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Cracking the Confidence Code: 3 Key Secrets

With a desire to help and inspire people around the world—Ashley currently blogs about life, psychology, purpose, spirituality, and more!

"I wish I could be confident."

Something that we are all guilty of telling ourselves at times—myself included, in the past. Most of the time when people talk about confidence, they are referring to external confidence. While external confidence is important, internal confidence is essential. And oftentimes we misunderstand and intertwine the two.

If you are someone that is lost or wants to obtain more confidence, stay tuned, because today I am going to share with you the three key secrets that will crack the code of confidence.


1. Stop Comparing

The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we have the tendency to compare ourselves to others. When we see people living a "better life" or see people who appear to be "better looking" than us, we begin to doubt ourselves and start to lack confidence.

Unfortunately, social media contributes to a majority of people's insecurities. Why is this?

People highlight the best aspects of their life on social media.

Whether it be a recent trip to Paris or moving into a new home—what you see on the internet isn't always the truth.

Reality is lost on the internet because we are solely focused on revealing the best versions of ourselves rather than the real versions. Life can be extremely difficult at times. And when we are going through times of struggle, social media enhances the feeling of lack—simply because we end up questioning our own purpose in life.

2. Face Your Fears

The reason why we doubt ourselves and our abilities to become something great in life is because of fear. At this point, you might be wondering "well, fear of what?"

You see, most of our lives are spent believing everything that we are told.

Society conditioned us to believe that following the "path" of going to school, getting a degree, and receiving a high-paying job was the only way you were going to accomplish anything in life. While that method may have worked for some people, that was their trajectory. And because of this made-up societal norm, you began to question all aspects of your life as you developed a fear of failure.

When we let fear consume us, oftentimes it results in us trying to run away from reality. What people don't realize is that doubting yourself will kill dreams more than failure ever will. When you are forced out of your comfort zone, you will see that you are the only thing holding you back, is yourself. Facing your fears will help you grow into a more courageous, determined, and stronger person.

3. Change Your Mindset

Confidence is a matter of mindset and when you think negatively, it deteriorates how you perceive things. Many people have a fixed mindset and don't embrace challenges or change. While both are inevitable we do, however, have the ability to accept, learn, and grow as individuals from them.

Mindset is a powerful thing and when you tell yourself that you aren't good enough or that you aren't capable of greatness, you only prevent yourself from achieving your goals.

Have you ever told yourself . . .

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  • "I wish I was happier."
  • "I want to be successful."
  • "I want more."
  • "This is too difficult for me."

As harsh as it may sound, those are beliefs of a person with a fixed mindset. Changing your mindset sounds extremely difficult, but all it means is that you shift the way that you perceive things. For example, instead of telling yourself "I want," tell yourself "I have".

Once you begin to replace doubts and negative thoughts with positive ones, you will live a positive life and your dreams and goals will become a reality.


When you decide to take the first step to apply these three habits to your everyday life, you will begin to see your confidence and true-self unravel before your eyes.

© 2019 Ashley Marie Riley


Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on March 06, 2020:

Hi, Ashley, I am so honored to meet and to follow you. This hub was written for ME. For all of my life I have never seen myself as a confident person, so this hub works for me. I read all of the factors, reasons, and the results.

Thanks for publishing such a deep topic with such a talented flair.

Lisa Bean from Virginia on March 18, 2019:

Good suggestions here! I like the idea of changing your mindset. That is a bigger factor in self confidence than we might think!

Ashley Marie Riley (author) from Ayer, Massacusetts on March 17, 2019:

Hi Dina,

Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm happy to hear that my article could move you in such a way. I only strive to move and inspire my readers.

Dina AH from United States on March 17, 2019:

Hi Ashley Marie! This was such a moving piece for me. I read a lot of self-help books and, it's funny because I mentally know this advice but it's much more challenging to be mindful of how this internal dialogue takes place. You handle the article's space in a clever way, too, and I love it. I am off to give you a follow. I hope you keep on writing! You've got a nice way with words, for sure. Pleased to meet you!

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