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A Walk in the Valley, in the Shadow of Death

Ill Health or Mental Health?

I would, at this time, like to take some time from my regular articles to talk about myself. Let me start by saying I have lost an entire year to illness and recovery. The first few weeks I have no memory of. So I must rely on what my family members have told me. In the beginning, I started losing it and didn't realize it. I started questioning my fiance, who had moved in with us the previous July. Such things as who are you? Why are you here? Wheres Mary? You're not Mary. You see I had lost my wife of 51 years the previous Pancreatic Cancer. Her final days were unbearable. She just closed her eyes, and never knew we were there. Hospice came in and supervised her meds, mostly for pain and to make her comfortable. She hung on two more weeks, then the obvious. One night at 1:15 am. She had always said she wanted to pass at home, so I made sure she got her wish.

Family is everything, especially in the tough times.


I now live here with my fiance and my youngest son, who inherited the whole thing, house and all. My oldest lives elsewhere with his family. Tim never married. They are both good sons with their heads on straight. David has had a bad time with his back and his legs. But to coin a phrase in a song, he's still standing. Mary and I were split up for a while, I remarried, had two beautiful daughters, and in 2017 got back together with Mary. I never knew she was sick. I used to aggravate her all the time, in a joking way, and she would remark she was tired. I would ask, of me? Stuff like that. But we had our serious times as well, but still never a word as to what was wrong. I always thought I would go before her.

The beginning of a Downhill Slide.

In the early 80's I went to work driving semi-trucks all over this wonderful country of ours. Over the road, if you will. My health problems began in 2005, starting with being diagnosed with COPD. A couple of years later arthritis in both my hips and my spine. It wasn't too bad at first. and if that wasn't enough, my blood pressure was out of control. So eventually I had to quit driving semi's. I later went to work in a sawmill in southern Ohio. Then in 2011, my blood pressure was so high something had to be done. I eventually went into the hospital for a quadruple bypass. After about a month in the hospital, I returned home. I was home two days, and ended up with back to the Hospital. Then three days later back home. Well then, things started to bottom out and I was finally on the mend. The sawmill closed and later on, I came back to Columbus, Ohio. Alright, let us skip some time. I had applied for Social Security and was awarded. So now I guess I'm officially retired. I got back together with my wife and we sort of picked up where we left off. After her passing, I decided I wasn't going to finish my years alone. I met Martha in late 2018. Thing was great for a few months, then unaware of it, I started getting sick again. But this was totally different.

No Memory, can't Walk Anymore, and no reason why.


I began that fence in 2017 and finished it the following year. As I stated earlier, I had begun to lose idea why. I was told after the confrontations with Martha, my son took me into the bathroom, and gave me a bath and cleaned me up. By this time I was out of it. They called the squad and I was taken to Riverside Hospital. They told my family I had suffered a heart attack and was in the middle of it. However, forty-five days later, after being moved to a rest home and undergoing therapy, to get back to walking again, which never happened, I decided it was time to go home...that's what I did. By that time my mind was working again, and things went pretty well. For the most part. We had Therapists coming to the house, a nurse to do my bandages, and so on. When I came home, I had a hole in each heel, and several pressure ulcers, and a bedsore. After I was home for a while, my family started telling me where the missing time went. The diagnosis for admittance to the hospital didn't seem right to me. I had been given another reason by the doctors. Then one day the head nurse was visiting, and she told us that I had Sepsis, a blood disease. Apparently, I had a high fever, delirious, and had hit one of the nurses in the head with my call button, and had to be restrained. I guess I told a pretty wild story about the hospital people,, and was demanding to talk to the Sheriff. So that's when I dove into the horse advocacy writing again. That's also when I started writing for Hub Pages. I still can't walk, probably never will now, but we know the real reason why now. There is no cartilage in my joints...bone to bone. Nothing can be done. I'm a surgery risk, and some other health issues. And my age.

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Working, Playing, and writing.

I now own an older, lightweight wheelchair now. It's called an ultralight. The thing doesn't weigh 30 pounds. Thats good. I don't have to worry about who's gonna be unloading my chair. I can manage it myself. I've been giving more than my people could ever rewrite but we keep on keepin on. Ive watched a lot of my friends and classmates Pass on. I wonder what is in store for me? Well, I'll keep writing,and trying to guess their combined music and instrument. I'll get it one day..In the meantime, I have all the other horse advocates writing to me and helping me stay busy.. Between writing here, and my Facebook page I'm pretty busy. Thank you everyone.


This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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