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Why It’s Okay to Cut Family Members out of Your Life

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Toxic Family Culture

There is a strong culture of toxicity around families. People think that just because someone is your family member, they’re entitled to do as they please. They are given the green light to be a terrible, abusive person. And they never have to suffer the consequences of their awful behavior.

And when you have finally had enough and refuse to put up with it anymore, you get blamed. You are told that you’re being unreasonable, these people are your family, and you should forgive them.


Abusive family relationships can be even more psychologically damaging than abusive romantic relationships. This is because society encourages people to leave abusive romantic relationships. But they encourage people to stay in abusive families. Some families will even go as far as punishing the person who walks away. In their minds, this person turned their back on the family. The family feels betrayed. But in reality, the person was creating boundaries and taking care of their own mental health.


You are in Charge of Your Life

And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter what people say, you get to decide who is a part of your world. Just because someone is related to you by a blood tie you didn’t choose doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life.

It is a sad reality, but some people make your life worse simply by being in it. It’s a sad reality, but it is a reality. Some people bring nothing more than drama, stress, and heartache into your life. So why would you want to keep them in it?

Decide how You will cut Them out.

There are two main ways to cut toxic people out of your life. The first is immediate no contact, where you shut down all forms of communication. You can give this person an explanation before you do so if you want to. But you’re under no obligation.

And no contact has to mean just that.

No messaging, calling or commenting. It has to be complete radio silence. It sounds harsh, but it’s one of the most effective ways to get abusive people out of your life.

The second way is to reduce contact until it’s the bare minimum. This approach takes a little longer, but some people prefer a more gentle approach like this. You can either be honest and say you don’t want to hang out as much. Or you can make excuses and let the relationship reach a natural demise.

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You will be the Villain.

And there’s very little you can do about it. Toxic people don’t like it when you assert yourself. It threatens their sense of security. They don’t want to be exposed as a toxic person. So they employ a pre-emptive strike. And they do this by engaging in a smear campaign to besmirch your name. They will tell anyone and everyone who will listen what a terrible person you are. They will say you’ve abandoned your family when they needed you. You turned your back on the people who raised you. They will conveniently forget to tell them the bit where they were either psychologically or physically abusive towards you. They will leave that out of the torrent of abuse.

Sometimes the toxic people will send their flying monkeys to lure you back in. These people are firmly on the toxic person's side. But they are working as agents for them. You are going to need to learn how to deal with these people. You will probably encounter them more than you do the toxic person.

Be firm; if they try to talk about the toxic person, let them know you do not want to. Tell them it is unfair to discuss them when they are not here to defend themselves. And do not try to reason with them. They are not on your side. Just be aware that everything you say to the flying monkeys will make it back to the toxic person.


Don’t Engage in the Drama.

Toxic people love drama; they live for it. With drama comes attention, and that's what they are really looking for. When you cut them off, the first thing they saw was an opportunity to play the victim. And what do victims get? Sympathy and attention.

You’ll see and hear them getting the sympathy and attention they desperately need. It will be very frustrating because you know the truth of the matter. But rise above it. Lowering yourself will only mean they have dragged you back into their circle.


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Don’t Believe Their Lies

If you told them why you’ve cut them out of your life then they will probably tell you they can change. They can’t, or more accurately, they won’t. They don’t want to change; they like who they are. They want you to keep putting up with their behavior without question. Because this is what they think they are entitled to.

It sounds like I am being negative and horrible, but I am genuinely just being honest. You have seen this pattern of behavior for years. What makes you think it will stop now?


Embrace The Quiet Life

Once you have removed the drama and toxicity from your life, enjoy. Your world will be a much more peaceful place without them in it.

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