A pathologically aggressive child is likely to grow into a pathologically aggressive adult. If one notices this trait at an early age and tries to compensate for it, then at an older age this person will realize their potential more effectively. If children's aggression is ignored, they will grow up to be impulsive and emotionally unstable.
Many films have been made about anger therapy and more books, articles, notes, etc. have been written about it. Some defend aggression, others try to eradicate it. For some people, it is really treatable, but for others, it remains a lifelong problem.
When aggression is incurable in children
Many adults are fully aware of the fact that they are overly aggressive, violent and angry, regret this behaviour and realise that it is the basis for all their problems in life, but they cannot do anything about it. Do you think it's laziness and looking for excuses? Not always.
Behaviourally, these children are great achievers and clever, agile, brave, strong and active, often winners of various Olympiads and competitions, innovators and creators.
However, the problem is that it is very difficult to recognize the psychotype through stomatitis in children, unlike adults. Since they, due to their accelerated development, try on all models of behaviour, it is not always clear which is true and which is tentative.
We take it as a basis that aggression is a kind of fuel for them. All those achievements at school, victories in sports and successes in personal relationships are all due to that very aggressive energy, which they have channelled in the right direction. Our task is to remember that they always have much more of this energy than others, so they are successful as long as they put it to work. As soon as we encounter destructive aggression, it is the first signal that they have gone wrong and are using their fuel inappropriately.
Therefore, pay attention to the following cautions:
- Never make them angry. Often these children show serious physical strength and activity and parents enrol them in sports. This is a very wise decision so that the child can realise his or her physical potential, which is naturally much greater than that of other children. Make sure, however, that the training sessions also have the spirit of nurturing virtue - not attacking, but defending, fighting fair, fairness, respecting elders and helping younger ones, friendship and reciprocity etc. Unfortunately in psychosomatic psychotherapy, this is a very common strategy of men - "walking on dead bodies", which they were taught as children. Today it may give you a medal or a diploma, but in 30 years it will be a lonely and sickly man, who will be afraid to admit even to himself how bad he really feels, and in the meantime will either get drunk or smack everyone and everything, not physically, but indirectly, verbally.
- Teach teamwork. These children have a strong competitive spirit. Encourage their individuality and exclusivity, but remind them that everyone is valuable in their own way, and in some ways even more successful than they are. Teach them to listen to other ideas and sometimes take a step back.
- Don't teach them how to fight back. Such children will hit the offender, it is like a reflex for them.
- Don't teach indirect methods of aggression - punching pears, screaming into a pillow, etc., it's a trap that will play havoc with them later. The only way to deal with it constructively is to channel it into action, into a project, into achievement, into self-improvement, etc. Note the difference: indirect method of aggression = punching a pillow and sublimation of aggression = squatting or baseboard nailing (for those who are older).
- Analyse the behaviour. Talk to your child about how aggression can be expressed differently, how a particular conflict can be resolved differently, what to do in what difficult situations, who to talk to and about what, or what is best to do, etc. Don't leave them with the feeling that hitting, shouting and breaking is OK.
- Discuss and demonstrate non-violent tactics. Especially if the child has inherited this aggression. Aggressive games and cartoons are bad for normal children, but for children who are constitutionally aggressive it is primarily traumatic, what they see they unknowingly experience as a feeling later.
When aggression is incurable in adult
As you may have guessed, pathologically aggressive children grow up to be pathologically aggressive adults. If at an early age we have noticed this characteristic and tried in every way to mitigate it, it is more likely that in older age such a person will use his or her potential more effectively.
If we did not pay attention or did not know that aggression can be pathological, a fairly impulsive, emotionally unstable and overly aggressive person likely grew up next to us. Again, we can recognise such a person by their athletic somatic type, they are often physically strong and active.
There is one person in everyone's life who seems to shout rather than speak; hangs up over us in conversation shortens his distance by entering our space; enters a room seemingly casually, but still abruptly and loudly, says simple things, but feels as if he is bossing us around.
Psychologically, when a person is healthy, he is a natural-born leader who will break through where no one has been able to break through before. They are people of result and achievement, of constant growth and development, energetic, self-confident, innovators and creators. On the psychosomatic side, when an imbalance occurs and their constitutionally weak organ, the liver, is not working properly, their psychic potential gets sublimated into unrestrained anger, rage, reckless use of force and destructive decision-making. It is no secret that what happens to us every day - stress, polluted air, fatty and spicy food, various chemicals, alcohol and smoking - affects the liver of any person. This affects such person's liver many times more, which is why they often encounter this imbalance and, as a consequence, inappropriately aggressive behaviour.
What to do about it all?
In working and dealing with such people, the first rule and basic:
- Discuss with him in "peacetime" what he knows about his anger outbursts, how he feels them coming, how he has tried to level them, etc. Explain your vision and understanding of the situation, agree that the situation cannot be left uncorrected and let him know that you are willing to help if he starts working on himself. Put the anger and rage into the realm of the abnormal and unacceptable.
- Agree on code words and conflict behaviour that you can use to communicate to your partner that the situation is getting out of hand. Emphasise that you will continue the conversation when he "calms down", "cools down" or "comes to his senses".
- Do not fuel conflict by blaming each other. On the one hand, this can end badly with such people. On the other hand, it sends the message that this behaviour is normal and there is little expectation that he will be less aggressive.
- Do not take verbal aggressive outbursts personally, they are nothing more than an attempt to "legitimise" conflict. Don't even listen to what the person is saying in a rage and don't try to understand him or her. You have an agreement on what behaviour is acceptable and if he wants to solve some problem, he can do it through a pause, in a calm state of mind.
- If it is not safe to be around such a person - it is better to leave.
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