I am a teen myself and I know what it feels to be a daughter. One of my greatest wishes is to write the minds of most of the girls out there
The truth I wish most parents knew
As a child
Growing up as a kid,I watched my parents raise us and I didn't need maturity to make me realize the role of being a parent is not a walk in the park. As a kid I promised myself that I was going to obey my parents and be a good daughter,that was easy until I became a teen. Teenage age comes with its own world all together and that's where the problem comes in. Our parents want us to be their little girls forever even when we've grown to have a mind and a say in some matters. I love my mother and I know the girls out there love their parent too but most times cowing down our mind doesn't work. Its not easy to be a teenager,neither is it easy to be a parent. I really wish that parents learn to understand their teenage daughters instead of lay down rules for them that end of pushing them away.
what happens during teenage age
Teenage age is the period when most children drift away from their parents and guardians if the right measures are not taken. As a teenager, you little girl is confused, maybe has a huge crush on a guy,is trying to be a good daughter, trying to make good grades, trying to find herself and still trying to balance her social life. Definitely she will change,the changes will be too much and at this point she needs parents who will stand by her and let her know that it is OK to make mistakes, parents who she can talk to like best friends not the ones who will judge her and expect her to be 100% perfect.
Nobody said its going to be easy
I know that its wonderful to place levels of expectations for your children but it would be lovely to let them know that you will still be there for them when they go down and still help them come up with love. Kudos to all the parents out there, you are doing great and to the lovely teenage girls am on your side too,you all are great assets.
Become your daughter's ally
The point is,there should be a solid relationship between you and your girl child. If your girl find out her secrets are safe with you then there would be no secret. When I had my first crush I couldn't tell my mum because I knew that she might not understand my point of view,so I kept it a secret but that doesn't mean I don't love her. She has very high expectation of me,she wanted a perfect daughter in me,I couldn't give her that so I hid all my flaws and tried to fix everything myself. I know there are lots of girls with parents like my mum.
Lessen the grip
Most of the time,I know she acted that way because she loves me and is being over protective but I wish that our parents understand that most times their overprotective attitude is choking us that we can't breathe and most of us choose to keep quiet because we dont want to hurt anyone and the few that let it out often do it the wrong way and are seen as the defiant ones.
What your daughter really wants
The goal is for us to respect you and not fear you. We want to find not just our parents in you but our friends. We are changing and transforming but we need your advice,your support and your love as we go through this stage.
Things you should never do to your daughter
** Don't compare her to someone else
Most times,parents think that comparing their kid to other kids is a way of motivating them to do better. On the contrary,as a teen,being compared to other kids makes me feel like am not good enough. I know you don't want your girl going around with head bent low and thinking that every other kid out there is better than her. Parents should be a source of assurance to their girl that they've got someone who believes in them when every other person seem not to.
**Enough of the reminder
Yes,we do mess up a whole lot of time and its fine to reprimand us but constantly reminding us of our past failures and mistakes isn't fair. Bringing up the issue over and over again make us feel terrible.
As a parent, always remember that you teenage daughter loves you in her own way and that's never going to change and never forget to show her that you love her too even in the tiniest ways. She deserves that.
What happens when she fails?
As a parent,the way you react to our children's shortcoming and failure at some point matters a lot. I can remember when I wasn't doing well in school. It was so difficult because I couldn't tell my parents about it. I was supposed to be the best in school so finding a subject difficult wasn't part of the plan. I wished someone told me that it was OK to not get it right all the time, that failing at some point does not make me less of a person. Let your daughter know that you are proud of her achievements and let her know that there is no pressure on her. You want her to be the best but let her know she is already the best even if she didn't get it right. I wish our parents knew that most times we need assurance that will bring up our esteem to face the world rather than disappointment that make us feel like we are nothing.
Need for privacy
We need our space too,our parents don't know that. Don't worry your liitle girl is ok. If she doesn't Want to tell you about it,its fine. As long as you are sure you have a solid friendship with her,there is nothing to worry about. That's why she has friends. There are "girl stuffs" we feel our parents shouldnt know about. Let your daughter have her space and privacy. Allow her hang out with her friends. I know it might sound crazy,but allow your daughter make some decisions on her own and own up to her mistakes. That's how we girls learn. If you cage us up,our level of experience is restricted and we might end up making more dangerous mistakes.
Dont spare the rod
I know I wrote earlier that we need space, i will like to add that your teenage daughter has little experience compared to you her parent. If you feel she is going too far,it's time to call her back. Please do that with love, if not she might think you are trying to stop her from doing the things that make her happy. Its good to punish her sometimes, let her know why you are doing that too. It might not make sense but we know you mean well and of course she is your daughter and you have every right to discipline her.
The voice of understanding
My mum is a very strict woman,overprotective but am glad that she is seeing some things in my own point of view. Understanding matters a lot. Prayers help. Once I heard my mum praying that God help her raise her daughters in the best way it suits him. There is no such thing as the best mum or the best dad. Don't try to raise your daughter the way someone else did. Things don't happen that way. You have it in you,the trait of a good mother and a father and your daughter wants that and not someone else.
When you give a child wing, she will fly