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How to Deal With a Narcissist?

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Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.

Most of us have dealt with narcissism at some point in life, whether from a family member, friend, or co-worker. It is always an exhausting event to deal with such a self-absorbed person: the narcissist that leaves you emotionally depleted and drained. It is crucial to detect the signs of narcissism in a person and quit before getting hurt, but you have to bear it if they are a family member (parents/sibling) or boss, and there is not any other option except learning to deal with them.

Five easy steps to deal with a narcissist:

There are some easy steps that will help you out in dealing with a narcissist.

1. Recognize the class of narcissists

Scientists have classified narcissists into two different types:

  • Grandiose
  • Vulnerable

Grandiose narcissists

They have exceptionally high self-esteem, always assuming that they are incomparable to everyone. Grandiose narcissists are the stereotypical narcissists whose picture comes to mind as people hear the word narcissist. When working in a team, Grandiose narcissists are incredible assistants, but the condition for this is to praise them constantly.

Vulnerable narcissists

They have self-esteem at low levels but are extremely doubtful people, so they try to compensate for their insecurity by concentrating only on themselves. It is an indication that they have self-absorption and self-centered directions. Vulnerable narcissists require regular reassurance that they are doing a satisfactory job, so you have not to accidentally humiliate them in the heat of a moment.

By learning the type of narcissist, you are negotiating with: it may be helpful to deal with them to keep your connections strong.

2. Remain neutral

While conversing with a narcissist, always make an effort to remain as neutral as water. You do not have to demonstrate any positive or negative emotion in front of them. Give them superficial pieces of information only, do not tell them much about your life, especially try not to express your imperfections. Do not give them any details that they can use to ruin you. Do the same even if; the narcissistic individual; to whom you are talking is from family. Some of you may have experienced that a family member can be more destructive because they have a more biased connection with you. Make sure you are as neutral as possible: like a gray rock, and do not give them many details to gossip about. They like pathetic people, and they are attracted to them as they get a buzz from making people feel bad. In addition, they like putting somebody down: like bullies and feel stronger by doing so.

3. Never confront or criticize

Another important thing is to avoid -while encountering a narcissist- criticizing or blaming them. Being a narcissist, they have a big ego that keeps them in darkness that they know everything and cannot be wronged. They are confident and think themselves better than everyone else. But this is a usual show-off by them, at heart, they have very fragile self-esteem. So if you ever dare to confront a narcissist, be ready to face their anger and aggressive reaction. Narcissists have good tactics to manipulate things as someone said,

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Narcissists are great actors and often use tears as a tool of manipulation, this is an abusive tactic! Do not allow them to let this work as guilt, they are acting!

They can easily turn anyone against you, so try not to criticize or confront them because they will make everything your fault.

Another important thing here is that if you have grown up with narcissistic parents, this is your self-esteem that was ruined by these people: you might have grown up with zero self-worth, because they are good at grinding you down every single day, finding faults, telling you can not do things, calling you demeaning words. If you are trying to recover from narcissistic abuse, do self-care and self-compassion by doing healthy activities. Moreover, encircle yourself with positive and uplifting individuals.

4. Do not react impulsively

Another noteworthy thing plenty of narcissists appreciate is putting others down; they enjoy being bullies. They know what strings to pull to get you to dance and make you their puppet. If you have a close relationship with a narcissist, like an emotional connection, then it is challenging not to react. Educate yourself about narcissism, the abuse cycle, narcissist relationships, and healing from narcissistic trauma. Learn to control your emotions and try to reply rather than react.

It is obvious that most of the time they are going to treat you badly, and when you start thinking like this, it will be easier to control your reactions. The key is to be unbiased, with no positive or negative reactions. Stand with the truth. Give yourself some time for self-reflection, and find the trigger during dealing with such a person. Try to figure out the condition in which you feel weakest and find no other way but to react to what makes you most vulnerable to them. Once you have worked these out, you can use brainstorming techniques to counteract these flaws and defend yourself in these times.

5. Do not expect anything

Do not expect anything except bad from a narcissist during the interaction; communication. Most of us get unhappy when our expectations are not fulfilled, but it is not your fault. Being always more focused on their needs and longings, narcissists are not good at having a mutual give-and-take association with somebody. So never hope to be treated with justice, and remember always there is no fairness in the narcissist’s dictionary. If you want to be successful and happier, the important thing is not to expect anything from anyone.


Narcissists get defensive fast, but this is because of sensitivities, insecurities, and lack of empathy with which they grew up. Always remember, a narcissus is also a human who requires soft contact during communication because you do not always know the backstory that caused them to be narcissistic. But everything has its limit as there is a famous saying,

Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Depending on your closeness with a narcissist, you may have to determine to which extent you can help them, to sustain a healthy relationship because keeping a distance is not always a good option. Remember to see the positive qualities that a person has. Accept them the way they are, they only can not see things like you can see.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2022 S Saleha

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