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Can You Ever Trust Again After Being Lied To?

Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.

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"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Unfortunately, it's not so simple in real life when it comes to trust. Every person trusts on a different level that is most comfortable to them. Or at least what they can tolerate. We all have a threshold for lies and when someone reaches it that is when our breaking point becomes evident. It disgusts me how tolerable society today is about lying. It's almost makes one feel like it's okay to lie because everyone else is doing it. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I miss the days when people actually held themselves to a higher standard and told the truth. Just because lying is "in style" doesn't mean it's right or moral. You're only as good as your word, and if you don't even have that, what do you even stand for?

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It has come to the point that when someone tells the truth "too much" they are labeled as naive or too trusting. But when you look at it from the other side, wouldn't you rather deal with someone who is "too honest" than someone who constantly lies to your face? I know I would. It's really hard to come by people these days who tell the truth more than they lie. I, myself, used to be too trusting due to young age and lack of experience but that has definitely changed with time. I wouldn't say I expect the worst of people, I just don't expect too much anymore. After being lied to more than my fair share of times, I take my time before I put you in my trust circle. And these days, it's a very small circle.

I no longer take what people say at face value because I've learned that anyone can say anything. I dig a little deeper and look at their actions and if those actions correspond to their words. Some people have an inner voice that provides them with guidance in tricky situations. I have what I like to call an "inner detective." She's tough and she doesn't trust easily. Call it intuition or emphatic abilities, but I can sniff out lies faster than a police dog looking for drugs. So far this ability or talent has not failed me, but that doesn't mean it hasn't broken my heart a time or two. But the way I see it is I'd rather know the truth and break my own heart then believe a lie and have it broken by someone else.

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There's two kinds of lies in this world. There's normal lies that people lie to get away with something or hide their true intentions. Then there's the more innocent lies known as "white lies." White lies are the type you lie when you want to protect someone more than you want to protect yourself. It would be a parent concealing a cancer diagnosis so their adult children could go on a trip they've been planning for a long time. They figure why have the trip be canceled because of their illness when they can just let the kids know when they get back. It's not really hurting anyone, it's actually just a way of protecting someone. Even white lies should be used in moderation and shouldn't be a way to hide bad behavior. For example, you can't cheat on your girlfriend or boyfriend and then say it's a white lie because you didn't tell them. That's not a white lie, that's a straight up black lie and you're only trying to save your own behind. In a perfect world there would be no reason to lie, but this world is far from it.

So the obvious question arises, what do you do when someone lies to you? Do you continue to trust them or do you have your guard up and never trust them again? It's really not so simple though is it? It's usually the people closest to us that lie to us so of course it hurts the most. If a stranger or acquaintance lies, it doesn't hurt or mean that much, but when the people who you're supposed to trust lie, it's a whole different story. I think it's not just about the lie itself but the reason behind it.

If you find out the motivation behind the lie you can better understand whether you should trust that person again or not. Ask yourself why they did it and if you trust them again what's going to keep them from lying again? If there's no motivation behind a lie, there's no reason to lie in the first place.

Let's say you tell your boyfriend not to talk to his ex-girlfriend and then you find out he's doing it behind your back anyways. You feel hurt and betrayed and wonder what's going on between them because he certainly has not told you this was going on. His motivation in this situation is to keep the truth from you because he knows you're against his continued communication with his ex. He wants to avoid the drama and keep it from you while still having his way. So what happens when you tell him you don't care that he talks to his ex-girlfriend? You've just taken all the fun out of it and he has no motivation to lie about it. More than likely he will probably lose all interest in talking to her because you've given him permission and it's no longer "forbidden." People will try to hide what they're not supposed to do, but when you outright say "hey go ahead I don't care," you've just solved your own problem. Of course this won't work for all situations, but it will certainly work for some.

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Some lies are just too big to be forgiven or forgotten. Maybe once or twice you can forgive a lie, but if someone continually takes your trust for granted it might be time to pack up your bags and leave. The scariest liars are those that lie just for the sake of lying or because it gives them a thrill to get away with their lies. In this case you might be dealing with a narcissist or sociopath and life's just too short to stay in contact with these types of people. Having firsthand experience with them, I say run and don't look back. They will never change and you don't need to waste your life being lied to. There's something seriously wrong with someone who can lie to your face and feel no guilt and be able to sleep at night like a baby. Don't even let someone like this into your life, and if you already have, evict them immediately. You will never regret getting rid of such a rotten person.

In the end, only you can choose what you can put up with and live with. Ask yourself what your peace of mind is worth. If the people closest to you are constantly lying to you and making your quality of life low, don't you think you deserve better? I know that low self-esteem issues can make you feel like you deserve it, but no one deserves to be lied to. Don't be afraid to lose people from your life because you are afraid of being alone. It's better to be alone and at peace then with someone else and constantly under stress. Life doesn't work that way anyways. Shortly after you get rid of people causing you pain you make room in your life for better people to come in and take their place. Life never takes anyone without replacing them with someone better. It will always compensate you for what you lost. Don't worry about that. Call it karma or call it the law of attraction, but balance will always be achieved. You just have to take the first step and start removing people from your life who don't think you are worthy of the truth.

Monsters by Shinedown

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 GreenEyes1607

Comments

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 29, 2020:

"I no longer take what people say at face value because I've learned that anyone can say anything. I dig a little deeper and look at their actions and if those actions correspond to their words." That's exactly as it should be!

Trust much like (respect) is something which should be (earned) by observing someone demonstrate honesty and integrity over time.

When it comes to lying and trusting people I believe most of us weigh the importance of what being told as to whether or not we invest time to verify. If it really isn't important to us what was said goes unchecked. We'd go crazy if we felt a need to "fact check" everything someone said to us.

Most things said to us aren't worth the time and effort.