The Alarm Clock Goes Off.
Having a nervous breakdown because of your current job pressures is not an uncommon thing. How many times have you worked somewhere simply because you were getting a paycheck not because you actually loved what you were doing? Well, I decided a few months ago to quit my shitty high-paying job and was extremely overconfident that I would easily get another job whenever I wanted one. I felt that there was really little to no effort needed so I dicked off and took my time putting out resumes. In retrospect, I think I was imagining how things were the previous year, prior to the pandemic. When I first started considering moving to Missouri to help my mom, I had put out some feelers at some organizations close to her town and was immediately getting job offers that I had to turn down. I kept telling myself, that I need to take a break, just for a few weeks, to get my head together. If all else fails, I will just be a delivery driver until I find something.
Taking a break for a few weeks has turned into almost four months of not working a full-time salaried job. After a month in Missouri with no income, I started digging through my storage unit and selling things. It is amazing how unattached you become to things when you are trying to figure out how you are now going to pay your car payment, car insurance, outrageous phone bill, credit cards, and don't forget about eating or smoking cigarettes. Things that I had been holding on to for years that once had sentimental value, was being posted on Facebook Marketplace. I even started getting creative and revamping some of my art or craft projects that I came across, said goodbye to my action figure and lunch box collection, and took most of my photos out of the frames, boxed them in one keepsake box, and sold the frames.
I have had a slap in the face from Mr. Reality Check and realized I got really cocky before I quit my job. I knew I was good at my job and was at a very high point in my career. I was one person below the owner of the company, bringing in around 4K a month, traveling back and forth from Louisiana to Missouri every few weeks, and had the option of working remotely even before the Pandemic hit. I honestly felt like I was irreplaceable because of how tight I was with my clients and how close I was to the owner of the company. I was a "yes" person and didn't know how to set boundaries properly with my boss/owner. I never said anything when more responsibility was put on me, I was on call 24/7 and definitely did not have a proper balance between work and personal life. I thought this was what I had to do, that this was where my career was supposed to be, and that this is not just a job but a lifestyle. I gave up holidays, weekends, and many overnights. I breathed and lived this career until one day I snapped.
I apologize for being so vague on the specific details of what drove me to this point, the company I worked for, and what exactly I was doing. This was a job in the medical field so I need to be careful to not get sued for violating confidentiality policies. I often compared my former boss to the character Glenn Close plays in "The Devil Wears Prada" and we even joked that she was the devil that wore Chanel or Loui Vuitton. So with that in mind, that would be the main reason I am not more specific with my trigger to completely wreck my life. It is another story for another day.
I am still picking up the pieces. I am still trying to figure out what I am going to do. I pour a lot of my energy into the free things like focusing on my YouTube channel making stupid and funny videos, creating insane weird art that I actually sell online and at a flea market, writing self-loathing articles like this one, dating a new person that is pretty amazing, and learning how to have a life that is not centered around my career. You have to remind yourself to BALANCE your work and personal life, make sure your job duties are properly outlined in any position you are currently in, know what you are worth, and you need to remember those moments you miss with your kids, friends, or family; you won't get back.