I am always fascinated on the power of lyricism and poetry. This poem is inspired by stories about experiences at Silliman Bea
You were the prized stallion back in your college years. Five (5) division champ, from beer to vodka. Consuming alcohol at parties like a camel who arrived in an oasis.
But as you turn forty (40) the vigor that you once had will disappear.
You feel the effects of aging in your body. The joint pains brought by the uric acid are frequent. And you pass out after 5 shots of vodka. Your body is now weak.
But what if a late-night session with the bros is unavoidable?
How can you survive the night?
How not to get drunk when you are 40 years old or older?
First of all, there should be an acceptance of your age. When you’re 40, your glory days of drinking are over. You are like a boxer who is seeking a world title at age 40.
But there are techniques and methods for avoiding getting knocked-out and survive an entire 12-rounds.
Here are 8 important tips on How not to get drunk when you 40 years old or older:
Select your opponent
There is a reason why boxers don’t select opponents out of their own will to fight. You need to assess who you want to go up against. Be more cautious or you will end up on the canvass with a penis drawn on your cheek.
A picture that can ruin your LinkedIn profile especially at your age.
Avoid drinking sessions with buddies who are younger than you. The single guys at work, they are in their 20’s and early 30’s.
They are at their prime while you are running with obsolete replacement parts.
Even if they lure you with a beautiful female intern. Do not fall for that trap. The last thing you want to hear in the office is the story of how you were saved by paramedics at a local bar.
Be more patient and don’t rush things into battle. After diapers and marital commitments, you and your buddies at the same age bracket will definitely have a common time.
Even the playing field
So you fell for the trap because of that new female intern.
She sits beside you and feels your biceps while both of you are having a conversation.
You are amazed by the beauty of her smile. For a brief moment, you forgot you have a wife, and your colleague orders vodka and whisky.
If you agree to this scenario, please expect that you would be sent home in an ambulance.
When your younger colleagues start ordering drinks, even the battlefield. You select the order before they will serve you poison. Don’t worry, the intern will not leave. She likes you.
Instead of whisky or vodka, choose beer or red wine. It will be more romantic and less toxic. The young female intern will look at you as a responsible adult. Your marriage might be at risk but at least you will not be drunk.
Avoid an empty stomach
You might have done this when you were in your 20’s. But that was 20 years ago. Past tense.
The alcohol will eat the walls of your stomach like acid on metal. You might as well sign a death certificate if you drink with an empty stomach.
Slow down the process of being drunk by having something to eat.
The bartender also has a food menu. The food menu in pubs and bars is not there because they want you to enjoy a delicious meal. The menus are there to convince you to buy more alcohol. Eat more, drink more.
Food rich in protein can effectively slow down the process, and NO it does not need to be steak. You only need peanuts to survive a drinking session.
Most alcoholic drinks are diuretic. This means you piss more than you drink.
When you pee, essential minerals, like potassium and sodium, are removed from your body. Potassium and sodium are electrolytes needed for the body to function normally. Losing electrolytes can weaken your body and increase your risk of getting drunk in public.
Imagine yourself running a full marathon without taking time to hydrate.
Be more aware of yourself and take time to sip some water or some Gatorade. This will keep you hydrated and it will help you stay up and avoid getting drunk.
Get enough sleep
Drinking is also like a sporting event. Athletes are advised to take good hours of rest before any game. Athletes need to sleep 8 to10 hours so they are in top shape.
The same is also true of drinking alcohol.
The more sleep you have the lesser your chances of getting drunk. The sleep hours will provide your body energy and this is a good defense of how not to get drunk.
Boxers will keep training between matches. They maintain their skills sharp even if they do not have upcoming fights.
Thus in drinking alcohol, you should keep yourself in shape by consuming small amounts of alcohol before the big drinking session. You’ll never know if there will be a surprise bout, at least you are ready.
Three bottles of beer or 5 shots of whiskey per week can help you stay in shape. The results of this will be amazing and this is a definite help on how not to get drunk easily.
Effective Planning and Scheduling
Knowing what to drink and when to drink will save you from getting drunk. Tips 1 to 6 will be more effective if you implement it properly together with a schedule. Your body is not as responsive in burning alcohol and your hip and ankle joints are loaded with crystals ready to stab you once you make a mistake.
As soon as you enter the age of 40, your glory days are over.
Teach your wife to drive
The last tip will only be effective if your wife loves you and she actually cares for you.
Teach your wife how to drive. This is the most effective tip on how not to get drunk. Because one hour after you started drinking with your buddies, she is already outside honking the horn with a shotgun and asking you to leave the bar.
Your wife's love and her skill of driving will save you from the shame of being drunk in public.
The age 40 is the retirement age for once pride heavy drinkers. There is no point in getting drunk when you are midway through retirement and currently saving for your death plan.
It is the right age to quit.
But if unavoidable occasions are frequent and society demands your skills, then follow the eight helpful tips of how not to get drunk when you are 40 years old. And always remember, beer is best served when cold while warm beer tastes like piss.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Erl Sua
Erl Sua (author) from Philippines on November 13, 2020:
I also wrote this article just as a reminder to my self when I reached 40 hehe
Nigel Koay from Malaysia on November 13, 2020:
hahaha, i'm not anywhere near 40 yet but i believe this article is going to be helpful for the future, good article!