Compliment your partner
In addition to avoiding unnecessary criticism, going out of your way to compliment your partner can add more positivity to your relationship and make your partner feel appreciated and loved. Focusing your energy on the things you like about your partner, and vocalizing these things will help you look past their negative attributes and will help you channel more positivity into the relationship. Remember that it’s okay to repeat compliments. You don’t have to go out of your way with super creative affirmations. Consistently hyping them up will feel good to do and your partner will really appreciate it. Praising your partner in this way will channel more positivity and good vibes into your relationship.
Everyone is flawed and all relationships have their problems. If you go into a relationship expecting things to be perfect, then you will constantly be disappointed with the realities of being in a serious relationship. Even if things seem perfect in the beginning, the honeymoon phase will wear off and you will have to grapple with the realities of a long term commitment, which can mean lots of hard work and self improvement. Having realistic expectations for your relationship, your partner and even for yourself will help channel positivity into your relationship. These realistic expectations will also allow you to really appreciate all the great parts of your partner and your relationship, which will also increase positivity.
When you’re not focusing on all the ways that your partner doesn’t live up to your romantic ideal, you give yourself the room to appreciate all of the things that make that person awesome. And who knows? You may find that you end up loving the ways that your partner diverges from your fantasy.
Focus on gratitudes
In addition to setting realistic expectations, it’s important to recognize the things that you are grateful for in your relationship. Is your partner a great listener? Are they the only person who knows how to calm you down after a stressful day? Do they go out of their way to support you in your career/your goals? Are they a great parent? Do they make you laugh? Like we said, complimenting your partner is important, but it’s also important to praise them privately through gratitude exercises that remind you of the great parts of your relationship and why you are with your person. Focusing on things like intention setting and gratitudes can help you establish a more positive mindset that can translate into more positivity in your relationship.
Learn to listen actively
Active listening is an essential skill in ALL relationships, whether personal, professional, or otherwise. If you want to focus on relationships and maintain them… learn to listen actively.
Being able to listen well helps us understand each other better, feel closer and more connected to each other, and ultimately helps us avoid unnecessary conflict. It also helps us resolve it more effectively when it does inevitably arise.
Remember that being able to listen to another person and interpret what they’re saying, and understand the meaning behind the words they’re telling you, is a crucial skill that will help you in all areas of your life not just with your partner, but with your friends, and at work as well. Hearing and seeing your partner (or boss, mom, best friend, etc.) can change your relationships for good
Practice acceptance and stop trying to change people
You can’t change people. And why would you want to?
If you’re with someone that you are constantly trying to change, ask yourself why. Didn’t you get with that person because of who they are? Learn to practice acceptance of what you can and can’t control. Relationships are meant to add to our lives, not detract. By increasing the positives, you keep your relationship healthy and build momentum for an enjoyable experience for both you and your partner.
Practice Balancing Negatives With Positives
It can be so easy to just throw out hurtful assessments of a partner’s behavior, especially when you’re tired or feel you’ve been let down. However, you can keep the tone of the relationship more positive by making a shared commitment to communicate dissatisfaction in a more constructive way.
In particular, you might want to try balancing negative remarks with positive asides—for example, “I told you to do that chore, and you haven’t bothered to do it!” becomes “I really appreciate that fact you did the groceries yesterday, but could you please take the trash out like I asked?” or “It means a lot to me that you’re helping me with my project today, but I’m also feeling a bit annoyed because you haven’t stuck to your promise to tidy the living room.”
The core idea is that although you’re not suppressing your less pleasant feelings, you’re ensuring your partner doesn’t start to believe you see them as all bad.
Fighting does not need to be ugly, screaming, name-calling, door slamming, and not talking for 3 days are counterproductive ways to deal with conflicts.
Having an argument can be done healthily and positively. You aren’t always going to see eye-to-eye, but learn how to have those talks productively.
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