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Mr. Snow Miser Winter Cocktail: A Holiday Punch to the Face

I'm a freelance writer and editor, blooming in the desert with my husband, son, two dogs, two cats and several plants.

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Introducing the Mr. Snow Miser Winter Cocktail

There are drinks so powerful they put hair on your chest. Then there's Mr. Snow Miser.

One sip of this fancy-pants holiday cocktail from Peep Casserole creator Jason Scavone, you might grow a full beard on your face.

With five bottles of alcohol, strained spices, sliced apples and infused vanilla beans, Scavone describes his recipe for punch as very expensive and very classy.

I just wanted to do something fallish/winterish, and with booze.

— Jason Scavone

"The more monocles you own, the more likely you are to go for a Mr. Snow Miser," says Scavone, a part-time crocodile wrestler and professional whistler. "But if you're some kind of holiday-hating Philistine, there's always Red Bull and vodka, because obviously you find things that taste good to be anathema."

Although he considers Mr. Snow Miser to be the greatest holiday punch ever invented (so great, in fact, that your computer hard drive may explode just by loading this recipe), Scavone is the first to admit he is by no means a punchologist.

"I just wanted to do something fallish/winterish, and with booze," he explains of his alcoholic drink recipe. "I experimented from there."

A Breakdown of Your Mr. Snow Miser Drinking Experience

Actual results may vary

30 seconds after first sipOne hour laterThree hours after thatThe next morning

You immediately become 60 percent more capable and rustic, like an early Hemingway short story

You beat away other drinkers with the ladle and pour the remaining contents of the bowl directly down your throat

You try to build a time machine so you can go back two weeks and infuse more applejack for another batch of punch

You wake up 30 percent less rustic, but you also grew a full beard overnight

A Brief History of Punch

Likely the earliest cocktail, punch is a marvelous mish mash of spirits, citrus, spice and sweetness, first made by British sailors in the 1600s. Here are some other fun facts about the father of all cocktails, from Difford's Guide:

  • Punch was the favorite drink of English aristocrats and punch bowls were bragworthy accessories.
  • America's founding fathers are believed to have had 76 bowls of punch at a celebration of the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.
  • The drink fell out of fashion in the Victorian era, and stayed out of fashion for many years, but is now making a resurgence, sold and some of the most popular bars in the world.

Learn more about the history of punch in the book, The Delights (& Dangers) of the Flowing Bowl, by punch expert David Wondrich.

The fancier the punch bowl the better (because we are classy).

The fancier the punch bowl the better (because we are classy).

Ingredients

  • 1.5 bottles Laird's Applejack, infused
  • 1 bottle Old Overholt Rye
  • 12.5 oz simple syrup, cinnamon infused
  • 18.75 oz simple syrup, vanilla infused
  • Half orange
  • 2 lemons, juiced
  • 3 tsp orange bitters
  • 1 bottles Prosecco
  • 1 apple, thinly sliced

Instructions

Instructions were dictated by Scavone from his rum-soaked brain. Portions of this recipe, as noted below, must be prepared at least two weeks in advance.

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  1. Take two bottles of Laird's Applejack. Then immediately drink a quarter of each, because this isn't amateur hour. Infuse both bottles with 4-5 cinnamon sticks, allspice and clove. Cap both bottles and let sit for two weeks. In the meantime, try not to go booze-crazy and drink them up. They're not ready. For God's sake, put the straw down, I said they're not ready!
  2. After two weeks, strain out your spices. You are now ready to make punch at a moment's notice.
  3. When the time comes, dump both bottles in a big punch bowl. The fancier the better, because we are classy.
  4. Now, take a bottle of Old Overholt Rye. In a shaker, grate fresh cinnamon. Add zest of an orange rind. Shake all that up and double strain into the punch bowl.
  5. From there, add cinnamon simple syrup (regular simple with a couple teaspoons of cinnamon extract added) and vanilla simple. You can do this with extract as well, though if you really aren't a Philistine, you'll infuse with real vanilla beans. They're expensive, so the correct etiquette is to make sure your guests feel guilty by working it into casual conversation:

    "Did the Lions win last week?"

    "I don't know, but do you have any idea how expensive this fresh vanilla you're drinking is? Taste the quality. Taste it!"

  6. Once all that is together, stir vigorously with a long-handled bar spoon. Add orange bitters. I like Fee Brothers, but Angostura Orange works as well. Add the juice of two whole lemons and half an orange. Top with two bottles of Prosecco. Grate fresh cinnamon on top of the whole thing and garnish with slices of apples.

Another Holiday Recipe

mr-snow-miser-winter-cocktail

Peep Casserole

Maybe it isn't Winter. Maybe (though unlikely) you're not in the mood for booze. No need to despair. International Raconteur and Future World Q*Bert Champion Jason Scavone has recipes for all seasons and all types of inebriation, including the always effective sugar high.

Peep Casserole is gooey, chocolatey Spring recipe made from Peeps and likely a major contributor to the Easter-time spike in adult diabetes. Get the recipe here.

Comments

Aleza Freeman (author) from Las Vegas, NV on December 11, 2011:

I'm tempted to drink it!

shebshi from Sylvania, Ohio on December 11, 2011:

I'm tempted to make this.

Aleza Freeman (author) from Las Vegas, NV on December 08, 2011:

@livelonger Thank you, although I make no promises that this punch will actually help you live longer!!!

Jason Menayan from San Francisco on December 08, 2011:

Man...this drink is no joke!! OK, I admit I didn't know what Laird's Applejack was (I googled it) but this *spirited* punch is bound to set you in an entirely new (hirsute) direction for 2012. Thank you, and thank you for injecting a lot of humor into this, too; a truly pleasurable read!

Aleza Freeman (author) from Las Vegas, NV on December 08, 2011:

@peepingtomb Thanks! Let me know if you try it and if it makes your beard grow longer. Ha!

peepingtomb on December 08, 2011:

Great hub. Interesting punch (in the face).

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