Children are granted gifts from Allah. With the arrival of them to our society, we should welcome their existence. Bringing up and raising children is the hardest job you will ever had. To some extent, many of the dilemmas in childhood between parents and children are due to sorrow and outrage housing parents from the attitudes of their children resulting from misunderstanding, lack of knowledge and non-desire to exert tremendous effort for acquiring skills.
So, families should prepare and learn by reading a lot to gain advice about parenting online, or from books, publication, or from people who have previous experience. Parents should develop guidelines to help them to create happy children enjoying with psychological and emotional health. According to Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's book, these are four tips for raising and bringing up healthy kids.
Helping children to deal with their feeling
for bringing up and rearing children well, it is your role to understand their sensations and sentiments, appreciate and accept these feelings whatever we are satisfied about them or not. Children's feelings and needs are a main pillar in our interaction and communication with them.
Thus, we have to follow these principles in order to understand their feelings. Firstly, parents should listen to children's problems with a complete attention, quietness, concentration and be all ears to their utterance. For example, when your children talk to you, you should leave all your concerns aside and start to focus and dedicate your time to you to make him vent all his suppression and tearing.
Secondly, for bringing up and raising children, parent should show and offer great care, love and esteem to their sensations by satisfying them with words expressing approval like "oh"..... "Mmm"........."I see"....... "Alas"....... These quotes grant children with reassurance and approval.
When the kids become in a depressing and sad situation, they want your sympathetic attitude representing in your kind look, caring facial expressions to relieve their pain. Raising questions put kids in a spot of troubles and interfering. It also influences their character by making them distraught and don't have the capability to clearly think and reach to the proper and right decision.
Thirdly, it is the best to make their desires bask in fantasy if you aren't able to achieve their desires. For example, if your kid hopes an apple and you don't have it, You can alter his thought from the anguish of non- possession it into the fantasy of having it through saying " I wish i had a supernatural power that enables me to fly to the greengrocer's and bring apples for you . When the kids receive the feeling that some person feels their yearning for something, he may be able to endure non possession of it.
Endearing the idea of cooperation and trying to entrench it into their souls.
Honesty, children in their first stages are narrow-minded and don't have any intention or discipline to acquire any skills so, for bringing up and raising children, father and mother should have an endless capacity of stamina and patience.
In all honesty, making your child cooperate with you is a demanding and hard mechanism requiring some training from you to control your rage and accept these awkward behaviors and try to monitor them. In order to make your child acquire the skill of cooperation; there are some mechanisms that should be followed during dealing with your child.
Firstly, when you child create a problem or put himself in trouble, parents should describe this problem to the child it instead of scolding and blaming it about this act. In case of describing the problem to the child, this gives him a chance to remember what is required to do. For example instead of saying to your children "I have told you many times to switch off the light after using the bathroom", you can say "the light is still on " .
Secondly, giving entire program about the outcome of the misbehavior and clarifying the solutions are very essential as they recognize the consequences of their behavior. For example, instead of saying "if you write on the walls, i will hit you" .You can say "walls are not for writing on" but papers are for writing on ".
Thirdly, inform children the requirements in only one and single word .Don't use long explanations and discussions to tell them what you want. In fact, the shorter reminder words said, the better response from the children. For example, when you dictate your children to wear your clothes, you say "your clothes, dear sons". This hint is proper in making child recognize that you want from him to put on his clothes. Using boring and repeated long explanations for the children make them get bored of performing the required acts.
Fifthly, showing and expressing your feeling clearly towards your kids when they do unacceptable act bothering you is an appropriate key as honest and sincere feelings reach deeply to the hearts with an influential way and leave a good legacy. For example, instead of saying "you are rude! You always interrupt me "you can say "I feel so frustrated when I start to say something and can't finish it!
Sixthly, using impressive written notes usually are more influential in the kids' response. Children appreciate written notes as they don't have a voice disturbing them with given orders. Truth to say ,these written notes become more effective if parents add an encouraging and motivating phrase or beautiful figure within .when the kids see these fascinating figures , he quickly achieves the required tasks with jubilance.
Encouraging and supporting children to have autonomy
Encouraging children to have autonomy is very important as they make children develop sense of responsibility, thus they become more independent and able to carry tasks without depending on their parents. In order to encourage autonomy, we should try to apply these manners while dealing with them. Firstly, we should let our children make choices. The more granted choices to child, the better decisions made by the child.
In all honesty, when children make a decision and it goes well, this makes confidence flow into their hearts and thus grows until it reaches to its zenith. Making small choices by the children cultivates in their souls the sense of value and makes them acknowledge their worth throughout making decisions and granting them with the opportunity to creativity.
Secondly, we should show credit and respect to a child's struggle .In fact, when we respect children's struggle, they become confident and feel courage to experience performing tasks and are prompted to trial of achieving the task on their own. Thirdly, it is necessary for us not to raise too many questions to children with their incoming from any place. Make your child feel freedom in saying what he wants to reveal.
For example, with the incoming of your child from school, you can say " Iam glad to see you, my dear son .how are things? Fourthly, don't rush to answer children questions immediately. Give them the chance to explore the answer for themselves to activate their minds and make them think clearly.
Alternatives to punishment
Physical and verbal punishment is not a proper way to monitor behaviors. Shouting, slapping, hitting, spanking don't work. They teach violence, destroy self- esteem, create outrage and also damage the relationship between the child and his parents. So, to get rid of this traditional punishment, we should follow these alternatives.
Firstly, instead of imposing punishment on child when he misbehaves, suggest and refer to a useful method for the child to perform it. For example, if you buy anything from the grocer's and he plays with the goods, ask him to support and help you in buying what you need .Secondly, expressing the disapproval of his misbehavior through using influential speech and avoiding using of attack or violence. Thirdly, giving him many choices when he misbehaves and if he chooses the wrong choice, make him endure the consequences of this choice.
© 2022 Nariman Ismail