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"I don't even game" Achievements How To Get All Achievements

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The following is a list of the achievements that you can acquire in "I don't even game", along with the way to acquire the tougher, not so obvious, ones. First, let's look at all the achievements "I don't even game" offers.

If you're simply looking for instructions on how to beat the entire you game, you can find the "I don't even game" Walkthrough here.

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XOXO - Support this game.

Newborn Prophecy - Start a new game.

Portal Master - Open a door

You Obeyed The Law - Defeat Dui Policemen

Silent But Deadly - Defeat the Ninja Boss

Booty - Defeat Pirate Guard

Control Switch - Defeat Ghost King

Hail Futility - Defeat Guide Boss

Sweet Lemonaid - Finish the game one time and buy lemonaid

Mighty Fine - WItness Egg Media three times in one game

Fail Futility - Try using the right click menu to win

Smell the Roses - Read every snippet of dialouge in one game

Sneaky Pete I - Avoid annoying things twice

Sneaky Pete II - Avoid annoying things twice more

Hands Free - Learn to slide

Anti-Cardio - Defeat the game without sprinting

Feel the Breeze - Catch the secret sailing salmon

Scroll to Continue

Hardcore - Successfully and safely retrieve the reactor core logs

Sacred Scythe - Complete the game within a certain time

Portal Master - Complete the game as a veteran player

Mastery - Complete the game three times

Rediculousery - Complete the game nine times

Is this a glitch? - No, it's not. Find the secret bunker

Horizon Get - Get 23/23 achievements

"I don't even Game" Achievements

While most of these achievements are pretty self explanatory, there are a few of them that are quite complicated to figure out. Let's go over the tougher of the lot.

Sacred Scythe - Beat the game within a certain time limit

Not sure of the exact amount of time that you have, but just beat the game a fast as you can. Shouldn't be too hard on the second or third time. If you need a complete walkthrough to help you speed through it, you can read the "I don't even game" Walkthrough here.

Mighty Fine - Witness egg media three times in one game

In order to "witness" egg media three times in one game, you must stop at the appropriate places until you see, or hear, some form of media that has to do with eggs. Kinda weird, but you get what I'm saying.

Egg Media 1 - You get your first taste of Egg Media in the police department metal detector screen. A few seconds after you steal the old ladie's purse, you are stopped by a line a people waiting to walk through a metal detector. The television screen above your head tells you that in order to drop things you have to press "Q". Watch the television and don't go through the metal detector until it finishes talking about Egg media.

Egg Media 2 - The next Egg Media snippet is found in the room where what appears to be a child is watching a the weather. This is the screen right before the screen full of clouds that are hard to walk through. Watching the weather channel clears up the clouds in the next screen to make it easier to walk through, but also Egg Media comes on after the weather. Stay in that room until the television stops talking about Egg Media.

Egg Media 3 - The final Egg Media snippet comes in the form of a song that is fairly easy to find. It is found in the room with spikes that have what appears to be a line going through them(The second time you encounter the spikes). Stop in this room and wait a minute or so until the Egg Media song comes on. Listen to it and then continue on your way.

Feel The Breeze - Catch the secret sailing salmon

There have been a lot of people having trouble achieving the Feel the Breeze Challenge. The secret sailing salmon is found in the aforementioned room that is full of clouds and hard to walk through. All you need to do is wait in that room for a few minutes and the salmon will come sailing in. Run up to it to complete the achievement.

Is this a glitch? - No, it's not. Find the secret bunker

The secret bunker was probably the hardest achievement to figure out of them all. In order to find the secret bunker you must get to the end of the game and continue past the lemonaid stand. You will get to a door that you must use your four keys on by pressing "A". The secret bunker will open and you will be able to run inside.

*Note* How to become a veteran

In order to become a veteran you must beat the game twice. Make sure after you beat the game the first time you let the new game load by itself without refreshing the page. If you refresh the page and beat it again it most likely will not work.

If you have anymore questions leave a comment and I, or someone else, will try to answer. Thanks for reading.


dis is joo on January 10, 2020:

every achivement for nuthin

dog-2 on January 10, 2020:

i hvae everything but portal master i beat the game at lest 20 times now.....

walkwalkwalkDie on July 18, 2017:

so, i was randomly speedrunning I DONT EVEN GAME for the 2nd time, but then i ran through the answerring machine by SPEED SPEED and SPEEEEDING someone pls test if it works the 1th time, thanks, walk walk walk DIE!!!

vitaps on June 30, 2013:

has anyone noticed there are 2 portal master achievments?

Anon on April 29, 2013:

I've tried all of the suggestions for Portal Master, and I STILL can't get it. I've played through the game at least 5 times with no luck. Talk about frustrating...

Okami Taiyō on October 17, 2012:

The sacred scythe achivement is achived by comleting the game in at least 400 hundred seconds of time. I'm not etirely sure, but I finished the game in 345 seconds , so it can be 350 seconds as well.

guest on August 30, 2012:

I had trouble getting the smell the roses achievement for a while, but I've finally figured it out; just take it slow and pay attention. The words in the bottom right corner of the game screen count as dialogue. The parts I usually missed:

~Remember to hold on to teh purse bomb until after the metal detector, and then press Q after you talk to the policeman

~You must run into the grate before pressing 4 to disappear it

~You must be attacked by the monster at least once

~You must answer a question wrong when talking to the security machine

Tatters on June 02, 2012:

Wuz the code for de 30 lives ghost dude???

fireseason on May 09, 2012:

I read all comments from the weird peoples and everyone else in the game but i didn't get the achievement for it and i completed the game twice and i didn't press refresh and i STILL didn't get achievement

awsom guy1337 on May 07, 2012:

i luv dis geam y doo allz u guyz haet it?? ihz IZ NO AEMUZED joo geyz!!! joo muest dei!! joo muest dei!! joo muest dei!!

guest on April 09, 2012:

how do you get past the achievement fail futility

guest on March 15, 2012:

this is the stupidest game evr

Blah on March 14, 2012:

jepsibet- It's not the baby. You have to sneak past the monster a few times without being eaten... I think.

jepsibet on December 24, 2011:

i got every single stinkin achievement except for sneaky pete 2 i beat the game thousands of times but i can't get that one i think its the baby but ive beat the baby countless of times ugh

noya on December 10, 2011:


omfg on November 30, 2011:

all achievements done took me 10 games lol

shouldBaveteran on November 25, 2011:

Ive beat this game like 6 times!!1! But it still doesn't give me the veteran achievement!1! i didn't refresh the page like he said not to so In wondering what the problem is!!11!!

nom on November 22, 2011:

how do u get scared!!!!

xXChamber1117Xx on October 24, 2011:

for the windy level you can wait for the egg and the wind wont be there that leve

asdf on October 22, 2011:

can't get

Smell the Roses - Read every snippet of dialouge in one game


Portal Master - Complete the game as a veteran player

therefore, i can't get

Horizon Get - Get 23/23 achievements


bleh1! on October 01, 2011:

fun fun fun fun

Zz on September 06, 2011:

The second time you play to become veteran, you can pass lots of thing like the reactor core without the pasword.

Yasha on July 28, 2011:

How to get the Portal Master Achievement.

I decided to make this because I could find no where an accurate way to do it. It was frustrating, eventually I tried combining two theories and it worked.

You have to press "a" to unlock the three doors in the game before you touch the door. The first door that's early on. The second door is in the black room. And the third door is the one that's after the lemon aid stand. Not sure if it will still work if you go into the secret bunker, but so long as you open the doors before you touch them, and then press "q" for some lemon aid, you should be good. That's what worked for me.

Hopefully I've got it down for you guys, 'cause I haven't found these instructions elsewhere.

A non-mouse on July 27, 2011:

To UNKNOWN: write down the code (this helped me anyway) and go back to the game page, click on it, and type in the whole code. you dont see a progress bar like you do for the other codes, but trust me you will be able to move on in the game.

Sailingsalmon on July 25, 2011:

I finaly got teh saling samon1!1!!!!!one!!!1!!!!

UNKNOWN on July 25, 2011:


jmfindorff on July 22, 2011:

I had some weird glitch that made me go by some things that im suppose to stop at like the reactor core

fart on July 21, 2011:

urhg! i did teh game 5 times and getted al acheivements occept 4 teh vetran! i kant dooeet! Man, I think this game is getting to my head.. URGH!

derek on June 04, 2011:

I can't get the read every snippet one? how do you?

WHoa on April 17, 2011:

I hope there is a second one. i have every stinking achievement and the end in the secret bunker is really... wow. He talks with perfect grammar and everything. wooooo. so cool. plz second one

MEEEERRR on April 17, 2011:

i beat da whole game, and got all acheivments, to get portal master yew play the whole game, and beat it, and let it reload and beat it again ;>!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!11!111!!!!!!!!!!eleven!!!!one!!!111!

guest on March 23, 2011:

wow... i can't get the portal i refreshed once did game like 8 times... did all the advice and can't get portal

dude on March 21, 2011:

I CAN'T GET THE sacred scythe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO EFFING ANOYING

dude on March 21, 2011:

you have to press a toget the portal

help me!!!11!one!eleven!!!1 on March 15, 2011:

i can't get teh portal master acheevmen!!1one!!eleven!11!

Lawlolawl studos, joo is cheatings!!! i tink iz glich, i beet it nin tims!!one111!!!eleven!11One hundred eleven!!!!11!!!

confuzzled on January 17, 2011:

how d'you pass the reactor core? I've typed the code about five times but it never works. Do you have to click the pentagons first?

Coobreedan on January 17, 2011:

i've got every acheivement apart from portal master. i cannot do it! i don't no how!!!!1111!!111eleven!!!1 lawlolawl!!!1111!!!!1 joo is teasing meh!

Ansel on December 17, 2010:

When I got to the scret barrier dis guy's face wuz covered with dis black thing and he says da character u r is a robot and he explains y he made u.

Pissed on November 16, 2010:

ARRGH!! I think this game has an effing bug I didn't press anything when I started the game and I didn't stop. I COULDN'T EFFING STOP!! Then the police man guy!!!

I passed him once before but I can't FREAKING DO IT AGAIN!!!!! AAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

becka on November 06, 2010:


trey on August 10, 2010:

to get the end is near joo need to clik on the rigt sid of the mose and clik on play (with loop on)

chEEzE on August 01, 2010:

if you sprint through the reactor thing you can just go straight past it without the code

oliviia on August 01, 2010:

the ghost that asks you to act teh afraids didn't make me do nything , i just walked straight past him , why is this ????

olivia on August 01, 2010:

when the pirate asks you if you are ' atchullies an pirate ' , he just sed to me , hey joo are not wearin an eye patch and then i just walked straight past him .. why didn't he ask me 4 the pirate growl ??

Nigel on July 29, 2010:

If you want to complete the game REALLY fast, just keep running. You can actually get by the pirate, the annoying y/n questions, and the reactor without doing anything if you just run past them really fast. Not the monster, though.

Whoozawhatsit on July 25, 2010:

To get the portal master achievement you gotta go to the very end of the game where you are in front of the lemonade stand. Go all the way to the end of the room until you can't run any more. Then use your four keys by pressing A, but don't continue on into the secret bunker. Instead, press Q for a tasty brew. Then let the game reload and when its done you should have the achievement.

1337lawl on July 01, 2010:

i beat this game 5 times on my cousins computer but on my computer the control key on my key board doesn't work so i can't get past the king ghost!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!11

Pixie on June 21, 2010:

to be a veteran you need to open a door before hitting it (pressing A).

anonymouse on June 19, 2010:

i figured that out myself without clicking on the walkthrough. lol it took me ages to get the code. i had to click so many pentagons.

mitch on June 17, 2010:

when you get to the site, you have to solve a series of random puzzle shapes hat are confusing, but the code is "nchsbdfuiqbwibdaksbcxbyoqv"

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