I sought a very thorough and detailed assessment. She is nearly 15!!
The results came back with ADHD (some elements are severe), ODD and some learning difficulties (cognitive processing stuff). I hate to say it, we were relieved to know it was real, and not in our heads, but that was just the beginning.
Since then, she started on slow release Ritalin and (when I remember) Melatonin. We moved her out of the girls school and she elected to go to the local high school, which had a good reputation and meant she wouldn't have to deal with (in her words) the petty uniform regulations and so on. We worked with the school to let them know the outcomes of the assessment she had had, and hoped this would be the start of things getting back to some semblance of normal (whatever that is)!! I was very wrong.
Anyway, we were all coming to terms with the devastating year that was 2013 to have her sexually assaulted by some a*hole who was at school with her last year at the end of the first week of term.
As a result of this, she went through countless hours of police questioning and the beginning of another very toxic friendship with one of the other "victims" of this sexual offender. She felt very let down by the police and the support system, began to refuse therapy of any kind and also began acting out. Small things at first like missing class, wanting to go and hang out all the time at the local mall. Her reliance on her (cyber) friends and social media escalated dramatically. We were told by a professional that removing this support for her at that point in time would be counter-productive.
She has come to rely very heavily on the school youth worker, which is great because he is a guy, is reasonably young and knows really well how to interact with kids of her age and experience. One positive.
She is not improving though and is making terrible choices with friends and so on. Her behaviour at home is terrible, especially since her dad has been posted overseas for 6 months and has left me as a single parent for that period (my hats off to those who single parent day in, day out)! She takes most of it out on me and her brother who is a year older, who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression from the past 18 months experiences. It has affected us all very deeply. I am at my wits end most days... I find myself living in a heightened state of anxiety constantly and get no respite from it.
My daughter is somewhat in denial, but accepts the ADHD. She won't talk about it much, isn't interested in knowing more about it, won't help herself, but we suffer the consequences. Most days, I feel as though I just want to pack up my kit bag and run away for a while.
Anyway, I managed to get her to attend a session with the rape crisis centre in our area. She has agreed to go back. Fingers crossed this helps. I really hope so. I really want to engage with all of this to help herself get better. I just want her to have a good life, an easier one than what she is going through.
karen craig on April 28, 2014:
That sounds exactly like my son. Excluded twice at age of 5 another twice the next year three times so far this year. I am currently fighting with CAHMS to reassess him, as a student observation on a reletively calm morning is viable for a 5yr old. However i am hoping now we are 2 years further down the line glhe will finally get the support he actually needs. I am also a single parent and work part time but not sure how long for due to my sons second written warning from the chilcare provider so i suppose its only a matter of time before i am forced to give up work. But i would like to say Thank you for this Blog it is nice to know we are not alone. X
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on April 16, 2014:
It doesn't matter much what type of disability your child has, it is still hard to live with, get help for and understand. I'm glad you found your way here - there is a blog with a forum at One Small Step for Parents (just google it and you will get the address,) where you can ask questions or just chat with other parents who are going through much the same things you are...hope to see you there :)
You definitely have your hands full...but a driver's license is a good "first step" - they do need transportation in order to hold down a good job "second step" then on their way to independence...(something I am looking forward to...)
If you are interested, you can always join the forum group at One Small Step for Parents - always nice to see new faces...
I truly understand how you feel. Unfortunately, this is just an article, but it received so many comments that I did start a blog, complete with a support forum at One Small Step for Parents (just Google the name and you will find us - can't use the actual link as I'm not allowed to promote other hubs or sites...) There are quite a few forum posts and several members who, I am sure, are going through/have gone through many of the same challenges as you.
Hope to see you there :)
Lisa Huntington NY on April 15, 2014:
So glad I found your blog. I am a miserable and sad parent. My 6 yr old son was diagnosed with ADD and ODD at age 4. Good lord has it been hard. He has been on every medication :concerta, adderall, focalin, vvanyse, medadate, intuniv, and now Zoloft. We've gone from 18 mg on some all the way to 60mg on others and nothing works. I've tried fish oils, suntheanine anything and nothing seems to work. Sorry don't mean to complain but he is very difficult. We made the mistake of taking him on vacation to Costa Rica and he started out ok but then started with the inappropriate behaviors around other kids and was embarrassing. Ugh. I think what's worse are the amount of non accepting parents out there. Everyone has a comment about ours son and our parenting Because they have all come to the conclusion that we are just bad parents. I wish I could find a circle of parents near me going through the same thing b/c no matter where I go I feel like we are the only ones.
jamesaunt on April 09, 2014:
Hi BeC , just a note to tell you that you are not alone in that I have a daughter also whom I got when she was 7 she suffered severely from ptsd, adhd with an emphasis on the H. I had her on Strattera for about the last 6 years of high school. She was eventually put into general ed classes in 10th grade. She successfully completed high school and is now attending college to become a nurse. At 18 she refused to take her medications anymore. (big problems. her add is causing her many problems) but that is another issue. She also wanted to drive and I was successful in teaching her it took about 3 years of trying we started lessons at 16 scary very scary we stopped for awhile. At 17 I made her study the books, manual and anything else we could find and again we tried to teach her we let her drive in parking lots etc after learning the rules. Please understand it is not easy and I am by no means patient so it was very rough. By the end of her 19th year she was able to drive. I gave her a car for graduation and she has had several accidents mainly not involving any other vehicles. Although her last accident did completely destroy the front end she was unharmed and so was the other driver, she learned a lot from that. (we did get it fixed it cost about 1200 and took 3 months) That was this past October. She is going to be 21 in October this year. And so far she is doing well. Please take the time to talk to your child and even show her this. Tell her the one thing my daughter does say is she needs to be on her medicine if she is to drive. Tell her that ADD is not a joke and a car is a dangerous weapon if not used properly. I know you will worry ..I still do. But this can be done. Have faith!
BeC15 on April 05, 2014:
After reading your blog, I fully empathize with you all. Where are you now and how is life? I have to say I cried while reading your posts. Many days I am at my wits end and yes, I have felt like packing up and leaving. I have even given my husband, her step-dad (5 years), permission to have an out since I drive him crazy, too, since I have ADD. She is 18 1/2,ADHD with ODD, a senior in high school (magnet) and driving me mad to get her drivers license. Any suggestions??
TINA on March 27, 2014:
i have to say ur story was very helpful i have not been told my son has adhd but that his diagnosis is ptsd and odd. im so confused half the time my son is a big 10 year old ive only had him a year and i honestly have no idea still he sees counselors and therapists also his school teacher and principal try and help but now it seems we are hitting a downward spiral. i am also a single mother of 2 but my son is the oldest i also have a 2 year old daughter. it is so hard i have no income at the moment im trying to get an extension on public assistance and trying to get him on ssi. since i dont recieve a dime from the father.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 21, 2014:
So sorry, it has been a busy place what with me going back to school. I havent had much time for posting, but I am on spring break so will get a couple done on the site. We can chat there :)
I am still working with my son who still gives me nothing but attitude...kinda like your's...so I can really relate. See you on the site!
Christina on March 21, 2014:
Enelle, congratulations on your book! I will most definitely be reading it, and I'm sure it will be like reading pages from my own life. I haven't seen much activity on One Small Step, and decided to check back here. As usual, I find comfort in other parents who post on here and know what this whole experience is like.
My son has been better in school. He got a very good report card, and his teacher's gave him a very good review at parent teacher conferences last week. He is in an ICT class which consists of two teachers, half a high functioning mainstream class and half high functioning with either ADD or Asperger's, usually both. He is finally making friends this year, and is participating more in gym (something he hated). He is better at hockey, is really understanding the game more, and considers himself my husband's assistant coach. There are no more huge battles to get him ready for practice or a game, but he will still have his days where he gives my husband the business and is less than a team player.
My problem is that he is improving in these areas, but he still battles with me constantly. He doesn't listen to a word I say, and is so blatantly defiant it's stunning. If one more person says "Oh you know kids always give mom's a harder time because we do everything for them, blah blah blah...." I'll scream. He starts first thing in the morning, getting him up is a fight. He right away starts complaining about having to go to school. Then I let him sit on the couch with me for about 15 minutes so he can fully wake up. The next battle begins when it's time to go to the bathroom, wash up and brush his teeth (which I wind up doing). He keeps moaning and groaning as I get him dressed. Then he settles down as he eats his cereal, a little more battling to get his coat on and get him out of the house. I drive him to school and it's hit or miss on his attitude. But when he walks into the yard, his whole demeanor changes. Sometimes his bad attitude follows him into school and I will usually get a note home, or the teacher will talk to me at dismissal.
They have noticed somehow that he targets me in a way. His IEP meting is monday and I'm going to ask just how they've noticed this. He fusses with my husband quite a bit, and it usually blows up into an argument, but they have a lot of time where things are pretty good. But with me he just loves going against what I say. My temper flares and I find myself saying things I shouldn't. My husband and I both become quite frustrated and stressed by him and at times it's putting a strain on our relationship. But we've weathered the storm together and that's how we plan to keep it.
I love my son, and it's really bothering me that we don't have a great relationship. He's 10 and I think about him becoming a teenager in a few years, and what it will be like then. I hear from person after person about how brilliant he is, but why isn't he smart enough to realize that acting that way isn't going to get him a good response from me. I do so much for him, and I feel like he gets mad at me for doing the things I'm supposed to like getting him to school on time, with clean clothes, homework all done, a full belly, and a nice lunch packed. I keep his room nice, his home clean and cozy, take care of him when he's sick etc. All the right things. Maybe I do too much, I don't know. I just think about when he was small and we would cuddle all the time, there weren't enough kisses and he didn't defy me. I'm hoping that as he improves in other areas, he'll improve with me too. Ever the optimist.
One more thing, the day after he got these rave reviews from his teachers, and we happily told them that homework isn't taking until bedtime anymore, he started acting up. The past week has been unpleasant to say the least. They did add more homework to the mix to prep for the state tests (don't get me started on that subject) which he is not happy about and taking out on me. I try to reason with him and ask if it would be fair for me to take it out on him every time I'm doing a household chore I don't like (which is most) or if his Dad should take it out on him when he has to get up at 5 in the morning to go to work at sanitation. I say it wouldn't be fair to him for us to do that, so why is he doing it to us. He says it wouldn't be fair but then is running off at the mouth again 5 seconds later. What can I say? He's a work in progress. He does however keep promising me to build my dream house after he makes his fortune with his tech company he plans on having someday. There are many who believe he will, including me.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 21, 2014:
Dr.Jason.D - I have copied your comment without the link :)
ADHD is a common behavioral disorder that affects an estimated 8% to 10% of school-age children. Boys are about three times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with it, though it's not yet understood why.
Kids with ADHD act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focusing. They may understand what's expected of them but have trouble following through because they can't sit still, pay attention, or attend to details.
Of course, all kids (especially younger ones) act this way at times, particularly when they're anxious or excited. But the difference with ADHD is that symptoms are present over a longer period of time and occur in different settings. They impair a child's ability to function socially, academically, and at home.
The good news is that with proper treatment, kids with ADHD can learn to successfully live with and manage their symptoms.
I knew my son had problems when he was born, I just didn't know exactly what they were for many years. It hasn't been easy, but we struggled on - my son is now 16 (17 in May,) and he has come a long way. He still has a long way to go, but we are still working with him. (Our full story is available through Amazon - Part-time Genius Full-time Job)
krystal on March 20, 2014:
hello, again thank you for your story i am ging through the exact same thing but my daughter is only 3 1/2 old and she is very crazed. she its choles and bites herself and us. her little brother me and her father. we are going through so much emotional strain being that we have cps now in our life due to one of her episodes and now my husband may get kicked out the military due to 2 females not understanding whats wrong with my daughter and they said some accusations that they fully didnt see nor understand. the social workers never saw this in all the years they been dealing with children. my daughter from a mental health doctor was diagnosed with adhd and odd with hypertensin also case of hearing monsters in her head. im fully heart broken thinking i was going to bE a mommy and dealing with my autistic son that was just diagnosed at 18 monthes. ive tried and still trying everything but its so hard being her age is so small. to have a child my own daughter with these illnesses make me very sad and depressed thinking im alone and im really not. i know there is help out there i just have to do all the foot work and im doing it. with that being said im waiting for a call back for a in home thereapist to come in and help me deal with certain situations and me asking doctors for help and being ignored really it over welming. my daughter physcally abusing her little brother is really time consuming being that i cant even wash a spoon without having to stop what im doing to stop and control her behavior. i LOVE my baby so much but im at my witts end nd she is only 3 1/2. thank god i have my mom here close, my husband is in the military so its like im raising my babies alone i wouldnt mind so much but they BOTH have disorders that take every minute of my day. If the didnt have my mom and husband at home (which he is sick as well) is really hard for me. i do neeed help and reading these articles help so much! how is your son today? when exactly did you know something was wrong with him?
jamesaunt on March 18, 2014:
Hi, just wanted to give a follow-up. We did go the route of Melatonin and the doctor has put him on focalin xr 15mg. He is basically sleeping soundly once he falls asleep now. Huge difference in his behavior as well. Yeahhhh :) I feel as tho I have won some sort of prize. Good luck to all mom's out there. We have been on a 3 year battle with night terrors, adhd, odd, ptsd, pddnos. Although things are still rough with all the other issues his night terrors have decreased to almost nil.
Nameless please on March 15, 2014:
Thank you. I have been on the phone with his counselor and plan to see him this week. Thank you for your blog .
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 14, 2014:
You did the right thing getting your daughter into see mental health. It is a hard road that we are on, but stay strong - do something for yourself, you need it. When your daughter is seeing her counselor, take some time for yourself - whatever it is you enjoy, or simply just have some quiet time or nap to recharge...
Hi nameless please,
You mentioned your son is in counselling - I'm not sure if he still is, but either way, you should mention your concerns to his counselor - they may be able to help...there are support groups for Asperger's and they also provide more assistance for this disorder than any other except Autism. Might not hurt to see if there is anything in your area...
Hockey mom of two,
nameless has a good suggestion - find a sport your son likes and get him involved. It helps for your son to have an outlet. If you can, find a counselor for him/and or you...you need the support and help. (We all do - and it does help.)
As for the schools...I switched schools until I found one that would work with my son instead of always sending him home and looking at me like I was the problem...sometimes not an easy task, but well worth the effort. We still have a long way to go, but the improvements are substantial! Keep your chin up!
Nameless please on March 13, 2014:
Hi hockey mom. My son plays sports and it helps him. One thing I am tired of is judgmental people. I think that we work harder than the average parent. And we really do not get the credit. Not to mention people who do not even believe this is real. If anyone walked a day in our shoes they would sing a new tune. We are always walking on eggshells.
Just letting you know you are not alone.
Hockey Mom Of Two from USA on March 12, 2014:
I came across this 'article' when searching for the benefits of my child participating in sports, especially having ADHD. This made me cry..... because it is EXACTLY the life I live and the child that I have. My son will be 11 in September. He has the same diagnosis as your son. He was sent home from kindergarten his 5th day there. I've also been a single mother. I also have another child, a daughter... but she is 5 years younger than my son. I have stopped at 2 also. My son was 9 days past his due date and 3 days of labor. He was stubborn even then. Intelligent, talented, creative, loving, caring, athletic.... but we call it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in my family. One moment or day he is one person and the next, he is the total opposite! Medication after medication.... some worked, but the side effects outweighed the good. We are still fighting that battle... since he was 5 years old. Reading this.... it just made me feel like I was reading something I wrote about my own life. People really don't understand how difficult it can be! Not to mention, when child services get involved because they feel the child is 'too difficult for single mother to manage at times'. Then you fight for years and years to keep custody of your child when you've done everything told... instead of focusing on what is best for the child and making his life easier and happier.... instead of more stressful and confusing, making behaviors even worse! My parents used to always complain that the teachers and professionals 'always blame the parents' about my brother's behavior growing up. And NOW.... I completely understand where they are coming from. Doing all you can for your child with these struggles..... and it ends up that people want to say we are 'unfit' to care for our child?! Unbelievable!!
nameless please on March 10, 2014:
Good morning. I would like to add more to our experience. My son also was kicked out of his pre-school at 3 years old for aggressive behavior. And life since he could walk until oh about somewhere between K and 3rd grade are all a blur. He had been hospitalized twice, sent to the emergency once and released due to behavior and to a boarding house once. We had gone through different diagonosis until intensive testing and a hosptial doctor recognized he was on the PDD scale. It took intervention and a team of people to help me to figure out how to cope with him and to get my husband and me on the same page. I know that I did not cause the problem but I certainly did feed into it unwittingly. I would yell and give these lengthy lectures. Really good therapist are not easy to find. There some good some okay. But if you find a good one that really can help out a lot. So we made some progress. We can now trust him with a bat and he now plays baseball. Back then we did not let him anywhere near anything hard. So he has made progress. He has a hard time making friends. When he does he is very loyal to them. Once he and his friends establish boundries he is pretty good about controlling himself with them. Since he has Aspbergers I am happy that he has one or two solid friends that I am aware of. He is good with his his peers but not so much with younger kids. And even then there are some younger kids who have not seen his outbursts. His friends are neighbors and they are in the same grade as him. He still has outbursts (mainly at home mainly aimed at me and one of his siblings) And some days we have are rough. Recently he has become more aggitated and so I am trying to get him the rest of the family on track. So my son has circumstances, things and certain people who trigger him and he lashes out at them. And I repetely give consequences to try to stop it from happening. Plus he is on medication. He is 11 years old so my guess is that his hormones are kicking in and we may have another rough ride. So I have to prepare myself and work with the social working on what I am to do and how I am to attend to the issues.
Now the little girl who comes over has a history with him. And sometimes she sets him off unintentially but sometimes she chases after him when he tries to get away from him too. I have seen both situations. Still either way he is not allowed to push, trip or hit or say mean things to anyone. Especially little child and girls. My son has bothered younger kids and has stopped when I talk to the parents. For some reason this situation has not been resolved. And I don't want my son to hurt her in anyway. I have told him that no matter what she says or does he needs to quietly walk away from her. I feel overwhelmed protecting my son from himself and family members from him. I really do not want to have him ruin his life because he loses control when the situation can be averted. I told the mother that her 7 year old daughter needs to stay away from my 11 year old boy. Her daughter can play with my younger son who is her age and does not have these issues anytime my 11 year old is not around. But I really stress that this is not a healthy relationship between these two kids. Normally I do not get involved with my childrens friendships unless I sense that it is not moving in a good direction. The stakes are too high. The mom sees nothing wrong with her daughter comeing to the clump of houses to play with kids who are in middle school. These are houses adjacent to ours...she is not contected to our house. And I do not want her daughter left out. I pointed out the kids who are closer to the girls age. But really it is none of my business who she plays with unless she comes near my son. Again I feel that things are brewing beneath the surface with my son and I need to try to redirect him and turn off the heat.
Nameless please on March 09, 2014:
Sounds similar yet some differences.
My son is 11. Has aspergerd and ADHD. Certain things and people set him off. Made progress yet backtracking recently. One day he missed morning med and that happened to be day 7 year old girl who triggers his outburst shows up to play with him and his middle school friends. And he pushed her. He faced his consequence as well as apologized to her. But this has been on going and it is two way. And of course since he is older and he got physical he is in wrong. But again I made it clear she is not allowed to play with him. And he is to walk away. I even made a script what to do when she approaches. I am really worried about both of them, especially my son. Anyone ever face this?
Angela on March 05, 2014:
Hi, I have an 8 year old that has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD,OCD, and a strong possibility of Aspergers which is high functioning form of autism. She is progressively getting worse as the weeks go by she is taking concerts 27mg, tenex and 5mg of melatonin to help her sleep. She cried everyday not wanting to go to school, so I began homeschooling her a month ago and it is a battle to get her to do her work but when she does she is more interested in math and working on a 4th grade level. She is constantly screaming throwing things hitting her 2 and 3 yr old brothers. Doesn't like to play with other children always has to be in the same room as me and pretty much on top of me at all times. She has recently began getting in bed with me in the middle of the night and waking me up telling me she is seeing things. I got her into a child therapist at our mental health center and they are going to begin therapy once a week and case management at home so I am hoping I am on the right track to get her and myself some help. I am emotionally and mentally drained from dealing with her behavior. I am concerned that she is gonna end up in a girls home for the state if it doesn't improve. She is going down a destructive road and told the therapist yesterday that sometimes she thinks about hurting herself.
Kirsty Wingfield on February 12, 2014:
I have a 8 year old boy who's ADHD I find it very hard I get hit day in and day out school always calls me he swears lies a lot and can be very rude he is on meds what only last for school hours really but since he's been on the he has learnt so much his speech is coming on nicely not where he should be at 8 years old but he is doing great I don't get no break as my mum passed away my none of my brothers can cope with him I also have a 7 year old he's fine and I have a 3 year old what is autism and been told he might never speak there is a lot of people don't understand ADHD and they just look at my 8 year old like he is really bad defo when out shopping and he wants something it's hard to say no cause you know as soon as you say that word it's all going to kick of smashing things he don't have no toys has he as smashed them he as holes in his bedroom walls and door he smashed his tv and the sleep i would love to have a early night never happens and he takes food as well it is hard very hard but least we are doing it and not giving up I love my son even thou he drives me nuts but that makes him who he is now and no one understand our kids more than us mothers do and fathers
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 10, 2014:
Definitely put him on Melatonin! I found it when my son was 7 and it was the best thing I ever did. My son is 16 and he still takes it every night. It is a natural sleep aid and won't conflict with any medications. It might take a while before he learns to sleep through the night, but is definitely worth the wait if there is any.
jamesaunt on February 10, 2014:
Enelle Lamb, thanks so much for your advise. I am really reaching here this little man never and I repeat never stops. He goes basically 24 hours. His sleep is very interrupted.. hence, so is mine. I took him back to his psychiatrist and he changed his medications this time to focalin xr. It is not working. If nothing else his ODD has seemed to have gotten worse. He does eat very nutritious and well balanced meals and snacks. I cook most meals from scratch (kinda like my mom and grandma did) . He eats at least 3 meals and up to 4 snacks a day. With or without medications he bounces off the walls and defies doing anything I say (doesn't always seem to be intentional either) . His father and mother were both drug and alcohol addicts. Both were of very low intelligence. I got him after he turned 3. I want so much to help him do better. I pray hard often for the strength and knowledge to help him. I am all he has in this world so I won't give up but wish they would stop pushing medications and start maybe developing some type of schools for children with this needs. I live in Michigan and he is currently in general education along with speech and reading as extra help. But he is falling behind daily. He is in first grade but will have to remain in first next year. He fails to retain taught lessons.
I believe most of his problems derive from his sleeping habits. If you never sleep through the night it can have cause all types of learning and behavior problems.
Someone suggested I start giving him melatonin but I always worry about conflicts with his prescribed medications. Has anyone tried using it? And if so how much? He is 47lbs in weight and 45 in tall.
Also, be aware that because of the fact that I am his guardian I also must do as the courts suggest or there may be legal ramifications such as removal from me so I try to make sure I cross all T's and dot all I's.
Brandi on February 07, 2014:
What are the "other natural methods" and the online site that promotes a specialized vitamin supplement?
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 06, 2014:
There are some natural methods, not all of them effective unfortunately, but the diet is a biggie! Kudos fior doing that on your own. Something that helps dramatically is food. Whenever either one has a meltdown, redirect them with something. I found that a snack redirects and raises the blood sugar levels and helps calm them down.
There is also a site online that promotes a specialized vitamin supplement that might help. ps
Brandi on February 05, 2014:
OH!! and we have also started seeing a counselor 1 time a week for my son's anger issues. But I was told that because of my son's age that most of the counseling would be with me to teach me techniques on how to deal with him and help him. I was asked by his school to consider a mental health clinic and as his mother i was mortified by the thought of my baby having to seek care from a mental health clinic. Denial much?? oh well.. I'm doing what I think is best and would welcome any additional Natural methods rather than stuff a pill down their throats. :/
Brandi on February 05, 2014:
I have a 7 year old daughter and a 6 year old son both diagnosed in April 2013 with ADHD and ODD. I was told they were prime candidates for trial medication. People think i'm nuts becuase I have chosem to NOT medicate my children. I believe there HAS GOT to be a different way to go with this. I read your article and actually felt a ease of breath.. Finally, someone who knows what i'm going through! I too get the stares, the comments, and i'm sure there are lots of people that mumble to themselves or others what they would do to correct the situation if it were them. Well it isn't! It is me and my sweet babies having to go through it all. And with the good Lord's help I have not strangled or beat them to death as of yet. ;) Even though they both are ADHD/ODD my daughter also possesses this natural emotional explosive tendency to cry and scream about EVERYTHING! When she doesn't get her way she screams, cries, throws things at me, throws things across the room, throws herself down, smacks herself, calls herself names, etc. etc..My son expresses himself in a little different way. He rarely cries, unless he is truly hurt which is quite the opposite of her. He gets mad!! He gets very very mad!. He gets angry to the point of punching walls, himself, downs himself constantly when he gets into trouble, downs other people being verbally abusive, and physically abusive often. Not to mention he is an avid bedwetter. They are currently in Kindergarten and 1st grade (because of where their birthday falls) and thus far he has not been suspended. He has had 3 office referrals which normally warrants an out of school suspension after the 2nd refferral according to the principal. I actually just got a call from her this morning because he decided he dind't want to be in class anymore and just walked out... bleh. Anyway.. here is my plan of action: I have changed our diet drastically cutting out processed foods, artificial dyes, artificial flavors and additives (you wouldn't believe how much this has helped!!!); We are all three seeing a Maximized Living Doctor who is a "Corrective Chiropractor"; and I am now looking into the possibility of essential oils to help calm them both down. Is there any other natural methods you could recommend possibly??? Sorry for the novel. :)
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 05, 2014:
jamesaunt - I would be hesitant to try cannibus for your nephew, simply because his brain is still developing. Giving him cannibus will have the same result on his brain as if you gave him alcohol. He may calm down, but whatever growth that would naturally occur will be severely stunted or lost - not a good trade off...
See if you can find other counselors that will work with your nephew - behavioral specialists, psychologists etc. There has to be someone who can help you with support. It might take a while to locate the right one, but he or she is definitely out there.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 04, 2014:
The only medication that was suggested for my son's ODD was an antidepressant, and as that would probably cause more problems I decided not to go that route. I did, however, put my son in counselling for many years in an attempt to ensure his ODD did not turn into CD. It didn't appear to do much at the time, but I stuck with it and I can honestly say it did help.
Something else I did was to feed him whenever he had a meltdown. Low blood sugar contributes to the ODD behaviours. Try giving her a snack before bed. It might tide her over better for the morning. Or give her a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. I do that for my son every morning and it really helps.
jamesaunt on February 02, 2014:
I realize now that I am not alone in this. My nephew I am raising is diagnosed with addhd with and emphasis on the HD. PDDNOS, ODD, PTSD, night terrors, etc. Not to mention he was born testing positive for opiates, and alcohol. I have been taking him to therapist and psychiatrist, doctors, neurologist, and all they want is to give him medications. The schools are having a very hard time dealing with his behaviors but have been really great in trying to help him. I am so glad to see I am not alone. I have recently heard of trials using cannibus to treat his symptoms. I wonder if anyone has heard of this or is trying this with their child with these types of issues. I really am reaching my breaking point. I don't want all these medications to affect his liver. Any suggestions, information, help etc... I am looking for help for him. He is a wonderful little boy..with special needs.
Susie on January 28, 2014:
Can you please tell me what medication they recommend for ODD where you are? We are still going through hell in the mornings specifically with the ODD (no specific trigger) and need some respite and were thinking of adding another pill. She currently takes just Ritalin 10mg 3 times a day but that is not strong enough to deal with her ODD and impulsive and out of control behaviour.
I read to my husband an article on ODD this morning and how to deal with it from a parental stance and I know she has been suffering from this since we were able to see it at the age of 3 until now age 10. I just wasn't sure if it was ODD or personality disorder. Next time I go to our doctor I will bring it up as I have done in the past but they have not really addressed or dealt with it properly. At one time they gave her Risperdal (Respond) which we stopped as we were not sure it was helping and were worried about side affects but now we need something else apart from the Ritalin - did I see someone talk about Melatonin or that you give a pill in the morning? I can't remember but I do remember seeing it on your blog somewhere?
Thanks for commenting.
Susie - Mother of LeeAnne
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on January 16, 2014:
Something to try would be to find out what specific thing triggers the bad behaviour...is it the light being turned on, is it the noise level, is it being rushed to get up and ready...and then change the trigger.
You can pinpoint the trigger by marking down exactly what happens before the bad behaviour and see how often it occurs. In this case, it appears to be every morning, so you know how often, but you need to find the specific thing that triggers the outbursts. Once you find what that is (and it could be several things that combine to produce the behaviour,) you can modify the morning routine to eliminate the trigger. Example: you have found that the light is too bright and triggers the behaviour, so you find a softer, less 'bright' light (or change the bulb) and use that. Or you find it is because she 'needs' more time to wake up and get ready for the day, so you start waking her up a half hour earlier to compensate, or simply to give her that much more time to wake up. Too noisy, again, wake up a half hour earlier for some quiet time, or turn down radio/tv. (My family always had the radio on - news in the morning...some ppl watch the morning news on tv...)
Most times, finding out what particular event (thing/item) triggers the bad behaviour is the key to reducing it.
Susie on January 16, 2014:
I have been pulling my hair out for 6 years every morning when the ADHD in my 9 year old is at its worst - this morning I was talking about leaving for the 30th time coz I can't deal with it anymore. I do a lot for my daughter for her ADHD and learning disorders and feel sometimes I am getting somewhere and others I am getting nowhere - constantly on a stormy sea with calm days and less calm days (very stormy crazy days).
Your article made me realize that she simply doesn't learn from her actions which sometimes push me and my husband both to the edge in the mornings specifically. The behaviour simply repeats and repeats and nothing changes. Is there anything we can do to improve her mood in the mornings. Routine wise we have it cracked but that does not change the bad days and unbearable moods with all kinds of not nice words spewing out all over the place.
Thanks for your feedback.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on December 30, 2013:
You need patience and consistency - the two major items in your corner. As she gets older, she will improve - counselling will help too. Check your local community service or youth mental health for counselors. Not easy to raise children with disabilities, but there are programs available to help.
Dan on December 28, 2013:
My wife and have a dough tee who is 9. She suffers from ADHD, bipolar, and anxiety. From the time she is awake to bed time. Each day can be a real battle. She wines the first thing for things she can do herself, she makes a huge mess when she eats, she poops her pants, and dinner time is hard cause she does not like anything and if what she does like, if it's not perfect she is downright mean. She has a six year old sister she fights with a lot now. We don't know what to do. We have tried everything. Rewards, punishment.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on November 21, 2013:
You are so right - they are a handful - but you will be a very proud mamma...I can finally say that of my son :) am very proud. It will be tough getting through the first years, but when his maturity catches up with him, he will surprise and delight! Best of luck my dear, thank you so much for your comments.
Amy on November 21, 2013:
My 6 year mod son has also got ODD, OCD, ADHD he also has ANXIETY, AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASPERGERS) & a arachnoid cyst which is unremovable :/ he was officially diagnosed at 5 but had been in n out of psychs n drs since 3 with extreme behavior problems etc, he is now on Ritalin which I hate but with him it has actually made a massive difference which has been noted at home n school. As a baby he barely slept an as a toddler barely slept or ate, he now eats anything, has put on weight and getting great comments at school although when meds wear off or anxiety is bad look out, with 3 older children if he had of been 1st I would have stopped I swear he's like 10 kids in 1 some days, he gets confused a lot, stressed, exhausted but won't sleep, needs strict routine n can't have certain food or drink, if I was to talk bout my life with him so far we'd be here months, his dad left us 2 year ago n rarely rings, he hasn't seen him in over a year either, my mother n new partner r the only others willing to have him overnight or on their own, he now has 4 awesum step sissys who as much as they argue they try help him to, his teachers have been great helping n learning about his conditions as much as they can, he has a great support network. There are days where I want to throw my hands up or run away but he is so compassionate and says I'm sorry I'm naughty mummy and he melts my heart, he try's very hard and is extremely intelligent, the dr says his iq is unbelievable. Tyran the tornado as we call him :) loves every day like there's no tomorrow, as much as he exhausts me and with my own depression is hard to cope with some days :/ I wouldn't change him for the world, as his phsych said, don't get him to understand our world, we need to understand his, he liveslike he's dodging paintballs all day, put yourself in his shoes, it's very hard. My lil man for his age does well to cope an some days you hear him running n slow down saying slow down Ty Ty over n over or lime his nan showed him he just will stop get in a meditating position n go hummmm :) to slow himself down. We do have more bad days then good but we get by :) he is an amazing child and everyone loves him, they say he has the most far out story's to tell and can make even the saddest person laugh, I know of people who don't really like kids ( patients of mine in age care) but look forward to seeing tyran and he loves listening to them, he has a near photographic memory and has some unreal talents that will be a help in the future, I praise anyone who has children like my son as they are nearly a full time job but the pay in love from them is worth it ;)
Opepepautty on November 20, 2013:
Hey! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on November 01, 2013:
I know what you are going through - but trust me when I tell you that things will get better. For years I despaired that my son would ever have a 'normal' life. Once your son reaches the age of 14, his hormones will start to kick in and the changes you are desperately seeking now will begin. By that time, he will have matured emotionally and behaviorally to the approximate age of 10 or 12, so you won't be dealing with a 'toddler' mentality anymore. I know this sounds harsh, but regrettably, it's the truth. You will still have confrontations and arguments, however you will begin to find that many of the previous behaviors are disappearing. New ones will crop up, but these will be more 'age appropriate' as you will be living with a pre-teen/young adult. Unfortunately, raising a teen is a challenge unto itself, but the stresses of living with a child who doesn't recognize boundaries and refuses to comply with anything will ease.
Make sure through all of this that you have good counseling in place for both you and your son, (including siblings,) as this will help with his later years. Even if it appears not to be helping in his younger years, stay the course. I didn't stop the counseling until my son turned 14, simply because I needed to show him that I wasn't the only person who felt his behavior was unacceptable - and hearing/seeing that from other people in his life is important. Find a solid male role model for your son - I'm not meaning a new love interest in your life, (that could open a whole other can of worms,) I'm meaning a professional that he responds to as this can go a long way to improving his behavior.
Hang in there - be kind to yourself - read my book when it is published "part-time Genius full-time Job" and take heart - you are not alone! Join the forum at One Small Step for Parents - there are many others living the same challenges you are facing. There is power and security in numbers - add your voice - you might end up helping someone else along the way as you help yourself. Much love and hope...
Maria on October 31, 2013:
I am so happy to read your article and your good, helpful suggestions, and to see you are still following up on comments on your article. I will definitely check out your links and go back through and read your comments again. I have felt so alone in raising my son and guilty beyond anything that I feel like I'm not capable enough to meet his needs. I am also single parent. I am so sick of hearing peoples opinions about what they "think" is the problem because they don't "believe" in ADHD/ODD. My son started showing symptoms when he was 2 diagnosed at age 3 and started medication when he was 5, just before starting medication. At that time he was having anger / coping issues dealing with me and his dad split up and I got him counseling for awhile it helped. Now he's 11, he's in the gifted/ talented program (pre-AP) in middle school. The constant arguing and back talk and constant power struggle with him is wearing me into the ground. I almost cannot stand to be around him because he is so confrontational. Cannot even have a 5 minute conversation without it turning into an argument. Forget fun or teaching him anything or even spending time doing anything at all together because it just leads to misery. We cannot go anywhere with friends because his behavior and level of disrespect is so embarrassing, it puts everyone in an akward situation. I am wore out. I am so tired. I feel broken hearted and disappointed because this is never what I envisioned for our life and I feel like his childhood is just slipping away. Pretty soon he will be a teen and then what?
Ericaluz on September 27, 2013:
My son is about to be 7, and I yet to take him to the doctors ,afraid , that they will put him on Meds. He is such a character, so funny, with extreme energy,way out the normal. I knew he had to have Adha by the time he was 1, I was a first time parent ,but I was around children a lot, and never had seen such an energetic baby, always jumping. My son is funny, SOMTimes impulsive, verbally and fiscally , but never to hurt anyone intentionally. The only thing rally that he can focus on is VIDEO GAMES. I'm not sure if I'm causing him more harm then good though. But his little Nintendo ds, while I go shopping, is a blessing! Until
He losses interest , after a long while, then he acts like the game, he has a very extreme imagination, and throws himself on the floor, clearly hurting himself as he plays but never complains. Somthing that drives me crazy, is the faces he makes. Ugly faces and won't listen to me , when I ask him to stop! It's like , he try's, but can't help it. Recently I've noticed, more and more, if something is uneven, he will say "that hurts so much!" Like if ,....like today,this morning, on my bed there was 2 pillows on one side and 1 on the other, he looks AT them and with a painful expression on his face, says "that hurts so much, " and make the pillows even , by placing 1 on the side , 1 in the middle and 1 on the other side. When I ask him, baby, what do you mean that hurts so mucH....? He says it hurts, doesn't it hurt you...not sure where I'm going with this... First time I write in one of these, I'd like to know if anyone has experienced similar situations.
Jenny Morris from Wellington, New Zealand on September 17, 2013:
We are under Child/Adolesent mental health in NZ and are currently dealing with the Min of Education BUT there seems nothing we can do to get him in to the schools of our choice (even if we want to pay for it) because he was suspended it is out of our hands to which school he has to go to. Main stream schools of up to 30 students per class does not work for him. I am originally from the UK and feel like going back after 27 years in this country. I am getting very frustrated with the situation/system. Maybe a move to the US might help.!!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on September 17, 2013:
Bszharmon, don't give up with the behavioral specialists - most times the child needs to be older so there is a separation between normal childhood behavior and 'disabled' behaviors. It can be hard to get a diagnosis at an early age.
thewritingowl, thank you so much for the shout out! There is also an online forum for support at One Small Step for Parents.
Jenny Morris, I am including a link to Wikipedia's Education in New Zealand for you to read. This might give you a bit more leverage when speaking with government/school officials. Unfortunately as I am not familiar with your country's laws I can't help much. Just do your best to gather as much information as possible to build your case.
Jenny Morris from Wellington, New Zealand on September 17, 2013:
Please please can someone help. my 9 yr old has just been expelled from primary school. I DO NOT want to send him to a mainstream school but it seems to be up to the government that they have the final word. He is ADHD ODD and only just diagnosed with Dyslexia. (Took the school so long and now boot him out without the appropriate funding/help) I cannot afford home school so what are my options. This is New Zealand!!!!!!!
Mary Kelly Godley from Ireland on August 26, 2013:
Just came across this article and I have to say I can relate totally to what you are saying. I too have a child currently defined as having ASD, ADHD, ODD and DD. Quite a list for a five year old. But boy do I know what you mean about attitude. My son is the most stubborn person I have ever met. He is starting a new school this week and while part of me is relieved that the long summer break is over another part of me is terrified as to how my son will react to this new situation. You are right when you say you can't understand what it is like until you live it, that's the reality. Sometimes other parents say things to me and I just bite my tongue and say nothing because to even try and explain the reality of my complex child would just take too long.
Don't get me wrong though I love him dearly and he can also be so loving and happy but boy when he is in a mood or doesn't want to do something we all know all about it in our house! I am sharing on FB and Twitter to let others know that they are not alone. Voted up.
Bszharmon on July 15, 2013:
I have a 4 year old son who seems to display ADHD and ODD. He has been going to a preschool with the school district and has an IEP for speech and development delay. He is a sweet boy who loves everyone. He gives random people hugs in stores. But....he had a very hard time focusing on anything and everything. They are working with him on that but I feel lost at home on what to do. He does things to annoy his older sister (7) and younger brother (15 months) and doesn't stop. We have tried time outs, or just getting him away from the situation, and it will work for a little bit but he will go right back to doing something naughty again. My husband and I get very frustrated with him and his behavior. He doesn't sleep well, unless we give him 5 mg of Melatonion. We have tried 3mg, but 5mg works better. He is loud but yet doesn't like loud noises(ie toilets flushing, blow dryers for hands in public bathrooms, sister screaming from her fits...). He just acts naughty all the time. And I feel like I do renowned have to handle him and what to do when he continues.
Another thing is that he is not independent at all. He can't sit by himself, he asks for help on everything even though I know he can do it himself. He doesn't like to be by himself at all. We have 3 cousins that the kids play with a lot and I feel like they don't understand him so he doesn't get played with a lot. I've also noticed that he tends to go towards adults, or teenagers then kids closer to his age because they understand him more and take the time to listen and play with him. I feel that I can do only so much before i need space from him. he is always following me and i have to be by his side or him by me all day. i know that might sound harsh but mommas need some space. He won't ever play by himself or with his sister/brother. Only sometimes will they have time they play well.
We took him to a behavioral specialist one time when he was 3 but I didn't get too much information on what to do its him. I am planning on calling them again and making an appointment so I can discuss techniques I can do with him, regardless if he has ADHD. I just want to know how to handle him because I feel like I don't everyday. I love him and always will, but would certainly like to understand him more so we can have a better relationship.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on May 28, 2013:
It has for many families - the older the child gets, the better the behavior in the majority of cases. It takes a lot of work and patience, and it's a hard road to travel...just know you aren't alone! You can check out our forum at livingwithadhdodd.blogspot.com for more support. Keep your chin up!
Ive32 on May 27, 2013:
Omg is like ur telling my story right now i feel so overwelm, i dont now what else to do. My kid is also very agressive n that got him arrested in feb. Will this ever get better.
Jamie Sutton on May 23, 2013:
Hi, this article speaks to me in volumes.. My five year old son is the same exact way. I have been trying many things to get him in manageable behavior but i have found nothing that works. Thanks for all the info.
babNemiaVike on April 10, 2013:
Good day! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be ok. I'm definitely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts. make your pc run like new
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on February 01, 2013:
It is a hurtful disability, not only to the child but to all who come in contact. Unfortunately, there seems to be very little that we can do to help, and research is nowhere near the head of the page...I understand your frustration, having lived it for many years and having others give up on my son...It isn't easy, and you have to do what you feel is right for you.
Kimberly on January 31, 2013:
Wow.. I get it. I am not a mother of a child with ADHD/ODD but I am struggle atm with a child in my daycare with it. I feel many of the same things as the parents but with the reprieve of being able to send her home. I witness all the things this child does as do all the other children in this blog. Unfortunately I am probably going to have to let this child go because after 7 months of trying I just can not do it anymore. She is very destructive and outright mean at times. She is making a very negative environment for all the other kids and is often times a danger to herself and others. At times she is sweet and loving and this is why I keep trying and trying to work with her but I am feeling hopeless. I feel like a failure. I am at a loss as to what to do. It is a family daycare I own and I just cant keep any control or structure with her here. I relate to the frustration and wanting to quit. I also keep her because of great parents like you all. You all need the break too. But I have a difficult time with 8 other kids in the house.. I just dont know what to do.. Uggh.. Hopeless..
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on January 08, 2013:
Medication for me was a last resort - I hated doing that to my son, but nothing else seemed to help. Not that the meds seemed to do anything either, but what could I do? Now I can honestly tell you about something that seems to be much better...
It is a supplement specifically designed for kids like ours - Magnesium, Zinc, B6 and Vitamin C. My son is taking them and it appears to be helping quite a bit in school, as well as with his behavior. You can purchase them online (only) at ontasknaturally.com. After reading the testimonials and hearing how they have helped a forum member's son I decided to give them a try. I can honestly say I'm not disappointed, and it's much better than keeping my son on drugs.
If you need any more information or help, check out the forum at one small step for parents.
jmc152 on January 07, 2013:
I'm in tears so i thought about trying to find an article to read that i could relate to, so maybe i can find some serinity in all of this. I am the parent of two beautiful boys, one bright full of life with no behavior issues, and one who was recently diagnosed with adhd/odd. He is tearing my family and my spirit apart. I have no idea how to handle his behavior although i have been dealing with this for about 4 years. He's only 5 now. it seems like noone has any answers for me in this small town and no ideas on how to disipline him. i'm hanging on by a thread with no where else to turn. he went to the dr today and she recommended inpatient treatment. but i can't fathem doing that. he's the light of my life. so loving, kind hearted and my world. how can i get my sanity back? i feel like adhd/odd has sucked the life out of me and my family. it's taken the happiness out of our lives and i can't even imagine what it's doing to him. i look into his eyes and he looks so helpless, so exhausted. i just want to wrap my arms around him and take all the pain away and be able to fix this. his dr is unable to regulate his meds. Any recommendations on medications that have worked for you? any tips on disiplin or behavior modification? i can't seem to get a straight answer around here. it seems so foreign to everyone. any info would be geratly appreciated:O
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on November 02, 2012:
There is also a magnesium and zinc supplement that might help. It was developed by a dad who has a son like ours - you can read about it at ontasknaturally.com
Jebbyfur on November 01, 2012:
I meant to say un-phased. He us on the patch daytrana and it helps also melatonin at night. Weekends he wont wear it though. Then i am stuck. I love him he is so kind hearted but he doesnt know why he does what he does either. It has gotten better with the age. Growth spurts are involved too i think. At just into 13 he is almost 6" and wearing a 14.5 shoe. He has been in constant spurt with only a month break in august. His body hurts from all the growing. He feels bad eventually, but always on own time and terms. Dad is alcoholic. I wonder if this is genetic from alcohol or what. It is not as bad. I just get so frustrated. The simplest things like pick up after himself. Thanks.
Jebbyfur on November 01, 2012:
I am also single mom of 13 year old son. With ADD. Never before realized why he has never responded to punishment the way other kids do. Like you said you could beat him till blue nothing would change. My son is all the things you described except at school his defance is inword like with the homework, or lack there of. The problem is i am a chronic pain sufferer. Disabled myself. So i depend on my son for a lot which he is good at. But one thing he drives me crazy with is picking up after himself and creating chaos. I mean the simplest things are left all over all the time. I have to rant And rave just to get him to bring dishes to the sink. I folded three baskets of my clothes months ago because i wanted to go through my things get rid of stuff before i put them away. Being sick having good days and bad days my good time is limited. He recently dumped all the clothes in a pile mixed with the dirty clothes to rewash everything. Of course it ended after a load. Now i have mt. Mckinley of all the clothes mixed, and all my effort time energy ,money gone. He is being forced to do it all over folded and back how it was. Why do they do these crazy no conseqence things. Why cant they forsee the outcome. Oh god help me. I love him more than life, but its so hard. He has no concept of what will happen when he just goes with it. Now that i know there is this odd i am going to imerse myself into it. Talk to his therapist try a new way. Thanks for posting. I would have never know why he acts so unpgased when he does something wrong.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on August 05, 2012:
Believe me, I understand. See if there is respite care offered anywhere close to you. This will give you the break you need. If not, it might be possible to have your son enter foster care with the intention of having him return to your care after a certain period of time. Something you might want to check out. (I know of a lady who had her child put into foster care, and their intention is to return him if at all possible, so this option might not be as permanent as previously thought.)
It isn't an easy road when you have a child with ODD - especially from 8 and 9 years old. This time frame appears to be the worst. The behavior does improve as they get older, however, they seem to be the most trying from grade 2 - 6.
I was very "non-politically correct" when my son was 7, 8 and 9...when my son tried punching and kicking his sister, and then me, I turned around and punched him right back. He figured he could get away with it, because nothing was done to him at school except that he was sent home, which in his mind is nothing!
I'm not advocating corporal punishment, as that rarely works with these kids, but there are ways to get their attention - at least at home, and that is where you need to be the strongest.
If you need to vent around other parents like us, check out the blog One Small Step for Parents on blogspot.com. There is a forum where you can connect with other parents going through the same issues.
Erin on August 05, 2012:
My nine year old son has a severe case of ODD and things are not getting any better. You name it, he's doing it. Suicide attempts, physical assaults on anyone and everyone that gets in his way so to speak. We have every resource imaginable, still, nothing is helping. With endless trips to the ER for psych evals, only to be blames and criticized for my sons behavior, sent home every time, I'm starting to think foster care is the only other option. I am a single mother of two boys. My oldest was diagnose with mood disorder and ODDa few years ago. I have a two year old who is absolutely terrified of his brother. My own family cannot stand being around my ODD nine year old. Like, I don't know what to do anymore. As the years pass, my son is getting bigger, stronger, and more violent by the day. I am appalled by the way doctors and people in general treat me. What am I suppose to do? I'm doing everything I can to keep it together, but how can I do that when I am ridiculed and looked at like a pushover because my child does not listen to me all day every day. I wish everyone could live one day in our shoes and then try to tell us that it isn't that bad. They would not last one hour! If other people think its a piece of cake to raise a child with ODD, then by all means, be my freaking guest. I need a break!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on July 06, 2012:
I hear you! There is a forum that you can use to talk with other parents with kids like ours - the link is listed in the comments, and on my profile page - One Small Step for Parents...hope to see you there!
Kelly on July 06, 2012:
It's nice to know that I'm not alone...my son is 13 and has always been a challenge . He actually threw a tantrum when I was in labor and my belly looked like an alien was getting ready to pop out...the nurse said she had never seen anything like it! We are trying to find a med that helps with his anger episodes (we are currently trying Tenex...can't really tell whether it's helping or not). I feel so guilty that I have a love/hate relationship with my own child. Thanks for the reassurance that other parents do understand. Most of my friends don't get it because their kids are "normal"...they say he just needs more discipline...so there aren't many people I can talk to who "get it".
Christa on June 22, 2012:
O my goodness it's almost like reading my story in the happening, I was so amazed while reading this that it brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly how you felt, I knew from day one that my little Laci was going to be a handful but I never knew that it would be to the extent that it is today, She is going to be 6 and thankfully finished kindergarten, and I say thankfully because she was sent home a lot because of her out bursts of screaming and yelling and running around with the moving everything out of place running into kids with the teachers chair hiding in the cubby and not getting out until I was there to grab her out, chasing kids with scissors and the list goes on, this week it has be violence toward the babysitter, biting kicking and what not, my career is definitely on the rocks because of everything, its overwhelming at times
Sara on May 18, 2012:
After reading that story it reminded me completely about my life with my second child but it was a girl. I dont even have to repeat anything because everything she said was the same thing I go throw. I struggle everyday still with her and she is only 4. But I also have a 6 yr old boy and a 4 month old girl which I cant ever leave alone when my daughter is around she tends to try to move or pick her up and she already has and dropped her on her head. I wish I could get help with her cuz i am a stay home mom and its always stressful here. And im afraid my marriage which isnt with the first 2 childrens father because their father also has adhd and bipolar doesnt help me and believe anything is wrong with her. So im on my own about things and im tryin to stop their visitations with their father so maybe her being stable at home things will help.
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on April 19, 2012:
You are most welcome Tricia - I only have one suggestion for you.
Don't pick up the guilt! You deserve the downtime to recharge your batteries. Raising these kids is not for the faint hearted, and can be one heck of a ride!
Best of luck my dear :)
Tricia on April 19, 2012:
I can totally relate with this story! It's refreshing to read something from someone who actually understand what I go through with my ADHD/ODD daughter. I love her no end and would not change a thing about her despite the problems she has.Even my own mother doesn't understand my plight and it's frustrating. I just recently went back to work, my daughter will be 6 years old, but I took the job because the shift is 4am-8am so I'm able to be home the rest of the day. I couldn't work before either. Between the behavior issues and being called in to pick her up and the appointments with her psychological "crew" (she has a play therapist, BSC, Psychiatrist, ect.) it was nearly impossible. I am fortunate that her father is with us and can pick up that burden.
I love her, but most days she makes me want to scream! When it's bedtime, somedays it's a relief...and I feel guilty feeling that way. Anyway, thank you for the article! It makes me feel a little less alone with my struggles!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on April 11, 2012:
AMG, I know exactly how you feel. My son was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and some PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.)If you are interested, you can join our forum at One Small Step for Parents - specifically designed for parents of kids with ADD, ADHD, ODD, OCD and other disabilities. The link is in the comment just above yours :D We would be happy to see you there!
AMG on April 11, 2012:
It took me a long time to come to terms with how my son was behaving, he was recently diagnosed with ADHD,ODD,COD..which is very overwhelming, he is an honor roll student and very smart and focused when he wants to be, but his work isn't getting done because there is so much detail in his writing, he cant get it on paper. The tantrums would be so bad the rooms would get trashed, and have been hit, sworn at, and beaten down emaotionally by my 7yr old. His father and I split when he was young and now I am remarried. His father lives 5 minutes away and barely speaks to or sees my son. And I think that has alot to do with the instability. His step father is very involved with everything he does and my son looks up to him and loves him very much but also hates him just as much. I think there is a power struggle on who is the 'man' of the house. He tries to be the adult and the rules in his mind are what is set(so he thinks) and if life or activities, etc. dont work out in his favor/go the way he thinks it should, its stomping yelling or even full on crying like the world is coming to an end. As a parent dealing with one condition is hard enough but to have 3 is very stressful. He has a brother half his age, and he sees this behavior and copies it, so not only am I doing everything to get my oldest in a good place with dealing with all these emotions he cant control, I am also trying to teach my youngest this isn't the way to behave. I spend most my nights in tears thinking about my sweet boy, who loves people and is a true go green, help others, go getter, who has this problem he cant control, and biggest fear is for our families to know, because he doesnt want them to look at him differently, esp. after his dad has made it very clear he doesn't want him on meds, and swears theres nothing wrong ( but if he was around more he would know)Wow, I feel a little weight lifted off my shoulders being able to express this to someone. Thank You for sharing your story for people like me to relate to!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 16, 2012:
I hear you Arlene! If yoy are interested, we do have a forum at http://livingwithadhdodd.blogspot.com where we can get information, resources or simply vent about our day! You are more than welcome to join us :D
Best of luck to you and your family my dear.
Arlene on March 16, 2012:
Hi Ennelle, thank you very much for your blog! It is very wonderful to know that my husband and I are not alone in our battle. We've been trying to get pregnant for 9 years now to no avail, so we decided to adopt a baby girl from Asian. We got her in the State when she was 14 months old. I started seeing signs and red flags in her when she turned 3. She's so fidgety and its very impossible for her to sit still. She whines, cries, hits and spits at other kids, and gets frustrated very easily. Kids around her don't like her because she talks excessively and loudly and bullies younger kids. My husband didn't believe me at first when I told him that she might have ADHD, but he gave a benefit of the doubt late and we decided to see a Psychologist, who then right away said after a few minutes of observing her, that she is off the chart ( ODD/ADHD). My husband had teary eye and was blaming himself for doubting me. I know that she is 4, but her defiant and ADHD behaviors drive me really nuts. All the best Ennelle!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 06, 2012:
Just click the tab that says forum. Scroll to where it says Community Support Forum and click the link that says new topic :) then you can ask questions. If you want to comment on any of the articles, there should be a link for comments under the title of the article. Just click that and you can leave comments :D
averi on March 06, 2012:
i do not know how to post on that site or comment how do you do that
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 04, 2012:
Thanks guys, I'm glad I could help. Just so you know, this is just a comment section for an article :) There is a forum on my blog at http://livingwithadhdodd.blogspot.com if you are interested in more information that might help. There are lots of resources, books, supplements and more information there than you can get here. I can give you more personalized help there than I can here. Hope to see you there!
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 03, 2012:
My son struggles with that too. You can also try coffee - that will help to calm you down as well.
AVERI on March 02, 2012:
EVERYTHING THAT MAKES MOST PEOPLE HYPER OR DRUGGED UP WORKS OPPISITE ON MY MY GIRL FRIEND SAYS I ALWAYS ACT DIFFRENT WITHOUT MEDICIN AND ITS SO HARD TO COTROL WHAT DOES YOUR SON DO
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 02, 2012:
You might ask your mom to get you into Anger Management classes - that might help you understand what makes you mad or frustrated so often. They are usually free, so see if there is anything in your area :)
averi on March 02, 2012:
hey its not easy i have to work twice has hard has everyone and i feel like my dad hates me cuase o my adhd and that he want to leave and i know it isnt easy bein a single mom with a son cuase it probaly isnt easy with two parent much less one
i have a question i dont know if adhd is the reason i get mad easyly i try to be my best but its hard and it makes playing sports for my school that much harder do you have any tips
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 02, 2012:
There is a blog and forum for parents of ADHD kids at http://livingwithadhdodd.blogspot.com There are resources available as well as articles, books and support! Hang in there, you aren't alone!
My son has given me some very trying times with the law as well due to his 'story telling abilities'. He is also 14 and it isn't easy...
linda3smith on March 01, 2012:
hello my name is Linda I'm so glad i found this site because i am learning a lot about ADHD. I have a 14 year old son with adhd and i believe he has ODD as well. He is driving me crazy with all the lies he is telling and he takes it to far to try to get me in trouble with the law. I don't have any support and everybody i talk to tells me to give up my rights and let him go live with his father. But it's easy for them to say that cause he is not there child. I'm sorry but i cant do that i need him to get help. it's really getting bad i find myself crying cause i don't know how to deal with him and it is pushing us apart. I need to really talk to someone who is going thru it or went thru it to give me some ideas on how i can deal with all of this. Yes i am a single parent of three kids and my son (14) his father is encouraging his behavior
Enelle Lamb (author) from Canada's 'California' on March 01, 2012:
Hopefully you will find something that works for you so you can grow to reach your full potential Averi. Keep working - I know it isn't easy, but nothing good ever is :)