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Jokes for Today's Senior Citizens

As a baby boomer, Denise and millions of others are becoming senior citizens. She explores what it means to be over 60 today.


Funny Anecdotes

I have had the distinct pleasure and honor of teaching painting to senior citizens for over a decade. They always made me feel like a young chick and also gave me perspective on my own life and woes. One of the greatest things about hanging out with the seniors was their humorous way of looking at the world. They often told about funny things that happened to them in their life. But they would say some of the funniest things right off the cuff. The following are some of my favorite humorous anecdotes from the senior citizens in my classes.


The Spare

One day the ladies at the painting table were discussing a mutual friend. I painted quietly and listened.

"Did you hear about Mrs. So-and-so," Annie asked?

"I heard her husband had a heart attack," I answered.

"Oh, didn't you hear? He died last night," Annie corrected.

"That's too bad. I guess this means she's alone now?" I asked.

Without skipping a beat, Annie answered, "Yes, unless she's been keeping a spare in the closet!"

I know it was wrong to laugh at such a solemn occasion, but it tickled me to think of keeping a spare husband in the closet. When I got home I told my husband about the ladies comments. Immediately my husband got up, opened the coat closet and peered in.

"What are you doing," I asked?

"Just checking for spares."


Telling Jokes

One For The Money

There was an 80-year-old woman getting married again for the 4th time. When the newspapers heard of it they sent out a reporter to interview her. The reporter asked, “So tell me about your other husbands.”

She said, “Well, the first one was a banker, a financier, he made tons of money. The second was a musician, a member of a very famous band back in the ’60s. We toured all over the world. The third was a minister. We had a little church back east.”

“And the man you’re marrying today?” the reporter asked.

“Well, he is a mortician. He owns a funeral parlor over on Sixth Street.”

“Can you explain how you came to marry 4 such totally different men?” the reporter asked.

“Oh, that’s easy. One’s for the money, 2’s for the show, 3’s to get ready and 4’s to go.”

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“Most smiles start with another smile.”

— Unknown


Married for Love

At a senior center where I work, there is an 80-year-old widower, Lou, who came regularly to paint in the watercolor class. For several weeks he missed the class because the bus brought him just late enough to see us clean up. We knew Lou was disappointed, so on this particular day, as we painted we were discussing possible solutions to his transportation problem. One of the widows, Betty, suggested she could pick him up if the bus could take him home. She wasn't sure where he lived and the others couldn't help. When he finally arrived, Betty jumped up immediately and approached him, suggesting she take him home so she would know where he lived. A shocked look came over Lou but then he collected himself and said calmly, "I have to be up-front with you. The first time I married for love and all I got was seven kids. This time I have to know, do you have money?"

Happy/ Pharrell Williams

Peer pressure

A reporter interviews a 104-year-old woman and asks “What’s the best thing about living to 104?” She said, “No peer pressure.”


Hearing Aide

So this elderly man is telling his neighbor over the fence about his new hearing aid. It cost him $4000 but it’s state of the art, and he can hear perfectly. “Really?” the neighbor says, “so what kind is it?”

The man replies, “It’s about twelve thirty.”


A Bad Man

I work with senior citizens daily so I am used to stories about the loss of a loved one. One day an 88-year-old lady was brought in by her daughter to participate in our activities. She had lost her husband to cancer just a month before and her daughter felt she needed to get out of the house and be with people again.

As I listened to her talk about her departed husband, and the year she had spent nursing him during his long illness, I couldn't think of anything better to say than, "I'm so sorry. You must miss him very much." As soon as I said it, I knew it was stupid. Of course, she misses him.

With a twinkle in her eye, she looked at me and said, "Yes, but it wouldn't be so hard if he had just been a BAD man!"

"Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people."

— Matt Groening


Speeding Ticket

Did you hear about the 83-year-old lady who talked her way out of a speeding ticket by telling the officer she had to GET there before she forgot where she was going and why?

Laughter is Good Medicine


2nd Thing to Go.

They tell me the memory is the second thing to go… I don’t remember the first.

The Science of Happiness – Art Therapy

They Come and Go

I've been painting for many years. I love oils and acrylics but always seem to return to watercolor for its speed and value. I can take watercolor on outings with little mess or fuss. Oils have the bad habit of smearing on the way home. I have won many awards over the years, including my signature membership with the Society of Western Artists. Teaching art is just a way to get to paint all the time.

My philosophy has been to encourage every one in his or her art. One time a little (short) elderly lady painted with me for the first time. Her daughter brought her and she was very skittish and hesitant with her brush. She kept saying that she was making a big mess and she was good for nothing. I hate this kind of talk from anyone, so I went out of my way to praise her every effort no matter how small. Her first paint was really not that good, but I praised it like it was a Rembrandt. I told her she should save it and frame it. She left encouraged and returned the following week. I made her my special project, making sure she got lots of attention and praise.

Soon she was turning out fabulous work (really). Her friends and her daughter, who came with her, began teasing her calling her, saying, "Teacher's pet, teacher's pet." By that time she was the teacher's pet. She was dear and special to me. She will live forever in my heart. That dear sweet lady passed away in the spring, some years ago, after painting with me regularly for about 4 years. I write this with a tear in my eye. For you must know, working with seniors, you will see some of them pass before you are ready to. Dearest Betty, save a seat for me in heaven. We will paint the celestial shores together!


Leave Comments, Funny Or Not

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 16, 2015:


We need to laugh at least once every to, I think, to be healthy. So glad to contribute to your health and well-being!



FlourishAnyway from USA on March 15, 2015:

These were great -- exactly what I needed. Thanks for the laughs.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 15, 2015:

Thank you Larry. I appreciate it.



Larry Rankin from Oklahoma on March 14, 2015:

Lovely article. Look forward to reading more.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 13, 2015:


I'll have to go check that one out. Confidentially I am a "senior" myself too this year. I turned 60 so I feel I can relate a bit. My mother is 83 and not showing too many signs of age at all... she's amazing. Hoping I can be like her.



Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on March 13, 2015:

Jokes with a splash of heartwarming stories of your work with senior centers--a good combo. Your title caught my high because I did a hub about seniors too "You know you are Getting Old When..." I am a "senior" myself so I know all the symptoms.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 13, 2015:

sujaya venkatesh,

Thank you so much for the vote of confidence.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 13, 2015:


Hmmm, I'm not sure whether to laugh or moan at that one.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 13, 2015:


Thanks. Eyes open, hearing aids on... all is a go. Wait, where were we going?



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 13, 2015:

Peachpurple, You are right. My hubby is the cutest. He keeps me in stitches all the time.



sujaya venkatesh on March 13, 2015:

a great hub

John Hansen from Gondwana Land on March 12, 2015:

This hub has it all, it is funny, interesting and touching. The jokes and anecdotes about the seniors you teach and work with are wonderful. The jokes about bad hearing remind me of a riddle I heard while in school and proudly recited to my parents Q."Why did the man wear condoms on his ears?" A. "Because he didn't want to get hearing aids"

My mother thought it hilarious, but my dad was not impressed.

Demas W Jasper from Today's America and The World Beyond on March 12, 2015:

Greatly enjoyed. Keep an open ear or the hearing aid on.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on March 12, 2015:

Yr hubby is even cuter than the jokes, looking for spares in the close t

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


If you find one let me know! Haha. I image it's always good to have a spare.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


Thank you. I really loved all of them too. The job was eliminated with the recent round of budget cuts. Hopefully it will come back before too long.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


I think that is such a travesty. We shouldn't have to wait till we are retired to enjoy creativity, but often that is exactly what happens... if it ever happens. You should have seen some of the people laughing out loud at the thought that they hadn't been painting since kindergarten... and they felt their skill level was about the same too.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


So glad you were amused.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


So glad you have some good memories. I too hope I have a good sense of humor as I get older. I love to laugh.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:


So glad you enjoyed it.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:

Thanks Kevin,

I appreciate it.



Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on March 12, 2015:

Say Yes,

Thanks so much for that. I agree. These cute little lines around my eyes should be signs of wisdom and wealth but instead they are something I want to hide and cover up.



Fay Favored from USA on March 12, 2015:

So wonderful to be around people that bring joy through humor. You always do such wonderful things to make people feel special. I love that about you. Appreciate this article so much. Thanks Denise for making me smile today. P.S. I'll be on the look out for "closet spares."

Tami Rogers from Seattle, Washington on March 12, 2015:

This is hilarious!! I LOVE it! I actually write for a blog ocassionally about seniors, and I love to focus on humor and dad recently passed away but lived in senior housing his last few years and I met such great characters! Good for you teaching oil painting..they must love you..great hub voting up!

travmaj from australia on March 12, 2015:

This was so much fun to read and I love the humour - I also note the empathy you have with the Seniors. How special your work with Betty was and I can imagine her delight and pride when her painting became a reality. My friends father started painting in his eighties, he was a true artist and painted pictures for all his family and friends. Guess you never know what talent lies undiscovered - often time doesn't allow creativeness until retirement.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on March 12, 2015:

Very funny stories here. Thanks for brightening my day.

Rachel L Alba from Every Day Cooking and Baking on March 12, 2015:

Hi Denise, This is a really cute and funny hub about the elderly, which I am becoming quickly. lol I hope I can have a sense of humor that some of the seniors have in your stories. My mother died in her early 70's but I cleaned house for her older sister who lived into her 90's and she had some funny stories and a lot of experiences. My daughter took care of another aunt who was also in her 90's and she has a lot of stories from Aunt Mae. Thank you for this hub. It made remember some of my elderly aunts and uncles. Blessings to you.

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on March 12, 2015:

LOL, my God this was such a fun page.. loved it

The Examiner-1 on March 12, 2015:

This Hub about the senior jokes was funny, beautiful and oh so true. We have to take them seriously and listen closer to what they say. Not just ignore every word and push them to a corner. I voted it up, shared and pinned it.


Yoleen Lucas from Big Island of Hawaii on March 12, 2015:

I REALLY love the joke about the man changing his will three times!

I work as a caregiver. Once I had a job working in a rehab clinic with stroke patients. One of the women said, "We're here because we're not all there". LOL!

People need to realize they can get sick and handicapped, and die at any age. You don't have to be old for that. On the other hand, just because you're old doesn't mean you have to be that way. A counselor told me one reason for ageism is because past a certain age, the life you lived begins to show. People reach their endurance peak at 40; if someone is burned out at that age, it's too embarrassing to admit it's their fault, so they blame it on "being old". There's also a saying that if a woman isn't beautiful at 20, it's God's fault, but if she isn't beautiful at 40, it's her fault. The facial lines you get show how you lived.

Asians have long greatly revered old age, associating it with wisdom. I once had a Korean roommate who asked me why old people in America are poor, since they had a lifetime to save money. In Korea, elderly people are usually wealthy. I was only 18 at the time, and had never thought about that before. I'm 54 now, and though I'm still not wealthy, her comment gave me a lot to think about!

Thanks for writing this hub!

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