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Bipolar Disorder My Monster Just Wants To Have Fun Part Two


This article is part 2 of of a article I started 10 yeras ago. The monster is what I playfully call my bipolar disorder. i usually update it every few days . It is also a mode of therapy for me. I hope you enjoy the antics and serious moments I share. part 1 is called " Bipolar Disorder My Monster Just wants To Have Fun". It can be found on hubpages also.

Thank you for reading.

The Psychotic Break

It has been a long years since I began writing this article. I have had many ups and and downs. I stopped writing for about 5 years and everything was just flat.

In July of the past year I had a psychotic break which I had not experienced and was terrifying to me. I was seeing the devil and demons, but luckily it was short lived and I didn't have to go to the hospital. I called the police 4 times and was angry because he could not see what I was seeing.

It hit me out of the blue. i was sitting on the couch doing my school work for my second Masters degree when I started seeing a arm with a bloody knife stabbing through my door. I ran to the kitchen and got a big knife. By the time I came backto the living room the devil was looking at me through the window and beckoning me with his finger. He said he wanted to devour my soul. I ran out the back door and was running down the street screaming help me. I'm sure everyone thought I was was crazy, actually I was psychotic.

Finally an elderly neighbor came out and sat with me until the police came for the fourth time and this time the policeman sat with me until my husband arrived from shopping. I was hysterical by then but between the policeman and my husband were able to calm me down.

I was taken to the hospital and it was determined that I was suffering from psychosis. I was put on a very strong anti-psychotic and within an hour I had calmed down and was allowed to return home but I now have to remain on the meds everyday.

You my dear monster, where were you during this episode? You must be a chicken because you were nowhere to be found, once agin you left me alone.

New Beginnings

It has been 9 months since my psychotic break and on the new medications. My and my monster are doing well, he plays tricks on me sometime though. I look at the curtains and in the patterns I can see eyes or a horrible face. I also see huge spiders if I forget my meds.

I have begun writing again and am doing fairly well. I get out and walk after being home bound for 10 years. I cook and clean, I do my face and hair.

I still have to be careful but what the hell.....Come on monster..Lets go play.

Helloooo Mr. Monster

I would defineately say we are in the up phase totoday. hell even the past two weeks. I am sticking to my meds, written tons of poems which are features. and lost 27 pounds. I have excessive energy and stay up until 2-3 am then get back up at 6-7 am. I am anxiously awaiting payday to go shopping and spend money I don't have and have taken a job as a content writer.

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I knew you were around somewhere while I was suffering from the ravages of depressed states. You always come to get me when I am at my wits end.

i love you monster. Please don't go away for awhile but don't get me in too much trouble. Lol.

Months later !

Its been months since I've written anything. I have written about 30 poems but haven't published any of them. I am in a depression that won't let go. My doctor has put me on 30 mgs of adderall, in other words speed. I'm doing better but I need to get going again.

Its been months since I've done anything. I can't bathe, I can't get dressed. I don't want to talk to anyone. I wish I could just drop dead.

Happy Times

These past few months have been amazing. I was manic so many weeks. The high and energy felt amazing after weeks of depression. Monster you were awesome during this time. We did get into a little trouble with the spending but I told you we would. I got so much done. Now I have a pile of articles and poems I have to type.

Yesterday and last night were a little off. I kept seeing huge spiders all over the floor. if I blink my eyes they go away but they come back in a few minutes. I know they are not real and cant hurt me but its still scary. I hope I'm not coming down.

Well monster lets play. Im ready, are you.

Today is good

This past week has been good. Still on the up. Writitng, studying, leaving my room and other things I dont bother to do or am too exhausted to do when I crash. Im enjoying this part but dreading the coming down it will be bad and hard I know.

I had someone ask me if I would give up the ups and creativity if I could be rid of the bipolar disorder. I had to say I'm not sure. My monster is such a big part of me now, sometimes a enemy, but sometimes a close friend. Its lamost like I dont remember a time when he wasn't in my life.

My doctor yesterday was very happy with how I'm doing but I think he's afraid I'll go too high again.

Well I dont have much to say. I'm trying to correct grammatical errors that are in hubs that I wrote while manic or very depressed.

have a wonderful week....until next time.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 christalluna1124

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