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How to Survive a Gassy, Bloated, Farting Pregnant Wife


Pregnancy and Farting

Oh, man! Have you ever smelled fart of a pregnant woman? Horrible! A pound of rotten eggs smells far better than the smell of a pregnant woman. It stinks so much!

How to Avoid the Horrible Smell?

1. Don't hide your fart: Guys, you should tell your wife not to cover up the fart with blanket or clothes. She may be doing it because she is embarrassed, but when she hides it (and later opens it), it smells so bad. If she had farted into the open, it would have dissipated so much more easily.

2. Avoid gassy foods (read about this below).

Interesting Facts about Farting

  • Nitrogen and carbon dioxide are the main components of the gas released in a fart.
  • Methane and hydrogen are also present.
  • Farts containing enough methane and hydrogen can be ignited (if someone ignites a lighter when you fart, it can start a fire, and you will have to call the fire department).
  • Sulfur-containing compounds such as methanethiol, hydrogen sulfide (that provide that rotten egg smell), and dimethyl sulfide are the reason for the fragrance (hee hee hee) of the fart.

The Science of Farts?

Quite simple! Yeast fermentation. Yes, its that same process that helps to produce alcohol, wine, bread, and cheese. Farting is caused by yeast fermentation (bacteria fermentation, too) of undigested food in the gastrointestinal tract.

In pregnant women, farting is caused by pregnancy hormones like relaxin and progesterone that relax muscles in the body. They make food move more slowly through the gastrointestinal track (good for baby) and that causes farting. If you are pregnant and your husband complains that you stink, be happy. Farting is good for the baby.

Foods That Can Cause Gas

1. beans

2. lentils

3. dairy products

4. onions

5. garlic

6. scallions

7. leeks

8. turnips

9. rutabagas

10. radishes

11. sweet potatoes

12. potatoes

13. cashews

14. Jerusalem artichokes

15. oats

16. wheat

17. Cauliflower

18. broccoli

19. cabbage

How to Reduce Farting During Pregnancy?

1. Minimize intake of the gassy foods described above.

2. Drink a lot of water.

3. Take smaller meals that don't overload your digestive system (try for six small meals rather than three big meals).

4. Eat slowly. When you eat fast, you swallow air that can form gas pockets in your belly.

Guys, if you wanna be a daddy, learn how to live with a farting wife. Ladies, if you are pregnant and farting, FART in STYLE. When you get that lovely angel in your arms, you both can think about those farting days and laugh. :-)

I wish you all a happy farting-pregnant-days!


Wendydarling on January 07, 2016:

My hubby said i almost burnt the Christmas tree down mine are so rotten. And watch out for the blankets trick, the ole "im trying to hide the smell" like a sweet innocent embarrassed wife. Bulllllllshit i like to trap them for future silent attacks and wave them at his head while hes not looking and wait for the glory to see his horror stricken face he finally catches a whiff... of course i only do this when those crazy ass prego hormones hit me that make me strongly dislike him at that moment

Lmao on August 06, 2015:

I laughed my butt off!!! Sooooo true it's sad.. Made my hubby laugh too.

Gurnoor on April 22, 2015:

Nice post

Mayya on December 30, 2014:

Thinking I should print this post out and stick it on my norocebiatd to remind me Maybe just the pledge will do. Thank you. I really needed this today.And so glad I found you (via I Love Pretty Things).

emdi (author) on October 18, 2012:

Gabby, nice to hear that. I didn't mean to offend anyone but to bring smile on the face of every pregnant women :-)

Gabby McMahon from Ennis, Co Clare, Ireland on October 18, 2012:

I actually found it very funny, tough the title may offend some pregnant women .....

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