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Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist

Marc Hubs is a writer/researcher on mind, science, and conspiracy. He is the author of "Know Your Enemy: Reflections of NPD."


"I'm not really narcissistic, I just pretend to be"

"You will believe my lies because they are the truth... they are my truth"

"I'm not speaking to you, you do not deserve my words"

"I don't know what you're talking about, it's all in your head"

"You're paranoid, you need to get to the doctor to sort your head out"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I could never do something like that"

"That never happened, you must be imagining things. You need to see a shrink"

"I love you, I could never hurt you like that. Where are these ideas coming from?"

Do any of the above statements seem familiar?

Do several of them seem familiar?

Do all of them seem familiar?

If the above statements combined are reminiscent of a person you know then it's a possibility that this person may be a narcissist.

The last statement is the most relevant as it indicates that ideas are indeed coming from somewhere and that there must be a source. The narcissist knows perfectly well the true source of these ideas but has, most likely, been making a concerted effort outside of your awareness to distort any information you may have been picking up on, in order to hide the true source of these ideas.

To the narcissist secrets are secrets and should be protected no matter what (watch out for clothes bearing the word "secret" or "secrets" if the narcissist in your life is female). They will protect their secrets expertly and if you push hard enough this may result in them eventually setting up a distortion campaign against your reputation; you will be deemed the crazy one and the narcissist will be out to destroy people's opinions of you.

This brings me on to the previous statement:

"That never happened, you must be imagining things. You need to see a shrink"

Now that the narcissist has successfully tarnished your reputation thereby building an army of supporting bystanders (friends and family) they can now confront you directly. By taking the focus (and therefore any accusations) off themselves and projecting it onto you (or whoever their victim is) the narcissist can pretend to show genuine concern for your supposed condition whilst maintaining the (false) belief to their army of supporters that you need professional help, therefore invoking real genuine concern in the bystanders who feel real genuine empathy (which the narcissist lacks).

Push hard enough and you will end up facing all the people you know seemingly trying to convince you that you are paranoid (probably), even though you know you are not. The narcissist has outwitted them; all of them.

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The narcissist will twist everything; your words, the truth, dates, small details, etc in order to confuse. Once a strong enough state of confusion is invoked the narcissist knows exactly how to plant the seeds of a lie into the subconscious of their victim(s) which will be lapped up as a form of relief from the confusion. The victim's only choice is to let things be how they are or suffer having their lifestyle and livelihood quietly destroyed in the background, usually outside of their awareness.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I could never do something like that"

To the narcissist this statement is not a lie and could be considered to be the direct opposite of an embedded command. However, with embedded commands certain words in the sentence are accentuated or added to give the sentence an ambiguous meaning whereas, in a narcissists case, meaningless words may have been added to the sentence, such as the words "don't" and "never" in the above statement. If these two words are removed from the sentence then the narcissist is speaking the truth - therefore, technically, the narcissist is speaking the truth. How dare you accuse them of lying!

"You're paranoid, you need to get to the doctor to sort your head out"

This is a simple psychological (unconscious) defense mechanism which ties in with displacement. The narcissist knows they are different and plausible denial is a way of defending their repressed knowledge of their true inner self. Once again, the fact that there's something 'different' about them is projected onto the victim.

Out Now - Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD by Sparkster Hubs

Out Now - Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD by Sparkster Hubs

The narcissist gets a buzz from being able to manipulate so successfully and get away with it and will not allow anyone, especially their victim(s), to cause any sort of damage to their sense of omnipotence and omniscience. The narcissist is the all-powerful, all-knowing one. They consider themselves to be special as they have been blessed with a gift which they can use to go through life without feeling empathy and can therefore use and manipulate everyone around them unnoticed and without a genuine care in the world.

"I don't know what you're talking about, it's all in your head"

What's the first rule of having an affair?

The answer: deny everything!

You could be sat there with solid physical evidence but the narcissist will simply tell you that you are imagining things, reading between the lines too much or may even try to convince you that you are hallucinating. You imagined everything, it was all in your head!

Technically, the above statement is nothing more than mental abuse, even when used truthfully. You should never tell anybody that something is all in their head - ALL perception, whether real or not, is in the head.

"I'm not speaking to you, you do not deserve my words"

Clearly an indication of a heightened sense of grandiosity, you are not good enough to be spoken to by the narcissist. You (or the victim) will receive the silent treatment whilst the narcissist (most likely) sits in a daze staring blankly at the television... but what's really happening?

The narcissist is probably considering in advance what their next action is going be, what your possible reactions to that action may be and then considering what actions they will take depending on the reaction that they manage to invoke in you. Simply put, they are being calculative to the point where they are twenty-five steps ahead of you. Be prepared to be kicked while you're down! You cannot keep up with their super-human capacity for manipulation.

"You will believe my lies because they are the truth... they are my truth"

The narcissist is always right and hates it when they are wrong. They are ALWAYS right, even when they are wrong. They are ALWAYS right, even when they are lying - even when they are intentionally lying.

"I'm not really narcissistic, I just pretend to be"

An indication of an overt narcissist. One who loves to show off in front of large groups of people, possibly showcasing sexual behaviour and acting like it's all a joke but really they're just looking for attention.

The above statement is a classic give-away. It projects the idea that the narcissist is aware of their behaviour and can justify it as being nothing more than banter. Again, this is done just to appease and throw their victims off-scent.

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Brenda Barton on March 03, 2018:

I spend my days empty, I cry a lot still, I have memories n flashbacks of things he did and said to me, how I was being slowly mentally, spiritually, emotionally and even sometimes physically tortured to death and he had somehow made everyone hate me me and believe he was the victim. And to make matters worse when I couldn't stand the nail bitting walking on eggshells stress and would leave the fact that I would just be stranded somewhere alone no one to call n no where to go added to his manipulation and brain washing that I was nobody student matter and no one cares about me. I spend my days sticking needles in my arm of heroin to be able to relax but even that enslaved me to a rat race every single day of the ways and means to get high to avoid the sheer physical and emotional he'll of withdrawal and getting sick. To people think of the worsted you've ever felt physically and add it to the worsted you've ever felt emotionally and feel that way all the time with no relief for months. Cause everyone seems to think that's the answer. Just stop doing heroine n suffer 24-7 no relief or end in sight

GregHartneySr from Simi Vallley on February 03, 2018:

So much great information. I will read everything posted here. I'm so impressed at the length of each article. The depth and amount of shared knowledge is outstanding.

Thank you so much.. C. Scott

Vlad on November 23, 2017:

Those articles are useful, clever and well-informed.

Julia Slaney on June 07, 2017:

I am in this right now. I do not abuse drugs or alcohol and worry for my children

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on July 03, 2016:

To answer your question, not everybody who is abused goes on to become a narcissist. There are many various types of abuse at either end of the extreme (overly smothering someone is also a form of abuse) and if there is no love in a relationship then it automatically becomes replaced with abuse anyway. Becoming a narcissist is so much more than just being subject to abuse and neither are all abusers narcissists. Additionally, there are many other psychiatric/personality disorders which abuse can potentially lead to.

Didy on July 02, 2016:

I was with a male narcissist for 28 years.I did not realise how sick I he was until I confronted him.I was blown away when the denial accusations and crazy story making came out.At the end he put my life in danger which was quiet scary. I am thankful that I saw and heard all that and that the relationship is over and that we are on opposites of the country.He sucked the life out of me and almost took my soul.He took on my personality and invented himself into my experiences.I consider him to be a very weak human being and very insecure.He smeared my name to all his friends to cover up his lies and deception.We have been apart for almost 3 months now and it is amazing how light I feel.The one thing that keeps me going is that I live in truth and still have my compassion and empathy.They say that narcissists comes from abuse. How come I am not a narcissist when I have suffered many forms of abuse in my life.Good luck and speedy healing to all those people that got out of relationships with this sick people.People have to only open their mouth now and my intuition and experience tells me straight away.They are very immature and dark souls and are attracted to old and light souls. Please be aware.

Another Victim ;/ on February 03, 2015:

Fascinating & highly enlightening post,on these emotionally void, & manipulative treatuous creatures,

As I have discovered like so many more of you, that these people do actually exist... Almost zombie like,totally devoid of apathy & emotion, all there lives, is a lie & Drama that they create,

Carefully orchestraiting there very own theatre show, & you just like me & many others, will be the one used, to make them the star of there own show.

You are the fall guy. There support act

They will have you so tied up & preoccupied keeping there show running, you won't even Notice,that they have several side shoes going on,& when you do,they will deny deny & tell you it's all in your head, for me. That was the biggest clue, that sonething sinister was going on, suddenly you are being told, you need help, that your head isn't right.. You know your head isn't right, but it hasn't suddenly broken down & lost all it's sense's ,certainly not. That's just the point you

Will realise, that's what "they" your torturer & there family or associates they will have turned to, to assist them, way way before you realised, anything was going on. That actually you are now being made to look crazy , all to protect there own reputation and all the lies you've been "intentionally " fed

I had an example of my so called "partner" after years of vanishing without trace all night, one night after endless phone calls to contact her through the evening & night ( while they are out, enjoying themselves with no care or regards at all for you, sat wondering just what the hell is going on, who they are with, what they are doing , & knowing you wilk never find out , as they will simply say they were with there brother, sister. Daughters, anyone who will vouch for them) and whily they are out & you are frantically calling, they you know, will be ignoring you, & telling everyone, you are mental & a physcho that they are trying to escape you, but you won't leave them aLone, then happily go off with another person. To enjoy themselves, making it even more enjoyable for them, to know you are suffering, that is what gives these people any kind of thrill, the last trick was to actually at 2am to call me back on face time, so I could hear, the guy in her bedroom, them talking & kissing before he left,

Only to be told. I am hearing things & it's all in my mind. Lol, you have to learn to laugh at these sad sad, pathetic creatures, if you don't, they will drive you or make you believe you are actually crazy. Be warned, they lie. Lie constantly & there lies are there truth. They will defend & cover those lies to no end. At any cost to you.

And they will do it it every poor soul they sucker in, with there lies, so take some splice, in knowing you escaped, can breath again & that life can only get better, you most probably will be in a mess, emotionally & financially after your ordeal at the hands of these crafty & devious monsters, that's for sure.

But trust me, all you did wrong was trust the wrong person, all they did & do is no reflection on you,in anyway, they will try to project everything onto you. All there lies & wrong doing, ignore them, be bigger than these evil monsters of lies & manipulation, laugh at them, do not show then that you care, or that they bother you, what they do & get up to in there sordid lives, they are welcome to it. All they will ever have is lies & deciet, they are vermin, low lives, bottom feeders who suck the life out of any poor soul they can snare in there web of deciet.

Who needs them, ?

Once you escape them & come to your senses, your life will feel as if the sun has come up at last, and you can feel the warmth in you once again ,

No longer shut in a dark cold room blinded by there lies & betrayed,

Life doesn't & shouldn't be so hard & such a struggle, if you start to feel you are losing your own identity, & your life is changing, chances are you are being suckered in, for a life of hell & manipulation so listen to your Instincts.

Never allow anyone to tell you, your instincts are wrong & you are mad or imagining things,

Only a liar will tell you suck things

To convince you they aren't lying.

And most importantly



Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on October 08, 2012:

Massive respect to you Mom Kat. I think most of us have issues verging on these traits/diagnoses/labels, especially those who have been subject to it.

I also have theories about how narcissists can get past some of the damaging behaviours, although I have mentioned before that in order to genuinely be able to do so requires an understanding of the underlying mechasims on an individual basis.

You should definitely write the hub.

Kat from USA on October 08, 2012:

Oh honey, that's the the icing on the cake... lmao...

Us kids all ended up with something & when "messed up" is normal, well, you tend to gravitate toward it because it's familiar.

I got the door prize/goody basket of issues in the family: Anorexia, Bipolar, Anxiety disorder, ADHD, PTSD... but despite all of those colorful additives to my personality :) I figured out how to work through it & better myself.

Truly being able to understand mental illness from a personal experience really goes a long way in understanding others who suffer from it. So my hubby has NPD ~ choosing me because I looked like the perfect "victim" (but I'm not) & my sister who had her own set of demons to fight and whom I don't ever believe will want to work on or admit she has a problem.

It isn't so much "coping" as understanding & having empathy. Sure there are harder days than others, heck just because I know how to manage my own disorders doesn't make them magically disappear... but I know what to do to take care of myself when the stress gets to high.

I actually have a working theory on how to help a narcissist get past some of the damaging behaviors & was thinking about writing a hub on it :)

No need to feel sorry for me ~ I'm a tough cookie ~

Keep up the amazing writing! I'll be reading more of your work :)

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on October 08, 2012:

Wow Mom Kat, a histrionic AND a narcissist! I feel sorry for you. However, you don't seem to have raised any issues about it, I'm guessing you have learned how to cope.

Kat from USA on October 07, 2012:

Yip, I am SO living with one of these.... wouldn't it be great if there was a magic pill I could crush up and slip in his coffee that would make the narcissism go away or be cured!

Great hub! Keep up the good work. I enjoyed reading it very much.

SandCastles on September 10, 2012:

Good and scary(because it's so true).

SparrowMinistries on August 24, 2012:

Another great article. Thanks!

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on August 22, 2012:

Thanks for the comments, I'm sure there's a lot more people that suffer with this disorder than the statistics officially show (just 1% allegedly).

sapphire99336 from Kennewick, WA on August 19, 2012:

Great article; one person I know definitely springs to mind when I read this. I think we all know people like this and it's more common than we realize. Thank you!

Rfordin from Florida on August 19, 2012:

I enjoyed your article. Thanks for sharing!


Gamerelated from California on August 18, 2012:

Great article sparkster, I found this very informative and entertaining because I know people like that. We all know people like that. Voted up and shared.

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