Everyone Seemed to Love Our Son
Getting the News that My Child Had Died
Before I knew that my child had died, I walked wearily toward the front door after my doctor appointment in Westlake. Before coming home I had stopped to see my close friend Valerie, and had shared with her the unease in my heart about Jason's trip to the lake to water ski with some people from church. The trip had been arranged by the pastor the night before, after the funeral of a young person who had died in a car accident the previous Thursday. Pastor Steve hoped the trip would help distract our young people after the death of their friend.
Kosta and I had not wanted to let Jason go. First, Kosta needed Jason's help that day to finish up some work at a rental property. Second, both Kosta and I had some sort of premonition that something bad would happen at the lake. When Jason had asked Monday night if he could go, we said we'd decide in the morning. After Jason was in bed, we discussed it. Jason had spent most summer days helping out and it was true that he deserved a break, but we both had this really awful feeling. I had had such feelings before, when Jason would go off to ride his mountain bike, and he always came back in one piece, so I wondered if Brian's death had just made me more fearful. We didn't have a logical reason for telling Jason he couldn't go. How do you tell a 14-year-old boy who has always wanted to try water skiing that he can't go because Mom and Dad have an awful feeling something might happen?
The next morning we told Jason we didn't want him to go, but we didn't have a rational reason to keep him home because of our feelings. We told him he could go if he really, really wanted to, and he chose to go. When the pastor arrived in his van to pick him up, we hugged him and reminded him how much we loved him, and said goodbye. He said, "Don't worry, Mom, I've got my life jacket. "
After seeing him off, Kosta and I prayerfully and with heavy hearts, went about our day. He went to the rental to work until it got too hot. I did things around the house until the time of my doctor appointment. It's as though all day we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. We had been told that the event would be over about two and the lake was about two hours from home, so I was concerned about getting home before Jason did to make sure he could get in. I left Valerie's about four, telling her I didn't know what I'd do if anything happened to Jason. She replied that she knew she couldn't handle it if anything happened to her daughter.
So there I was, walking toward the porch, glad to see my husband had got home first and Jason wouldn't be locked out. The first alarm bells went off in my head when Kosta met me at the front door -- a first. Beyond him I saw our close friends Jim and Sally, who almost never just dropped in on us. It was the other way around. So my first question to Kosta was, "What happened?' I was not prepared for his answer, "Jason's dead." It was August 27, 1991, and it's a day I will never forget.
The picture is of Jason in 1988.
God is Always in Control
Jason A Few Weeks Before His Death
How God Prepared Me for Jason's Death
Although no parent is ever mentally prepared for the sudden and unexpected death of a much-loved child, the Lord was preparing me in small ways that I did not recognize as preparation as they occurred. A few weeks before we had all gone to a previous church for its anniversary celebration and Jason had met the people there. It was a 90-minute drive, and Jason preferred his own church, but it was providential that he meet the congregation at Crenshaw Christian Reformed Church.
At the end of their service, as a benediction, they sang the words to Jude 24-25: Now unto him that is able to keep, able to keep you from falling, and present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding great joy, To the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever, Amen! I had been singing this around the house ever since then, and the words had been pounding themselves into my spirit. I just had not known why they were so important -- until Jason was presented faultless before the presence of his glory.
Those of you who knew Jason knew he had faults. He was no angel, though he was usually cheerful, friendly, helpful, kind, compassionate, and obedient. Just not always. Like the rest of us who follow Jesus, he trusted not in his goodness to stand before the throne of God, but in the work of Jesus on the cross , through which his sins were forgiven. Just a few months before his death, on Palm Sunday, he had professed his faith publicly and was baptized. It was his decision, and it was a great comfort to us that he had made it. It was a great shock for us to lose Jason, but we had no doubt as to where he was headed when he left us. This picture was taken the day of the Anniversary Celebration at Crenshaw Christian Reformed Church in 1991, not long before Jason died
Also, after Jason had left for the lake, to try to settle my spirit, I had turned to the Psalms. I was on a schedule of reading the Psalm that matched the day of the month, and I on this morning of August 27, I read Psalm 27. The first verse and the last two especially served as preparation for what was to come:
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?....
I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yea, wait for the Lord.
There is No Feeling Quite Like That You Have When You Hear Your Child is Dead - Yet Everyone Experiences it Differently.
Although no one else's experience will duplicate yours, there will be some common characteristics. One of them is the helpless feeling. Another is the thought that this can't be real.
The Cold Facts by an Objective Observer -- the Daily News
A Mother's Eulogy at Memorial Service, August 31, 1991. - Or Memories from a Mother's Heart
Thank you all for coming today. The Jason I know and love is probably asking his heavenly Father for permission right now to"just go say hi to all my friends." Most of you are here today because you are his friends. Some who have not known him well are here because you love us or because Jason's life or death had touched you in some way. I would like to introduce you the Jason the rest of us know so well.
Jason loved living life. He lived it with intensity. He crammed into it all the joy and activity he could. Because he loved it so much, he wanted it for everyone. He spoke out against abortion and participated in every Walk for Life he knew about. He has always been thankful that his birth mother cooperated with God in giving him the miracle of life.
Jason loved everything God made. All of creation was his playground. He love to climb trees, mountains, and rock jetties. He liked surfing in the ocean, digging in beach sand, kyacking on lakes and rivers, swimming, snorkeling, panning for gold in the river, riding speedboats and hovercraft, and, finally, jet skis, across the water.
Jason Loved Wheels and Vehicles
He delighted in anything with wheels. He always loved bikes, and finally this past June, got the mountain bike he had wanted for so long. He was hoping to earn his cycling badge before school started. As he passed through the phases of his short life he rode his first "bikey" at age five, and progressed to scooters, BMX, and 10 speeds. When he was about ten be began to roller-skate, and as soon as we let him, he began to travel with his ever-present skateboard. When he was about twelve, Terry (his fireman friend) gave him "Putt Putt," a motor scooter made from a lawn mower engine. He would walk it the three blocks to the church, put on his helmet, and ride it all over the church grounds. He would let his friends ride it, too. Then, on his last Christmas, came roller-blades, and, finally, his mountain bike. Had he lived, he was planning to rebuild my VW bug with Kosta.
Jason Knew How to Use Tools and Build
Jason was imaginative and creative in using tools and building things. He and his friend Danny Hart, built the "Hart Cart" to pull with a bicycle. They also built one of the most interesting tree houses you've ever seen (See it partially built below.)
Kosta taught Jason to change the oil in our cars, tune them, and make other repairs. They have put in vinyl floors, fixed windows, worked on plumbing and electrical repairs, and painted together. The day before he died he had just learned to use the spray painter and when he got the hang of it, he told Kosta they ought to start a K and J Construction Company.
Jason and Machines
Jason was fascinated with building and construction. He used to get up at 6:30 every week morning and bike down to a local construction area for new homes so he could be on the site when the workman arrived. He liked to chat with them while they drank their coffee. He watched everything they did, learned their names, and was thrilled when ever they let him help in any way. He was crushed the day the foreman appeared and told him that because of liability laws he would have to do his watching from the sidewalk. He could name all the machinery. He knew what it did. And he was excited to see each phase of the construction completed.
He was also interested in road construction. He never minded when we had to slow down for it on the freeway, because that gave him more time to watch the machines and heavy equipment at work.
Jason did not wait for formal introductions to people. If he was out riding his bike or his skateboard around the neighborhood and saw someone doing something interesting in a yard or garage, he'd stop and get acquainted. The next thing I knew he'd be telling me about his new friend. That's why Jason had friends of all ages....
Tame and Wild Animals Responded to Jason
Jason was a friend to animals. I'm sure he knew every dog in the vicinity of our neighborhood by name, and if any of them got loose, he'd bring them home for safe keeping until their owners got home from work and he could return them. He loved to play with kittens, and became a special friend of the Loseys' cat, Kalua..One dream about to be realized was our move to Templeton to a 14-acre property where he would get his first puppy, and, perhaps later, a horse. He liked to observe the wild critters, too -- especially deer, possums, and squirrels. Once on a hike on Catalina Island he even petted a bison.
Jason with Deer at Camp
Jason Loved People
Jason loved people. He was generous in giving whenever he saw a need. He liked to share with his friends. He tithed his earnings to help hungry people and his church. Though he was a tease, and sometimes overdid it, he blamed it on Kosta and his grandpa, both of whom set an example in that area.
Sometimes he visited the neighbors a bit too often and might have been somewhat of a pest. Sometimes he bugged us and we had wished he would stop. Now I'll kind of miss it. But he was also compassionate and helpful, and wanted to cheer up anyone who seemed to need it.
Jason's Now in His Final Home
Jason has lived in many homes. We met him when he lived next door to us with the Tyree family as a foster child. I met him the same way many of you did. I was working in my front yard and he watched me and asked what I was doing.
Then God allowed us to adopt Jason into our family, and his home was with us. When Jason became a Christian, he, like all believers, was adopted into God's family. And now he lives in his eternal home with his Heavenly Father. His other homes were all temporary. Now he is in his permanent home. We'll never have to wonder again where he is. We'll never have to worry any more about whether he'll get hurt. God took him home with less pain and trauma than he's suffered from lesser accidents in his own neighborhood.
If you knew Jason, you know how he could never seem to stay with the group. On hikes he always seemed to run ahead. He was more often early than late. He liked to be the first to discover something wonderful, new, or exciting, and then run to tell his friends about it. We used to call him our little P.A. system, and thought maybe he should consider being a news announcer or reporter.
Well, folks, he's done it again. He's run on ahead of us and discovered wonders even his imagination could not have dreamed up. I know he'd love to tell us about it. He'd like to tell us all the new things he's learned about his friend Jesus, and he'd like you to meet him if you haven't. He can't come back to us. But you can meet Jesus the way he did
Jason. Family, and Friends
What his sister Sarah wrote for his memory album on the day after his death.
My dear brother Jason,
I had such a great pain in my soul for you. you were and still are so special to me. I have loved you so much, even though at times I couldn't express it. i wanted to do so very much with you. I wanted to have a really deep friendship with you as you got older. Now this cannot be and I cry. For I feel such a loss. You are never going to be forgotten. You are in my heart and the memory of you -- of us together as brother and sister -- will be cherished above all. I know you are happy now and will be fine wherever you are or wherever you go. I can feel a peace inside myself -- from you, I believe. But I cannot help but miss you and I know I will until we meet again.
You're ahead of us all, my dear brother. You always are.
I love you.
After eighteen more years, Sarah could no longer function without Jason in her life. She is now buried beside him.
Many others also spoke at Jason's memorial service
Above you see Kosta, who is sharing his view of the God Jason knew. Unfortunately, Kosta never writes out what he's going to say, so I don't have a copy to share with you here.
Next to Kosta sits Gordon Van Enk, who was the main pastoral speaker. He had recently retired as the pastor of the Crenshaw Christian Reformed Church in Los Angeles, our former church. We invited him to speak because we knew it would be a hard task for Steve Davis, in whose arms Jason died, to do the job.
Many friends also shared memories of Jason, including scoutmasters, church members, and peers. Some of the closest could not speak, but the tears in their eyes spoke volumes.
Credits to the Musicians
Pictured above are Larry Lindsay, Janis Brittenham, and David Chao (with guitar), who offered their musical gifts for the service as a token of love. Jason used to babysit for Larry's children during choir practice, since Larry and Janis were in the choir with me. David was from the Crenshaw Christian Reformed Church and had been in Sunday School Classes and youth groups where I shared leadership. Since then he and his wife have served God in missions. Larry and Janis prepared a special duet "See you On the Other Side" by Chris Harris and Morgan Cryar -- NOT Ozzy Osbourne -- as a surprise musical gift, a song I had never heard, but which had special meaning. I cannot share the words because it is copyrighted.
Others also offered musical gifts, including Phyllis Melampy, our church organist.
Music at the Service
I originally shared excerpts from the songs the entire congregation sang at Jason's memorial service. Since this format doesn't allow what I did before this moved to HubPages, I will share the introduction and title of the songs for those who might remember them. They are songs he knew, songs we often sang in the car together on family trips, songs that reflect what he loved. These are not songs typically sung at memorial services, and many of them are no longer sung at all very much, since they reflect what was sung in the 1970s and 1980s in youth groups. The words, though, have not lost their meaning, and some of these songs have managed to survive in churches today. These songs broke up the various parts of the service, since many children were present who needed to stretch their legs by standing at intervals.
Thank You for Giving Me the Morning
If any one character trait stood out in Jason, it was gratitude. He was always so appreciative of anything anyone did for him that it made you want to do even more. He never took the attitude that anyone owed him anything, and "Thank you." was a phrase he used often.
That's one reason we choose to sing "Thank You" by Walter Van Der Haad and PeterpPaul Van Lelyveld, Copyright, 1964 by Gustav Bosse Verlag. The words express gratitude for the morning, the new day, and the knowledge that all all worries can be cast on God. The prayer song thanks God for his boundless love and the ability to be glad and thankful.
Jason Loved God and His Family
Jason loved his family and recognized his family's love for him as an extension of God's love. This extended family picture was taken the day he was baptized, and it was very important to him that his half-brother Bob's family was there to witness this special event. Sarah was also there, on the left, next to Bob's family. Jason knew he was "safe and secure in the Rock of all ages, His banner over me is love." That's why we sang this song by B. C. Lauerlton (©1969, Alfred B. Smith). You can hear the most appropriate version I found on YouTube below.
His Banner Over Me Is Love
Jason Was Patriotic
Jason Loved America
Jason loved his country with all his heart, and we took him to see as much of it as we could. He was a Boy Scout, and he had finally settled down and decided he wanted to work toward Eagle Scout before death stopped him.
This upper picture shows him at a Court of Honor, pinning me with my own recognition when he received his Arrow of Light. Scouting knows that moms help to keep their sons motivated and has each boy acknowledge that. In the picture under that, you will see that Jason's brother scouts took an active part in his memorial service, including providing a color guard for the entrance of the American Flag.
We Had to Include This Song At the Service
Jason's Good Shepherd
Jason always identified with the lost sheep who was found. I remember when he was five and we had been talking about the Good Shepherd who cares for His sheep. When I tucked him into bed that night, he said, "I'm God's little lambie, aren't I?" I assured him that he was.
That's why we also chose to sing "Surely Goodness and Mercy" by John Peterson at the service. It was one of his favorites and ours. I chose the video below after listening to many different versions. This was the most appropriate for this hub, and I also liked the images.
"I Shall Dwell in the House of the Lord Forever"
An Appropriate Poem by Edgar Guest
To All Parents
"I'll lend you for a while a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief."
"I cannot promise he will stay; since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love, not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?"
"I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay;
But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand!"
I realize other parents have used this in their tributes, too, because it is so appropriate when a child dies. If HubPages makes me, I will remove it. But I hope they let me keep it here.
Our Benediction Had to Be Jude 1:24-25
This is the place to share your memories and feedback.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on January 04, 2018:
I'm a bit behind on comments, too. I'm glad you enjoyed reading about my son and daughter. Writing them was therapeutic.
Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on August 20, 2017:
I saw your comment on my reflective essay article 6 months ago. I've been behind in checking comments evidently! I enjoyed reading about your memories of your son. I'm so sorry you lost him and your daughter. Thanks for sharing with us.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on April 07, 2015:
It's OK now Kenneth. He's been gone a very long time. The pain is mostly gone and I have precious memories instead.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on April 07, 2015:
Nancy, this must mean you've lost most of your siblings. That is a lot of loss to face, too. It is hard to bury children, no two ways about it, but gradually the pain dissipates into precious memories after many years. I hope that held true for your mother, as well. Thanks for your comment.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on April 07, 2015:
Thank you, chuckandus. I appreciate your visit.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on April 06, 2015:
Just a note to check on you to see if you are doing okay? I am praying for you, my friend. Take care and get in touch with me if you need me.
Nancy Carol Brown Hardin from Las Vegas, NV on April 06, 2015:
Such a sad thing, that both your children are gone. My mother always said, "A mother should never have to bury a child, it should be the other way around." It broke her heart to lose all but two of her seven children before her own death. This article is one of the most touching pieces I've ever read about a child's death. Thank you for sharing your sorrow.
Nichol marie from The Country-Side on April 06, 2015:
A very beautiful tribute barbera.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on February 04, 2015:
I don't trust in religion -- that is a system made by men. I trust in God who knew what it was to lose his own son. i know He understands my pain.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on February 04, 2015:
Thank you for those kind words, Kenneth. I had the surgery in early December and am almost fully recovered, but still have a few restrictions on my activities. You are very kind.
Susanna Duffy from Melbourne Australia on January 17, 2015:
The loss of a child is always with us, I think of my son almost every day. I wish sometimes that I had your trust in religion to help me come to terms with the pain
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on January 11, 2015:
Sunday, Jan. 11, cold, breezy
I apologize for taking too long to write. I am truly sorry. Have you had the surgery yet? I am praying for you and you are on my mind. I hope by now you are better.
You are a good soul with an excellent gift for writing.
I hope that you know this.
If I can be of help . . .I am here.
Your Friend for Life,
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on January 11, 2015:
That would be 'Home Forevermore.' Happy New Year.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on December 22, 2014:
You are more than welcome for those words I gave you out of my heart. I can say with a hundred-perecent surety that Jason is doing great in his New Home not too far from where we are right now.
And too, I wanted to say to You and Yours . . ."Merry CHRISTmas and a Happy 2015."
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on December 22, 2014:
Thank you very much for that encouragement, Kenneth. I often try to visualize what Jason might be doing and thinking, but right now it's beyond my imagination. I will think about that book. Since I also lost my daughter, Sarah, in 2009, I could include both children in the book. Thank you again for taking the time to write. My response is late because I was preparing for, undergoing, and am now recovering from major neurosurgery.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on October 29, 2014:
Oct. 29, 10: 40 p.m., cdst,
This is so heart-touching and breaking with the same loving stroke. This needs to be in book-form, not for the monies, but to teach people that the passing of a loved one is not the end, but the beginning.
My mom, dad, and sister are with the Lord now and I am the only one left of my family. I visualize how they look and what a great time they are having.
I will tell you the truth. I think that this is an excellent piece of writing. Amazing work.
I loved the way you presented your topic. Wonderful graphics.
This piece was helpful, informative and very interesting.I was glad to vote Up and all of the choices--but Funny.
You are certainly a gifted writer. Please keep up the fine work.
Kenneth Avery, Hamilton, Alabama
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on September 18, 2014:
The passing of time has made grief more manageable, but editing these hubs made me relive it all again. But God has been good in providing support through the years and helping me to remember the good most of the time.
Kathryn Grace from San Francisco on September 16, 2014:
I am so deeply sorry to learn that you lost both your children. It seems an unbearable loss. I pray that your faith and your friends comfort you every moment of every day.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on March 03, 2014:
@injuryatty: I've no doubt we will meet again.
injuryatty on February 18, 2014:
No one is just that ready to lost a love one. The pain will still remain what every happens, maybe the thing that we must always keep in mind is that someday you will meet again.
ALLED-lighting on February 12, 2014:
I wish you the best, i'm sure everything will be fine.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on December 10, 2013:
@Sarah Switalski: Thank you. If we had it to do over, we'd still adopt the children. We might have tried to change some of what we in hindsight see were mistakes in how we handled certain situations, but we would not want to miss the blessings having the children brought us.
Sarah Switalski from Iowa on November 29, 2013:
I just read both Jason and Sarah's stories. They were very blessed to have you and Kosta as parents just as I know you were blessed to have them in your lives, even during the hard times. You are in my prayers. <3
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on July 02, 2013:
@SteveKaye: Thank you Steve, I appreciate that.
SteveKaye on July 01, 2013:
You are in my heart on this. Wish you the best.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on May 12, 2013:
@anonymous: Thank you for your kind words.
anonymous on May 11, 2013:
A beautiful tribute to Jason and I'm sorry for your loss; but you are special and made his family life complete. Never doubt that.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on May 11, 2013:
@anne mohanraj: Thank you. At this time of year I really miss him even more.
anne mohanraj on May 03, 2013:
Such a touching and lovely tribute to your son.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on April 07, 2013:
@Scarlettohairy: Thank you for reading this lens. Any strength I have didn't come from me. The grace of God carried us through this.
Peggy Hazelwood from Desert Southwest, U.S.A. on April 07, 2013:
Barb, I'm so sorry about your loss. You're a strong woman.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on January 26, 2013:
@Loretta L: You never are as interested in what's happening in Heaven as when you have a child there.
Loretta Livingstone from Chilterns, UK. on January 26, 2013:
How tragic for you. Jason sounds like a wonderful young man. I am pleased, tho', that you will be reunited with him one day.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on December 18, 2012:
@youthministry: Since you are in youth ministry, I hope you will also see this in the story. When we were deciding whether to let Jason go on this outing, we were not given all the facts. Had we known a jet ski would be present and Jason given the opportunity to ride it, we would not have let him go because we knew the potential for disaster that was there. Be sure you let parents have all the facts concerning potential dangers in an outing beforehand so they can make wise decisions for their own children.
Paul Turner from Birmingham, Al. on December 17, 2012:
A powerful remembrance. Thank you for sharing you son with us.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on December 07, 2012:
@paulwalken lm: Thank you, Paul.
paulwalken lm on December 07, 2012:
Losing anyone close is never easy, thank God you have outlets like this to truly pay tribute. Wishing you luck in the future.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on November 29, 2012:
@cjbmeb14 lm: Thank you. I love remembering him.
cjbmeb14 lm on November 29, 2012:
A great way to remember Jason.I wish you happiness.
AnnMarie7 on May 10, 2012:
I didn't know your Jason, but I feel like I do now. This page is the best tribute I've ever seen. Having two grown children, and four grandchildren of my own, I was particularly moved by the poem by Edgar Guest. Thank you for sharing your son's life with us. May the Lord give you strength, and comfort you when you're sad. My sympathy to your and your family.
spellbindingsis on March 28, 2012:
This young man of yours truly was loved so very much. This is a wonderful way to remember his life.
Joanie Ruppel from Keller, Texas on March 14, 2012:
A beautiful tribute to your beautiful son.
siobhanryan on March 12, 2012:
Such a beautiful tribute to Jason. You have carried big crosses
Vicki Green from Wandering the Pacific Northwest USA on January 28, 2012:
Words can't express how sorry I am for your loss. What a lovely tribute to your son and his life on this page.
Pastor Cher from United States on January 21, 2012:
Wait & see, the goodness of the Lord will come from this. You will see it in the land of the living, here on earth so others might know the love of Jesus and that His mercy endures forever.
Delia on January 16, 2012:
A heart wrenching story...I'm so sorry for the loss of Jason. Incredible you had to experience this twice in your life...God Bless You for opening your heart and home...
Frischy from Kentucky, USA on January 16, 2012:
Barbara, you have been through so much, and my heart is breaking this morning that you have lost both of your children. The reasons why are much too big for us to understand. I admire your strength and applaud you for publishing these lenses about your children to help others. I am certain they are a comfort and inspiration to many!
anonymous on January 16, 2012:
This is so full of The Spirit of Love. Blessed!
Donnette Davis from South Africa on January 15, 2012:
You have presented beautiful pictorial and written tributes to both Jason and Sarah... thank you for sharing this part of your lives with us.
anonymous on January 06, 2012:
What a wonderful tribute. Jason sounds like he was a very special young man. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but what comfort knowing he gave his heart to Jesus before he passed!
Paul from Liverpool, England on January 06, 2012:
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. May Jason rest in peace.
batsinthebelfry on January 06, 2012:
I'm so moved by reading this lens... I too have a son named Jason. He is 26 years old now and living on his own. I miss him every day that I don't get to see him an can't imagine how much it would hurt to never hug him again. God be with you for he is surely with your son.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on January 06, 2012:
@anonymous: In case you are able to see this reply, please contact me by clicking on my picture in the upper right corner of this lens and then clicking the contact button. I have wondered what has happened with you since we left Newbury Park. I'm glad to know that popsicle stick church did its job. It was too precious to me to give to just anyone. I don't remember what happened to putt-putt. Hope to hear from you.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on January 06, 2012:
@anonymous: Grieving Mom, by this time you have made it through the holidays one more, and I know it wasn't easy. Feel free to contact me using the contact link found by clicking my picture on the top right of this lens, which leads to my bio page.
anonymous on January 05, 2012:
I was fortunate enough to have known Jason although it wasn't for very long. I was only 8 when he died. I met him at church. I think my mom introduced us. He was interested in a lot of the same things I was and him being older then me, he was a lot better at them then me. I remember he used to ride down hills at the park on his BMX bike with no breaks. I thought he was crazy. I also remember putt putt (man was I jealous of that thing. I was also fortuntate enough to see him one last time at the funeral the day before he died. After he died you gave me a church he made out of popsicle sticks and it meant the world to me. He really did have one of those unique personalities of being friends with everybody and his death was truly a trajedy.
anonymous on December 20, 2011:
Barbara and I went to school together but hadn't really had contact since we graduated. We became FB friends not long ago and through FB she learned of the death of my son, Steve Martin, and told me of the loss of her boy, Jason. I'm so glad that she sent me the link for this beautiful tribute to her son. I lost my son 7/31/10 after a 5-week ICU stay. He'd been ill and disabled for several years. We lived together - he took care of me and I took care of him. We were closer than I've ever been to another person - he was my best friend. He was a wonderful, fun-loving, caring, giving person. I miss him so much and I don't see how I'm surviving this hurt except that I feel he is watching over me from above. Thank you Barbara, for sharing this sad and tragic story with me. You did a beautiful job in this loving tribute and I know it's helped many, many grieving parents. God bless you.
anonymous on December 16, 2011:
A beautiful memorial for a beautiful boy. I found this wihle googling for comfort and understanding, as I try to deal with the death of my own son, who was in his 20s when he died two years ago. My thanks to you for sharing your thoughts and memories of your precious son.
religions7 on October 23, 2011:
Oh boy - my heart goes out to you, losing both your children so tragically. I don't know how parents get over such losses. Wishing you strength and joy.
anonymous on August 22, 2011:
I lost my son also in a car accident my heart and prays for you and your family I do know your painGod Bless
Strawberryangel on August 20, 2011:
What a beautiful mother you are, what a beautiful life your sweet son had. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I KNOW God has blessed you immensely!
Admiral Nimitz on August 17, 2011:
Dear Barb, You found my squidoo site about my 4 nieces in foster care back in Feb 2011. Today I am at your lense on Jason. It is so sad what happened to Jason, my heart goes out to you and your family. I see that in 10 days it will be 20 years since Jason was taken from you, I am so sorry and I hope that the anniversary of his death will not be too hard on you, but I wouldn't doubt that it would be. God Bless you.
mamamia2011 on July 01, 2011:
Always with God's comforting words we find consolation to our soul when our beloved ones passed away.
spritequeen lm on June 08, 2011:
Beautiful tribute to your son! Thank you for sharing!
David Stone from New York City on May 26, 2011:
Hard to imagine a more touching memorial lens. Jason lives on, of course, but even more so because of this. Thank you.
LoKackl on April 10, 2011:
Thank you for sharing this story, Barb. I haven't seen you lately - my fault, entirely! Jason would have made the world an even better place than he did in his too-short life. Love to you and your family.
Shari O'Leary from Minnesota on February 16, 2011:
This lens is just as wonderful as the one you wrote for his sister. Blessed again!
tiff0315 on January 31, 2011:
My prayers are with you and your family. I'm sure it's a daily struggle... Your strength, and story, is so inspiring to others. Thank you!
Anthony Godinho from Ontario, Canada on January 25, 2011:
I check your other lens on Sarah yesterday and dropped by to check this lens on Jason. Wow, I can't imagine what it must have been for your and your family. Wonderful tribute lens to sweet little Jason. Thanks for sharing these memories about Jason to us. God bless you and your family!
rlivermore on January 15, 2011:
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the great pain of losing a child. I'm happy to know Jason is with Jesus and you'll see him again some day!
Carmel Aaron on January 10, 2011:
Dear Barb,I'm having trouble writing through my tears. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful lens and tribute to Jason. And yes I give it a thumbs up....
KokoTravel on January 03, 2011:
While God never gives us more than we can handle, I believe you have endured as much as one should ever. How fortunate for you that you have God by your side and in your heart.
Sheilamarie from British Columbia on November 24, 2010:
What a wonderful boy you have who is still beside you within Christ's heart.You have been asked to bear a lot. God must regard you as a special friend. God bless you. I will pray for you.
resabi on September 12, 2010:
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son. Your tribute is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
SandraRoseDesigns on September 09, 2010:
Barb - what a sadness you have gone through. To get to the point you are now has taken much suffering and much grace, as you continue to struggle with this tragedy. You spirit is beautiful, and you have so much that you are giving to others through this, and through your life now. God bless you.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on September 04, 2010:
@Gamganny: Thank you for your blessing.
Barbara Radisavljevic (author) from Paso Robles, CA on September 04, 2010:
@Laura Schofield: It's more like I was humbled and privileged to be part of his life.
Laura Schofield from Chicago, IL USA on September 04, 2010:
This is a beautiful lens which I'm sure was both difficult and comforting to put together at the same time. I can't even imagine how something like this would feel. Its always especially hard to hear of a child dying. You must be proud to have been a part of his life.
Elizabeth Sheppard from Bowling Green, Kentucky on September 03, 2010:
Thank you for sharing this story about your son. It is much appreciated. I am sorry to hear about your tragedy and wish I were there in person to give you a big hug.
Robin S from USA on September 03, 2010:
This beautiful tribute has been awarded a purple star by NYfamily5 after completeing the August Get Cracking challenge.
Gamganny on September 01, 2010:
Your lens has been on my mind since I read it a week ago and your lens is the first that I bless as an Angel. A truly wonderful lens.
The Party Animal from Partytown USA on August 29, 2010:
Beautiful Tribute. I have had plenty of loss in my life one of the biggest is losing y mother at the age of 8. Our hearts never heal. Losing a child must be so hard and I hope I never have to experience it. Your tribute is wonderful and you can feel the love you shared with him - thanks for sharing it with us.
CherylsArt on August 28, 2010:
A beautiful tribute Barb. Many blessings to you and your family in overcoming.
Rhonda Albom from New Zealand on August 28, 2010:
(((hugs))) Thank you for sharing Jason's story. This is a beautiful tribute to your son. Your love shines through here. Thinking of you.
KimGiancaterino on August 28, 2010:
Thank you for sharing Jason's story. He was very blessed to have you and Kosta as parents during his too-short life.
Spook LM on August 28, 2010:
A lovely but heart wrenching lens and he sure sounded like a lovely boy. Thinking of you.
anonymous on August 28, 2010:
What a beautiful tribute to your son, Barb. I cannot imagine losing a child. I lost my adoptive mother when I was 13 and too many other loved ones since. I pray for comfort for your still broken heart.
Sandy Mertens from Frozen Tundra on August 27, 2010:
Wonderful tribute to your son. I'm sure 19 years seems like it was only yesterday. I haven't lost a child, but I lost a sister when I was 7. I still think of her. May peace be with you.
anonymous on August 27, 2010:
Even after 19 years, my heart continues to grieve. Thank you for sharing.
Joan Hall from Los Angeles on August 27, 2010:
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Gamganny on August 27, 2010:
Beautiful tribute and heart felt lens!
ohcaroline on August 27, 2010:
What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful young man. Isn't it re-assuring to know that you won't be separated from him forever? He would have been a delight to know in person!
Mary Beth Granger from O'Fallon, Missouri, USA on August 27, 2010:
BarbA very touching lens. It is clear you have opened your heart to share this with your Squidoo friends. Jason sounds like a wonderful young man. I know you must really miss him. May the Good Lord watch over you till the day you again meet your children in Heaven.
Virginia Allain from Central Florida on August 27, 2010:
Your love and Jason's specialness shine through in this tribute to him. May you find some joy and peace in remembering the times you had with him.