Christopher Peruzzi was the creator of Vikar's Rant back in the early 2000s. It was a site for rants and jokes. He has since calmed down.
When Life Gives You Lemons...
We all need to detox. Yes, you too.
While you may not be the ultimate health freak and may have never taken a sip of an alcoholic drink, you still may wish to detox. The truth is that If you handle anything with your bare hands or if you drink tap water or eat foods that were treated with pesticides, detoxing is a good idea. If you are the type of person that regularly changes the air conditioning filters in his house, you are the type of person that should do this annually.
Also there are the obvious candidates for a detoxification. Those of us who like drinking alcohol regularly, those of us who have been exposed to nicotine and other unhealthy substances, as well as those of us who eat meat and other animal proteins regularly, we really need to do a detox.
Why? Detoxing is a way to get all that nasty crap out of your body.
This is the stuff that builds up in your system over time. All of the chemicals, preservatives, poisons, and toxins (natural or otherwise) leave a little something behind after you ingest them. Sure, your body does get rid of some of them through the natural secretions and excretions of digestion and respiratory functions, but the other stuff accumulates in your body like spots that dry on crystal glasses after going through an old worn out washing machine.
When it stays in your system, you feel sluggish. Your body is working harder than it has to and your physical constitution falls prey to diseases easier. Getting rid of the poisons that stay in your system will help you look and feel younger – what’s more, it will help you lose weight.
There are a variety of detox programs out there. Some call for a high colonic before you begin. And should you wish to go that route there are pros and cons to that as well. I recommend a good laxative instead or any one of the drugs used to clean your colon naturally. And, provided that you have a day to yourself to spend on and off of your royal throne, it’s something you can do to prepare yourself for a detox program.
Now, you can spend time doing a three week to one month detox program, which will probably work wonders on you. The obvious benefits are more energy, better skin, weight loss, less pain and aches, plus you might find yourself craving less of the things that are bad for you like sugar, caffeine, gluten, alcohol, and possibly animal products. If you have the time, you should do an elimination diet of all of those products, starting with one of the toxins and building on it with the elimination of the others.
However, if you looking to do something drastic, there is the lemon detox diet for 7 to 10 days.
The Lemon Detox Diet
Before I go on, this is a fasting program. This may be quick, but it’s not going to be easy. Some people shouldn’t fast – like diabetics. As always, before you think about going on a long fasting program, see a doctor first and see if it’s right for you.
The lemon detox diet has been promoted primarily by Beyoncé. She has used this as a cleanse and has lost 20 lbs. within two weeks of the program. I will underline it with this, she did it while fasting. This was all she would put into her body.
That being said, take this for what it’s worth.
For seven to ten days, drink this concoction as part of a fasting program.
- Spring water: 8 oz.
- Two tablespoons of freshly squeezed lemons. Do not substitute this for lemon drink, lemon aide, lemon concentrate, or anything BUT lemons. Remember, the other stuff is made with preservatives and sugar.
- ORGANIC Maple Syrup or NATURAL Maple Syrup: 2 Tablespoons. Once again, you’re trying to avoid preservatives and artificial flavors and colors. This is a cleanse.
- One TENTH of a teaspoon of cayenne pepper (to taste).
Drink six to eight times a day.
The theory of this is that the lemon acid is to work with the cleansing. The water is to help flush your kidneys. The cayenne is to help speed up your metabolism. The maple syrup is to make the stuff palatable and to give you a bit of energy. Remember this is part of a fasting diet.
If on the other hand you want to do an even quicker cleanse without fasting, you can abbreviate this to three days and limit your diet to organic whole foods (like organic fruits and veggies). This should give your body a bit of a purge, both through your digestion and perspiration.
I’m not a fan of fad diets.
Fad diets are to make people lose weight temporarily. It’s usually never a permanent solution. I put fasting right up there with the fad diets. On some level fasting might be good for you. For example, you might be a shaman on a vision quest and seek some kind of metabolic/spiritual hallucination. Something like that.
For most people a three day fasting plan may be enough to get the process going.
The point of any detoxification program is to clean the body of any kind of chemical crap brought on by the poisons we’re exposed to everyday – through touch, ingestion, or breathing. Detox is step one. Step two is elimination of the foods and substances that put the sludge in your system – like caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol, or the crap they put in processed food or spray on to keep the bugs off fruits and vegetables. I won’t even go into why a detox plan is needed if you sweeten your food with Splenda™, Equal™, or Sweet & Low™. Saccharine and Aspartame are not harmless.
Step 3 is the actual inclusion of foods that are good for you – like drinking more water with your meals, eating the correct amount of servings of organically grown fruits and vegetables, and sticking to a whole foods diet.
If you do such a plan, you’ll not only look but also feel better.
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lemonade-diet on December 03, 2012:
Doing a detox several times a year will do wonders for the body... This site goes over detailed information on the lemonade diet for those who want to learn more.
Johan Smulders from East London, South Africa on July 01, 2012:
Interresting and useful
Christopher Peruzzi (author) from Freehold, NJ on July 01, 2012:
It's good for a cleanse. Don't go crazy.
Angel Caleb Santos from Hampton Roads, Virginia on July 01, 2012:
A wealth of knowledge. Thanks for sharing. I might try it myself.
Christopher Peruzzi (author) from Freehold, NJ on June 30, 2012:
That and their only job is scheduled to movie shoots, concerts, recording sessions, rehearsals, and publicity shots. Of course, I only speak from the perceived life of a celebrity. However, I don't see them doing a regular commute or having to slave with the rest of the masses.
Sharon O'Brien on June 30, 2012:
A word about "celebrity diets". Keep in mind that these people have professional trainers on staff and a great deal of free time on their hands to do workouts and exercise. Never compare yourself to people like that. Your results may never come close, and it is okay. You do what is correct for your body and system. Where you feel your best is where you should be. As you correctly stated, it is important to avoid fad diets and concentrate on lifestyle changes instead. And avoiding processed foods can be a major step in the right direction.