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How to Avoid Losing Control in Tough Situations

I am Roy LaFollette and my journey is to educate people on the Eight Dimensions of Wellness and how they all interconnect.

Rush Hour Traffic can be Touch and Go

Rush Hour Traffic

Rush Hour Traffic

Avoid Losing Control in Tough Situations

The market is down, business is floundering, and your spouse seems to disagree with you at every turn. Traffic is a mess and you just got cut off. Why does the other person feel they need to be in the spot you are in?

Seeing someone ignore a traffic sign, excessive honking, watching someone on their cell phone who is oblivious to traffic patterns and excessive speeding are other reasons. We even feel anger growing inside of us as we see others being aggressive on the highway. What does that tell us?

The truth is that when people are doing these activities they may already themselves be in an elevated mood, but it's a chain reaction then where observers around them get enraged as well by having to be subject to these behaviors. Is there a way to gain more control over our reactions that are the common cause of road rage? Can we stay calm if someone is making an obscene gesture on the highway? Why do we take things so personally when they are from a stranger?

You want to stay calm, but you find yourself feeling irritated, angry, and anxious. You feel like you’re losing control. Does this sound familiar?

Technique #1

Avoid reacting automatically. We’ve all been there. The conversation goes to a ridiculous place that lacks credibility. You might automatically say something like, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

  • If you can stay in tune with your feelings, you’ll identify when you’re “heating up” and can avoid damaging reactions.

Technique #2

Develop canned responses to controversial subjects. For example, if you hang out with certain friends who consistently bring up political views opposite of yours, avoid getting involved in the conversation.

  • Decide in advance what you’ll say if someone brings up a contentious subject. For example, you could say something like, “I prefer to discuss something other than politics today.”

Technique #3

Use diversion to avoid emotionally-loaded topics. If someone mentions a delicate topic, change the subject. “Hey, did you see the NFL game last night?” or “Have you guys tried the new Mexican restaurant downtown?” Your friends will notice your lack of interest in the topic at hand.

Technique #4

Make an exit. If you’re fairly certain you’re about to lash out in anger, immediately exit the situation.

When you’re in a group, you can quietly leave. If it’s just you and one other person, you can excuse yourself to use the restroom or make a phone call.

Technique #5

Share brief, honest feelings.

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Depending on the setting and situation, you could state something like, “I’m too upset to discuss this now.” This tells the other person how you feel, so hopefully, they will refrain from pushing the issue.

Technique #6

Use history to your advantage. If you and a particular co-worker have had negative interactions during previous projects, chances are that the same thing will happen again.

  • Recognize that history often repeats itself and avoid unnecessary debates. Minimize contact and maintain your positivity in any necessary exchanges with that co-worker.

Technique #7

Accept others for who they are.

Of all these suggestions, this point may be the toughest to accomplish.

Realize that each individual is unique and they’re entitled to their own opinion, which may be different from yours.

Sometimes, it best keeps the peace when you agree that it’s all right to disagree. Each person has their own opinion based on their own life experiences and point of view. Each one is “right” in his own way.

Another way to look at some situations: you may view your brother-in-law as stubborn, but there’s little you can do to change that. You lack the power to change his mind, but you can control your own temper and reaction.


In Closing I would like to remind you to be the best version of yourself.

The power to keep your cool, regardless of the situation, lies within you.

If you put these steps into practice, you’ll be able to control your temper in most circumstances.

Breathe in slowly and exhale twice as slowly. This helps to calm the mind and is a good tool for stress control and staying centered.

Relaxing music is calming and also using audiobooks or self-help lessons are great ways to use the driving time for self-growth. Difficult situations are a part of life and they’ll continue to happen.

But now you’re armed and ready to maintain your cool

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

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