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Lost Foods Nobody Remembers But You

Born in 1986, this '80s baby and '90s kid remembers the colorful and naughty side of millennial youth.


Borden's The Big Cheese

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you can just about taste these products, the type you never see on those "Lost foods" videos on YouTube, the kind nobody else seems to remember, and yet you can vividly recall not being able to get from Monday to Tuesday without them.

Foods starting with Borden's indulgently sized slices, The Big Cheese.

First appearing in 1996, The Big Cheese came in a size that stretched from one side of your favorite sandwich bread to the other, covering the entire slice with almost no crust leftover.

Initially, The Big Cheese only came in American Cheese flavor, but it proved to be so popular that it was soon followed by a new flavor, Nacho.

Yes, for the first time ever, you could have slices of nacho, no messy dips to worry about. Just slice after slice of peppery cheese to stretch and melt all over your grilled cheese sandwiches.

The ads featured a crudely drawn cartoon cheese block, eating the ads and even eating his own cheese kind, excited for more and making the Millennial kids at home kind of uncomfortable with cheese cannibalism. But despite the creepy cartoon, kids clamored for The Big Cheese and wanted every lunchbox to be gifted its indulgent nacho goodness, complimenting a side of Doritos.

... And then in the blink of an eye, The Big Cheese vanished.

No explanation was given, The Big Cheese doesn't even pop up on Wikipedia. Very few ads seem to exist of it, and nobody can explain why you can't have sliced nacho cheese anymore.

Kraft from time to time has their own large cheese slices in a variety of flavors, but so far, no competitor has been able to match what Borden's delivered with sliced nacho cheese.


Bob Marley's One Drop Coffee

While the website seems to be somewhat active, and a few shopping listings have popped up at unreasonable prices for what is now expired coffee, Bob Marley's One Drop coffee has long since vanished from Circle K's and Amaco stations.

Smooth, creamy, not too bitter and not too sweet, the mellow coffee came in dreamy flavors of vanilla, mocha, coffee, banana split and chocolate-vanilla swirl in tall cans and in easy-to-carry bottles briefly in 2013 and 2014.

The balance of caffeine was light and pleasant, so you wouldn't have a jittery feeling or a rapid heartbeat like you would if you tried their competitors. In fact, people felt so calm and relaxed while drinking it, a rumor had started that CBD oil was being used, though this was never confirmed.

The coffee was thoughtfully processed with naturally sourced ingredients that were rainforest safe, and every sale went to charity.

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Stores constantly sold out of the beverage across the United States with happy coffee drinkers blogging about its irresistible aroma.

And then by mid-2014, One Drop vanished.

No explanation seems to exist, though the Bob Marley name is used on other coffee and tea products, but these products while decent, are nothing like the early day pep offered by One Drop.


Beef Sizzlean

It was marketed as a "lean" product, and yet was 37% fat.

It was still high in cholesterol.

It was still loaded in preservatives.

And yet if you were lucky enough to have any of the Sizzlean products between the 1970's and the early 2000's, you probably didn't care, because it was absolutely delicious and every bit as versatile as traditional bacon.

Initially sold by Swift & Co. before being sold again by ConAgra Foods, Sizzlean at first was only bacon made with leaner cuts of pork, but soon expanded to include ground turkey, occasional flecks of chicken, and eventually, beef.

Beef Sizzlean had a smokey taste that only became more mouthwatering the closer to burnt it was, making it a very hard food to ruin. Dry, overcooked beef Sizzlean tasted like pepperoni while properly cooked beef Sizzlean tasted devilishly decadent, and just like regular bacon, could be used in a variety of sweet and savory dishes.

The beef Sizzlean had a slightly higher protein count, not by much, but enough to count at breakfast, and was a perfect addition to any plate with eggs and toast.

And yet despite its culinary perfection, it vanished very suddenly.

While regular pork Sizzlean endured in the background of supermarkets until 2005, the beef and turkey varieties quietly faded away with no explanation, no protest, not even a blog by an angry vegan or parental advisor mad about childhood obesity.

Absolutely no reason was ever given, leaving beef bacon fans feeling very empty at the breakfast table for years to come.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 Koriander Bullard

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