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Emotional Hoarding - II

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emotional-hording-ii

An Example

Holby City is a BBC Medical Drama.

The current story line concerns Dom, a doctor, who has, in past few years, learned he was adopted.

His mother gave him up as a baby, and he was raised by a husband and wife who were his parents.

As Gay, he had problems with his father which he also daubed his mother. Learning who his real mother was, had him cut those who raised him out of his life were they a too small pair of pants.

Of course, his real mother would get the full brunt of his hate and anger, so that he would report her when he learned she was having an affair with a junior doctor.

This is only one aspect of his tantrum throwing.
Dom is an Emotional Hoarder.

He is someone who collects every slight, insult, assumed insult, action, reaction, into a bundle which he grasps with every atom of his being.

Emotional Hoarding

This behaviour is standard for an emotional horder.

He will destroy every possible relationship he can have now in reference to what he did not have then.

His inability to comprehend why his mother gave him up, only that she gave him up, will have him pouting for the rest of his life.

He will hold anger for things she didn't do for him, and anything she tries to do now he will treat with disdain.

And he will do all he can to 'punish' her for what she did forty years ago.

The result is obvious.

His real mother, who has come before him, who wants a relationship with find that such is impossible. The emotional and other costs are simply not worth it. Because Dom is not worth it.

He has proven and will prove that he is a repulsive disloyal creature who thinks only of himself and needs to fix everyone who, in any way, offended him.

emotional-hording-ii

The Symptoms

Emotional Hoarders will never forgive or forget. They will never see any other side but their own.

They will throw anyone who ever, in any way, offended them, under the bus.

They might seem to want a relationship with someone who 'offended' them, but this is only to get them into their ambit so they can discharge their effluent upon them.

They can go days, weeks, maybe even a month behaving as a normal person, but will repeat the same gripes over and again.

There is no deviation. There is no change.

If they blame their mother for something that happened forty years ago, they will bring it up periodically because they get some sick joy out of the attack.

That the attack simply drives the person farther away is the result.

They only want the 'target' in their life for shooting practice.

Result

A normal person might spill their pain and hear the why and how and let it go.
Let it go and move on.
Move on and create some kind of relationship with the other, which can develope over time.

An Emotional Hoarder will never be able to do this.

No matter how many years pass they will continue to revert to the the whining ten year old.

In Holby City, it seems evident, that instead of Dom being able to create a normal or near normal relationship with his mother he will be left with no relationship at all.

She will, acting on self preservation, get away from him forever.

He will feel victorious in his sick way until he realises, (if he realises) what he has done.

Get Help

If you are carrying around grudges from the past, keeping every possible 'hurt' in your soul, year after decade, get help.

Get help because all this is doing is making you a repulsive individual best severed from one's life.

Further, new relationships will add to the stockpile so that over time there will be more grudges, more anger at more people.

If, in the show, Holby City, Dom's mother behaves in the standard way that those around an emotional hoarder do, she will exit his life in such a manner that there will never be a chance of reconciliation
.
Dom can carry his grudges to his grave, never realising that no one cares.
To be coarse, other people have lives and leaving you out is the wisest option.

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