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It's Okay To Not Know

Krystal is not certified, accredited or remotely trained to be giving advice. She is nothing but a recent graduate trying to make ends meet.

High-School Was Difficult

"So, what's up with college?"

"Well, maybe you should join more clubs. They look good on an application you know?"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I really hate those words.

No, I take that back.

I should expect those words, just as you expected those words the second you started to go to school- or anywhere with people other than yourself. It's almost as if people forget I didn't just spend the majority of my life asking to go to the bathroom.

These places I've seen, been to, touched, and share memories with...they never encouraged the idea of free-thinking and individuality. It was always doctor this and businessman that. It was never about the students and their creativity or the preferred expressions. The naturally business-aligned got ahead, and the smart buried their heads because of expectations, and those who were unsure and just hesitant to try were left behind. If you couldn't produce good grades, you just weren't enough for school.

It was a war-zone and I just could never deal with the casualties...including myself

High-School Was Unexpected

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Don't you want a good future? Just try harder in that subject you obviously hate and don't understand easily, it'll come to you soon."

"I just got scholarships into five really good universities. I wish I was like you and didn't have a choice in which I went to haha."

I really hated those words.

But then I realized they were probably just as stressed and lost in this world as I am, and used society and its expectations as a crutch instead of fearing it as I have. I've always wondered who was worse in the scenario.

I've always been that sort of talented genius child in kindergarten and elementary school. The kid with good grades and a bright smile and wonderful teachers who would assure me every day that I was smart and special and that everything will be okay as long as I believed in myself and listened to my teachers.

Oh, boy were they wrong!

After elementary, I hit Jr.High and it was like me trying my hardest wasn't good enough. It was like, my needs as a student were not met unless I showed some magical student mojo they never explain to anyone. I didn't have enough pep? Maybe it was the fact that I was visibly struggling and no one could handle my baggage? Maybe...just maybe I was all wrong...

But then I realized...

How was any of this my fault? When did I ever utter the words "I want to go to school"

But High-School Taught Me Something...

"Honestly, I don't really want to be stuck in a dead-end job I won't like when there are people out there suited for that type of work. I don't want to be that type of person clinging to this desperation that I won't escape what I've gotten into, so I just won't. That's totally fine, right?"

I asked myself so many times that every morning I'd answer my question frustrated with my lack of resolve with myself. I didn't have my life figured out at 16. So what? I didn't have any plan for college because I expected to be dead by the end of high school. So what? I wasn't going to be a doctor, nurse, micro-biologist, car salesman, realtor, lawyer, or something fancy with a degree and title...but that's okay.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2021 Krystal McIntosh

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