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How Frequently Do You Refer to Your Past

Focus on the present

The feeling is confused with reacting and this is one of the reasons why you hold on to your past. You see emotions in one way than another as seeing anger as an outburst in your past.

Then you see sadness as a withdrawal from your experience. In your vision, you see the signs of emotions as their warning signs, rather than seeing these emotions as an avenue to healing.

To heal from the past you have to feel it in all emotions presented to you.

When you wish in your life for everything to be different than it is, or as you have had in your past. It doesn’t change anything for the better in your life as you see it in the present. People who hold on to their past do not fix their issues.

Nothing changes for you when you dwell in the past. Wishing for something different doesn't do what you want in your life any better than it is. Past experiences are no longer in existence. You have to accept your past as any other experience in your life.

Let it go and be happy with who you are.

It is like an open wound that gets healed, but for some reason, you reopen that wound again and again. Whatever happened in your past should stay there. It's up to you to control what makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy.

A scene that you wish to create in your mind and becomes a habit of yours. The past could hurt you over and over if you choose to go there.

Are you afraid of the unknown?

Pain hurts you for years and what you hadn’t realized is that this pain has come from your parents and their parents. They had a similar past one you have to deal with for most of your life.

You begin to see the differences from your past when in adulthood. Something scary, a suffering experience as in health or a horrific experience could be a cause of your painful past. To let go of a bad experience is never easy for anyone.

It is different for everyone.

Hurt creates an inner you that refuses to risk any more chances. You are insecure to walk down the same path again. Holding on to fears creates pain and stops you from moving on. There was no need to keep yourself in the past.

Pain doesn’t protect you.

To hold on to pain from your past doesn’t allow for healing. The inner you put yourself in a bad situation by using pain to keep pain at bay.

For example:

  • Parents never let you forget when you have done wrong.
  • They would constantly rub it in your face if you got in a fight.
  • You would never hear the end of it if you were involved in bad behaviour.
  • Trying to perfect you as most parents do to their children nothing works out as they wish.

More harm is done when a parent tries to perfect you.

  • It sounds good, but unconsciously they are doing harm to their children.
  • Unhappiness sets in when you carry in your past to affect your present.
  • You think you can hurt the one that hurt you.
  • Holding a grudge and thinking of hurting the perpetrator, would resolve your unhappiness is not a good thought.
  • It doesn’t matter what you do to make it right.

The person who hurt you doesn’t care for your feelings if they did care, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. A remedy to solve your problem is not to retaliate. A painful past does not make you feel good about yourself.

The way to feel better about yourself is to not base your life around painful past experiences. You close off yourself from the rest of the world.

Beat yourself to a pulp until you suffer the most, while the perpetrator is enjoying seeing your misery. You know what you have gone through and deserve better than that.

Take care of yourself and create independence. As children, you couldn’t do much about any bad or painful experience. Adulthood allows for growing up and forgiving others who hurt you.

To move on and create a new life for yourself. Through hard times you need someone to guide you and hold your hand. To blame others is often the way to make you feel better, but blaming others isn’t always a good sense of direction.

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Let go of what you know will cause you unhappiness and rough patches. You forgive and let go of your painful past, and healing helps you pass the past experience.

Take back the reins and feel stronger getting away from the weaknesses that hold you back from going another step ahead.

Focus on the present and how you feel than going back and feeling pain. Memories and emotions take you back and bring you forward. I let go of my past and have moved on with less pain.

Happiness is part of my life and more and more each day I feel less regret. I learned from every bad experience and have a clear mind living in a foreign country.

I have a lot to be grateful for and to be living a different lifestyle. My past has nothing to do with my present. Past experiences have taught me to know better in my present and to live each day as my best day.

Accept what happened and move on to make your life a happier one. Be yourself and take care to give yourself the best in life.

Get closure by loving yourself and being confident in what you do. At such times you need to appreciate your life.

Do not take life for granted!

The whole idea in life is to let go of pain; it doesn’t make you better hold on to past painful experiences.

Do not put yourself in chains and be trapped in your past life.

Your only concern should be yourself and in the present. In life, you must accept anything that can't be changed. When you see that part of life, then you can gradually move on and feel happy again.

Painful past experiences hold you back from doing whatever you want to enjoy. I did a lot to get out of my comfort zone which subsided any doubts I had to get on with my foreign lifestyle.

I couldn’t bottle my emotions. I had to express the way I felt about anything that hurt me, made me feel awkward, or alone.

Whatever made me feel unhappy, and disregarded I expressed it to others in a group.

Off-course, I felt negative emotions as not being able to chat with anyone through not knowing much of the Croatian language. I allowed myself to feel these emotions and cope with challenges, a process I formed on my own.

Do you often talk about your past?

It is normal to refer to your past life on occasion, but if you form a habit of it, this would ruin your relationships and yourself.

Views in Konavle


Holding on to past experiences

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Devika Primić


Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 23, 2020:

Dale Sounds like you have been through some great adventures. Thank you for sharing that.

Dale Anderson from The High Seas on September 23, 2020:

I have moved many, many times and, as a result, have learned to really leave the past behind me as much as I can. It's painful to think of all the friends and good people that I will never see again so I try my best to just move forward with every new day.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 11, 2020:

Adrienne Farricelli , thank you for an encouraging comment and is right to take each day as a gift. I believe in the present.

Adrienne Farricelli on August 11, 2020:

You shared many important tips on helping people move on from the past. We should take dogs as an example, and learn to live in the day, embracing each morning like a gift. Thanks for writing on this important topic.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 09, 2020:

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee thank you

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee from MILWAUKEE on August 08, 2020:

painful incidents of past cause panic at times...

they can't be forgotten...

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 07, 2020:

Peggy for me too looking back I enjoy going back down memory lane. Growing up was a happy childhood. Thank you

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on August 07, 2020:

If one has had a painful past, learning from it and moving forward is the smart approach instead of getting mired in it. Fortunately, for me, looking back brings back mostly happy memories. It is fun to reminisce about them at times.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 05, 2020:

Umesh Chandra Bhatt thank you very much for stopping by

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on August 04, 2020:

Forgetting past is difficult but one has to try one's best.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 04, 2020:

Mary Norton thank you for comments. It is nice of you to stop by I write of my experiences and hope for readers to learn something new from my work.

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on August 03, 2020:

Lately, I have realized that dwelling on the past stops me from learning anything new. Not only that, but it also makes me dwell on what has already happened instead of allowing new experiences to surprise me. Your own experience is always a lesson for me.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 01, 2020:

Rajan thank you kindly for stopping by.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 01, 2020:

Linda Crampton So true! Thank you for sharing that. Croatia is a beautiful country as other countries are. I like the surroundings. Beautiful.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 01, 2020:

Dora it is true and so kind of you to stop by. I appreciate your time and hope all is well with you.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on August 01, 2020:

FlourishAnyway It is interesting to know of someone's past if they had an adventurous one or have happy moments. However, if the past was traumatic one shouldn't go back and cause more pain. Thank you very much for sharing your views.

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on July 31, 2020:

Letting go of past experiences is possibly the most difficult of things to do but it is necessary if one wishes to enjoy the present. The hub is a must-read.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on July 31, 2020:

Moving away from the past is important in many cases. though if it has left us with pleasant memories or useful lessons it's good to remember them. When the past has left us with painful memories, however, it's important to move beyond them.

I always enjoy looking at your photos of Croatia, Devika. Thank you for sharing them.

CaribTales on July 31, 2020:

"To hold on to pain from your past doesn’t allow for healing." Here is a truth to consider and follow. The pain we can lose through forgiveness. Healing is most important, and allows us to recall the past without the pain.

FlourishAnyway from USA on July 31, 2020:

Some people have pleasant past lives and like to think about the old days. Also, if you are old and home bound and there is not a lot of new things happening, I can understand Going over your memories. I prefer to balance past, present and future. I don’t want to forget the past, but I need to focus the most on now and where I’m going.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Denise I know someone who was in the same past as you. Her husband beat whenever he was under the influence of alcohol. This went on for many years and one day she left. Her was painful and nobody forgets their past. On his death bed he wanted her to take care of him and she did that but he never gave her piece in their marriage. Thank you for sharing your experience. .

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Pamela thank you very much for stopping by. Painful experiences are dramatic if one dwells.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

MG Singh thank you and I am glad you stopped by.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Hi Lorna Thank you for comments I appreciate it. Painful experiences affect people in different ways.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Eric You are so right! My first time to live in Croatia made me feel most unhappy and was painful too. Thanks to every positive step I took to move forward and to share my experience on Hubpages. Thank you for that.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Liz thank You and it is true of its meaning to those who have had such painful experiences.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

peachy so nice to read your comment. I appreciate your time. Painful experiences does affect those for many years before they actually recover from that. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Bill thank you for supporting me here. I understand your points of view.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 31, 2020:

Chitrangada Sharan thank you. It is a habit that one forms to return to their painful past experiences. You make good points.

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on July 31, 2020:

It has taken me many years to let go of what was and look to a happy future. Many times the past rears its ugly head and tries to make me feel bad again but I usually can decide not to think about it. My first husband beat me for 4 years 2 months and 28 days until I ran away. I thought for a long time that all men were scum and worthless beasts. Time has healed that. I still am tempted to say things like "that was a GEORGE thing to do or say" but I find my poor dear second husband gets offended when I bring up that name and since he doesn't deserve it, I don't use it anymore. But in my mind, I remember the hurt. That never really goes away. The scars fade, the dentist fixed my broken teeth, but the memory lives on. I had to decide that no one deserves to be treated like that, not even me. I am very happy with life now. I thank God daily for my deliverance.



Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on July 31, 2020:

I know living in the past is not healthy. Your article spells that out very well. It is sure healthier to live each day at a time and move ahead not going back to hurtful memories. I use to do that a long time ago, but I have learned my lesson. I am much happier now. This is a very good artice, Devika.

MG Singh emge from Singapore on July 31, 2020:

It's a nice article that makes you think. Talking of myself I have really no time to think about the past and always look to the future. However memories of the past remain

Lorna Lamon on July 31, 2020:

Confronting the past and making peace with it, allows you to live a more fulfilling life in the present, enabling you to look forward to the future. This is an excellent article Devika full of sound advice and encouraging words.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on July 31, 2020:

Devika you reminded me of when you first started writing here. The move to Croatia and that isolation you felt. So I know some of your recent past. It was brutal for you at first. You rose up to the challenge and inspire through today.

Others say my past is/was traumatic. So what! But I have to be careful dwelling on it.

Liz Westwood from UK on July 31, 2020:

This article is relevant to us all and points forward to a future happiness free of the shackles of the past.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on July 31, 2020:

Great advice hub. I don't hold on to my past. No point crying over spilled milk. Look forward. There are many opportunities out there

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on July 31, 2020:

I, on the other hand, had a wonderful past, and refer to it often. I understand your point for those who have had a painful past. Learn from it, deal with it, and move on.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on July 31, 2020:

Good advice in your own style. It’s an important reminder, I believe, which is relevant to many, who have some unpleasant experiences of the past.

Thanks for sharing this insightful article.

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