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#I have a pre-existing condition

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#I have a pre-existing condition

It's funny that this hashtag is only going viral after almost two years in a pandemic. From the very beginning, people like me, the ones that had pre-existing conditions and we're at a higher risk of death from the virus, had to do things a little differently.

My pre-existing condition is a rare brain disease called idiopathic intracranial hypertension, IIH for short. I’ve had it for 13 years, no cure, and it has led to heart issues known as POTS, as well as a literal hole in my skull, referred to as CSF Rhinorrhea.

As a person with pre-existing conditions, I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself and my life. I have three children, one of them is only four years old, the other twelve and twenty-one. I work as a writer. I've written hundreds of articles that have been read millions of times. I've written hundreds of books, one you may have already read I am a daughter who strives to take care of her mother, a wife, a member of a community that I help. I pay my taxes, run a business, take care of my kids and love my country. How am I any different than any other American? Why the hell does my life not matter?

As you can imagine, a deadly, aerosol virus is probably the last thing that I need to come in contact with. The problem is we as a society, have decided to put the economy over life. It hasn't worked out so well, if you haven't noticed, we are in the highest inflationary period in over 30 years, and all signs point to no end in sight. On top of that, we've lost almost 900,000 people from this virus.

I mean let's be honest, this whole pandemic has been a complete shitshow. Telling the public that the general population didn't need to wear mask, was probably the beginning of the end. Since then, it is brought up a lot that we shouldn’t worry, because most of the people that are dying were old or sick anyways. I think I heard that within a week of the first case hitting America. Months and months later, almost two years later, we're still saying the same thing. ‘Don't worry guys,75% of the people that are dying are already sick.’

The problem is, not only do I personally have a pre-existing condition that will make COVID possibly deadly for me, vaccine and boosted, but I am certainly not alone. One in ten Americans has a pre-existing condition. That is a lot of people. That is a whole lot of people that we are basically writing off, like they aren’t worth it anyways. I certainly feel like I've been written off by my country.

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At this point, I don't know if I will ever look at this country the same way again. Right now, I can't even go to the hospital because the decision has been made that the doctors and nurses can now have the virus at work. My kids can't play with other kids, can't go to regular school, the can’ts honestly just add up to a point it hurts my heart. I don't think people realize that us sick and disabled, have lives too. We have families. We have families that are counting on us and when it feels like the whole country has turned their back on you, it's hard not to feel a crushing realization that your life doesn't matter.

Most people have been touched by COVID personally or in their family. I’ve tried to put myself in the shoes of those that have a very low chance of death from this. I can see the desire to want to live your life. I know in some ways I would probably feel the same way. That's not where I'm at in this pandemic though. I'm on the other side. I am one of the ones that very well could die from it, even though I'm only 37 years old. I used to strive to become the most prolific author, something that I was on schedule to meet at 40, but now I don't even know if I'm going make it there.

And what do I see in the news? I see headlines of how we just have to live with this. Headlines of how it doesn't matter that the new mutation is going to spread to millions of people in a matter of days, because don't worry, only the old and sick are dying.

From where I'm sitting, what a crappy thing to say. To the 140 million children that have lost a caregiver or parent, it's even worse. I don't want to say that I've lost faith in humanity, but seriously, what the hell?

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