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How to Deal With a Narcissist Friend, Boyfriend, or Family Member.

Engelta loves to talk and study in depth the self-esteem issues, as well as how to improve and cherish relationships.

When it comes to your friendships and the ones you consider good friends, I know it is hard to cut the line and see them for the person they truly are. However, every now and then, you catch some traits you do not appreciate in the other person, and even though you may tolerate them, you can't help but thinking "Who are you dealing with?". If you answer is close to an egoistic, selfish person, then you might just be dealing with a narcissist.


How to realise for sure your friend may be a narcissist that only think of himself?

1. A narcissist does not see you as you, but he sees you more like an extension of himself. It is all about him, even when you want to tell a personal story, he will find a way to take over and your story fades. You may even feel like nobody hears you. Is there something worse than thinking you won't be heard? It's even worse when your friend focuses on his stories.

2. He needs to criticize others, not because they really have any flaws or have done any wrong, but just because a narcissist person needs to show how big he is and how small and irrelevant is everyone else compared to him.

Is the friendship worth saving? Before answering this hard question, you need to set some parameters. You need to realize that you are not there to fix a narcissist, that’s not your life job, unless you are a therapist. You maybe just got back to re-read the opening quote, and yes, you have the same responsibility toward your friends, to help them change and grow into beautiful personalities. Though...


The Narcissist Traits.

  • He will never have any fault on anything, because he will never admit he's wrong.
  • No matter how much he promises, he will never be there for you.
  • He will always play the 'victim.' It will be his way, or the highway. Whichever you choose, it will be OK for him.
  • Silent treatments are his way of taking things from you, like: mercy, or love, or attention. The world revolves around him, you know?

You know how sometimes, you are too close to a person to see his flaws, because you are so used to tolerate those flaws. You do not pay much attention to his behaviours, because you have taught yourself to ignore them and forgive. This brings us to the solution of taking some steps away from the person, realise his flaws, and find a way to ‘fix’ them, to help them become a better person. You can, as well, walk away forever, or stay in the un-healthy friendship.

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  • He tries to defend himself and his egoistic behaviour, covering it up like strong personal boundaries.

A narcissist does not like people getting too close to him, that close that they can know him and his flaws. Each time someone gets that much close, they push them back. Their ego comes alive and they push you away. They want to show you they have strong personal boundaries, but that’s the case. They are just too fearful of losing your admiration. Their fuel is admiration. If that’s lost, they’re lost too.


The solution of this situation?

If you choose to walk away, do not turn your head back ever again. You may hold regret, or you may care about him or how he's doing, but you will not do anyone, any good, because you walked away.

If you choose to stay and work on the friendship, then prepare for some tough conversations, and hot debates. You should keep some distance, that's the first step. Then you should begin from where you feel more vulnerable. For example, if you feel like you are not being heard, than every time your friend tries to steal the attention from you, just keep talking, if it's necessary raise your voice to be heard over the sound of his voice. If he does not get it, then say to him to listen to you for a minute. Do not let him dwell to his stories, you have your own too.

Make yourself important, because if you don't, nobody else will.

Understand your Narcissi.

How to know a true friend?

- You will know when you have a true friend when you realise that you are growing together, you own that capacity, of being in each-others life, without suffocating each- other.

- A true friend does not find it necessary to be with you every single day, to talk to you every single day. A real friend does not need this kind of communication to know you guys are friends. They know the boundaries, and they know that they do not need to impose themselves to you, or to lay many expectations on you. They know how to respect your boundaries.

- They are not jealous of your success, or the attention you get, because they do not get mad for the attention drawn from them to you, but they are just happy for you.

- The final proof is communication. When you meet, whenever that’s possible, and this may mean after months or years of not talking, it does not feel like a duty, but a nice, sincere communication, heart to heart. They know how to listen to you and hear what you have to say.

© 2022 Ensorcelie

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