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Mystical, Magical Umami Meat Marinade

A Recipe for a Delicious Umami Marinade for Meat, Fish, Fowl, and Unspecified Seafood of Any Type

Whether your favorite animal of delectation swims, flies, sits around all day inhaling seawater, or walks around on two legs or four, Mystical Magical Dead Animal Marinade can make its cooked flesh smokier, saltier, and blessed with layers of umami.

What's Umami, you may ask?

It's that magical characteristic that makes many classic savory treats delectable and addictive. It's that mouth-watering flavor thing you love about grilled beef, tomatoes, potatoes, mushrooms, soy sauce, and aged cheeses that you can't exactly characterize as hot, sweet, sour, salty, or bitter. In other words, it's the flavor of foods rich in natural glutamates, but it's a lot easier to just use the proper Japanese word, umami.

Some people shy away from using it because they don't know how to pronounce it properly or feel silly about saying it. Really, no one worth spending time with is going to care if you flub it up. If you need a little reassurance anyway, it's pronounced just like you think, like the 'oo' in moo tacked on the front of the word 'mommy.'

Mystical, Magical, Dead Animal Umami Marinade is also a bit much to say, so feel free to use its acronym, MMDAUM, instead. It's pronounced "mm mm day-um."

Read on to learn what you need to do to make your own mm mm damn good sauce for soaking recently deceased animal parts intended for human consumption. In other words, the recipe and instructions are below.

Learn to make a universal umami marinade for chicken, fish, beef, pork, and more.

Learn to make a universal umami marinade for chicken, fish, beef, pork, and more.

Ingredients of Sheer Umami Madness

...aka Stuff You'll Need

  • 4 teaspoons Maggi liquid seasoning
  • 2 tablespoons of your favorite low sodium soy sauce
  • 1/2 teaspoon Vegemite
  • 4 teaspoons liquid smoke without any ingredients but water and smoke
  • 2/3 teaspoon smoked sea salt, the more heavily smoked the better
  • 1/3 teaspoon dried ground ginger
  • 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
  • Fresh ground black pepper to taste
  • 1 garlic clove, peeled and sliced in fourths lengthwise

Tools and Other Non-Food Materials You Will Need

  • A small, non-reactive measuring cup or mixing bowl, preferably with a pouring spout
  • A paring knife
  • A non-reactive spoon for stirring
  • An assortment of measuring cups and spoons
  • A can-do attitude
  • A desire for umami deliciousness of epic proportions

Method and Directions

Pour all of the ingredients into a non-reactive measuring cup or small mixing bowl and stir until the smoked salt is well dissolved. Use immediately or decant into non-reactive storage container of choice until ready to use.

The marinade made without the garlic can be combined and stored in a sealed, non-reactive container at room temperature for a week or more or in the fridge for a couple of months and the garlic can be added fresh when the marinade is put to use.

How to Use the Marinade

Pour enough marinade to thinly cover the bottom of a shallow, covered, non-reactive dish large enough to accommodate all of your raw meat, poultry, or seafood. Layer thawed or semi-thawed animal parts with marinade, cover tightly, and store in the refrigerator for at least a few hours, preferably overnight.

Scroll to Continue

The olive oil will solidify and look like scum, but be sure to rescue it to cook your favorite dead things in. It picks up a lot of flavor and it encourages the Maillard Reaction (a sort of protein caramelization effect), a great friend and ally of savory foods due to its ability to intensify and bring out umami flavors.

What the Bleep Is Maggi Liquid Seasoning?

So What's Vegemite and Why Is It in This Marinade?

Do You Think This Marinade Would Suit Your Tastes?

Kylyssa Shay (author) from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA on March 28, 2016:

@Besarien I'm glad you like it! I use it as a base for many things. Wasabi powder is a nice thing to add in sometimes, too. It's also awesome on grilled mushrooms and potatoes.

Besarien from South Florida on March 28, 2016:

Thanks for sharing this. I finally tested it tonight using perhaps the ultimate test material, firm tofu. I never thought I could get passionate about eating a slice of grilled tofu but was totally wrong about that. I can't wait to try your marinade on something that starts out reasonably flavorful. Try it, everybody! This is a winner. I don't think I'll ever use another marinade though I might add various herbs to this one from time to time. Your recipe rates a perfect 5 stars and six thumbs up from the three of us at our house.

Kylyssa Shay (author) from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA on February 11, 2016:

I hope you like it. Remember to use it lightly to avoid getting your meat too salty. Vegemite does lovely things to soups, stews, and roasts, too.

Besarien from South Florida on February 10, 2016:

This sounds delicious. I love vegemite but never thought about using it in a marinade. Am definitely trying this when I get the ingredients together. Will let you know what I think.

Kylyssa Shay (author) from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA on December 12, 2015:

Thank you. It's the culmination of years of collecting umami flavors to put on meat.

John Hansen from Australia (Gondwana Land) on December 12, 2015:

Mmm this sounds great Kylyssa. I just love to eat dead animals and the umami marinade sounds like it makes them even yummier. It even has vegemite as one of the ingredients so how could you go wrong.

A great recipe hub if ever I read one.

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