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It Can't Be A Hot Flash, I Must Be Dying!

“What’s the matter with you?” I said, ”I’m dying!” There was short silence, followed by long laughter from my co-worker. I didn't understand how anyone could laugh, and hysterically at that, at someone who was dying.

I was on the phone with a client when suddenly, I was engulfed by the hottest heat that I ever felt. I was a raging inferno! I tried desperately to figure out what was wrong with me. The heat seemed to radiate from my pinkie toe, and with lightning speed it engulfed my entire body, and burst through my head...and I just did my hair the night before! I thought of Fred Sanford saying, ”This is the BIG ONE...Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you honey!”


My speech was slurred, my heart was racing, my skin felt prickly. I tried desperately to maintain the phone conversation with my client. Somehow I managed to think that I should probably cancel my lunch order. I’m sweating profusely! “What tha’…?!” I asked myself. Sweat poured from my brow; my head and armpits were soaked. I wanted to take my clothes off. Although I was dying, I was able to rationalize that stripping may likely get me fired or locked up!

I finished the call with my client. I thought I should have someone let her know that I was dying. I dragged myself to the kitchen/rest area, where my co-worker asked me to describe my symptoms. I managed to tell her. It was difficult, after all, I was dying. She laughed and told me that I wasn't dying; I was having a hot-flash. I said, “A what?! It can’t be a hot flash, I must be dying!” Of course I didn't know what it felt like just before you die, in my mind THIS must be it! I thought of Fred Sanford again.


I called my doctor, and explained my symptoms. He told me to come into the office. I said, "I need a moment to pull myself together…I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive while you’re dying." I finally arrived at his office, and he asked that I again explain my symptoms. I tell him. I asked how long do I have to live. He said, “I regret to inform you Ms. Childs, that you have 50-60 more years!” ’”Hunh! You mean I’m not dying?!” “Not today!" he told me. "You’re as healthy as a horse!" He laughed and said, "But you did have a hot flash though!"

HOT FLASH, that can’t be, I must be dying!!!” He said, “Have you ever heard of perimenopause? Well, that’s what you experienced.” I asked him why my speech was slurred. He said that it’s likely that it wasn't; that I was just frightened by what I experienced. I asked him for the medical term for hot flash, so I can use that term, so no one can figure it out. He told me that the medical term is…Hot Flash!

The intent of this article is to lend support to any woman, who has or may suffer the same, and like me think that they have reached the end. There does stand a chance that your experience is a hot-flash…you are not dying!


imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on April 27, 2012:

Thanks're #1 in my book!!! ...and uhm...the heat is on!!!

Lyntillus on April 27, 2012:

This story and all of your replies just crack me up....nuff said. Stay true to your flo' while I repair my sides...Love always, your 1st cousin.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on March 02, 2012:

Angie, since publication of this hub I have experienced the night sweats, and they come far too often for a good nights rest.

I am stripping my clothes off; I can do that in my home, turning on the ceiling fan, opening the window. All the while my dog is looking at me as if to say, "I'm tired of this crap!"

Angie Jardine from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ... on March 01, 2012:

We call them hot flushes over here in the UK and they are vile. Actually, wait until you get the night sweats ... they can be gross!

I'm just coming out the other side of the change ... and now the aches and pains have set in. It's not fair, is it?

Good luck with it all ...

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on February 24, 2012:


You can also click on the words "hot flash" that are shaded in blue throughout this article. These are clickable links (hyperlinks) to even more related articles.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on February 24, 2012:


This article was not created as a resource to advice or suggest ways to reduce if not eliminate menopausal symptoms.

However, the column to the right (shaded in blue) references "Related HUbs". It is in this section where you can find articles by authors on this same site, who write about relief from menopausal symptoms.

milderd on February 24, 2012:

will someone please tell me something that will help me

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on November 14, 2011:

@DIY...I know right!! I hate apples, but I love apple pie! Thanks!

DIYweddingplanner from South Carolina, USA on November 14, 2011:

Blame that doggone Eve and that apple! Love it, Ima!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on November 07, 2011:

ktrapp...two thumbs up and a pinkie toe for your politeness! Thanks Guurl!!

Sunnyglitter...that day I truly needed snow, a snowball, a snowcone....crap, I woulda' even appreciated an avalanche!

Sunnyglitter from Cyberspace on November 07, 2011:

LOL you crack me up. I have had some terrible hot flashes thanks to my pregnancies, and I was in the bathroom, dumping cold water on my face, running outside in the snow.

Kristin Trapp from Illinois on October 30, 2011:

OK, I admit it. Maybe I was trying to be a little too polite. At least mine were in the middle of the night without any wide awake witnesses :)

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on October 30, 2011:

Admit it near death experience was funny too! I'll never forget that day, for it was the HOTTEST day of the year!!!

Kristin Trapp from Illinois on October 30, 2011:

This was so funny - your story-telling I mean, not your "near death" experience. There was a time when I was having hot-flashes but they were related to too much thyroid medication. Thanks for sharing.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on October 28, 2011:

Well JamaGenee, I had that one big one, and the rest have been relatively mild, just as my Grandmother, Mother and Aunt told me...after they FINALLY finished laughing at me.

Joanna McKenna from Central Oklahoma on October 28, 2011:

This was HILARIOUS! Not the fact that you were "dying", but the way you described "dying"! In which case, you'll probably want to cancel me as your newest follower after I tell you - there ARE some of us out there - that I went through the change without a single hot flash. My mother didn't have them either, so it must be genetic. But one friend who has them all the time pretty much "hates your kind" right now. But then, she never had morning sickness and only had four contractions when she had her one and only baby, so I say we're even. ;D

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 11, 2011:

MercyGrace...I REALLY have more reading to do! Perimenopause and menopause SUCKS EGGS!! is a small comfort knowing that other women endure the same. By no means am I suggesting that I'd rather be alone. Admittedly, it helps me to appreciate those in the medical profession even more...when someone likes me visits the doctor's office!!!

Drjacki from North Carolina on September 11, 2011:

Been there, done that damp teeshirt!

MercyGrace from USA on September 11, 2011:

Oh, I can see that. Your doctor must really get a kick out of you.

Take comfort in the fact that hot flashes can decrease after, like 8 years or so. M

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 11, 2011:

MercyGrace, I can't even count that high, and if I could, I know that I'll wish that I COULDN'T!

It's ironic that you mentioned about night sweats, I started reading about them only a few days ago.

I think my doctor gets a kick out of my antics, which is reason let's me come to the office whenever I call. I'm always the laugh for the day.

MercyGrace from USA on September 08, 2011:

Just think though, how many more are we going to have to live through? Don't panic when the night sweats start. They are even worse.

It is funnier when it's someone else. I can easily picture you thinking that but I would have loved to see your doctor's face.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 07, 2011:

The crazy thing MercyGrace is that it happened EXACTLY as I described...I was laughed at so much, that now I too have to laugh at myself...silly me!

MercyGrace from USA on September 07, 2011:

Now, every time I have a hot flash, I think of you and your hub. Made me laugh a lot, after it was over though.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 07, 2011:

I like the pun "D'! I am a rollercoaster now, mentally and physically. Hot Flashes are like gifts that you wish you could return to the store...but can't.

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on September 07, 2011:

Well, I bet a lot of people, over time, thought you were hot. Haha. Hot flashes are for the birds. After my hysterectomy, I had one huge monster of a flash, several small ones before. Now, without all those hormones, I finally feel like a normal person. No more hormonaly (however that would be spelled) ups and downs. Menopause is great! (Except for the not looking so hot part).

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 06, 2011:

Aunt Darlene, thank you for informing me of the medical term...I think I should have my doctor contact YOU!

You are a diamond in the rough! No personal summers...whuuut?! I wish I could say the same. Since my near death experience, I've managed with mild summer weather...although the temperature is more mild, I still hate summer!

AuntDarlene on September 06, 2011:

So sorry, to all my friends and sista's and now my niece who have had had to endure "personal summers" (that's the medical term)I have never had one and do not anticipate any at this late date, I never had cramps either, just a friend who would stay a week every month, so maybe when she left the last time she took all her stuff with her, but she did leave the equipment. Anyway,only the muva could describe the agony in such a way as to make the suffering humorous!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 05, 2011:

carcro, I just realized I spelled your name wrong in my reply to your comment...please forgive me!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 05, 2011:

carco, I am delighted to have a comment from a dude!!! YAAAY!!! Yes, please assure your wife that she is not alone, and let her know that the FLASH while it can be discomforting, it is shall I say...a new introduction to womanhood!!

Paul Cronin from Winnipeg on September 05, 2011:

My poor wife has definitely had her share of these, She will be glad to hear she's not alone! I think at our age, everytime we get a cold we think "This is the big one", Thanks for sharing...Goood writing!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 05, 2011:

@UrsulaRose, if you hope that your hot flash is as eventful as mine, then put on your's going to be a bumpy ride! I've never been laughed at more in my entire life!

@Jeannieinabottle, it's crazy isn't it. When my nieces come over the new rule is, If Aunt Sharon isn't hot, then IT ISN'T HOT, and if Aunt Sharon isn't cold, then IT ISN'T COLD! Gotta' teach em' early!!

Jeannie Marie from Baltimore, MD on September 05, 2011:

I feel your pain! I am in my mid-30s and my hormones have never been quite right. So now I am entering the same fun stage, and it is unpleasant. The mood swings are the worst. Sometimes I want to rip someone's head off for no reason. It is terrible!

UrsulaRose on September 05, 2011:

I have yet to experience a 'hot flush' (getting closer though) but when I do I so hope that it is as eventful as yours. :-)

I so love reading your hubs and the fabulous way you have of sharing your stories.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 04, 2011:

"K", i think someone either dropped me as a child, or switched me at real Muva is the lady from "Throw Momma From The Train". I was in my 30's when this happened, it wasn't recent. Their wasn't a need to age the story for experience will always remain the same.

I imagine for you it was quite disappointing that uhm...your guy wasn't the inferno!

It lasts til death for real?! I got some more read'n to do!!!

Kalifah on September 04, 2011:

So help me, Lord, if you are not THEEE nuttiest woman that I know and love so dearly. :-D I have them all the time. It's really quite refreshing when the heat stops rushing to your face, and you lose the desire to rid yourself of every single stitch of clothing. LOL! Mine started at age 27. The first one caught me off guard because I was in the middle of an intimate moment. I thought it was guy; I asked him to do it again. He did, and I soon asked him to leave (once I learned it was NOT him giving me the sweats).

Be brave, my darling. Life begins at 40, and the flashes stop at death. As long as you're still having them, consider yourself blessed. I see it as a milestone, and a very valid excuse to be next-to-nude in some pretty peculiar places.



imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 04, 2011:

@justateacher, my Mother, Gramdmother, and Aunt never told me what to expect. They simply told me that I would have to travel down that road. Up to that day, I hadn't read anything about it, for I thought it would likely happen many years later. BOY WAS I WRONG! Luckily though my FLASHES since then have been somehwat tolerable! I truly empathize with any woman who's FLASHES continue to affect them as my BIG ONE!

@kimh039, had you seen me, you woulda' thought I was ready for the funny farm! My doctor already thinks I'm crazy! Now I think when I visit his office again, and for any reason, he'll have the phone number for the funny farm on speed dial!

Kim Harris on September 04, 2011:


Sorry. I couldn't help myself. This is hilarious. Not the hot flashes but the way you told the story. It just was very well done, and I can't explain how or why. Thanks imatellmuva:)

LaDena Campbell from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... on September 04, 2011:

I had a hysterectomy two years ago and have had horrible hot flashes ever since..I was taking something for them, but it didn't really work and I was concerned about all of the side now I just deal with them...but, boy, they can get bad!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 04, 2011:

MercyGrace, an old friend once told me that a woman gets only one good week out of the month due to pre-menstrual, menstrual, and post menstrual...she said nothing about the even that one good week is gone!

MercyGrace from USA on September 04, 2011:

That was funny. Sorry, I know not to you. First, child birth and now this. I think we're getting a bad deal. What's next? I guess I shouldn't say that, my daughter might move back home.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 04, 2011:

Actually he didn't, or not that I can recall. I told my Mother, Aunt and Grandmother (she was alive at the time). They all laughed to tears. They told me that the women in my family have that one big one, and the rest are fairly mild. So far, that has been true for me. But oh maraellen...chile'...that one was a doozy!

marellen on September 04, 2011:

Welcome to the club. Its just the worst thing to experience but there is help out there. I hope the doc gave you something to help. Hang in there.

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