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How to Apologize for Drinking / Being Drunk and Stupid

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Introduction to This Article

Facebook...ahhhh, what a joy, right? I am so fortunate to for Facebook because it has allowed me to rekindle with friends from High School and even Grade School. In addition I have made a TON of business connections.

I decided to write this article after an "incident" took place last night via Facebook that involved drinking.

Here's what happened:

It's around 11pm and I'm laying in bed when my phone goes off - it's a Facebook message from a male friend I had just re-found and hadn't talked to since I was a teenager, yet we had a good friendship and simply lost communication over the years.

The message was pretty "graphic" in it's content. I could tell based on the misspellings that my old friend was drunk.

I replied asking if my friend was ok and was at home or needed me to find him a ride.

He responded stating he was at home then continued on with the same, obnoxious content.

I put my phone on "Silent" mode and went back to sleep. When I awoke I had an inbox full of more drunken messages. Thank God I put my phone on "Silent" because he would have kept me up till 3am with his drunkenness.

Anyway, I got up at 7:30am and got ready for work. A few hours later I get another message - a lengthy apology from this individual.

Truthfully, I wasn't even upset in the first place, I was more "concerned" than anything. The sexual content of the messages was obnoxious, but I know that this person would never, ever have acted like that if sober (or even moderately intoxicated).

So, here's a few pointers from someone who has been on both sides of the fence:

Evaluate How Bad the "Damage" Is

Providing you can recall what you did by re-reading messages, posts, emails, texts, etc; evaluate how "bad" the damage is. While evaluating "damage", consider the following:

1. Were you at a party where everyone was drinking? If so, you may have a case of "drinkers remorse", yet everyone else was drinking too, so your actions could be "all in your head". Nobody probably remembers your "bad dancing" besides you. If you're embarrassed that you spilled a drink or got ill... once again, EVERYONE was drinking.

2. If you were "confrontational" with someone, is this person aware you were drinking? If so, providing you didn't kill their dog or throw their couch into their pool; all that's likely required is an apology. Its NOT the end of the world. I have even gotten into all-out physical brawls with my best friends while drinking and all of us are still friends. In one case, I refused to let my friend drive when he was drunk and I tackled him. While attempting to "detain him" on the floor and remove his car keys, I ended up ripping open his neck with my finger nails. We both felt horrible about it the next day, but he was thankful I did not let him drive and I was thankful he was safe.

3. EVERYONE HAS "BEEN THERE"... I guarantee you are NOT the first person to feel like an idiot over your actions. EVERYONE (besides maybe Mother Theresa) has been intoxicated and done something (or lots of things) that they feel ashamed of. EVERYONE. And anyone who won't admit to having at least ONE action they regretted is a liar.

So, with all that in mind, let's do "Damage Control"....

I Sent Awful Drunken Texts / Photos

If you're feeling bad over Texts or Photos, who did you send them to? If it is someone who loves you, an apology should be fine. Even if what you sent was really, really mean or graphic. Just explain you drank more than you should and the messages you sent are not how you feel. If you have to admit to being so drunk you don't even REMEMBER sending the messages, then DO SO! There's nothing "wrong" with telling the truth. I would much rather have a good friend who sent me an explicit message admit that they were "blacked out" than simply saying they were drinking because there's a big difference. If someone is "blacked out" and has no recollection of the message(s), then I know they were not in control of their actions at that time. On the other hand, if someone just says they were "drinking", I have to wonder if the message(s) reflect their REAL feelings and they have been acting "fake" towards me.


I Got a DUI / Drunk Driving / Jailed

Yeah, it really sucks. I got a DUI sometime around 2002 and it was really embarrassing and horrible. But I got through it. You'll owe some fines, have some Community Service and you may have to tell your employer, friends or family.

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One thing you can do is go to court and ask the judge to grant lenience for you to drive to-and-from work (or wherever you absolutely MUST go). It really helps if you can show evidence that you are a great person who made a huge mistake. Get your friends / employer / family to write letters or appear in court with you to "stand up" on your behalf and vouch for you being AN ASSET to the community, despite your bad judgement at the time of the arrest.

The bottom line here is; you just have to get through it...and YOU WILL. Stay strong.


I Cheated / Had An Affair

This is probably the worst offense of drinking, but once again; evaluate the situation. Was the "cheating" a kiss or was it much more?

Chances are, you are probably reading this with your pounding headache from last night; first things first: before you do ANYTHING you need to be clear-headed, so sleep-it-off or do whatever is needed to recover so you can think things through.

Next: Do you genuinely KNOW how "far" things went? For example, my girlfriend once woke up next to someone, but had no idea what happened the previous evening. It's plenty possible both people fell asleep. If you woke up fully clothed, the chances are likely in your favor that you simply "passed out".

If you know you went "all the way" you must consider all of the following:

A.) Is it possible you could be pregnant? If so, immediately go and purchase a PLAN B pill from your local drug store. DO NOT WASTE TIME. Providing you are sober enough to drive, go right away.

B.) Could you have an STD? If so, cease having further relations until you know.

C.) Moving forward with your "real" relationship: should you admit to what happened? This is up to you and the state of your relationship. If you are completely miserable, then instead of destroying the individual with the news of your affair instead end your relationship and spare them the pain.

If your cheating was a simple kiss, it is most likely that your partner will be able to forgive you, but you may have to re-earn their trust. None-the-less, if you plan to share the details of the affair with your partner, be ready for everything that goes along with it - rage, depression, etc. So before you jump into details, first recover from your hangover.


I Posted Embarrassing Things Online

It's easy to say "Don't use your phone when drunk" now....but that doesn't change what you already posted.

Obviously, immediately delete the post(s).

If the posts were TO someone else, send them a message (privately if possible) saying you're sorry.

I Have No Clue What I Did

If you don't know, start out by talking / texting / messaging one of the persons you were with. Say something like "OMG, I am so hungover today! How do you feel?"

You may be surprised to find out that your friend feels the same way and equally has no idea what happened.

Or, your friend may say something like "Yeah, you were really messed up" - if this is the case, then it's time to state that you don't remember what happened AFTER (insert last memory). Now you and your friend are on the same page.


I have read posts online where people say things like "I feel like the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. I got drunk again and ______".

Although AA, rehab, etc are "options", they may not be practical for you. For example, if you will lose your job over asking for 3 weeks off to "detox".... this option may not be realistic. But I do have a suggestion that can be a real eye-opener - although this won't "take back" whatever happened last night, it genuinely may change all of your future choices:


Yes, seriously. Don't ask a friend to do it on their phone, or, if you do need a friend to record it, make sure they use YOUR PHONE.

Seeing yourself in an "awful state" will likely shock you... truthfully, things MAY NOT BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK.... or things may be so bad that you decide, without the need for rehab / AA that you aren't going to get to that level of intoxication again.

Just make sure that after you record yourself you put your phone down and DO NOT upload the video. Although it may seem fun / funny / awesome at the time...wait until the next day then rewatch it.


1. If you don't genuinely NEED your cell phone, leave it at home. For example, if you're planning to go to the bar with a friend who is driving and also has a phone (and you are the person that is a "drunk message repeat offender), just announce, WHILE SOBER "Phone is about to die; headed out for the night, talk to you tomorrow"

2. Switch your drink; check out my article about LOW - IN - PROOF drinks that taste delish!

3. LET PEOPLE KNOW WHEN YOU FEEL TIPSY. If your friends keep buying drinks after you have made it clear that you're feeling a little tipsy, then they really have no leg to stand on when it comes to being unhappy with your actions.


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