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The Danger of Ice Cream Cones

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

How I love these delicious food items.

How I love these delicious food items.

I Never Dreamed in a Million Years That

I would be writing this piece. Actually this piece can be designated as a warning to all free Americans who love to stroll in a park, hold their loved one's hand, smile, and lick a tasty ice cream cone. If you will head to New York's Central Park, you can see this in person. Doesn't jealousy literally eat your bones up? But listen. This is about the dainty, tasty ice cream cones.

As a kid, I have enjoyed my share of ice cream cones just when my parents had a spare dime so I could buy myself a delicious cone of vanilla ice cream and make it last as long as possible. it was oh, so sad as I took the last bite because I knew that it would be weeks until I would see another dime and another cone. If you were me when I was six, you learned patience early, my friend.

Now I have to "spill the beans" here and please do not jump on me in anger and threaten me simply because you do not agree with what I am about to say in a moment. So please, do your best, to show me some understanding. Thanks.

Being Fooled by Such a Sweet Item

feels awful, humiliating, and down-right bad. But to be honest, us of the human race sometimes get too high on ourselves and our heads swell with pride then walks a very uneventful, peaceful item such as the ice cream cone. God bless the ice cream cone's heart because it was a cone of few words and what words it said was nice and supportive.The cone even acted polite when a hungry man bought it and began to eat it without any complaint. Such a sad ordeal.

An ice cream cone can be placed on the "Sucker List" for those of us who watched the profits pour through to the guy who invented and made millions from the Pet Rock. And the guys who prey upon us gullible people with little street smarts and try to sell us lands somewhere in Florida for only $50.00 an acre. Sounds good. Very affordable. So where do we send the man who is selling the very affordable Florida land? You see how easy we can get snookered?

Now to talk a little about The Danger of Ice Cream Cones. I promise to not keep your attention that long because I do know that at this writing, it is Saturday night, Dec. 5, and you are going out for a great time, maybe a steak dinner, taking your female date or wife to a great move or just walking down the sidewalk holding hands. What a nice photo.

Twin scoops: even more delicious.

Twin scoops: even more delicious.

So Here we go With How is an Ice Cream Cone Dangerous:

To be frank, a high number of dangerous things can happen to you if you do not take extra pains to guard yourself from the "monster" that just waits inside an ice cream cone waiting to eat you alive, then take your wallet and get lost. What a perfect crime.

⦁ You walk up to a smiling man selling ice cream cones. He tells you that a cone with one scoop is $1.00 and two scoops are $1.25. What a buy, you yell as you hand him your money. Here it comes, the Danger Train. The next moment is very sensitive as the ice cream man gives you the ice cream cone (with two scoops), then a very pretty blonde walks by the ice cream stand, and boy, does she smell great, and in a second, the ice cream cone falls into the ice cream man's face causing the pointed end of the cone to puncture his right jaw causing a policeman on foot to run to tend to him while arresting you, the troublemaker. All in a few seconds, you are attacked by a peaceful ice cream cone.

⦁ Even pretty girls (like the one who diverted your attention at the ice cream stand) have been attacked by an innocent ice cream cone. For example: her boyfriend wants to surprise her with a chocolate cone, her favorite, and when he sees her, she immediately smells perfume on his neck, but the aroma is not the mans date. Uh, oh! This girl whom likes chocolate cones, has a fiery temper and swings at you, but you have had the sense to take some Judo lessons and the ice cream cone flies from the man's hand into her face spilling all over her. Needless to say, your relationship with the pretty blond is over.

⦁ You and a few buddies from college are sitting on the roof of our apartment building, guzzling beer and tossing ice cream cones from the roof to the street blow. You and your bud's laugh like donkeys on LSD. Suddenly three guys run across the roof. You think it is the cops. No, it is some of those men who you and your buddies hit their expensive limousine with your stupid ice cream cones. Oh, these three guys are big members of the mob. Should I wish you a safe night?

⦁ If you are dumb (pardon me) enough to leave your ice cream cone laying down on your table in your kitchen and you forget that the cone is there melting all over your table and floor because you were too busy calling this "Barbara" girl whom you met last night in your bar and you were asking for a date. Now you need a professional flooring company to fix the ice cream mess. Guess what? With the estimate and materials, you are not going to get a date anytime soon because all of your dough was given to this flooring company.

Even celebrities like Reese Witherspoon, get angry and toss ice cream cones at their friends.

Even celebrities like Reese Witherspoon, get angry and toss ice cream cones at their friends.

⦁ On a dare, you attempt to eat an ice cream cone (with three scoops) all at one time by pushing it into your mouth. You did it! Great job. But now, your jaws are frozen and so is your tongue. Your mouth hurts a lot. You have to be sent to the emergency room. Look out! Another financial obstacle to pay the ER doctor and nurses.

⦁ Parents, this is how to avoid a hefty lawsuit brought to you by angry drivers that are behind you. If you are carrying your kids to visit granny and pappy and you gave them ice cream cones and now sticking it out of your car window . . .Uh, oh! Your two kids' ice cream cones (two in all) is caught by the wind and both cones smash into the windshields of two motorists. Oh, your insurance will cover this, then cancel the policy. To the insurance company, this is known as "ignorance of obeying traffic laws."

⦁ If you and a friend are chatting and you are munching a tasty vanilla cone, your friend starts a very controversial story and a piece of your cone lands at the top of your throat. Feels similar to a popcorn husk. Same annoying pain. Your friend is offended for not listening to her and storms off.

⦁ If you go horseback riding, be careful to not buy an ice cream cone. But you ignore this warning. You buy a delicious cone, get back on the saddle and head to the trail when your horse, who has not eaten since 6 a.m., now smells the wonderful aroma of your ice cream cone and he commences to galloping and trying to look back for a bite. You have no choice but to jump off and take our chances.
Oh well. Just one more trip to the E.R.

I Want to do Something Different Right Now . ..

instead of placing a short definition of facts sheet of where something originated or who invented it, I want to place my topic, Ice Cream right here so you can remember it much better. A type of ice cream was formulated in China circa 200 BC milk and rice ingredients was frozen by covering it with snow. Roman rulers allegedly sent slaves to mountain tops to carry back fresh snow to which it was flavoured and served as an early form of ice cream.

And to not forget our friend, the ice cream cone, ice cream cones were produced in 1896 by Italo Marchiony. Marchiony, an immigrant from Italy in the late 1800s, developed his ice cream cone in New York City.

December 5, 2020_______________________________________________

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© 2020 Kenneth Avery


Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on December 06, 2020:

We used to have a dog that loved it when we would go through the drive-in at Dairy Queen. The reason? We got him a small cone, and he was adept at licking it and eating it. Thanks for bringing back that fun memory.

DW Davis from Eastern NC on December 06, 2020:

The ice cream cone, as I recall, was invented by wrapping one half of an ice cream sandwich into a cone to stop the ice cream from leaking out. Only later, did the evil inclination of the seemingly innocent ice cream cone emerge.

Thanks for a good laugh.

peachy from Home Sweet Home on December 06, 2020:

Ha Ha ! You did a great hub on this! Next time, don't buy the cone, get an ice cream stick instead

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