Rob is a certified Life Coach and Author specialising in helping us to achieve what we most desire by changing the way we think
OK, so today, I’d like to speak with you about the size of your feet. I’m not sure how you feel about this, but you, I and quite a few others, really have no other option than to accept the size of our feet and therefore, the size of the shoe that we need to wear. Regardless of whether we have the feet of a delicate, diminutive princess or BoJo The Clown, few of us spend much time worrying about the size of our feet as we are sensible enough to realise that there is nothing we can do about it.
Do we buy shoes that are two sizes too big, or too small? Of course not.
After all, that is the way we have been designed. It’s our DNA, it’s the way that we were built - ain’t not no nuffin we can do about it.
Whichever size shoe you are, you are highly unlikely to be able to change it. The same goes for your height, but let’s stick with shoe size. Of course, it doesn’t matter what size your feet are, after all, you can’t change it, it’s part of your DNA, it is how you were made. We accept it. Some of us may learn that our shoe size resides somewhere either end of the adult shoe-size spectrum. We may like this, or we may feel like an outsider. But the truth is, we accept it. We may want to celebrate it, but hey, it’s how we are and there is nothing that can be done about it.
So, along with other physical attributes we have, to a large degree, we accept the way we have been built. Whether it’s thanks to the genes of our ancestors, or just the way things appeared to have turned out. There is no changing it. Of course, there are many, expensive cosmetic procedures that can be performed to edit the external appearance, but we’re not going into that in this article.
So, how about wearing shoes that are two sizes smaller than your feet? You wouldn’t do it, you wouldn’t even force it, it just wouldn’t feel right, you just accept that your tiny princess glass slippers, or your clown boots fit you perfectly. Nothing can be done about it, so you just move on and get on with your day.
This brings me on to How we are. How we were designed. Our absolute natural way, we are, precisely how we were designed, it may not be ‘who’ you are, but it’s certainly how you were built.
Once we accept this, how about we delve a little deeper and apply the same reasoning across other areas of ourselves? If we can quietly consider what our truth is, how we really are, our true values and be entirely honest with ourselves, then we can develop the skills to lead a stress-free, content and happy life. As we’ll always be wearing comfortable shoes.
If you are happiest and feel at home living in the country, then live in the country. If you love socialising at parties, then party on. If you’re introverted and enjoy your own solitude, then spend time alone. Once you can clearly discover yourself, and what makes you happy, then you can apply yourself to do far more of that and not try to force yourself into situations, jobs and relationships that do not fit you.
So why do you need a therapist? You already know that doing good things is good for you and bad things are bad for you - but of course, what is good and what is bad? You can only answer this when you accept yourself and know your own values. When you know you, you know the size of your feet.
Do you just need to be taught to do something that does not fit with the way you do things? Once you discover you have size 6 feet, you’ll never need a therapist to teach you how to fit into a size 4.
This has led me to delve deeper into this and to see where else in our lives we try to fit into something that simply is not designed for us, or more accurately, we have not been designed for it.
Have we ever squeezed ourselves into a job, a relationship, a place? Do we have a ‘gut’ feeling that it’s not right? Do we just convince ourselves that we’re being silly and ‘it will be alright’, and then we go about adjusting ourselves, despite the inside screaming that the place, the person, the job, just doesn’t fit?
Once we truly know ourselves and we know what makes us tick, life not only gets a lot easier, it’s a lot more rewarding. Getting in touch with your feelings is a really simple process - you don’t need a 6 week retreat to Thailand to ‘find’ yourself, you’re not lost. What you do need to do is get to know yourself.
Look at your friends. Maybe look at those people who are on your radar, colleagues, friends of friends, people you meet, people you know, but there is something about them that doesn’t feel quite right?
These people exist and the feelings you’re getting are usually spot-on and accurate. Maybe there is something about them you just don’t trust - that’s fine, it’s a gut feeling and you’re right to go with it.
So how about getting to know your real self? Usually, this all comes down to honesty. You know when you’re in your happy place, you know what work that consumes you, that makes you happy and you never notice the time, you know when you’re with the right person and whether it’s for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. You know. But you only know the answer to all this when you really know yourself.
When you’re on a path of self-discovery, there may well be a few surprises that pop out from behind a bush - some of these may be things you love and had forgotten, some of them may not be particularly nice, but as long as you accept them and know they are part of what makes you, you - then you’re doing good.
This is all about the stuff we’re born with, our DNA, the blueprint for the design of our soul (and our feet).
You may find some assistance on this journey from various sources. Just Google ‘How Do I Find Myself’. When I did this in April 2021, the results numbered 844million in just .55 seconds. As yet, I have not had a chance to read them all!
You’ll find lots of information. From helpful hints, to astrologers, life coaches, spiritual guides, a few million books and one or two well-meaning crazy bats! That said, this is not a bad place to start - just take it all with a pinch of salt, read on and find what resonates with you. Find the stuff that your gut says you can trust - it’s a good start. You’ll know when you’re done.
Yes, this is all about finding what you’re passionate about and doing it. You try things, new things, old things, odd things, crazy things, in fact, anything - something may just stick, or you may already have tried so many things you couldn’t start to make a list - awesome. But maybe, there is always something that you find yourself coming back to. Like your favourite, comfortable shoes (yes, I‘m back on the shoe thing again!)
Remember, this stuff, whatever it is, is just about you - no-one else. Whatever it is, you don’t have to squeeze it to make it fit ‘social norms’ - if it doesn’t fit you - then it’s wrong for you.
Be. More You
Don’t try to be like anyone else. And please, do not try to be someone who spends their life trying to live up to the expectations of another (or others) - please live up to your own expectations whatever they are.
Franz Kafka is widely recognised as a major literary figure of the 20th century. Fat lot of good that did him. Strongly influenced (ruled) by his father. He was told to train as a lawyer and he spent his working life toiling in an insurance company, using only his spare time to write short stories and letters to friends and family. Works that were published during his lifetime received little or no attention. He died of TB at 41, instructing his friend, Max Brod to burn all his manuscripts as he thought they were not good enough. Max ignored this. Kafka’s work has since influenced writers, critics, artists and philosophers ever since.
I think it’s fair to say, Mr. Kafka’s father had smaller feet than his son, hence, the shoes did not fit.
Good Enough is Good Enough
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Rob Wyborn