Rebecca loves sharing what she knows about alternative medicine, health, frugal living, fun, animals, and how to live a better life!
Let's assume walking away is not an option. Sometimes we have to deal with these rejects out of necessity, this could be from having children with one to working under one. Walking away is usually the best decision, it's always the best option to avoid stooping to a narcissist level and to completely disengage from their sickness. However, let's say you just can't let that %$#! go. You've processed the stages and phases of these dysfunctional $%#!'s and can't wait for karma to kick in.
So, you want to get revenge on a narcissist?
Before doing anything mentioned in this article, make sure you are safe. Along with any children that may be the product of the relationship, unless your narc is your boss. Also, know that any suggestions in this article you use at your own discretion and liability. What we do to another we also do to ourselves, ultimately you will only temporarily piss off a narcissist, no lasting revenge is possible with someone with this disorder. Plus they have narc rage like little toddlers, it's so pathetic.
NPD how common is it?
Narcissists are actually sad saps.
We need to keep in mind that at the core; a narcissist is a very weak, fragile, and insecure person. The narcissist has spent an entire lifetime constructing a facade to hide their "true self". Born or made, these people are psychologically damaged. NPD is a complex mental disorder. Whatever went wrong, whatever made them what they are is irrelevant. People with NDP need professional help, and they need to do it willingly. You will not cure or fix the narcissist you know. Do not even try. Once your blinders come off you won't be able to unsee the scum they are.
Now when I say true self I am referring to someone that cannot deal with the reality of what they really are at their very essence or core, they need to hide their damaged soul because examining it would be too painful. They want your soul because they are so disconnected from their own. The only sense of self they have is yours, by mirroring it. They cannot be shown how fragile they are, their egos cannot handle any truth or criticism, they rely on a false sense of self to avoid dealing with their own issues and pain. It's very sad when you really see them for what they are. They cannot feel the way you do. The cannot and will not accept responsibility for mistreating people, even when someone presents cold hard facts. They have no empathy. They hate what you have, they hate that you are real, they hate your ability to be vulnerable. Dealing with most of them is the equivalent of dealing with a child or toddler in a grown body.
Let's also keep in mind that anything you do to piss them off won't last, it will only be temporary until they can get back to their pathetic ways of living. This really can't be stated enough. Most narcissists do not recover. Even with extensive therapy. Even on their deathbeds. Does this mean they can't get well? No. But it's not your job to do that. It's theirs. And odds of full recovery are slim to none.
So...let's just give them a taste of their own medicine, shall we? You can guarantee when they realize you know what they are, they will be a royal douche bag, or run away from you. In most cases, they will piss off and leave you alone. That whole "final discard", but if you're half savvy or by chance an evolved empath, they will have no idea you've studied them just as much as they've studied you.
Make fun of them
Have you ever noticed that a narcissist can dole out judgment on everyone and everything? They have no problem throwing out indirect jabs. They have no problem insulting someone. This could be in the way of how someone looks, acts or thinks. The narcissist always has a rude or disgusting comment to make at the expense of another. They are disgusting racists, bigots, pathological liars, cheaters, thieves, and hypocrites. Most of the time their insults are covert, or passive aggressive. Although if you are dealing with an overt narcissist, their rudeness will be blatant. Remember, their fragile false self-needs to feel superior, no matter how untrue the words they speak. They need to feel good about themselves by basically being big bully's. Yep, narcs are bullies. Pay attention to the insults they spew about others and then twist up their words and send them right back at them.
Make fun of them subtly. They can't stand it. Sure it's childish, but so are they and so is revenge. Point at them and laugh, when they ask what is so funny, don't reply. Do it again, and don't reply. This will infuriate them.
Sometimes there is satisfaction in returning what they dish out, they have no problem making fun of people, you're only returning what they dish out.
Do they indulge in damaging behavior such as drinking or smoking? Tell them they have crows feet. Tell them your Aunt was a smoker and her skin looks like leather. Tell them she passed of cancer. Tell them "Maybe you should lay off the cigarettes, I think you are starting to get wrinkles". Do they drink a lot? "Boy you should probably go home and rest, you look exhausted and dehydrated", it's true alcohol dries out even the best of us, so it's not like stating the obvious is untrue. Anything that insults their personal appearance tends to piss them off. But say it in a way that seems concerning, not outright insulting. Make them think they are sick or diseased. Insult their sense of style, which is usually absurd or dated anyhow.
Mispronounce their name. When they correct you, pretend you can't hear them and keep mispronouncing it. When they brag about something they own, make fun of it. Ask if it's a knockoff. Insist it is a fake, just like them. Tell them about some exaggerated thing you own until they roll their eyes and walk away.
Imply that they are ordinary, or just like everyone else. Some narcissists are intellectual, insult their intelligence.
Keep in mind when you insult them, they will turn on you. They will accuse you of being toxic or negative. Just ignore that. They are very predictable once you see them for what they really are. And usually, they want you to get angry so they can feed off your negative response. They want to make you react! But they will try to say you're over-reactive. So don't react. Insult and don't react emotionally.
Knock them back to average
Narcissists always want to believe they are better than everyone. They are more elite, prestigious, intelligent, sexy, desirable etc...
Go ahead and knock them off their high horse. One of their biggest fears is a failure, they don't process failure like an emotionally healthy adult. Emotionally healthy people accept failure, learn from it, and move on or try again. A narcissist feels crippled and flattened by it. Point out their failures in a matter of fact way.
Did they graduate from some fancy college? Tell them someone else did from the same school and graduated head of the class, make up a name if you have to.
Did they recently buy an expensive sports car? Tell them your ex-has something better. Ask them what they paid, then mention you saw it advertised well under that, and that they should have shopped around, that they were ripped off.
A mentally and spiritually healthy person that is secure in themselves is not bothered by others accomplishments but usually happy to see a fellow man succeed and help them succeed. A narcissist is not. When a narcissist perceives themselves as normal, they seeth. When they fail or don't succeed they are crushed. Envy is the biggest emotion they feel. Envy and shame.
Make them feel average, insignificant and stupid. Even better if you do this around people they are trying to impress, or in any format that exposes them for what they are, big old repulsive losers.
Remind them of their mortality
Most narcissists are terrified of death. Death to them is the final blow to their false self. Do whatever you can to make them feel old. Talk about things they have not accomplished and may never get to if they don't live long enough. Suggest they have symptoms of an illness they may want to get checked out. For example, that mole they have on their arm, maybe they should be checked for melanoma. That hacking cough, well that sounds like COPD or lung cancer.
When they finally come to death, as we all will, they will realize that their life was just a sham. All the mistreatment and abuse they doled out to others was done in vain The life of lies, immorality and fear will come crashing down on them. They won't earn any status, brownie points or authority in the afterlife. And they sure as hell can't take all their cherished materialistic junk with them. What a waste of life energy.
Never show them how you are actually feeling. They thrive off your emotions because they are black holes and don't have any of their own. This includes positive or negative emotion. It's important that you respond to them matter-of-factly, or with absolute indifference. This will confuse them because they will not get the emotional fuel from you that their egos crave. Often a narcissist will start an argument with you, and when you try to defend yourself or call them out on their bullshit, they will say you are negative or have anger issues. They also love to go round in circles with stupid responses that don't make any sense. Don't feed into this, that is the response they want. They like to start passive aggressive bullshit then blame you for reacting. Just be completely numb. Normal people don't treat each other this way. Normal caring people communicate and work to resolve a conflict, narcissists can't do this or flat out refuse.
Never let your anger get the best of you. Stick to the facts when you need to insult them or desire to upset them. Then remain calm, watch how this infuriates them. Talk about how awesome and amazing other people are that you know they envy, that will drive them insane.
Being non-reactive is especially important if you have to have any type of legal or custody dealings with your narcissist. Give yourself a safe outlet to express your emotions from these rejects, just don't do it in front of them, or in front of a judge or legal authority. They want you to be crazy, they label their targets as crazy. Stick to facts, gather the evidence you need, remain clear headed. If they refer to you as crazy to family or friends just agree with them. You know you're not so why bother defending their nonsense.
They think you are dumb anyhow, so why not play the part. Let them think they have all the control, then slowly plant some seeds. You'll know which ones to plant depending on your circumstances. Make them paranoid. They are by nature anyhow. They are secretive slimeballs that have hurt so many people, being open in any way for them is not possible. With a few pushes, you can easily have them looking over their shoulders for months, or even years.
If you know the narc you've encountered is a cheater, give their "partner" or source of supply ques about them. Just enough to plant doubt. The other sources of supply are not going to leave the narc based on your opinion, and the narc has probably smeared you as a crazy person anyhow. So don't go give them a reason to think you are crazy or trying to sabotage their relationship. Just plant seeds of doubt, which will be the truth anyhow. In the long run, you may save this other person some pain. If not, that's ok, that's not your job, but you'll piss off the narcissist at the possibility of exposing them for the lying, cheating, piece of garbage they are. And you'll cause them to have to do some work to keep or discard that source of supply. It's funny to see them scramble in a pathetic attempt to regain control over people they've invested time in grooming. The other supply will eventually see their "mask" slip. Remember their happiness or fantastic life is a facade, it's fake, it's empty. Don't be fooled by their projections of bullshit. Don't be fooled into thinking they are happy.
Gray rock is a common term when dealing with a narcissist. It's pretty self-explanatory. A gray rock is as boring as it sounds. Become a gray rock. Bore the narcissist to death. Speak in monotone, talk about the weather or anything equally as boring and insignificant. Show no emotion. Repeat yourself, a lot. This tactic won't do much in terms of revenge, but it will get the vampire to leave you alone. You will be boring, remember they want an emotional reaction. If they don't get that they won't invest their time with you for long.
If you want to use this tactic in a revenge nature (great for the boss narcissist), interrupt their daily routine or schedule by being boring and getting in their way. Suddenly show up and be annoying by boring them to tears.
Don't Comply to Their Demands
Make yourself as busy and as unavailable as they do. Teach them not to have any expectations of you. Make vague innuendos of commitments you may keep, and then at the last moment cancel. If they call asking or demanding you do something, have your phone suddenly lose service. When your phone doesn't lose service...maybe it "lose's" signal. Narcissists hate to be annoyed. The perceived incompetence of others will drive them nuts. They really don't like anyone, they just consider people objects for them to toy with for personal gain.
Go deaf. When they ask you to do something, act like you can't hear them. Literally...don't hear them.
Become absent-minded and forgetful. Lose track of time. They want you to run errands? Screw them up. This can be anything from dropping off dry cleaning to picking up dinner. Just screw it up. Embarrass them in front of colleagues and family with your incompetencies. Narcissists date people that can make them look good and when you can't they internalize that as a reflection of themselves. Which = FAILURE!
Narcissists thrive on control, control of others and their immediate environments, when you're a noncompliant baboon this makes them look bad. When you are not their gopher or their trophy partner, this makes them look like fools. They can't stand it. A lot of times you see narcs dating people much younger than themselves because it's all about image. The truth is, they cannot compete with anyone above them, even their delusional perception of their status can't hold a candle to someone capable of what they imagine they are. This is why you usually see a male narc with a woman half his age. She's compliant, naive, and moldable. Everyone wise's up eventually.
Take Their Things
If possible, take away their toys. The majority of narcissists are materialistic, they all have some temporary junk they are attached to. Could be a car, jewelry, electronics, etc... I am in no way saying damage their things, I'm saying what would happen if they suddenly were lost? Mysteriously broke? Reported for repossession? Taken during a divorce or separation? You get the idea. Remember their minds are like toddlers. When they don't get their way they throw a fit.
Never forget what you are dealing with here. You are dealing with someone that has the emotional intelligence of a child. Usually not over the age of 10. They are immature crybaby bullies. They cannot resolve issues in a mature manner. Don't bother trying to understand it. Just treat them like the big old brats they are. If they are refused something they want, sit back and watch the temper tantrum ensue.
1. Send them anonymous gifts that are insulting. This could be anything from infant care products, to personal hygiene items.
2. If they happen to have an actual job (many do not), send them a bogus letter misspelling their name and job title. Anything to make them feel dumbed down and insignificant.
3. Arrange personal services for them. Such as a realtor to list their home since they have so many financial problems (again, this only works if they have a home). Send anonymous messages that their bank account was hijacked or there credit cards are over their limit. You can do this with various online services. Anything to make them paranoid and panicked.
Get The Law Involved.
Go ahead and sue them. Call the cops. Whatever you need to do to piss them off enough to leave you alone will be worth it.
How will you know if these suggestions are working?
How will you know if these revenge tactics are working?
Many signs and symptoms will give them away. They may sulk, throw a fit, slander you, give you the silent treatment.
They may roll their eyes, yawn excessively, complain about being bored or annoyed. They may express narc rage from being injured. In which case make sure you are safe.
If you really manage to piss them off, they will block all contact with you. When that happens, see "indirect insults"
There is no dicard
There is no real discard with someone this sick. They do not have the emotional IQ to give closure. Remember you are an appliance and they will keep you hanging on even if you're not currently useful. Do yourself a favor and reject and discard them before they can do it to you. That really makes them mad!
But again, all these tactics mentioned will do is temporarily stun them, or throw them off balance. Dealing with a narcissist is mental, spiritual, and emotional warfare. They never truly discard anyone they see as property, and that is what people are to them. That is what you are to them. That is what family and even their own children are to them. They do not see you as equal or human.
When you've grown bored with them, do yourself a favor and limit or block all contact as much as possible.
True revenge with a narcissist is actually moving on. These people are toxic, they will suck off your emotions and health until you have nothing left of yourself. They steal others qualities and when they can't maintain the authenticity of what they've tried to steal, they move on to another target and steal theirs. The changing and slipping of masks is a career for these people.
At best, revenge is temporary. NPD is a serious mental disorder. You may be able to annoy these bottom feeders for a while, but the odds of them really recovering, feeling remorse, guilt or gratitude, slim chance. This is a disorder that has been in the making for a very long time.
True revenge will be cutting all cords and moving on. Become the happy, loving, creative, empathic human being you really are. Don't ever feel bad for being a good person, trying to help or love someone with narcissist personality disorder. Be thankful for the lessons they give you, and happy you are not capable of feeling life in such a meaningless shallow way.
© 2018 Rebecca
Rebecca (author) from USA on July 11, 2018:
Alecia Brown from Paso Robles,CA on July 10, 2018:
Haha love the title
Frank Atanacio from Shelton on April 06, 2018:
I love myself, I look in the mirror and say, what a freakin good looking guy.. no one is good enough for me... oh wait... am I a narcissist? Just joking, but I can see why you feel this way and what made your write a dis-tribute? Anyway thanks for sharing Bishop, and good to see you Frank