Are you the sort of person who finds it difficult, almost impossible perhaps, to be happy or feel a sense of contentment? If you are this person, have you tried reflecting upon why you are never happy? If you haven’t, then perhaps you should. In fact, I’d urge you to reflect upon this question so you can address the reasons behind your unhappy life. So, why do some of us always seem to feel unhappy and dissatisfied with our lives? As people, we always expect and want good things to happen to us always. We want money, we want love, we want happiness, and the list goes on! There is nothing wrong in wanting all of that; all of us desire those things. However, things don't always end up the way we want them to, do they? We don't always get all that we wish for in life. There is always that bit that is missing from our lives, that we crave for and desire, but aren’t blessed with.
The Key To Happiness - The Simple Secrets To Happiness
Don’t Focus on the Negatives! Appreciate What You Do Have:
We may have 8 out of 10 things going our way - but we feel so disappointed and sad at the 2 things missing in our lives. It could be love that is the missing factor, or it could be money. We always tend to focus on the things we don't have, than the things we do have. Happiness comes from appreciating the things we possess and not choosing to brood over our failures, or the things missing in our lives.
Know That There Are Certain Things You Can't Change
While there are some things you have control over in your lives, there are others over which you can exercise no control whatsoever. Your life would not change if you excessively ponder over those things that you wish could be different. I've known of people personally who wish for the things they don't have or wish that things were a certain way in their lives, but never come to the realization that this sort of thinking would get them nowhere and would only result in them feeling down and depressed constantly. There is absolutely nothing to gain from wishing for things. Accept aspects of your life that you cannot change and focus on utilizing that energy in doing things you have control over, which betters your life.
Don't Blame Others and the World For All That is Wrong in Your Life
You can't be happy if all that you do in your life is to blame others for the bad things that happen to you. Learn to accept responsibility for your own actions and learn to deal with situations in a mature fashion by just dealing with what you are dealt with - not by complaining and whining about it and blaming others. You'd get much done if you do this and save yourself a lot of negative emotions that comes from feeling victimized, whether real or perceived.
Know That Happiness is a State of Mind – You Have a Choice:
Happiness is a highly subjective emotion. There could be two sets of people (in the same situation), yet one may feel very depressed, yet the other normal or even happy. The difference is in how the two individuals approach or view a particular situation. The happy person looks at the positives in his/her life as opposed to the sad and depressed person, who is fixated on the many things he/she does not have. Having a positive outlook towards life is what one should be aiming for. Choose to look at the positives. Choose to be optimistic. Choose to be happy.
Train Your Mind To Think Positively When You Feel Down:
Condition yourself to kick-start a series of positive thoughts - every time you feel down and depressed. The key is to not let that feeling of depression overpower you and consume your being. Change the stream of your thought to the positive things in your life – the things you already possess for which you are grateful for, whether it be your children, the people you love, the material things you already possess, the wonderful friends you may have – or any other positives you may have in your life. Am sure they’d be many, but of course, you need to reflect upon to find them. For, it is not always that we appreciate what we already have – the tendency is to always crib about what we don’t possess!
Put Things in Perspective – Count Your Blessings – Things Could Have Been Worse!
Another strategy would be to put things in perspective. Comparing yourself to the many millions all over the world, who struggle to make ends meet and face mind-numbing poverty and daily struggles. There is no way in the world that your struggles and your disappointments are greater than theirs. This strategy helps me particularly. I thank God every time I think about my life in comparison to the others, who've not been blessed with the life that I have been blessed with. Things could be worse – it is worse for the many around you, or whom you’ve never met. So, it helps to keep things in perspective.
Strive To Better Your Life, But Acknowledge What You Already Have!
Ultimately, happiness is a state of mind and you control how you feel about yourself each day of your life. Positive emotions help you overcome difficulties and setbacks in life. They also keep you healthy. It is well known and now documented medically that happy people live longer and better.
So, the next time you feel down and feel disappointed, perhaps you can reflect upon the above points and choose to look at the brighter side of things even when adversity comes calling. Know that everything can't be perfect and know that failures, setbacks and disappointments are part of life. Learn to appreciate the positives in your life and you'd be always happy. I am not saying that you should be content with the life you have currently and not seek to improve it.
Of course, you should try to improve your life and better it, but learn to appreciate that we can’t get all that we want from our lives all the time. What we can do definitely though is to learn to appreciate and feel grateful for the things we do have – don’t take those things for granted. You’d certainly be a happy person if you follow this approach towards life. I should know, for this is how I live my life. My life is not perfect, but I choose to find the positives in my life constantly and I find many - you just have to look and you too would find many things that you can be thankful and grateful for and be happy about!! Remember, no one can hurt you without your consent and no one can make you happy, but you!
Quotes on Happiness!!
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us ~ Helen Keller
Happiness resides not in posessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul ~ Democritus
In the hopes of reaching the moon, men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet ~ Albert Schweitzer
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you ~ David Burns
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities ~ Aldous Huxley
Man’s happiness really lies in contentment ~ Gandhi
© 2012 Shil1978
Shil1978 (author) on March 05, 2012:
Courtney, for most people, family and friends are very important indeed, and if all is not well on that front, they may not be happy individuals. However, again, whether we feel down in the dumps because of those relationships or we feel neutral with the ability to feel happy again depends on how we choose to react.
For example, I don't share a very good relationship with my mom. I do love her very much, but there exists a distance in our relationship that pains me quite a bit. Without going too much into the details of it all, suffice to say, I don't share a happy relationship with her.
However, I choose not to have that dominate my mind and take up most of my thoughts. Instead, I choose to use that sadness I feel construtively and try to do things that can mend our relationship. I don't give up on it and work towards bettering my relationship with my mom by doing the small things that may eventually heal the relationship and make it a normal one.
Now, suppose if I were to take the other approach and close myself internally, by internalizing my sadness and feeling the burden inside, then I wouldn't even be looking at doing anything constructive towards this relationship. I would just be consumed by the sadness and emotion.
So, relationships we share with our family and friends are a key factor in determing if we are happy or not, but not the only factor. Happiness is truly a state of mind - you can find a thousand things to feel happy about, but only if you look around and don't have a blindfold on. As the above poster, ramboruiz, states - you can find happiness in things as simple as finding a stray animal and caring for it!
Hope your life is filled with happiness and more importantly that you find happiness in your life!!
Courtney L J on March 04, 2012:
Besides these personal life choices, how do you think your family and friends affect your happiness? I agree that you can't blame or count on other people to DETERMINE your happiness, but do you think that these relationships can influence your decision to WANT to be happy?
Shil1978 (author) on March 02, 2012:
Thanks, Ramboruiz, for stopping by and commenting. Glad you liked this hub. You have great attitude and compassion - am sure you'd always be a happy person with those traits :)
Shil1978 (author) on March 01, 2012:
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views, 4wardthinker! Glad you liked this hub! Yes, I agree - taking things for granted is what comes naturally to us. However, if we can stop and reflect upon our lives, we'd find much to be happy about!!
4wardthinker from Sierra Nevada CA on March 01, 2012:
Nice Hub! It's easy to take things for granted. If more of us stop to appreciate the basic little things in life, we would see how much we are truly blessed. Thanks for the reminder.