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Why I Love People Who Use Curse Words a Lot.

Jason is a paid, professional writer who sometimes says bad words.

WARNING: This blog is not for people who get offended by words.

WARNING: This blog is not for people who get offended by words.

Most of the people I hang around with in person are pretty inappropriate, by most other people’s standards. And I love it. It fits right in with my own personality and the things I find funny.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about creepy people. Not the types you wouldn’t want knowing where you actually live, or around your children. Not adults dressed as clowns, peeking into your windows at night. Not Harold at the office, with his blu-blocker glasses and dozen pens in his shirt pocket. Not the janitor at the gym, leering at the women working out in yoga pants. Not that kind of inappropriate.

By inappropriate, I mean crudely funny. People who take no issue with the words “fuck”, “fuckin”, “fucked, as in ‘That’s FUCKED’,” “fuck sakes”, and of course, “motherfucker”.

Something tells me that Samuel L. Jackson and I would get along.

Something tells me that Samuel L. Jackson and I would get along.

The f-bomb has long been my favorite word. There are so many variations of it. You can use it as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, command, description, you can even pour it over your pancakes at breakfast. I’m pretty sure my dog’s favorite word is even “fuck”. She’s heard it far too many times for it not to be. “LIBBY! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She barks a lot.

It didn’t use to be this way. I once felt bad about using curse words. When I regularly attended church from age 0 to 21, I wasn’t really into cussing. Well, until around junior high, at least. I wasn’t even very good at it. I wasn’t nearly as polished with it as I am now.

I had a couple of friends in 7th grade named Russell and Rowland. The three of us loved to play basketball and trade baseball cards. We’d bring our big books of them with us to school, and keep them in our backpacks.

Rowland got into the annoying habit of stealing my backpack and hiding it somewhere on campus. Which I HATED. He’d always give it back but laughed at me frantically looking for it. I told him more than a few times to cut the shit, and he’d just laugh more. I quickly learned that it was best not to let my bag out of my sight during the school day.

A reenactment of Rowland stealing my backpack. The cause of my cursing fuck-up

A reenactment of Rowland stealing my backpack. The cause of my cursing fuck-up

One day, I got careless and the backpack vanished again. Russell was with me when I noticed, Rowland was presumably once again hiding it somewhere. My anger got the better of me and my inexperienced-at-cursing self let loose with this gem:

“OH! I’M GONNA FUCK HIM UP THE ASS!”

Russell stood there, mouth open in utter shock for about 2 seconds, and then busted up laughing until he couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe what I’d just said! I quickly tried to explain that in my moment of sheer frustration and anger, I combined two thoughts I had going through my junior high head: “Oh, I’m gonna fuck him up!”, and “Oh, I’m gonna kick his ass!”

I’ve gotten a lot better with my usage of curse words since then. I no longer threaten to fuck anyone up the ass, no matter how pissed off I am at any given situation. Once I quit attending church regularly and started listening to comedy albums, I honed my craft and surrounded myself with people who also appreciated the medium I now dabbled in.

I learned more from listening to The Jerky Boys albums than anywhere else, initially. I am friends on Facebook with Johnny Brennan, who voiced the best characters on his albums full of prank calls. His character Frank Rizzo was incredibly foul and hilarious.

One of the big influences in my cursing history. This album is still SO FUNNY.

One of the big influences in my cursing history. This album is still SO FUNNY.

Johnny is an amazing fella. He takes the time to respond to messages on Facebook from his fans. I told him the story of how I knew my Bride and I were meant to be. I couldn’t find my glasses one night when we were dating, and she mumbled, “All my shoes and glasses, so I HAVE them.”, a line from one of Johnny’s prank calls.

I remember his response when I sent him that. “Jason, that’s fucking AWESOME.” We’ve chatted off and on since then and I’ve had a blast knowing one of my idols from early adulthood.

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The best friends I’ve had tend to be along these lines. I have a LOT of social media people I chat with quite a bit. My friends list on Facebook is about 4600 people and some change. I post a lot of funnies, and I’ve built a pretty big following. I love the people I talk to the most on there. But only hang out with a select few, and the best people are the ones I don’t have to censor myself around.

It’s very freeing to be able to talk how you want, at any given moment. My Bride and our kids have joked about and discussed many things over the years, with frequent f-bombs and other choice language being involved. We all laugh at EVERYTHING. We make fun of everything, each other, and ourselves.

We have taught them about context, time and place etiquette, and to know their audience. They know better than to have potty mouths around their grandparents or other parents. They respect the boundaries of others when around people they aren’t as close with. But in our home, it’s like an Eddie Murphy stand-up show from the ’80s. Except we’re not all wearing red leather jumpsuits.


It’s usually similar to Eddie Murphy’s stand-up, in our home.

It’s usually similar to Eddie Murphy’s stand-up, in our home.

Even now at age 47, my favorite friends to spend time with are the ones who have no issue with curse words being thrown around. Bonus points if they themselves participate. They almost all do.

I used to worry a bit about social media friends cursing or saying inappropriate things on my Facebook posts, in the comments section. I’ve always used Facebook to get to know more people and find clients for my real estate and carpet cleaning businesses. I didn’t want to offend anyone and lose business because of someone else using profanity or making off-color jokes.

The past few years, I’ve gotten over all of that. I’ve come to find that I really don’t care that much about what easily-offended people think about swearing and off-color humor. Those people also tended to be the clients who were more of a pain in the ass to deal with than most. “Fuck ’em, if they can’t take a joke.”

That’s one of my favorite quotes from one of my best friends, Tom. He might be the most inappropriate friend I have, which is why he’s one of my favorites. I met him playing Golf Clash a couple of years ago and he’s been nothing short of hilarious.

My best bud, Tom. Cuz is funny, like a clown. Funny, like he amuses me.

My best bud, Tom. Cuz is funny, like a clown. Funny, like he amuses me.

We’re both Italian, so I call him “Cuz”, as in, cousin. His hilarious quotes, we call “Russoisms”. One of his best ones I’ve heard lately came when we were playing a recent Golf Clash tournament. It wasn’t going well for him, so in the group chat, I suddenly see this comment from him:

“I’m playing like a dick with ears.”

I laughed so hard, my Bride asked me what was so funny. I told her. She laughed her head off too. Then my daughter had to know what was so funny. She laughed like crazy, as well. But that’s Russo. He’s funny, like a clown. Funny, like he amuses us. Good ‘ol Tommy DeVito.

He has said too many hilarious things over the past couple of years to remember them all. But there are some of my favorites:

“He couldn’t get laid in a women’s prison with a fistful of pardons.”

“Man it’s hotter than a whore in boots.”

“Your mother-in-law sounds like a CWT.” (cunt with teeth).

“Went to Walmart. It was like The Night the Hillbillies Landed.”

My best friends are 100% the people who make me laugh the most. And that I feel comfortable saying ANYTHING around. Cuz is at the front of the line of those people. I’m also glad my Bride and kids are the same in this regard. We have way too much fun hanging out together because of this.

If you love to use the word “fuck” a lot, I think we’d get along famously. And if you get offended by swearing, please let me know. I’ll be glad to tell you to go fuck yourself. And if you laugh at that one, our friendship will be golden like a shower.

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