Been diagnosed ADHD(at 3) and depression(at 16) but show a lot of autistic traits.Have I been misdiagnosed? How is music & motion involved?
Although I've never been diagnosed with ASD, I was diagnosed "hyperactive" by psychiatrists at age 3 and put on Ritalin on and off until age 12.I remember being wild and running rampant. My mother says as soon as I got in the doctors office I spotted the docs stool on wheels, flopped down on it and started "orbiting" around the room. The doctor came in and said "Yep. She's hyperactive." (The doctor did not base his diagnosis solely on this in case you are wondering). That "orbiting" was something I did all the time. Always moving, I'm sure I drove my mom crazy.
I was also displaying strange behaviors, like when my parents would play a record on the phonograph, I'd dive onto the floor on my belly and just start swinging my head around. There are pictures of me doing this and I remember doing it. Somehow it gave me comfort.
When I'd get upset as a toddler, I'd hold my breath until I passed out.I don't know why but I know that has something to do with all this.
Fast forward to my teens, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Big surprise since getting weaned off Ritalin at 12 and then puberty hits. My home life was tense, school became an escape. Doctor evaluated me and put me on Imipramine and remained on it until the advent of Prozac.
My grades started doing better in school, from c's and d's to a's and b's but I was becoming more socially introverted.
But I still sought out music with some motion component to it like pacing back and forth between speakers(I also have 50% hearing impairment) and going to playgrounds to swing on the swings with headphones and a walkman. I don't think that that's so much an ADHD thing as an autistic thing to do.
There are many things that make me think I'm definitely on the spectrum. Then there are other things that are opposite of that like I'm not averting eye contact-I'll look at you right in eye but try to throw a sudden change in my routine or don't let me have space to recoup and regroup, it's a problem.
In my 30's I was rediagnosed still ADHD and still clinically depressed. So fast-acting Dexedrine and Effexor were prescribed. I could swear the antidepressants made me smarter. Since I was I teen I've been on antidepressants steadily until about 12 years ago when for a few reasons, I stopped taking them completely.
The little brain buzzes, those zaps one gets when you miss a dose or when weaning off of them was the biggest reason. I don't care what anyone says, those ssri's are dangerous. At this point, if the depression got that bad to where I'd need meds again, I'd go on an old class antidepressant , a tricyclic like I was on in at 16 before I would go back on an ssri.
But when I quit the antidepressants, I felt I got stupid. My memory suffered, I really felt as though I blew major capacitor. My sense of humor even got dumber because suddenly stupid t.v. shows were funny where they were never funny when I was on meds.
It's been a real mentally taxing thing being off the antidepressants but after all these years my body's finally making the serotonin and norepinephrine on it's own again. Which was another reason I wanted to quit the meds. Don't want my body to stop producing what it needs on it's own. Long term antidepressant use will effect ones chemistry this way.
That aside, the evidence to me that there's more to the ADHD for me, is very apparent. I get overwhelmed easily have severe social anxiety, don't like crowds and feet like there's too much input (sensory and otherwise) and not enough output. I'm trying to find ways to sublimate the depression and adhd through music and writing. It's slow going but we all need to start someplace, sometime. I feel dumbed down but it's going to have to be alright-I'll get through it or I just won't get it.
Can anyone relate to this at all? Are you ADHD but think you might be on the spectrum? Not really fitting in anywhere but not especially wanting or needing to anyway? But feeling a definite purpose in life whether knowing what that is or not?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.