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Loving a Drug Addict - My Story of Living With and Loving a Meth Addict.

My Story

Here's my story...

If you are living with an addict you are not alone.

In the fall of 2004 I met the love of my life. I was online one day and this guy sends me an IM. No picture, no cam... I'm not too interested. Then he says he just got out of rehab... definitely not interested. I let him know very quickly I was not in the market for a man or even a new online friend. Drugs scared me, still do. I, personally, have never done drugs, not even pot. Addiction and drug use was completely foreign to me. I wanted no part of it.

Something about him, I guess persistance, got me to talk to him. We clicked immediately. I still was a little worried about him telling me he just got out of rehab. But, then.... he got a webcam. Sweet, smart and hot! Who cares if he used to have a drug problem, right? I'm not gonna marry the guy, one date won't hurt.

We got married 2 years later.

We lived together about 8 months. He was clean. We were happy. Drugs were in his past. The perfect couple.

Let's fast forward about a year... We had just bought a beautiful new home. He had a wonderful job. We were even talking about having a baby. Then, one day I notice he's a little... weird I guess. A little slurred speech, a little off. I ask him about it and he says he's just tired. I gets worse and worse. I suspected drugs but he stuck to his story. He was clean, hadn't done anything.

One day I went into his truck to get a cigarette lighter. I opened his console and there I found a little baggie of pills. I freaked! Called my friend, she googled them and found it was methadone. This wonderful friend of mine happened to have an addict as a spouse and happened to have a drug test. I went to my husband and asked him if he wanted to tell me anything. Nope. I pulled the bag of pills out of my pocket, "now doy uo want to tell me anything?" He says "Those aren't mine, they're a friend's, give them back!!!" I walked to the bathroom and flushed them. Apparently, I found out through him yelling, I flushed something very important and very expensive and he would never forgive me. The I pulled out the drug test. I have no idea how I got him to pee for me but he did. He failed for 3 kinds of pills. That was the beginning of it.

I knew he was using . I could tell by just looking at him. I would ask him about it and he would get mad and lie. How many times should you have to ask the same question? How many fights is it worth? I stayed on him, I was not going to let him just use drugs.

Things got progressively worse over the next few months. According to him he had been sober for over 2 years. He would assure me of this as he drooled on himself and fell asleep in his food. He would assure me of this while I gave him a bath and kept him from drowning. He couldn't stand up long enough to take a shower. I bathed him, clothed him, watched him, helped him. When he smoked he would fall asleep just afte he got it lit. He would burn himself, his clothes, blankets, furniture. If I left him alone I had to take his cigarettes and lighers with me so he wouldn't set the house on fire. Living with an active user is a full time baby sitting job. Not only are you having to take care of them but you are having to watch them slowly die. You are helpless. They are helpless. The person you love, you can not help.

One day he came home and was in the best mood. No slurred spech, no drool. What was up? I didn't know it at the time but meth was up. The next day we were back to the drooling and sleeping, Vicodin and xanax. He was out of it for 7 days. He could not function. It was like waching him die. He took so much that I had to stay up all night and make sure he didn't quit breathing. It was the worst thing I had ever seen and to this day he is still the same.

I told him he had to go to rehab, he had to get help. I was supportive and loving and let him know I would never give up on him. He gave up on me. Two months after the 7 day incident he left me. Married less than 18 months and he leaves me for a... I will try to put this gently... a fat, old, ugly, pill popping, drug addicted maried woman who is 20 years his senior. I am not saying these things about her because my ex is now with her. I am saying these things because I have never seen her even able to walk. Makeup smeared all over the place... not hot.

He leaves me and moves in with her, her husband of 26 years and their small child. The husband is also a pill popper. In about a month the husband is kicked out and takes the child with him. Now my husband and this old lady can have the privacy to do drugs. I tried and tried to ge him to come home. I could not give up on him. Eventually I was unable to find him or get ahold of him. He showed up a couple months later 40 lbs thinner. He said he had been sleeping in his truck and had nowhere to go. How do you tun away the man you almost had babies with? I had to feed him. He looked like hell. So, dumb me, took him in, fed him, gave him a place to stay. He was reasonably soberr and we were able to talk for the first time in months. He said he wanted to get sober, wanted to get help. He spilled his guts to me that night. He told me he had never really been clean. He was doing meth from day one of our relationship and pain and nerve pills to come down so I wouldn't know. The man I loved had lied to me since the day I met him. Did the person I married even exist? Was it all a lie?

This is probably not news to you but addicts are lairs. They will tell you anything to get what they want. And this time he wanted money. He had pawned or sold everything he had. He pawned his truck title and it was about to be reposessed. I'll admit it, I fell for it. I love him. I paid the truck bill. I also got some things ou of pawn for him on his word he would move back to his mother and father's house. He told me he was going to go over to he place he had been staying, get his things and be back. He was going to spend the weekend with me and his mother would pick him up and take him home on Monday.

Five days late he called. He said he had taken some pills and fogot to come back. I let him know it had been 5 days. He had no idea. And at this point I realized something. Something extemely hard, extemely sad and extemely distubing to me. I realized he was a drug addict and there honestly wasn't a single thing I could do to help him.

At some point you have to decide what you want for you. I know, when you live with an addict the last thing on your list of priorities is yourself. Make a new list. Their addiction can actually, physically kill you. I am on wo kinds of nerve meds and heart meds because of the stress he put on me. I am physically sick. I had to pick... me or him. I realized I could no longer let his addiction control my life. I can do nothing about his problems. An addict has to want help. If love could fix it, he would be healed of it.

As I sit here tonight, alone in our home, I do not know where he is. I do not know what he is doing. I do not know if he is safe. I do not know if he is alive.

He chose to leave. He chose to do drugs. He chose to say no to my help, my love. He chose to say no to his family. It kills me to think of what has happened to this wonderful man. I feel like a failue as a wife, a friend and a fellow human being for not being able to help him.

I pray eveyday that he will wake up and get the help he needs.

I don't know if you agree with the decisions I've made or the opinions I have on drug use. If you live with an addict I am sure you have felt the same ways I have. I am sure you feel helpless, hurt, resentful, emotions you can't even describe. I can not tell you what to do. But I have told you my story and what my personal feelings are. The only thing I will say is if you have children in the home with an addict, think of the things they are seeing, absorbing, learning. As adults we can handle a lot. Children cant. What they see is what they know. You set the example for them. They will look to you and your decisions as instructions as to how ot live their life. Do you want them to think drug use is just a part of life?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Scroll to Continue

YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

YOU CAN NOT HELP AN ADDICT UNTIL THEY WANT HELP.

IF YOU ALLOW AN ADDICT TO LIVE IN YOU HOME, EAT YOUR FOOD, WATCH YOUR TV.... YOU ENABLE THEM TO DO DRUGS. YOU ARE TELLING THEM IT IS OK.

Before and After

Our Wedding  7-1-06

Our Wedding 7-1-06

Dec 13, 2007 - The day before he left me.

Dec 13, 2007 - The day before he left me.

© 2008 Kelly Anne

Comments

Arun28 on September 09, 2020:

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Johnd477 on July 26, 2014:

I really appreciate this post. I have been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You have made my day! Thx again! ddadcbddcfdg

beth on July 16, 2014:

I cried reading your story. I have/am going through similar roads as you (my husband walking out on me for another user older than him, returning for help, getting possessions out of pawn). It has truly broken my heart as I have been with him for 11 years and love him wholeheartedly. We are currently still together and I dont know what to do as after he returned he someehat changed to become a better man. He is a hard worker, working a full day to support me and our child. He is a good father to our child and a better husband, helping out in all areas when needed. However despite these changes of becoming a better person, he is still addicted to heroin and uses. I don't know to stay or leave. It is a truly hard situation as he has shown changes but he just can't kick the habit.

Jenna on June 28, 2014:

Walk away from an addict, and save yourself. I guess with your own children that would be different, but even then there must come a time when you have to let go, and let them do what they insist on doing.

My mother ruined my life to this very day because of her addiction. She is dead now, due to it. I am told to let go and do differently to her, and I do, but what she put me through from a very young age, to the next 30 plus years, was horrendous. I am now late 40's and mentally screwed up due to what I went through. I have never touched drugs not am I an alcoholic. I am anything but my excuse for a mother, however the lasting damage she caused to me, has in a way taken me to the grave with her. I should have walked away from her at the age of 17 and never returned, but I stayed put, and helped her in many ways, as she got older.

Get away, from addicts, who you just know from experience are never going to change. They will drag you down to their level.

Tracy on June 21, 2014:

Hi Tina,

I am a mother of an addict (meth drug of chose.) My 21 yr old daughter has been clean for a year and a half after four years of living hell. I know exactly where you are and my heart feels your pain. We are finally in a good place but honestly I am always looking over my shoulder...the first year of soberity was awful and our family was (still is but not nearly as intense) looking for the other shoe to drop. I too did not want to give up on my daughter but I did have to save myself and the rest of my family (will explain later what we did to help save ourselves.) Before we got to where we are today we made every mistake in the book in what we thought was helping our daughter. She has been through a DUI (which we got sealed and paid for an attorney), two stints in inpatient rehab, 2 outpatient rehabs, 1 car stolen, 2 cars wrecked, homelessness, 5 stints in jail (last time served 3 months.) Our rock bottom came when my husband and I finally had to kick my daughter out of a rental home (we were paying for.) This was the final drawl...we couldn't have her actively using in our home or a rental home and we couldn't watch her kill herself so we did the only thing we could do. This ripped our hearts out...while we were going through everything my daughter become my addiction / obsession as I would track her phone, numbers, contacts...researching became my life in an attempt to do what I thought was saving my daughter. I would frantically research year long programs and became frustrated at the lack out quality programs..we have great insurance but of course they don't want to pay the high cost anything past 30 days of treatment...unfortunately I found 30 days gets them just a taste of what they need to recover. The day we kicked her out of her apartment the next day she was arrested and served 3 months. My husband was so hurt he did not visit in jail. I did however and it was torchure....the come down was tough to watch and she was in solitary for at least 2 weeks (at which time she spent her birthday in solitary.) The day she got out my husband and I decided to open our hearts once more and we waited for her to be released at 5am in the morning...we gave her the option to either come with us or she was only her own...she knew that coming with us meant living by our rules...you are clean, going to school or working a full time job...while looking for a job volunteering at local agencies that we arranged...and going to a pyshictrist specializing in addiction. She chose us...even though she did look over her shoulder to see if one of her so called druggie friend would pick her up. The days were long over the next year and it was a constant battle with depression, not caring, parnonia...it was a struggle keeping her in school...but slowly things turned around, and her confidence started to blossom...today she is dreaming of the future and hoping to transfer to a university, just got a job and is strictly focusing on herself...no boyfriends. I think its a knee jerk reaction to always be worried and I know I will do this for the rest of my life. My daughter is finally in control of her life (for the time being), she knows where she wants to go and even though she has a dual diagnose (bi-polar as well as an addict) we just take one day at a time...

Tina on June 16, 2014:

Hi I have been reduced to tears reading some of the posts. My son is 22 and has been on drugs now for 6 years ( Cannabis and Cocaine). He has been clean for 1 year but recently split from his girl friend and is back living with us for the last 6 months. We have had 3 replapses in this period and the last one only in the last week. He says he doesn't feel anything now and doesn't care about how he is hurting people he loves. I don't know what to do and how to help him. I have said that I cant just sit back and watch him fall and that he will have to move out if he chooses to live this lifestyle under our roof. I love him dearly but hate what he is doing. I have tried so much to talk and reason with him but he says that he feels that that he will always end up taking and that what ever he try's it will be this way in the end. HELP

Kelly on June 04, 2014:

My ex (we broke up approx 26 hours ago) - anyway we would have been together for 8 years next month. So this is all really raw to me at the moment...I am hoping writing it down will help. We were in our own bubble and so happy for the first 5 years, then in late 2010 she started hanging around with her aunt who is kinda shady to say the least. And things started to change between us...just slowly to begin. She was out all the time, and her attitude towards me turned from caring to not giving a dalm. She had started gambling, that was the first thing I found out. Then I had looked at her phone one day and she had text her aunt 'u got that message fr me aunty'. (Message here means anything..could b shopping or basically any object). So I was suspicious and began keeping an eye out for more suspicious activity - after I asked her about the text message she began deleting her messages all the time. Weeks and months passed and then one day I decided to turn my mattress around...im sure u can guess what I found. Wee baggies with slight powder residue - I have never taken drugs but I knew instantly that she had started taking them again - speed was he number 1 drug of choice (she took drugs when she was younger, told me a few horror stories about it when we first got together). I confronted her and she tried to deny it but eventually admitted it. She said it wasnt regular it was just a one off etc etc. So eventually we moved past it - but out relationship still was not the same and she was still out all the time. Anyway I stuck with her in the hope that I could get the person I met back. A couple of years went by and we had alot of ups and downs. ..family bereavements being the worst. I think over time I just gradually let her away with being a total arsehole to me. Bit by bit I let her treat me with no respect. But through all this we still had out good times and loving times and I genuinely wanted to grow old together. She started working again in December and I was really happy for her and thought it could help things between us. Then in January my world fell apart, I found out she had been having an affair with someone she worked with (she had known this woman previously too). I was devastated. She begged me for another chance and after a few days I gave in to her because I didn't want things to end. So between then and now we had our ups and downs - her behaviour was still irratic and a couple weeks ago I found a massive bag of speed - coupled with the fact that the day before she had had a huge nose bleed - I finally realized she has a much bigger problem than I thought and there is nothing I can do to help because she doesn't want to stop. The nail in the coffin came when she started messaging flirty and inappropriate things to a new work colleague. In hindsight I should never have let things go on for as long as I did but love is blind eh! As soon as I called it a day she ran away to the first woman she had the affair with....they do speed together so she probably happy as larry...for now. I am gutted that I couldnt get her to stop and I am sad to think that she is throwing her life away. I absolutely blame the speed for the person she has become - she is a stranger to me and would never ever been this way when she was clean - I am convinced she has wound up with some sort of mental health problem thru it all. So it just goes to show you...it doesn't take heroin or crack to ruin your life. (Theyre obviously much more detrimental - I dont say that disrespectfully).

I consider myself lucky to have always had the inclination to stay away from drugs. There is no healthy way of taking any drug - they all impact peoples lives negatively.

Anonymous on May 12, 2014:

This story was helpful. My boyfriend and I were best friends before. I knew him because my family became close with his 3 years ago. I never met him because he was always out with friends, and same with me at that time. I would see him around but he would always leave to go be with friends. I knew he had gotten in trouble once for using drugs. I didn't want to get mixed up with this kid. Till a year later, I had finally met him. We became really good friends. He had told me all his stories of what he has done (which is pretty much everything). When we became friends I was only 18 at the time. I didn't want to get mixed up in his actions, and I thought he was crazy. But the closer we became, the more my feelings were developing. But him doing drugs was what prevented me from wanting to be with him. I liked him, but not so much as to where I wanted to be involved in it. As time progressed, I noticed a change. He had slowed down on doing drugs. We were always together, always having a good time. Heck, I had even forgotten he had did drugs. Till one day he had told me he quit doing drugs. He had decided that something like that wasn't worth ruining his life over. That right there made me feel proud of him. As a friend, I knew he was making the right choice. A few months after that, everything had changed between us. He became my boyfriend. We were happy, always laughing, having fun. I fell in love with him, same with him. We were each others' first love. I know I could never lose him. Then after a while he met some new friends. That's when things changed. He began to smoke weed. Ok.. well I didn't like it.. but at least it wasn't all the hard stuff he used to do.. but after a while it became constant It then lead to doing more. It lead to pills and opium. We were always fighting because he couldn't stop and I would always be mad at him. Till one day he had stopped. He said he would quit. He had stopped seeing or talking to those friends. Then the same thing happened all over. He would do good for a while, smoke weed when he could get it, and then started doing more. We would start fighting. The second time going through this, my parents finally found out, as did his. They no longer wanted me to be with him, as did his parents. My dad had told him that if he wanted to continue seeing me, he has to stop. His parents had said the same. So he did stop. This time he stopped for a long time. Everything was good. It all went back to normal like how it was. Always laughing, having fun, no problems. Till he had gotten his medical card. Again, I wasn't happy. But whatever as long he had promised that he wouldn't do anything else. Nope. Now it wasn't till recently that he is at his all time low. I had never threatened to leave him, because I don't want to. I love him, and I won't give up on him. Till yesterday I saw him and he couldn't even function. He couldn't walk right, he was slurring his speech, he would talk slow, couldn't eat right, and that right there just made my decision for me. Now what I hadn't mentioned is that he is in the one who had fought to get me to be his girlfriend. He has done everything for me. He had gotten a good job, gotten a car, we plan to move in together, he spoils me, takes care me, gives me anything. He hates to see me sad. He hates if anyone mistreats me. He cries when he finds out he is the one to hurt me. He tells me he loves me everyday about 100 times a day. He cries tears of joy because he says he's happy to be with me. That he's lucky to have someone like me. Someone who accepts him for who his. He cries when he just tells me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and start a family. Says that I'm the one good thing that has ever happened him. But the one thing he hasn't done for me is give up drugs. For someone who reassures me everyday that he loves me and wants to give me the world, why can't he just give me this. Materials is not what makes me happy, its him. Just him and the fact that he loves me. The one thing I really want is for him to quit. His one big fear he has is losing me. And I know the reason he keeps doing what he's doing is because I still stay. He knows that I will get really angry with him, but will get over it and he can just continue his drugs the next day. So seeing how he was yesterday helped make my final decision. When I was trying to talk to him for him to stop taking drugs, he just kept laughing it off. It was all a joke to him. Till I had grabbed him by his face and looked him in the eyes. I cried because it was really hard for me to say, but I told him that if he didn't stop, I would leave. I was giving him one last chance. I can't live like this anymore. Seeing him how he was made me realize I don't want to be stuck watching the man I love like that everyday. It kills me to see him that way. This is the worst I had ever seen him. But I refuse to go down this path. I am graduating from culinary school next month, I'm going back to school to pursue other things. I want to have a bright future and I don't want something like this to get in the way. When I had told him I was leaving him, he didn't laugh anymore. He finally took me seriously. He cried. He had told me that no one understands how hard it is to stop. He finally admitted he's scared of the withdrawals. That it hurts him. But that He can't lose me. It wasn't till today that he finally admitted that he needs help and wants help. His family and mine are trying to help him find a rehab center. He wants to go. And I'm glad he's making this decision. The hard part for me is that I don't know how I'll be not being able to see him. I had been searching this whole time to find other people's stories on how they dealt with this. This story was really helpful.. I'm hoping that this will help him to get over this. I don't want to give up on him. I can't leave him in his time of need. I just don't know how I will be without him, but one day I will eventually not have him if this gets worse. If he doesn't learn from this, then he has made his choice. Thanks for sharing your story. He hasn't gotten that deep into it to where he doesn't look like himself anymore, but I don't think I would ever want to get that point. This story helped me realize if that's something I want to go through, and to be quite honest I don't.

jackie on April 28, 2014:

I also feel all of yall pain. I have been married to my husband approximately 17 years married him twice like a fool. He said he was delivered the same thing each time crack cocaine. They uses u like leeches.. I would tell anybody let them go. A drug addict will sleep with anybody. He has given me 3 different std diseases. Right now I have gential warts n he swear it didn't come from him. In seventeen years I have been faithful. We took test I have warts n he have none yet I know he gave this to me. Women let these men go I am sixty n he is 48 I have had a stroke,high blood pressure etc.. they will destroy u don't pay bills I am on disability have to pay all the bills. This was not the plan I could go on. But victory is mine! Praying for us!

Rich Welch on April 17, 2014:

After 6yrs of helping my son fight his heroin addiction,I don't know where he is or what he is doing. He walked out of rehab after 2 days.....rehab he asked for. All of this started because of a hospital stay,a month of oxycoton....deloted....morphine....all prescribed and given in a hospital. After surgery to fix mistakes caused by another doctors negligence,which almost cost him his leg. He had insurance but in spite of an agreed upon plan to slowly reduce meds,one day they stopped giving him his pain meds because his insurance ran out. Still in legitimate pain....he turned to oxy he could get on streets. When that no longer worked he turned to heroin,and that's when I've had to stand by and watch him slowly kill himself. After kicking it twice,he is gone again. Last month he had a job,was doing well in college and today I have no idea where his is. I will never turn my back on him and will continue to hope he will call. I have come to the realization that I have been sacrificing my health to help him. I am disabled,all of this has had a extremely negative affect on my medical issues . I have made the hardest decision of my life,my health and welfare are more important than the person I love that is killing himself. The original problem was not his fault,but the continued use is his responsibility. He has chosen to continue down a path that leads to prison or death...or both.

Rebecca from USA on April 16, 2014:

Who keeps posting all this bs about spells? It's ridiculous. How insulting that you people post that when people have poured their hearts out on this thread by being so heart broken from the lives of addicts! It's disgusting!

emma Wilson on March 22, 2014:

I am glad to hear that i am not alone my thing is that i use to use drugs also that's how we met we got married he got locked up 1 month later i got clean so

independentminded on March 14, 2014:

Megan; It sounds as if you and your 6 year old daughter are in really tough straits and are going to need some help in getting out of this totally unhealthy situation, for your sake and that of your young daughter. This is not a healthy environment for either one of you. Both you and your daughter deserve something far better than the hell you're both being put through by your drug-addicted boyfriend.

Good luck. Keep everybody posted.

megan on January 27, 2014:

My boyfriend and I have been together over a year now. He says things will change. He is addicted to opiates. We have six week old daughter that doesn't deserve the hell he has put me through... the lies and heartache. How do people actually deal with watching someone you love deeply kill their self off daily? I've watched him go through withdrawals over and over but never suceeds. I've always stood by his side no matter what he has done to me. I try to be his support group but I'm not enough I guess... I cry daily. I'm a nervous and emotional wreck I never know what might happen next... he has had several of his close friends die of ODs . I have been to three funerals with him since we have been together... all I can think about is he will be next... or why ain't this a wake up call? I fear for my daughter not growing up with a daddy around or visiting him in a grave yard or prison... and if he is still around when she's old enough to ask him about his track marks on his arms, what will his reaction be? Like you, I also met him online... we rode the school bus in middle school together but reconnected last winter and hit it off so good! Little did I know about all this! Sometimes I wanna give up but I'm scared of what he will do... we don't even have the money for the electric bill this month due to pills and I have been out on maternity leave. What do you do? Idk... I love him dearly but maybe its gonna take loosing everything to realize what you had. Someone please email me that can relate... I need someone to talk to. mhare1216@gmail.com

Nick on January 05, 2014:

Wow, just all the stories. I FEEL foe all. My problem is my wife....for the last ten years ha been on doctor authorized drugs along with drinking bouts....for 6 months or more. We sent her to several rehabs (7) or so...cant remember. However included in this mix is a mental problems from both her parents....the mother was just a nutcase who thought she knew everything. To cut a long story short...when talking about political things she would stand up and scream at opposing parties at the top of her lungs how stupid we are. The father was always right even if he was caught in bed with another women or doing a DUI check point.

I just dont know where to go but get out and walk away from a lifetime of what I thought was love and responsibility. Walk away from everything from money, pets, family........dont know it is hard.

My email is njmjc@msn.com....need some advise...maybe someone in a similar case????

Rebecca from USA on January 04, 2014:

https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/How-a-...

https://discover.hubpages.com/health/Could-you-be-...

I suggest anyone living with an addict read the links above.

Erica1721 on January 04, 2014:

Rebec i was with my ex for almost 9 years cant count how many times i had to go to court with him for him losing his license for traffic violations & court for childsupport its never ending problems with addicts & they seem to think they cause none of it its everyone else the whole world is against them poor poor them. Do what u need to do for yourself if hes serious about staying clean after he gets help you'll see that but dont neglect yourself your wants & needs anymore, you'll just get deeper into the whole codependancy thing & only focus on him which wont work. Let him know youll still be there for him & u care but your no longer going to neglect yourself. Littlebit28@hotmail.com if ya need to chat.

Erica1721 on January 04, 2014:

I completly know where your coming from they know we care about them & want to help them & they will do & say what ever to get the $ out of us or what ever else they want, there just munipulating us & will continue to as long as we give in. My ex sends my a pic of him& his 2 kids on newyears eve saying he hopes im having fun & being safe. Because he knows leaving the kids is really hard for me so just another mind game of his that i also caught on too. Sad i ran into an old friend of his & the ex told him people are after him im sure he screwed another person for thousands. So as i see him wrecking his life even more im so glad i made the decision to leave because if i didnt id b sleeping with 1 eye open next to an empty shell of a man. Instead of laughing with my friends & feeling my confidence coming back more & more everyday im away from all that drama & negativity & loneliness.

Kelly on January 04, 2014:

I also date(d) an addict and I try to help him and I thought that if I put him in a stable environment he would do better - I like to have a few drinks but I don't want to lose my job or house etc. = but he goes on binders - mostly like we get in a fight so he leaves and doesn't answer the phone for days and doesn't even show up for work - If i get mad I still get to my job but thats the difference between an addict then he tells me its my fault that I kicked him out and he was sad - He has done all of the above bs that you guys have stated in a variations. I also had a successful job and nice car and money in the bank and he hit me and took the car that I was late and nobody in the corporate world wants to see a huge blackeye I have gained weight and my health has deteriorated and sometime I think that is why I stay cause who gonna love me now. Even now he is recently in treatment but only to appease the court system - he waited to the last minute to not go to jail to go in and once there he milks it - says he has anxiety and guess what they give him benzo's to come down he is a liar and has been a liar and I see it but I get drawn back in - its almost like he is my drug - I mean who the heck wants to baby sit a grown ass man and the most disgusting part of this is that I had other choices that treated me like a princess they are sober and educated and for some reason I choose /chose the loser alot of my familoy has lost respect

rebec on January 03, 2014:

I need help. My boyfriend and I who are both 25 years old have been dating now for 7 months is a heroin addict. A month into dating he told me about how he went to rehab for it and that he was all clean. I believed him when he told me he was starting a new clean life and I supported everything he did. A month later he got into an accident and hit two parked cars, when he called me and told me what happened, I drove to the accident only to find him in handcuffs in a cop car..the police told me he was under some kind of influence. When he got home that night, he admitted to me that he started using heroin again. He told me that he was going to quit for real and that he needed my support. I cared for him very much and said I would stick with him through this...but things kept getting worse..He thought buying subs off the street would be a smart move and he convinced me to give him 100 dollars to buy them and he would pay me back over time. While he was waiting to go back to court, he was working a part time job as a busy boy for a local restaurant, but all the money he was making somehow was no where to be found. I tried convincing him to put money aside as a savings, but he would always tell me he needed it to buy gas or food for work...but he would somehow still ask me for money for gas or food. He also started to form a cough that would leave him gasping for breathe. He had this cough for over a month and when i would tell him to go to the doctor he would refuse....he went to the hospital within that month. That's where the doctor told his mom and I that the heroin is causing the cough. He promised his mom and I that he was stopping once and for all. His mom took Him to a suboxone doctor where he was given suboxones..it seemed like things were better for a few weeks until one night I got a call that he was arrested for possession. I warned him twice before that if he didn't change i would leave, but once again I stayed because I have fallen madly in love with this guy. I have supported him through all of this and have never left his side because I believed he would get better in order for us to have a future.. I have sacrificed my classes in grad school and have watched myself fail my finals because I wasn't studying but spending the time with him to make sure he was ok. In the past month the cough has returned and he admitted to me and his mom that he needed to go back to detox and he would come out a new man. I believed him and told him i would stand by him through all this. He is there now and won't be out til Tuesday, but on mondsy I received a message on fb from one of his friends saying that I owe him money...( I have no idea who this guy is) apparently my bf borrowed money from this guy and said that I knew and that I would pay this guy back..I had no idea about this. And on top of that, his mom called me and told me that my bf was caught stealing at a grocery story and has to go back to court....unfortunelty I can't even talk to my bf about this because he is detox til Tuesday. I am sitting here crying because I am afraid for him and for myself and I don't know where to go and who to turn too. His mom has been my only support system and if i told my friends or family about what's going ( though my mom is becoming suspicious because of his behavior) they would flip out. I love him so much but I am starting to see a different scarier side to me and a scarier side to him. I am so lost in emotion. He told me if I leave I will be abandoning him....please someone help me

Erica1721 on December 28, 2013:

Yea i know the feeling janice i got called every name in the book when i'd confront him that he was high or got caught in a lie would swear on everyones lives he wasnt using. Its very hard & ya want so bad to help them & get them on the right path but if they dont want help or is ready for help nothing will get them to stop & everything will stay exactly as it is now. I feel so much better about myself & finally feel my life will amount to something instead of standing still never growing & constintly being sad & lost.im sorry to say but in the 9 years i was with him nothing changed for the better everything just got worse no matter what i did untill i left. I finally feel strong again & can accomplish anything. I cant tell u what to do only you can make the choice for yourself to leave or stay. But no one should ever make you feel like your being used & worthless misery loves company. Look within yourself & decide what u want for yourself & life & if u have children do you want your kids to feel like you do? I hope you find the strenth to make a decision so you no longer have be on the emotional roller coaster ride.

janice conklin on December 27, 2013:

my husband is pills i get call names and put down i am toll you need to go and get some money were i can get me apill and if i do not i can stay in my house he will not and i pay all the bills can i get out

Erica1721 on December 27, 2013:

Yea i think your right been thinking about that for a while, they are going to florida to visit with his other son that lives with their mother so im hoping she sees hes all messed up & if she doesnt im calling.. Conveinant i went to get some things last night told him im putting all my furniture in storage & took my dog he of course freaked out saying im not taking my futniture after i told him id give him my couch & bed & he has a tv the only thing he actually owns , telling me how screwed up i am that i walked out on his son & that im screwing up his head. They always say something to hurt us what they know bothers us..everyones telling me he getting scared that this time is becoming to real that im not coming back this time & that might just make him hit his bottom..its very strange the signs ive been getting since i left telling me i definitly made the right decision 1st was my chinese fortune cookie that read ' your troubles will cease & fortune will smile upon you' my second sign was recieving a call from my cousin that my uncle let me a big chunk of change in his will, not knowing anything about my situation. If they arent signs someone is watching over all of us i dont know what is. That call couldnt have came at a better time, all though im very sad & miss my uncle very much he saved my life & showed me there is hope for us all

itneverends on December 26, 2013:

Erica maybe you should call social services, anonymously even, to let them know about the 9 year old son. He could end up abused living with a drug addict/alcoholic. He may be better off in foster care or maybe they would place him with a family member. The foster care system can require the dad clean up, and be tested to confirm he is clean if he wants to get his son back. That child cannot handle his dad any better than any of us could. Please send some help for the kid.

Erica1721 on December 24, 2013:

Aw im glad i did thats what we are all here for to help one another, love & learn from our mistakes so we can all grow. email me if you need to chat

Heidi Delbert Bivens Templeton on December 15, 2013:

You will never know how much you have helped me with your story. I finally have the courage to do what I should have a long time ago. Thanks Hon as you may have saved my life and definitely my sanity!

Erica on December 13, 2013:

Hello everyone im so touched with everyones story that theres so many good kindhearted people too love & care that much about another human being to stick around & endure all the pain that comes with an addicts life. we all try so hard to help them, protect them,show them they were loved,make them feel they werent alone & make there lives easier when our lives are getting harder because of the pain they were inflicting. But there does come a time when all the pain we feel is just to much for our hearts & minds to hold on too. My time was up 3 weeks ago when i just packed a bag & left everything i had &loved & knew for the past 8 years, my fiance his 9 year old son my animals my belongings our home. that day was a day i'll never forget. it started off with the electric being shut off & me asking my step mother to borrow $800. & him of course not being home, he came home 15 min before the electric company was closing we rushed down there & had to pay it with our rent that was due that day that again he didnt have all the money for so i paid it. i knew he was on something was slurring his words kept repeating himself but he didnt show any emotion about the whole ordeal. we got home & i was so over welmed i went into my bedroom so his son wouldnt see me cry, he comes in after a while sees me crying & asks me what he should tell the landlord twice than walks away mad mumbling that i just couldnt answer him.that just broke my heart. i didnt wanna say anything with his sob there so i text him asking him how he can just watch me cry & walk away like i was nothing at all & his responce was he needed to charge his phone it was dead.. i said im leaving i have to get out of there for a while & he says he gotta go pickup $ & will be back in 2 hours, like always 5 hours went by he missed his sons school conference that his son was excited about because he'd be getting his report card which was good, i sat there in my room crying for 5 hours knowing that was it for me i couldnt feel like that anymore, Which totally told me what i needed to do.i called his son in as i could barely talk & i couldnt look at him knowing i was leaving him & told him i had to go out that i wasnt leaving because of him & to call his father & tell him i left.. i knew hed come home if i did that so i walked out & waited behind the house for him to come home so his son wasnt really alone, & had my girlfriend waiting for me. So here i am living with her in her tiny room out of my bag & a drawer & cant thank her enough,that is a true friend someone thats there for u at the drop of a hat like we all were for the addicts in our life. Its very hard knowing i left his son there & that he has to now deal with the mood swings alone that i cant try & hide him from bad ones& the being left at his friends house till his father gets home & not being cared for like he should be.. But i no longer feel like i walked out on my fiance when he needed my help because he doesnt want my help to be clean hes not ready to be free of his addiction, i made it to easy for him he had a babysitter,a maid a cook,someone to split all the bills or end up paying them while his$ is spent on his drugs.. I had it all when i met him a house, credit, a nice bankaccount, cars to living out of my bag & a drawer in my girlfriendsroom with no $ no car.. but no more waiting for him to come home, bo more wondering what his doing for 14 hours, no more wondering if hes cheating, no more seeing his sons face when hes disapointed that his fathers not home again or he sick on the couch & dont wanna b bothered, no more wondering if hes in jail or overdosed & thats why hes not answering my calls or texts.. no more walking on eggshells, no more picking up his mess, no more wondering who he texts all day when he was home, no more being nervous hes going to burn the house down when hes smoking & nodding off. No more finding brillo pad pieces around knowing thats how he smoked crack,No more listening to him lying to me or anyone else. no more telling me i do nothing but sit in bed than the next day he doesnt know what hed dowithout me.The list goes on & on. I think theres still a good guy in him somewhere i did see him sometimes & felt him. But ive watched him go from alchol to percs to heroine to oxycodone &xanex to coke than crack while being on methadone the whole time, now still oxys & adderall & coke when he picks it up. I cant watch him kill himself anymore now knowing i cannot help him that nothing i did helped but gave him the freedom to do what he wanted when he wanted. We were given our lives to live,love& learn not to let someones addiction take that from us as well as them.we can all only do so much to try & put someone on the right path & show them they are loved & have a life to fight for & people that love them to fight for, but they have to feel it & want it we cant make them see.... Erica If anyone wants to vent or needs to talk feelfree to email me at littlebit28@hotmail.com

janice on December 10, 2013:

i am withsome one that is on pill i would like for him to go some were but not here he will not go i payfor every thinghe will not pay for one thing so yow i get out

Rebecca from USA on November 30, 2013:

I did not read all the responses to this hub. I'm really sorry for all that you went through, but I believe you made the right decision. You tried to help someone you love(d), you cannot force someone to care for themselves or sobriety, addictions are horrible, and wreck many lives. I'm glad you chose not to let his addictions ruin yours.

itneverends on November 06, 2013:

At the end of our long term relationship my significant other fell off the wagon and has been on an off for 8 long years. He lives with me, I buy his food and supply him a car. I spent 6 years living with another person and continued to keep a seperate place to live for my ex to live in as he could not support himself. I am now almost into a year long relationship with a new man, still supporting my ex an he still lives with me.

He is finally working again as of 1 month ago but does not make a living wage so his rent, auto, food and medical expenses are still up to me to cover. I have worked basically 7 days a week to cover his expenses and mine for the last 8 years. The man I lived with for 6 years and the new man I am currently involved with for a year both were and are unhappy that my ex lives in my home and I support him. It is a mess that I do not know how to mercifully end. There is little place for my ex to go, outside of back to his parents home which he does not want to do as they were abusive to him as a child.

He is a sweet and freindly guy, was a good life partner in our past relationship and a very supportive freind, so I would like to remain good freinds with but I am just tired of paying his expenses. It's like I have a child. I would like to live more of my own dreams and save for retirement and have medical care, none of which I can afford as I am taking care of him. My freinds tell me to stop taking care of him yet they do understand my compassion and motivation for doing it. I do worry I am getting older, so my time is growing shorter to accomplish my own life goals. It's like he is an anchor and it seems so unfair to be stuck with his problems yet the same time I worry about him dying if I do not support him.

Letty on November 03, 2013:

Read a lot of this stories. I live with and addict, methadone. Meet him 4 years ago. I didn't know what he was doing. I know how all this people feel. It is the most devasting and painfull feeling. Seem him destroying his life and everybody around him. Scared me just to thing I have to get home and see him like that. I love him with all my heart. But I need to leave him. If I do not leave I will die. He getting aggressive . He just want to inject him self. Right now he been in the bathroom for over and hour. I'm watching tv but I paying attention to what his doing. Because like the other person said they fall as sleep. And they can die any moment. Because they don't have control of there body . There legs get weak, there breathing get to slow and he just can stay still. I'm very sorry for them because this is a illness. They need help, but how can we help them if they do not let us.

Darren68 on October 13, 2013:

I`ve been with my fiance Michelle for six years this year.I`m 45,she`s 44.I lost my wife,soul mate of 22 years and mother to my two boys(16 and 10) in 2007 to ovarian cancer.Michelle it happens is my dead wife`s second cousin.We met when I was 17,she was 16,through Leanne my then gf who I was infatuated with and later became my wife and soul mate.We were always best friends.But there was a silent undeniable spiritual and physical attraction between Michelle and I at that time when we were teenagers but we didnt act on anything,Leanne was my priority and Michelle tho I didnt know it had a bf back home.But there was always this underlying feeling that one day,maybe one day,who knows.Over the next 22 years I never saw Michelle again,she went about her life getting together with a guy,having three girls and playing happy families a fair distance away but Leanne had a regular connection with her every now and then.Leanne and I did the same,built a loving family of our own together and loved life and our kids until cancer came into it in mid 2007,she would die by the 25th of Sept leaving us lost,completely lost,depressed,angry with little feeling for life but I was aware I had to be strong for our boys then only 10 and 4 years old.She died 3 weeks after her 40th birthday,I was 39.Mum was their best friend I felt gutted and helpless for them as I did for Leanne with the aggressive cancer riddling her rapidly deteriorating health.I was superiorly angry with an aspect of our lives,I was determined to find out the identity of the family member who systematically abused my dead wife as a child,it affected Leanne`s life in a way that I utterly resented as her soul mate and partner.I got a name through one of her uncles.'Linlee'.It was familiar,I searched through the photo albums and found it,a funeral card of Linlee Thompson,Michelle`s dead father!I thought "WHAT".I jumped on the phone to call Michelle regardless of the fact that I maybe wrong,to let her know what I`ve discovered about her father.She was surprised to hear my voice,and she even recognised who I was straight away even though we hadnt spoken to each other since we were teenagers.She also was gutted with Leanne`s death,she never got the chance to see her before she died which made it harder to deal with.When I told her what good old uncle Peter told me about her fathers abuse of Leanne as a child she was surprisingly calm and confused,her dad actually killed himself at the age of 40.She told her mum,she was also confused yet calm about it.In the end I discovered good old uncle Peter led me down the garden path and just gave me a random name that just happened to be very similar to Michelle`s dad`s name which left me feeling not just a fool but extremely aggressive towards uncle Peter for lying about such an issue that meant as much as it did to me.Anyway this led to the ice breaker between Michelle and I and it was prior to Leanne`s funeral,that`s where we laid eyes on each other again after 22 years,and nothing had changed.That undeniable attraction had gone nowhere.To cut another long story short we ended up together by the end of that year,thrown out by the father of her three girls then aged 10,16 and 19.They also had a 21 year history together.The reality of that one day had arrived and was sinking in,it lifted me out of the deep depression I was in after losing Leanne,happiness felt so near yet there was an underlying feel of so far as well.It was happy times for us in the early days,we were strong and confident of dealing with all the animosities that arose from our union which we did,although Michelle found it a little tougher be labelled a slut,a mother that gives up her children and basically no good by my mother,someone that did not even know her at all.We battled through,and there were some really tough times.She almost killed herself smashing her car into a parked car and putting her head through the windscreen at 4.30 am on her way back from the emergency dept of hospital when she fell ill for days earlier,vomiting black bial,not leaving my bed and not wanting any help.Her explanation for the accident was brake failure.It wasnt.She finally admitted to her mother,two sisters and three daughters after they came to help get her out of my place and pack her things that she has a massive pill addiction(sedatives,pain pills) and has had it for that last twenty odd years.It turned out she dropped a total of 50 sedatives in four hours during her wait in the emergency dept.Hospital staff discharged her not being aware of it and she fell asleep at the wheel of car just five minutes from home.She opened up to me about her addiction to pain pills,sedatives,occasionally morphine or anything with codeine.There were various reasons as to why she chose to become so addicted and dependent,but none that actually made any sense whatsoever.She blames her nan for introducing them to her as a child whenever she would complain to her of a headache,which sounded like a copout.She blamed the so called awful life she had with her ex partner and took them in order to block her mind,and she also had an evil long time best friend who would constantly encourage her take whatever pharmaceuticals they could get their addicted hands on.It`s been six years now.She managed to get off and stay off the sedatives after the realisation I think of her own denial to herself,that she fell asleep at the wheel.Thankfully doctors and the medical community is more alert to morphine addiction and have taken serious steps to curb the availability and need of the drug amongst addicts,though it seemed to be the most effective treatment for her migraines,the disadvantages far outweighed the benefits,and it served to only keep the frequency of her migraines at a constant.Now she doesnt have the morphine option and the migraine frequency has dropped.

I can seriously relate to every aspect you mention with regard to feeling like a baby sitter.Everything you said about having to constantly watch them is exactly what I feel I need to do with Michelle.As I type I look at the burn marks on my keyboard,the mouse,its all as you say.I constantly worry about the possibility of her burning down the home of my boys and us,addicts of this sort of stuff are so damned vague.She wrecked and wrote off another car of hers and a parked car in a fast food carpark since the first accident.This time I was with her,and I could not phathom the amount of damage she created.My immediate thought was for the safety of any occupants in the other car,thankfully it was empty.Her excuse was "she thought she was putting her foot on the brake"when it was on the accelerator,but the amount of time she had to realise the fact seemed to be forever.It seemed as if the lights were on but nobody was home,she was so vague.

Something I`m finding harder and harder to deal with on a regular basis is the fact that pain pill addicts appear to feel no appreciation whatsoever,no appreciation of themselves or loved ones.It`s as if the blocking out process of years of abuse has also blocked out the ability of regular feelings that we non addicted take for granted in order to function and appreciate all we see,hear,taste,smell,love and do in our everyday lives.And deep down I think I know,but I dont know what my next step is to do about it.

I`ve been holding onto the serious thought for the last five years that maybe love will hold out and break this thing,but in this case I think that`s a one street.I realised an addict cannot love,not even to save their life!

Many thanks for your story,you tell it well.

Ali on October 08, 2013:

I just found out that my husband is using oxicontants. I'm so at awe, i can't stop crying. He just ad mitted to me.

How to deal with it?

What to do?

Should i end this now since I just found out and know there is a long road for him?

Should I respect our father Gods marriga commitment through sickness. through health?

I'm so herart and confused. what do i do? there is times he is so violent to me. I never though i would be wityh a drug addict. IT SUCKS.

Nicki on October 05, 2013:

Glad to know I'm not alone, my drug addict husband is not leaving...trying to get a divorce, its not good, but I will be ok,.

Michele on September 29, 2013:

Hi im married 2yrs and it my husband was a recovering addict until we had a car accident and now its Vicodin Xanax and addderall he takes so many he gets mean and we fight he has put his hand son me thrown me i say thign i should not say but im so hurt i love him btu i cant do it im so tired and if i leave i truely have nobody to help me at all. no body he is my only family. funny isnt it the one i need cant help me.

ChristinaBatchelo on September 03, 2013:

As I sit hear and read my story over and over again and all I can do.is cry. It has been since Friday night now so.this time it is going on 4 days. He has are only car and I just knew he would be here by this morning to bring our daughter to school. I am so angry, hurt, worried, scared, etc. Let me give you some backround of myself. I am 33 and have know about addiction since I can remember. My mother wa an addict so I ended up in and out of foster homes until 9. Thank God she got into recovery. Lets fast forward. Around 16 I myself became addicted to pcp. I had a baby at 16 at 18 I started selling crack 19 I had another baby and lost both of them to the system. Now all I thought was my.kids are safe and I am free. With no responsibility I went wild. I met a man Keith when I turned 21 and 6 months later we were married. Still smoking pcp I never knew my husband was an addict as well. His choice crack. Now all.this time I never knew I had a problem. I.could maintain. I had a job I.was in school and I was good right? Well then I lost my daughter for good she was put.up for adoption. I found out I was pregnant again. Throughtout the five years me and keith were together he would go on missions gone for days at a time. I.would.be so worried. I would always go out and find him and bring him home. In 2005 he got so bad the violence started. He slapped me and busted my face I needed 9 stitches. Two weeks.later we were so behind on bills he sold his truck and gave me the money. I gave him a hundred dollars and hid 4000.That night he broke my jaw. I went to visit my.family and when I came home he was gone. I checked where I hid the money. It was gone. I.called him flipping. Telling him I hate him he was a crackhead that I hated him and I wanted a divorce. This time I didnt go look for him. I got the phone call 2 days later. He was found overdosed in a hotel. That sent me into overdrive. With the state getting involved again they took my soon because they drug tested me. I was so hurt filled with so much hurt anger all I wanted was to get high. 3 months later I met Marcel. Boy can I pick.them. by this time I was selling.a whole lot and getting.high. I.gave up on life. They ended up.adopting my.son too. A few months into.dating Marcel I find out.he also smokes crack. But in my.crazy mind all I.thought was I can change this one.and.help him. 2 years later we were just down hill I lost everything. Marcel was way worse in his addiction. So we decided to change. We moved from CT to FL. Best and worse decision of my life. Ok let me bring you.up.to.speed. we have been here for almost 6 years and I am clean. Not from rehab not.from na but For me it was the will to live the will to.want to.change. I had two more babies down here and I thank them for helping.me. Now as for Marcel. He has been in and out.of.jail since we been here. Everytime he relapsed it just gets worse. But I.can change him. I wont give up on him like I did keith. I love him, I think. He had 11 months clean wow this is the longest he has had. Yes I can finally have the family I always wanted. He is a great father and we love him. Well a month ago it started all over again. The lies, the bad additude, disappearing. Now as I sit here wondering how will I get our daughter to.school tomorrow all I.can do is cry. I know addicts only want to get high but to not come bavk to bring your daughter to school I am dumbfounded. I have been clean for 6 years and fighting his addiction for 8. When will I get enough? Why cant I love me more to let him go. I am in pain. I cant eat cant sleep