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Cutting the Ties that Bind

Projections of Self

It is easier to recognise attitudes in others than to recognise those same attitudes in ourselves. The person you think you are is normally not the person others think you are. You might criticise another person for being selfish and be completely oblivious to your own selfishness. By the same token you could also admire someone else for traits you don't recognise yourself possessing.

The Influences on Character Formation

It is generally accepted that though people's characters continue to develop throughout their lives it is to the most part formed by the age of 6. Until recently the people who would normally be the greatest influences on their children's character up to age 6 would be their parents. We cannot say this with any great confidence any more because many children spend as much if not more time with carers than their own parents so carers are having a greater impact on the formation of a child's character.

A child will accept or rebel against different traits, attitudes and behaviours in both parents. The aspects of their parents they like they will add to their own characters and they will reject others. This is a subconscious process. If we consider children with alcoholic parents as an example. The children could either become alcoholics themselves or never touch the stuff. It isn't likely that they will not develop either and acceptance or a rejection of this behaviour exhibited by either or both parents. Taking on the characteristics of their alcoholic parents or rejecting them are both examples of their parents influence in their children's character formation.

Subconscious Learning

The situation is far more complicated nowadays because children are being influenced by their carers. Parents don't seem to still realise that the younger the children are the more open and susceptible they are to subconsciously learn values, attitudes and behaviours of the people they spend most time with. Children do not have a fully formed critical filter in place and simply accept without question the unconscious learning that comes from being with a carer for long enough.

An example of what I mean can be had from any individual who has been separated at birth from either or both parents but will exhibit values, traits and behaviours beyond the normal genetic or hereditary aspects of the parents they were separated from. This would indicate that from the time of conception the child is already absorbing from both parents the elements to build their own character and the rate of absorption is greatest the younger the child is.

Choosing the Traits to Keep

It is important for people to become aware of their own attitudes towards different people, situations, ideas, and towards themselves in order to trace back to which parent they borrowed each. Some of the traits we have borrowed from our parents and carers may be destructive and can be causing serious problems in our lives.

The liberating exercise I talk about in this article and which has helped countless people give back to their parents the negative characteristics, and behaviours that have caused them so may problems is based on the premise that our reaction to early training in the formative years of our development is probably responsible for many of the problems we now experience in our lives.

The exercise was developed by Phyllis Krystal and there are groups all over the world who meet regularly to practice the ritual called “Cutting the Ties that Bind”. There is probably a group in your own area and I have provided a link at the bottom of this article for you to check.

About the Ritual

In order to release yourself from the negative traits you borrowed from either parent Phyllis Krystal created a ritual called ‘Puberty Rites’ or ‘Cutting the Cord’ which releases you from both your parents. This ritual not only frees you from any unhealthy dependence on your parents but also from any negative programming by your parents which continues to act on a deep unconscious level and prevents you from knowing yourself. In ancient times this was a very important ritual for a young person to perform who was about to about to attain maturity and become an independent member of the village.

This ritual can be performed at any time after puberty regardless of age. If it is not done and the ties to remain uncut into adulthood an unhealthy situation often develops where the child, whatever his/her age, is both too dependent on one or both parents and therefore incapable of expressing his/her own true personality. The opposite may hold where the child has rebelled violently and broken away from the parents with hard feelings on both sides. This latter situation can result in extra negative ties which can bind even more tightly than the original more positive ones.

It is never too late to cut these ties even if both parents are now dead.

Severing the ties to your parents invariably improves the relationship by allowing it to be free and flowing.

Preliminary Exercise

As with all rituals, there are preparations which need to be undertaken before the actual ‘cutting of the cords’ can be done.

The following preliminary exercise must be practised religiously every day for a period of no less than two weeks for each parent or guardian. This exercise is called “The Figure Eight”. It is one of the most powerful symbols given to us by the higher Consciousness or ‘High C’ .

When two people have a close relationship with one another they each project part of themselves on to the other so that neither is a clear cut and separate individual. Before the ties between the two people can be cut they must each disentangle the deep bonds between them and withdraw into their own separate space. The exercise I am about to describe does this and prepares you for the ritual cutting of the cords after two weeks of doing the exercise.

I want you to imagine you are drawing a circle around you ON THE GROUND at arms length, so the radius of the circle is the length of your arm with fingers extended. Visualise this circle as a tube of golden light, like sunlight. Take your time, expect to see it and watch it appear. Simply ALLOW it to appear in your mind’s eye. (Pause)

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When you are satisfied that you are in the centre of a circle of golden light, visualise a similar circle just touching your own, BUT NOT OVERLAPPING yours.

Now call for one or other of your parents and see which one appears in the centre of the circle in front of your own.

See your parent in the centre of the circle in front of yours and make sure you both remain in the centre of your own circles throughout the exercise.

If at any stage it appears that either of you moves from the centre or tries to enter the other’s space, I want you to imagine that both of you are like puppets or dolls which can be picked up and put back where they belong. It doesn’t matter how many times you may have to do this but keep doing it until you both stay centred, especially in a situation where one is more dominant than the other.

When you can see the two circles clearly, and both of you are in the centre of your own space, visualise a pale blue neon light flowing inside the golden tube, starting at the point where the two circles meet and moving in a clockwise direction, first around your parent’s circle directly in front of you and back to where the circles meet.

All symbols must be visualised on the ground so if any of them appear to float, ask the ‘High C’ how to secure them firmly on the ground before proceeding with the exercise. You might be guided to nail them down, tie them to the ground, or glue them to the ground …just go with however you are directed to secure them to the ground.

Now watch the blue light continue on around the left side of your own circle, around behind you to your right, and then back again to where they meet, making a figure eight.

Continue to watch this flow of blue light in your mind’s eye for as long as you can hold the picture without strain. This usually takes about two minutes and during this time you may notice that the blue neon light magnetically draws all of you into your circle and all of your parent into theirs so that each of you occupies fully your own separate territory.

This exercise must be repeated regularly every day for at least two weeks until it flows easily, ensuring that the message that you wish to become an independent individual penetrates to the subconscious mind of both your parent and yourself.

The subconscious mind understands pictures and symbols more easily than words, but they have to be repeated regularly for the intended message to be received and acted upon. The times best suited for beaming messages in this way are just as you are awakening from sleep and again as you are about to enter the sleep state, as these are times when you are closest to your subconscious mind.

Self Hypnosis

To suspend the critical factor and so make the message more accessible to the subconscious you could enter the state of hypnosis prior to doing the exercise.

You can purchase and download from my website an audio recording titled “Hypnotherapy Treatmewnt Preparation” which will teach you how to achieve the relaxed state of hypnosis. One of the titles is with my voice and the other is with my wife's to cater for whether people prefer listening to a male or a female voice .

Keep a dream journal close to your bed and when you wake up with a dream still vivid in your mind you scribble it down. The dreams you have while practising the figure eight can shed light on aspects of your life and reveal the root causes of your problems.

Parents' Positive and Negative Attributes

During this time it is also suggested that you compile a list of both parents’ positive and negative attributes, on two large sheets of paper, one for each parent. Draw a line down the middle of each sheet and in the left column write down all the parent’s characteristics or habits to which you reacted negatively, and in the right column write all the parent’s positive traits to which you reacted positively or admired. Take your time with these lists which you can add to on a daily basis as it is the small subtle characteristics often forgotten or suppressed and which take time to surface from the subconscious are the ones which often make the most impression on a young mind.

Following these instructions and making the effort are all that is required to prepare yourself to undergo the ritual and free yourself from all the negative conditioning and ties to your past and free yourself be who you really are.

Phyllis Krystal

In my private practice as a Hypno-Psychotherapist here at the Setanta Hypnotherapy Clinic in the Isle of Man I would consider this session of cutting the ties that bind one of the most important in the therapy my wife and I provide.

We provide each client with an audio recording for download from our website called 'Cutting the Ties that Bind' and which they each practice for two weeks before this session.The recording costs GP£29.99 which you can purchase and download from our website. Please note that the exercise is the preparation for and not the actual session of cutting the ties that bind.

After performing the exercise for a period of at least 2 weeks you could then find a group or practitioner in your area to perform the rite. If you live in the Isle of Man either Mary or I can facilitate the ritual for you here at our private clinic in Peel.

Never perform the exercise with more than one person in the circle opposite you and do not perform the exercise with the other parent until you have cut the ties with one first.

The same exercise can also be done to sever attachments to behaviours like alcohol addiction or tobacco.

I highly recommend the books by Phyllis Krystal “Cutting The Ties That Bind “ and “Cutting More Ties that Bind as there is no substitute for hearing about the exercise than from the person who developed it.

Phyllis Krystal Website

Following is a link to the Phyllis Krystal website where you can obtain more information about her method including how to go about receiving training and details about people using her method.


Gloria Elena Gurmendi on November 24, 2019:

Dear Xavier Nathan. I am a psychologist writing from Lima Peru. I have practised the method since 1993 to 1997, first with myself and then with patients. I asked Phyllis Krystal for supervision to do it. My question is if my 12years old daughter can do the puberty ritual and if I can help her or do you know any person in Lima that could help us with her cutting ritual?

Xavier Nathan (author) from Isle of Man on March 15, 2012:

Hi Emma, when you first do the exercise you will be directed by your inner source of wisdom as to who to perform the ritual with first. This is a wonderful gift that you are giving to yourself and your son. Let me know how you get on.

emma on March 15, 2012:

I am so excited about this! I would like to know if I can do the ritual with my adult son. If so, do I have to do it first with my parents? I don't think I have any problems with them, just trying to help him to become more emotionally independent. Thank you for your wonderful guidance!

Xavier Nathan (author) from Isle of Man on July 10, 2011:

Thank you tumblintumblweed I am so glad that you resonate with this knowledge. It is a simple exercise to perform and the results speak for themselves. Please let me know how you get on.

tumblintumblweed on July 09, 2011:

Hello S.W. This is just an awesome hub! Your hubs are certainly right up my alley! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!

Xavier Nathan (author) from Isle of Man on July 09, 2011:

Alastar, thank you for your very kind and most encouraging words. I am glad that you now see where I am coming from and that speaks more about you than anything I have to offer. Have a great weekend.

Alaster Packer on July 09, 2011:

Now I'm really beginning to understand even more where your coming from. By the time I'd finished 'Influences on Character Formation' I knew you had it spot on my friend. Subconscious Learning- absolutely. The therapy, exercises and rituals,'Cutting the Tie that Binds' is basing its self on is the correct one. So many rituals are used for unhealthy or negative reasons but the one you've described here is positive and its awesome in its implications. High C indeed. The benefits of self-hypnosis speak for its self. Mr. Irish, Spirit, my only regret is this hub doesn't reach the eyes and minds of more people. Got a further handle on where your coming from and I like it.

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