Bachelors Degree in Organizational Behavioral Psychology with a background in Autism, Mental Health, Business Psychology. Sales Management.
You See What You Want to
Til It Happens To You - Lady Gaga
Dear Future Ex-Husband: Only Woman Going To War With Narcissist
I hope you do know that I truthfully never believed you were narcissistic and was convinced you had Bipolar. Truthfully; it still could be, but I could only consider sources to research that directly were linked to that.
I never saw true prominent Narcissism.
You cried a lot and it always looked genuine.
And you’d have a chunk of time you'd be selfless; like last year, when I went to Sheboygan Voluntary 3 day Psych hold in the psychiatric unit of the hospital. I can’t imagine how the things that made me think you just needed someone to encourage you.
But, according to the majority (90% of those that had been in your life that were the one's reaching out to me and informing me of things that you had not told me), for these 2 years; taking everyone's input into consideration as well, you are indeed an narcissist.
I am unsure if they can monitor you after I am gone; it could be that you become a different personality year over year. After we headed into the third winter and the third year of your bizarre behavior, it is apparent that you have 5 personality's; but, I do know that it’s really frustrating. I am to a level of exhausted I never reached with my son with Autism in all those 20 years; but, Chad won’t talk to me so it continues. Thing's do not just go away when you choose to leave your wife.
Who ghosts your wife?????
What if there had been an emergency; and there was no way to get in contact with you Chad, you who is the only one currently authorized to make any decisions on my behalf, if I became incapacitated. What about the incident that I intentionally shot up fentanyl to kill myself and you did not know until I told you myself in January, months later. Lucky I was only dead nine minutes; and that I had Anthony to resuscitate me. I didn't even have a phone to call the ambulance had I been alone because you had constructed a blackhole of destroying my life and me.
So I wouldn’t die, I even took 180 pills after you had me in your bed for six week's and because your best friend told your girlfriend; while she is such a good influence on you and fixing your life; she was in jail and told about me being in the house. You had no reason to attack me; as she didn't know I was asleep in your bed, but you screamed at me that I was a stupid bitch and ruin his life and to get the fuck out of your bed, your house, and your life or you will lose everything. I felt so worthless.
You made me feel like I was a bag of trash that had gotten full of rotten food and dead animals and that nothing would make you see anything different. I was so heartbroken. I had been a day away from moving to San Antonio and near my son; to move on with my life. I had been over you and wanted to date again and you had been so dysfunctional, so broken and lost. I stayed for six week's to make sure we got you back to yourself and happy before she got out of jail and that is how you treated me instead; but I didn't die. I didn't even get sick to my stomach.
I defended you until I couldn’t do it anymore.
Krista festered in her feelings that she hardly expected to surface. She had been watching as you were doing and being the husband to me; that you never did for her.
So that’s not narc?
But can it be?
How can your family not want to be nice and let me be the wife for you that you actually had specifically stated you wanted when I met you. They told me that they gave up so long ago; they just wanted you to shut up and they brush it under the rug. Why?
You will never change. You will never get help.
I was the one that always believed in you.
I even lied in a court of law for you.
I have gotten sober for you.
I went and got psychiatric medications that I was off for five years. That was for you.
Even when I left in March of last year; when my ex from 2014's brother had enough of the abusive behavior. The crying. The random sarcastic messages about men that was my defense mechanism when I was breaking again because you refuse to every work on getting past the battery, or the women that are all in your inbox.
Reality is I didn't want to follow through with it like you sit and blame me for doing. I had told him you had the car at work and it was fine I couldn't leave you and move on because the car we still shared. He gave me no choice. I had to have anything I had packed in thirty minutes. He showed up throwing it all in the back of his pickup truck. Considering you know who's brother it was; that in itself tell's you that it had gone way too far. It wasn't on my end Chad; and you never would take any accountability.
That's what I did you left me over. Holding you accountable. I didn't hide all your demon's and bad choices. I did call the police. I did speak up. I did make sure your kid's knew the behavior's that you were exhibiting and now allowing were abusive and if they acted that way they would be treated just as you were. You could leave. A home is not a battlefield and that is what you made it be. You and your kids would make it so miserable for me and my kids. We cleaned. We cooked. We did the laundry. We did it all for YOU. So when you say I mistreated them it's a lie; and its why none of my kids have given their testimony and interviews because it would prove every single one of you lied openly and knowingly in that investigation.
I was doing all that for you too.
You still got the motel paid for and I brought you groceries. You had been on house arrest and I came by as much as I could. I would bring you sushi and wine to try and be romantic; I ordered you a wedding ring so you would see I was not gone for good I was fixing what you lost us and I didn't want you to feel that you were a failure.
I didn't trust you; and it turned out I had that intuition because I knew she was always in the background. But I noticed that it was always telling me you didn’t get something, I didn't do something etc. You never were appreciative of the things I was doing. Or how well we were doing. You didn't see past the fact you had zero control now.
I was irresponsible and lied not fixing your car?
I’m sorry but I was paying for everything. The fact's you really like to manipulate and forget that I keep everything. I was paying your car too and got it caught up and paid last June. It was fully caught up and when you were gone in a couple months; you hid the car. You drive the car. Your homewrecker drives it. When was the last payment?
It is a fair question since you claim I am the reason that your life needs to be fixerd so bad. Your car hasn't been paid since the month I last paid it. I was not going to give in and pay any of your bills and let you keep the verizon service on all those brand new and expensive cell phones. You had a girlfriend that you were hiding. She was such a pussy ass bitch; she couldn't even come out from behind that front door lol. She has hidden since she knowingly decided to stay with you and you are so insecure and jealous that you literally have nothing I will give you to help. You help Chad.
You left me a 6 months behind in our storage bill at U-Haul and 5 payments on your car, and I still had my rent, and I paid your weekly rent at the motel and I paid the bills.
I needed your help with Alex acting up and mistreating me; and running around with someone that was not being honest with me and putting my son into a situation that I would have noticed had you been around. You had him walk up to you twice in one day three hours north and you disregarded him. You didn't watch Cheyanne's high school graduation and we are still married. You are having a grand daughter in November and you haven't told Danny congratulations and these are the kids that actually have loved you and have been hurt by you but still have that loyalty. It was Danny that bailed you out and let you live virtually rent free for months and months after you got a battery bail jumping on his MOM.
You know what we hear instead? A sociopath email from your girlfriend that says I am a thirsty ass ex wife that needs to leave your boyfriend alone and that he isn't my spouse he is my ex-husband. That I am crazy and should go kill myself. That she even knew about my dad and my issues throwing at me he hates me. So you even went that low and have no loyalty and haven't even filed for divorce yet.
Truth is I wanted to be everything for you; but, when I wasn't and you left so easily, when you wanted to fuck me all of a sudden; it’s like why not?
You hadn’t made love to her or had any passion since the end of last summer. You told me that you were talking to her but every time I wanted you to come home; you chose me. Had my sister not called the welfare check; causing police to pick you up on a warrant you never would have left me. You only slept with her three weeks after you thought it was really over.
I had to not get to that spot where you literally can’t function and lose it all.
I didn’t really care.
I didn’t think I’d fall apart.
But when you came and actually got everything I felt so sick and realized I’m gonna not get through this.
I’m that bad emotionally I was just using my strategies; so it didn't affect the other half my life and drown me in this pain I had never thought I felt before.
I’m not wasting any more time on you.
Everything you have done is all textbook Narcissistic behaviors.
You basically had the excitement and desire wear off; lost every inch of control that you ever had. You didn't get enabled. You were held accountable every three day's when you exploded and was verbally abusive and got kicked out.
That’s the closest to love you are capable of feeling, you took what happened as a trigger moment to use it to skip.
It stunned me that you claimed you were in an unsafe situation and gain pity.
Once that happens you are already void of feelings for me and the steps all you did to destroy as you leave.
And you had it set up before hand because your relationship typically overlap.
You aren’t getting the “supply” from me and I confront you; I expose your behavior's and make you face them and I have made it impossible for you to live as a narcissist. You literally left after going ten day's finally in happiness.
Try to make you accountable and that’s the thing narcs hate.
So you left for someone that would be no where close to the value and worthy of being your wife. You only chose her because she doesn’t confront you the way I do that is the correct way to do so; instead she throws tantrums of jealous and hatred (pussy as bitch gee gee) and ghosting is the typical form Of behavior used.
You don’t care about me at all now and you will still throw things as my fault twisting stuff so it’s always me but if you listen to every accusation of yours?
Judgment? ... Narcissist Sociopath
Discard Phase of a Narcissist
The ACTUAL Unveiling of the Narcissist
A narcissist, like you, is the one that is always behaving unacceptably and are tossing accusations at the spouse. He accused me of breaking my vows and I am a home wrecker.
When you tried turning all the things you actually did, and you did it so impulsively that I was so mortified, you sounded so ignorant!
Chad, when you walked out for good (on a event that ends up the truth shows it was all not true), You had credibility...HAD!!
When the reality (literally concocted by you) was because it was a volatile psychotic drug induced state and you were terrified?
But when it comes back nothing...was leaving over something that turned out so undeniably proven opposite...and you didn’t right away jump up? Didn't call me? Ghosted me? Berated me when you did surface?
When you didn't even verify it because; if that’s the case you’d want to go home to me, that's what a spouse (two days prior confessing undying love...a "terrified for her welfare" that you called and sent videos to EXS lol...).
That exact moment half of those on your side caught your game.
"Get rid of white trash Abby. Get a grown man with degrees and can problem solve...not leave their family."
I never saw you as trash.
"Don't date conspiracy nuts."
I thought you were someone able to connect dots others couldn't but all you did was mimic others ideas to cover ignorance. Weirdly, I being such a career nerd in human behavior, every time my own thoughts said the truth? I would shove it away. Why?
Because it's been done to me and I was judged and I can't get family even to see who I really am. So I voted not to do that to any person. But I saw all the things I'm addressing in another article. I wanted to whole hearted be wrong.
I knew by two months after we married but I spent two years almost making you the best case study I've ever had a chance to do. I was going through a hell I never imagined ...figured I might as well learn.
So I could leave you and than make you do the actual leaving to ice my cake of who you really are. Truth is I still want to be wrong.
But as educated as I am. As much as my father tried to keep me safe from men like you, I stopped living in happiness or going with anger to cover the other emotions I can't handle.
My empathy is so intense I don't even know sometimes what is my emotions or what is the others around me feeling. I'm also scary intuitive, the hardest part is remembering every detail and catching some miniscule behavior and BOOM you caught. Though I hardly even told you I caught you.
That's even the funnier side, I gave you chances.
I told you I knew and what I knew every single time; and you still lied.
Made it something I did.
But I don't ever recall you once picking up a book to learn how to actually be a GOOD (bad but you get it) Narcissist.
I know my family wants me to have more respect on not bringing anyone into my writing.
You figure out why they don't even want me to say "my sister didn't believe me and told me to go kill myself" yet? Because they are all a varying degree of Narcissists and sociopathic.
I do get why they feel that way though; even if they weren't it's their guilt. Or the fact they know that those that know me may figure it out fast and not realize that hardly anyone is going to realize it and definitely not judge anyone the way I wrote it.
I did choose to honor them and not to and took many of my writing and unpublished my work.
But see that's because it was things they viewed negative and wasn't necessarily my intention.
So by bringing up my father, I'm doing so in showing what an amazing father actually is. As apparently, you either have a distorted view of yours or maybe don't know what one is.
My dad's career ..period. Made him hands down someone I wanted to be like...his military career and him in uniform I remember being so proud of even too young to know why.
That officer uniform I would stand and stare so much in awe at when he wore it, five years old watching him walk off that battleship; and to my recollection finally let the family go on board. I remember I brought hungry hungry hippos and the marbles falling out of that box into water.
I remember smiling.
Because once I was on that ship all I remember was holding my father's hand showing me amazing ship crap. Truthfully, I don't remember the tour of the battleship. I just remember feeling so proud my daddy was so important.
My daddy was an American hero, but to me? He also was the one I waited up for to see and hug after months away..to wake up and he left again.
I never cared what his job was.
He was a man no one fucked with. That is I think where I may have ended up with men that exhibited the traits that I so needed as his little girl, but they didn't have the honor behind the behavior and I ended up being mistreated. As powerful a man that I saw and looked up to; he was also the biggest softy goofball when we were home. Something I have not been able to see since he had my little brother.
But he'd do things like laugh as I farted on his lap.
My dad's why I can be happy all the time to the world.
He's why I know so much of the world.
And he's also why I knew about men like you.
You'd have destroyed me, probably literally, had my father not also seen in me something that he knew would be my biggest virtue; yet also downfall.
You sit and would get pissed when I would cry over the situation with my father but you also never really listened to why.
Or that I'd yell at you because no matter what the fuck you wanted, my father was not to be your target.
You tried to get me isolated and at first I felt that you just didn't like to see me cry because I have a difficult relationship with some. But that was never the truth.
Because you didn't even call my own father last year when I overdosed trying to stop the panic attack that you had induced; to punish me for yet another time you got picked up on Domestic when it wasn't even me that was behind it. Krista had gotten you arrested; not me.
You didn't even know where I even was; that I was in ICU for three day's after spending all that night in the ER with the sherrif not leaving that room beause (to my ignorance) you had been causing scenes in the waiting room.
I shouldn't have just had you responsible for me when you were on no contact. Tell me why didn't you tell my dad?
How didn't you reach out to him so someone would have known three days I was in ICU? Someone that has rights To make medical choices?
Than I'm in a voluntary stay that's magically on the fourth day; me fighting an involuntary hold? Still maybe you never thought to call him?
Because he'd have known I've NEVER been suicidal.
He's have KNOWN to not let them give me benzos or any intravenous Ativan.
He'd have questioned why involuntary because sheriff even said I was voluntary.
See I finally read her report.
And had my father been called I'd have had a voluntary stay; even better might even have not had to go to psychiatric hold.
He'd have had me released to a friend at least.
You? That's why I almost got involuntary.
I had zero people to be released to and they refused to let it be you that I was released to. They kept asking me who they could call after the overdose was under control so I could go home with them and stay for three day's.
But you acted like you were there. That you cared and I am grateful (don't get me wrong) of not being alone. You gave me that but I was only clear headed when the psychiatrist came the second day.
I had watched at least ten other patient's that were on the ward. I was nothing even close to the severity as they were. In fact, I knew that morning that it wasn't me at all.
I remember the doctor asking me, "Not to be unprofessional my dear, as you being here means it's serious, but can I ask what YOU think is the issue?"
You know that's the very first day in 41 years I looked up, clear headed, calm, and said that I knew what my family over the years thought.
I knew what my husband and ex's would say; and what my friends would try to protect me by saying. Instead I thought a minute and told this to him
"...and for once on my life my dad's fucking right there's nothing wrong with me. I did just need to listen to him." Doc obviously was like okay and?
*Nothing's wrong with me. My empathy and emotions are yes...way overwhelming...but I'm not crazy or psychotic...my empathy made me fall for a narcissist and my mind can't wrap around narcissism; that my problem is I'm an alcoholic. It's the only way to live with a narcissist when you have so much education it's like banging my head on a wall. But because I see it but I don't get it. Than I drink so much that I can't control my emotions or my anger. I'm am alcoholic. In an abusive marriage I stay in because I want to understand.".
My psychiatrist sat next to me and we sat staring at the white walls. He asked me what I needed. I said nothing. I am walking out of there sober.
I'm going to prove to myself it's not me. I'm going to do what my morality says. I'm going to try to prove that it was never my fault; than I'm leaving the son of a bitch."
He was worried. I had no support system. I said I fucking didn't need one
After ten min we were silent he asked me why? That we all need someone.
Here's my exact answer, (finally I cry silent tears he did notice) because my dad was afraid to die in 2014.
Because if he did there'd be no one to take care of me because I couldn't take care of myself. I mean he said this over keys locked in my truck and dead battery. I being the smart ass I am said that's what roadside is for.
But I know what he meant.
I couldn't take care of myself.
Never been on my own.
Always had to run to my dad mostly losing it all again and why?
I couldn't handle the pain men put me through.
I even told my doc I felt my dad has to teach me because I'd never have jumped that plane to California and find the independent successful me had it not been for my father.
I hate my dad's not my best friend; but when we stopped talking, I had no choice. I had to be able to take care of myself. Than I had to also figure out how to make it on just my income in southern California. I never intended to have Danny be kicked out and given up on by his father at 17 years old. Or battle him for two years to get a job, not be lazy. Than take in several of his friend's who didn't have a great family at home with the mother being nurturing and not just having him go sell pills and weed to bring them money.
And I in the end sat telling that doctor that I can finally say my dad can not be afraid anymore.
Why? He asked me.
I told him because I didn't need anyone.
I never did.
And I know that if I quit drinking the path will lead back to that girl that succeeds but maybe one my dad would be proud of again
I told that doctor that my crazy wasn't the psychotic kind. I wasn't going to kill anyone in their sleep or lose my shit in a jealous rage and go and chop up his girlfriend lol.
I feel too much but my dad taught me how to stop it
He smiled and said stop what?
What Could The Bible Say? Karma?
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- Psychotherapeutic Treatment of Narcissistic Injury in Marital Separation and Divorce
The psychological processes involved in marital separation and divorce often include strong felt narcissistic (self-esteem) injury. Recent developments in the psychology of narcissism can be applied for the therapeutic amelioration of such injuries.
That information you got that could have changed the outcome?
She was the one that shed a better light on the circumstances; but why did it have to be me?
Dear my narcissist Chadwick...that was a traumatizing incident had that been reality for me and you definitely should not have left. Seeing as it has been 110% validated inaccurate, and watching you choose what you have?
You proved that you are a narcissist: but it doesn't glaringly show. You see that in your delusional reality; you used it as a trigger as an excuse to leave; because I had not chosen to go balls to wall in a psychosis I didn't know was coming.
Instead of letting the seperation happen in a way that no one was going to be intentionally hurt even more. I didn't try to beg you to come home; and emotionally react by throwing dirt.
See that would show i give a shit.
I don't care that you left.
That you live how you do.
But I did need to feed that part of the breakup.
Because it led to what everyone should do. What Nicole did.
No more contact. Ever. No chance to try.
But my dad also taught me truth.
And how bystanders are the real ones at fault in bullying. To always speak up when someone can't for themselves.
To be living with a fire in my heart and no fear of retribution. Because sometimes doing the right thing is not popular.
It's not easy. In fact doing the right thing is often the hardest to do.
But he also told me that God is always with me.
And telling me what the right to do is and to listen.
To stay silent and I'd know what I should do.
If he's not there to ask lol.
But he didn't openly parent the same way; I don't think, that way with my siblings.
I think that's why we aren't closer; and seems like a canyon in our age differences. Also, I think he would say even now, that I'm different.
And I know they don't always or ever, agree with something I choose to do.
But I'm speaking up because if I fell for this shit, others are too and you make it so we don't have a voice.
You isolate and destroy. You can't destroy me. So I hope my father will not see this as a bad choice but I brave one.
If I can speak out against you love?
That I don't want to hurt you or expose your dirt?
I want to confront you and say what I hope many people in my situation will identify with.
That they recognize that it's not their fault. That they will never understand.
I needed someone to listen so I went to Facebook. Dad did say I shouldn't have and I am humiliated at times.
But I was smart to.
Because otherwise no one would have known the truth.
That I reached others through that. It gave me the strength to make it until you finally ran.
I thought after you got out of jail in the warrant pickup; you'd be rushing to see me, because of the personality that materialized as a new identity.
Not even close.
I think that is the thing that did it in for me; and you kept calling more attention to it.
How could you intentionally call attention on your own wife because of DID?
There was so many people that knew you that even reached out on their own. They felt that bad to be honest about things they had to say. So even if I had caught you red handed, you’d elaborate create a new truth to show you are an innocent victim.
I’m actually guilty right?
You are drawn to empaths because our emotions are at heightened levels and when we get hurt we feel like we are drowning and if we stay off our game, than you can control more and get away with more things.
When you get us to an explosive point you always trigger that explosion because we look crazy; but we are rational. Rational and not crazy; because our thought processes help to balance so I can deal with my outbursts.
Chad, you like them because you record the emotional explosion and I look psychotic. You used to record them so I’d see my personalities but why now? You don’t have one pointed at you.
The wife (me) they become devastated and I wish that I knew who you are so I planned the final running away you'd do so I wasn't.
I was devastated as well.
I think that the victim feels not good enough; I feel like I was the one to show you that you were not in control. That you'd do anything for it that you have ruined people. I think you ran because I expose what a man you aren't.
I guess because i was making good what you failed at and we had a house and could pay the bills but because honey you now weren't benefiting the way you need.
I tossed your ass out in March and nothing you did could give you control. . and that’s what you want because you can manipulate still so you can keep her me as a back up plan.
You never genuinely wanted to fix it.
But I did want to honor my vows so I did try.
But other victims feel so low on a level that literally they only feel they deserve nothing better than the homeless and criminals.
Chad you are in what I talk about in my next one. She's a thruway.
One you knows not near the level of me. You are with her because she won't confront you. Not like me. And you get off you think I'm broken. I made you believe it and soon everyone will see she is a throwaway to you.
So please know I thank you for the two years in a great study. A drunk mistake that made me realize I don't need anyone but my father's parenting advice and to listen to him for once.
Sadly should say, she can have you.
That the homewrecker deserves it but, I feel bad.
I even warned her.
I hope the minute one thing she sees?
You don't have the power anymore my dear.
You married me and I'm done with humans hurting each other.
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Welcome to the world where you're negotiating your best life and excited to do it! Slay your negotiation with that narcissist and take your life back! This...
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2021 Abby Rourk