Lee Travathan has been teaching people how to manifest for some 40 years. She has earned 2 honorary doctorates for lifetime achievement.
Do you claim that there is something you really want to do but you just don't do it?
It can be something big like moving to another part of the world or something small like taking an hour a few times a week to pursue a hobby. The bottom line is it is something you've been stating you intend to do, yet, you haven't gotten around to doing it. You don't really know why.
That constant sense of delay that you feel is a psychological and internal sneaky little pattern fostered by doubt; one that millions of people deal with each day. Some people call it procrastination... but it is more than that.
Every time you begin a sentence such as, "I truly enjoy playing the guitar and want to do more of it" you stream head-on right into a mental listing of justifications that are stored on auto-pilot in your brain. And Boom! You are off and running. It can be that pesky little voice inside that tells you things like, "but it requires that I take time away from my family" or "it's a foolish idea due to the fact that I'm so old", and so on.
Now, you might be claiming that you don’t utilize excuses and you only have legitimate reasons for why you "can't" do what you claim you wish to do. Excuses are for more untrustworthy types of individuals and that is absolutely not you. Right?
Well, let's get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we? If there's something you say you intend to do, and you continuously have a less than credible reason why you don't do it; there are 3 possible and very basic explanations for that:
1) You don't really want to do what you claim you want to do, but you say you want to do it out of habit... or you think you "ought to" want to do it. Wow! That is a mouthful! Or shall I say, a mind full? More like a minefield of drama, right?
2) You actually intend to do what you say you want to do… someday. Someday never seems to come because it feels emotionally dangerous and forces you to step outside your comfort zone. You may be afraid it could distress or anger somebody you love and appreciate. You don't want to risk that! Hey, we all want to be liked, right?
3) You are unconsciously living a fantasy life. We all do it. How do you think we accumulate all that stuff we collect in our houses? We buy something that we think we will use, say we will use someday... then never use it. It goes to the thrift shop, gets pitched, or is re-sold.
Saying that you want to do something that just seems to never happen may fall into the fantasy life category, since we are always trying to be better versions of ourselves, even unconsciously. Most of the time we have no clue that this is going on behind the scenes of our minds.
So, by all means, stop claiming that it is something you want to do if the answer to your situation is # 1. Let it go. Bring some closure to the darn thing and it'll release you from psychological and emotional distress so you can seek out something you genuinely do wish to do.
If the answer for you is # 2, then most likely you are utilizing a justification habit that permits you to hang onto your desire and supplies a sensible reason why you can't do it, therefore, keeping you risk-free but still yearning. Yearning, over time, can become addictive.
If you are dealing with reason #3, it is time to get "in your face" honest with yourself for your own good. What is real and what is imagined? You don’t have to judge yourself over this… but you do need to know the difference.
What do the common reasons for doubt-filled resistance look like? Simply put, you probably lug around a mental suitcase of doubts in your head on a daily basis. You've gotten so used to it that you may not even notice. For you, it is just the way it is.
Here's a listing of a few of one of the most typical ones:
I'm too dumb/too wise.
No one will like/love me.
Let's face it - I'm not good enough.
It's okay for others, but I'm not that lucky.
It's too far from my home.
I don't have the money for that.
There's no time. I'm too busy.
It's wrong to want so much. I'm not that greedy.
No one will understand.
I might get hurt.
I might get sad.
I could end up alone.
And the prize winner. Hey, you can't have it all!
We could go on and on, but… do any of these sound familiar?
We wouldn't use such reasons if they really did not serve us in some way. It's tricky to dig a little deeper than usual and admit that, but otherwise, why would we utilize them? Simply to abuse ourselves? Not quite. There is a lot of doubt at play here.
Let’s look at some of the common advantages, also known as secondary gains, from using many of the typical excuses above:
It enables me to be clear and right about myself (example: "See, I told you I had not been adequate!").
It keeps me secure because I know what to expect. I don’t like surprises!
I can simply stay stuck (so I can complain & sympathize with others).
It's familiar. It is easier to go with the flow, isn't it? We can keep the emotional inner status that we are used to and refuse the things we truly do want or need, especially when they may be a hair different than the majority of people we connect with. We can hold to the "social norm" that we think we must live up to. A minimum effort seems easier, however, it comes with a price. The expense can be anything from lack of satisfaction in our lives to clinical depression or illness.
It is time for you to become an Excuse Buster.
The initial secret to busting your excuses is to discover them and then recognize the reward you're obtaining from using them. Yes, there is such a thing as a negative reward. So, here's a bit of homework for you.
1) List 3 things you consistently say you want to have or do.
2) List the reason(s) you tell yourself and others why you can not do those things. If you do, without a doubt, actually want what you say you want, discover why. What do you get out of it?
3) Apply the examination earlier in this article to establish where you really stand. Is what you say you want real or imagined? Be honest.
If what you say you want is not real, then, by all means, let it go.
If the response is that you actually don't want what you say you want, let it go and move on.
If the answer is, yes, and you are being truly honest with yourself ... keep it alive and act upon it.
When you've established a listing of what you truly do want and the excuses you make for not having or doing it, it's time to delve deeper and recognize your benefit for not getting what you desire. You really do need to know this before you can move forward.
What, exactly, are your excuses?
1) Make a checklist of all the "negative" things you are afraid could take place if you were to take the risk to have what you want. Be absolutely truthful and cover all the bases including the outright worst situations, circumstances, and events that you can imagine. (for example: if I move across the world, my family members will no longer enjoy me or want to see me).
2) Look at your listing in regards to how likely your fear would be to truly take place. Use a range of 1 (not likely) to 5 (definitely certain). Be brutally honest.
If you do what you desire to do, you'll probably figure out that what you feared is not likely to be real. The chances are very low that something horrible is going to happen. Honestly, if something undesirable or unforeseen does occur, you'll be able to manage it. Look at all the things in your life that you have already made it through. Some of those were really difficult... and yet, you are still here.
Make a checklist of outcomes you really do desire to produce. This is the beginning of your real, true, and actual plan. Your plan can also consist of any kind of assistance or sources you might require, for making it take place not "at some point" but starting today.
Starting right now, create a serious and more detailed plan for how you will do them.
If excuses come up, know that it is most likely out of habit. Kick excuses to the curb!
You can refer back to this article anytime you want.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Lee Travathan