Skip to main content

How to Live with an Unhappy Spouse

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing opens the mind. I live in a foreign country learned a foreign language .

Relationships and Spouses

Can you live with an Unhappy Spouse?

An unhappy spouse drains the positive energy from the happy spouse. It is a problem when one of the spouses is happy and a positive individual.

Happiness comes from within and when your spouse is not happy how do you cope with that?

The unhappiness is in your spouse and not in you. They have to help themselves, and you should not try to make them happy and feel responsible for their unhappiness. True lasting happiness is not from the small actions you do to make them feel comfortable it is up to your spouse to find their own happiness and their time.

However, there are ways in which you can walk through a process with your spouse. Remember, you are not part of their happiness and unhappiness. Your life together can be talked about and made comfortable for each other.

Such ways do not help you make your spouse have everlasting happiness. You can only do what you can in the ways of keeping yourself healthy, spiritually, and mentally. Be supportive and work out what you think is good for you to be happy.

First and foremost, learn to accept that it's not up to you to make your spouse feel happy. A spouse can’t receive happiness from others but from themselves. You get happiness from your achievements and through your experiences.

Long-term happiness is not from you to your spouse.

People get sick and tired of everything in their lives. Happiness doesn’t last through these experiences. You change and grow and become a different person each day in your routine.

Do not ask your spouse why they are unhappy. An unhappy spouse needs to work out for themselves what is making them feel that way. You never know what makes your spouse unhappy.

In most marriages, a spouse keeps their emotions and struggles themselves. Most difficult is when you think you know your spouse, when in fact you are still learning about them. Allow an unhappy spouse their space to be unhappy.

Such issues are different in every marriage. Their space is what matters more than being constantly questioned by you about their unhappiness. It doesn’t mean you must neglect your spouse when they ask for their space. Be patient, and do not pressure them to talk about the causes of their unhappiness.

Acceptance is key to having to cope with an unhappy spouse. If both spouses are unhappy there can be lots taken into consideration to create a happier space.

A spouse’s unhappiness is not because of you, it is their own issues that have nothing to do with you in many ways. So, be supportive and allow your unhappy spouse space.

Off-course it is normal to feel drained of your good energy and to feel like it is your fault. You need to focus on your happiness and keep it that way. Have faith in what you do and believe in yourself.

Strengths override your weaknesses and happiness becomes a natural part of you. Emotionally, spiritually, and in a healthy way, you can cope with an unhappy spouse. It is normal to set boundaries to protect each other in a marriage. You don’t have to lose yourself when coping with an unhappy spouse.

Be your true self, and have peace with yourself. Unhappy spouses need their space. Do not be fooled by their fake smiles when with friends. Look after yourself when coping with an unhappy spouse.

Can you tell if your spouse is unhappy?

It is easy to tell if your spouse is unhappy. You see it in their behaviour toward you and their actions as well. However, you see the problem with your unhappy spouse do not allow the unhappiness to get you feeling unhappy.

The process of being happy is from within.

A helpful way to accept your unhappy spouse is to be patient with yourself and them. You may think you can solve his unhappiness, unfortunately, that is not part of what you should be doing for them.

There is no reason to feel guilty about it.

Scroll to Continue

Sometimes an unhappy spouse is unkind to you or unfair and understanding the mental issues, that’s causing the unhappiness is another part of the problem. Such issues can create a wedge in a marriage.

An unhappy spouse can threaten to harm themselves and this is something you would need to discuss with someone trustworthy.

Unhappiness could be the cause of an illness or a tragedy. Acknowledge what is making your spouse unhappy. Try to talk about unhappiness. It could be helpful to try to move on in your life and a positive note.

To live with an unhappy spouse is a challenge. Everything you do is not good enough, and they tend to hate everything around them. Their job, their family and whatever they do isn’t right or good enough for them.

These issues lead to having a bad marriage.

It depends on your marriage on what will actually help you to work out the situation with an unhappy spouse.

The nature of an unhappy spouse is the key to understanding the problem. A deeper understanding of your unhappy spouse is felt when you are focused on each other. An unhappy spouse will blame their unhappiness on others and not on themselves. All you need to do is focus on your happiness.

The many issues you share with your spouse sound nice, but when it comes to an unhappy spouse, it sounds different to that misery you have to cope with. It is stressful, and you feel like there is no support for you.

Several issues bother you at once, and the feeling of confusion and where to begin with all of the problems you have?

Prioritize what you need to get on a list and tackle what you can to make your life feel easier with an unhappy spouse. You feel run-down and weakened by whom you have in your life. At times the unhappiness starts to affect you, the happy one and that feels unfair to you.

Life is just that!

Happy people feel poorly and drained of their positive energy through the negative energy they receive from an unhappy person. Two people happy in a marriage are key to having good communication and a good team together. Talk to each other and tackle what is making you feel unhappy as a spouse.

This will ensure a better relationship in the marriage.

Unhappy spouses


Unhappy people

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Devika Primić


Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 07, 2020:

Hi MG Singh thank you for sharing comment

MG Singh emge from Singapore on December 06, 2020:

Devils, nice article but why endure it when better options are available

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

Peggy Woods Exactly, depending on the cause, of the unhappiness and on the term basis of the unhappiness. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

Chitrangada Sharan Well-said, and you are right on it! Be happy and enjoy life. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

BRENDA ARLEDGE I agree with your comment as I do with every other comment here. Unhappiness is not a way of life. I believe happiness from within is what makes me smile each day. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

manatita44 thank you kindly for sharing your feedback I appreciate your time.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

Hi Bill sounds like you did right by leaving that relationship. Happiness is key to a healthy lifestlyle. Thank you for feedback

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

peachy I so agree with you thank you for feedback

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

FlourishAnyway It is unhealthy to be that way. I appreciate your feedback , thank you very much.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 06, 2020:

Hi Pamela An unhappy spouse drains the other of their good energy. Thank you for stopping by.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on December 06, 2020:

It would be very difficult to be around a constantly unhappy person, whether that person is a spouse, family member, friend, or acquaintance. In the short term, unhappiness can be tackled and, hopefully, overcome. If it is long-term, there are probably more serious matters that need addressing.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on December 06, 2020:

Nice and thought provoking article. You have made some valid points. Whether spouse or any other person, it’s difficult to live with unhappy people. Though, they may have their own reasons for being so. Happiness is a state of mind. Some people have positive way of dealing with the problems, while others are just the opposite.

I prefer to be surrounded by people with positive frame of mind. It helps to resolve the toughest issues of day today life.

Thank you for sharing this insightful article.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on December 06, 2020:

Unhappiness really puts a damper on things. Life is so much better when we are happy.

There are times one will be sad or feeling a bit unhappy, but no one can be bubbly all the time.

I let him have time to deal with it. I usually ask if there is anything I can do and then I try my best to not let it pull me down with him.

I go do something that makes me smile.

I keep being happy right beside him.

I would hate to wake up every day and have moments like would be so depressing.

Enjoy life...

manatita44 from london on December 06, 2020:

We are all effectively dealing with our own troubles. It may or may not have anything to do with the partner/husband/wife. But like Bill says, if one stays too long, he or she will also be unhappy. Two negatives don't work, yet there's a reason for all things and whatever manifests, is an act of karma, good, bad or indifferent. Om Shanti!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on December 06, 2020:

Short-term unhappiness is manageable. I try to listen to Bev and allow her to share her feelings. I've also lived with a spouse who was unhappy on a regular basis, and I had to leave that relationship before it drained me of all happiness within.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on December 06, 2020:

Nope, I wouldn't want to live with unhappy spouse. It is alike living with a stranger

FlourishAnyway from USA on December 06, 2020:

Unhappiness is contagious. If it’s a deep and persistent problem that they are taking out on the other spouse and they aren’t willing to seek help then I would not stay around. Subjecting oneself and one’s children to that is unhealthy.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on December 06, 2020:

Fortunately I do not live with any unhappy spouse, as my husband is a sweet man.

I think this is a very interesting article with a wealth of very good advice, Devika.

Related Articles